@ktlee80 it's not uncommon for gifts to be shipped directly when the couple is traveling a significant distance, and PARTICULARLY when flying. your host should mention this, instead of you. your address will be available (usually protected from view) and ship to registrant is always an option.
i do understand that people like to have you open gifts. in my experience, however, personalities range the spectrum. people who are set on you opening the gift they got you will get you something small to open, period. people who would love to avoid having to wrap a gift and love to avoid having to watch you open 1002 gifts will happily mail you something directly and view it as a win-win situation.
similarly, when you register, consider registering for a brick and mortar store in addition to amazon (if that's the way you're going). younger people LOVE to shop online and ship. older people are often really offended if they don't have the option to browse in person and pick something out more directly. it's always easier to try to appease the gamut of personalities even if it is a little more work to juggle more registries than you might normally choose to have.
Met: September 2005Married: October 2008 DS: 09/2014
This post is soooo helpful. I registered already, but it was more for my own learning-what-is-out-there kinda thing.
I have a friend (my mom's age) that said she found registries offensive (her daughter - my age - did not register... I think she was trying to catch me before I did, hahaha!).
I told her that for people like me w/o kids, registries are a lifeline and I feel lost without them. But I totally get it for women that already have kids... they can have a 'go-to', 'you-seriously-can't-live-without-this' item that would be fine to purchase (like my mom and her obsession with diaper genies). She conceded that registries would be helpful for the clueless among us I told her that I dug and dug to find her daughter's secret registry (under her maiden name) because I was so desperate for direction!
Anyways, I, also, hate being the center of attention, but my SIL said that my MIL was already scheming, so I think there will be *something*. I know it makes them happy, and they are doing it because they love me, so I will definitely not complain!
I'm like @Amber_Waves in that we don't really need furniture (maybe a glider!), and I'm scoring a LOT of leftover stuff from friends and coworkers! Pack n plays, high chairs, even an unused crib!
TCC since Feb 2013 No, I'm not an early bird, but that doesn't mean I'm a night owl.... I guess I'm an afternoon duck? Type A personality, Type B body First BFP with donor sperm 04/11/2017
What are people's thoughts on not opening gifts at the shower?
While I certainly don't mind being the center of attention (I grew up performing dance and theater and as an adult I regularly speak in front of large groups of people with no problems), but I HATE opening gifts in front of lots of people. I'm always afraid I'll accidentally do something to appear ungrateful or that I don't like something, or just, I don't know. I get really uncomfortable.
I tried to not open gifts at my bridal shower, but I had a pushy bridesmaid who actually yelled at me and told me "it's your job to entertain these people with your gifts. So shut up and sit down" and then turned and yelled to get the room's attention and tell them I was opening gifts and everyone was to pay attention. So I didn't really get a say, and I felt like I was awkward the whole time...
Clearly, I can suck it up if I need to, but I'd rather not.
TL;DR - Do you need to open gifts? I don't want to, but will suck it up if needed.
** December BMB Siggy Challenge - Animals in Pools **
Me: 31+ H: 32 TTC Since 11/2015 #1 - MMC 6.5 weeks (2/16); #2 - MC due to cystic hygroma at 20 weeks (10/16); #3 CP (2/17); #4 - Due 12.16.17
@tennis1785 I think gift-opening is a must-do thing at a baby shower. I can definitely see maybe getting away with it at a bridal shower, but people love seeing baby shit. My only word of advice is - if possible - keep the invite list low or have separate showers for friends and family (if it works that way with whomever offers to host, of course). I had two smaller showers and it was much more manageable than the large bridal shower I had.
@Tennis11785 I hate watching people open gifts at showers. You know no one is ever going to say they don't like something, they're always going to act happy and grateful even if you got them the crappiest gift ever. And sorry, but I don't care at all about seeing baby shit and I know I'm not the only one. I'm actually going to a baby shower this weekend that requested no wrap, just ribbons and I couldn't be more thrilled. I think as long as the mom-to-be sends sincere and personal thank you notes that's what should matter.
I have a dumb question... For those of you that have had baby showers in the past, who helped you open your gifts? With bridal showers it's easy because (at least in my circles) bridesmaids just hop right up and help open/pass the gifts. With a baby shower you would have to ask people to help I guess, and something about asking friends to help at a party they've been invited to makes me uncomfortable. My mom is hosting and I'd hate to make her do it since she's getting older and I think will have done enough for me by hosting in the first place. I'm trying to think of what I've seen in the past and it's always sisters...but I don't have any of those!
@Tennis11785@AMCsquared sorry it took so long to respond. I only use the phone app and it never gives me notifications
@Tennis11785 I love the Costco brunch idea. That might work out perfect!
@AMCsquared the open house was just like an open house. You could come and go as you please, there was an open buffet of finger foods, alcoholic and non-alcoholic punch. No games, no cheesy prizes.. we just came in, set our unwrapped gift on the coffee table in the house and sat outside and visited. The games/entertainment was onsie and wooden block decorating.
I can't believe I'm just now reading this thread! Ack!
I have always loved the book-as-card idea, but can see how everyone writing in it would create a tricky situation if you got a lot of duplicates. I've never been a card buyer, though, as it just seems wasteful to me-- I buy the gift bags with the little small blank hanging tag on the handle. I did see a friend who made some sort of nursery artwork out of her cards though. Can't remember exactly what she did, I'm sure whatever it was is on Pinterest.
Where I'm from, we do a lot of "floating" showers, which just means people can come and go whenever they please. It's especially nice when you have a larger or more open-ended guest list (like, all the women at your church or workplace got invited, or something like that). Sometimes folks will still stay the whole time because it's fun, but it does take a lot of pressure off of you if you aren't the type that wants a huge audience while opening gifts. I also HATE HATE HAAAAATE cheesy shower games so it eliminates that as well!
@Piccola1988 Honestly as long as there is at least one other close friend or relative (like an aunt) in attendance, it's easy for the hostess to recruit a helper-- it doesn't have to be a co-hostess. More often, though, someone will just volunteer if they notice something is needed. Maybe you could ask your mom if she has someone in mind to help with those things?
I'm nervous because one of my good friends immediately jumped on throwing a friend shower for me, but it wasn't at all the person I was expecting. She asked the person I WAS expecting if she wanted to help, but they aren't really that close, so now I have no clue what will happen! It will be interesting!
@anewadventure I agree with you on a brick-and-mortar registry if you know there will be many older adults invited or in attendance. My issue is that I'm obsessed with Buy Buy Baby, but there isn't one anywhere close to my hometown, where I know most of my guests would be coming from. If I don't create a Target or BRU registry, I'll end up with a bunch of clothes or stuff I don't want-- but at the same time, I don't want to be "that girl" who has like 5 registries on her invitations.
I agree with you on a brick-and-mortar registry if you know there will be many older adults invited or in attendance. My issue is that I'm obsessed with Buy Buy Baby, but there isn't one anywhere close to my hometown, where I know most of my guests would be coming from. If I don't create a Target or BRU registry, I'll end up with a bunch of clothes or stuff I don't want-- but at the same time, I don't want to be "that girl" who has like 5 registries on her invitations.
Here is my possible asshole advice. I would create one at Target and one at BBB. Put all the stuff you really love on the BBB one. Put some other leftover stuff on the Target. Then, whatever you don't love you can return to Target and use for diapers and essentials, but it's pretty clear the majority of your stuff is in your BBB one. People will be more likely to give you gift cards to BBB if you at least have a registry there and they can see you want many of their items.
I know people are very particular about returning shower gifts that someone spent time picking out, but you will never NOT use a Target gift card and you've given people plenty of options.
Re: Let's talk baby shower guest lists (and other issues)
i do understand that people like to have you open gifts. in my experience, however, personalities range the spectrum. people who are set on you opening the gift they got you will get you something small to open, period. people who would love to avoid having to wrap a gift and love to avoid having to watch you open 1002 gifts will happily mail you something directly and view it as a win-win situation.
similarly, when you register, consider registering for a brick and mortar store in addition to amazon (if that's the way you're going). younger people LOVE to shop online and ship. older people are often really offended if they don't have the option to browse in person and pick something out more directly. it's always easier to try to appease the gamut of personalities even if it is a little more work to juggle more registries than you might normally choose to have.
Met: September 2005 Married: October 2008 DS: 09/2014
This post is soooo helpful. I registered already, but it was more for my own learning-what-is-out-there kinda thing.
I have a friend (my mom's age) that said she found registries offensive (her daughter - my age - did not register... I think she was trying to catch me before I did, hahaha!).
I told her that for people like me w/o kids, registries are a lifeline and I feel lost without them. But I totally get it for women that already have kids... they can have a 'go-to', 'you-seriously-can't-live-without-this' item that would be fine to purchase (like my mom and her obsession with diaper genies). She conceded that registries would be helpful for the clueless among us
Anyways, I, also, hate being the center of attention, but my SIL said that my MIL was already scheming, so I think there will be *something*. I know it makes them happy, and they are doing it because they love me, so I will definitely not complain!
I'm like @Amber_Waves in that we don't really need furniture (maybe a glider!), and I'm scoring a LOT of leftover stuff from friends and coworkers! Pack n plays, high chairs, even an unused crib!
No, I'm not an early bird, but that doesn't mean I'm a night owl.... I guess I'm an afternoon duck?
Type A personality, Type B body
First BFP with donor sperm 04/11/2017
While I certainly don't mind being the center of attention (I grew up performing dance and theater and as an adult I regularly speak in front of large groups of people with no problems), but I HATE opening gifts in front of lots of people. I'm always afraid I'll accidentally do something to appear ungrateful or that I don't like something, or just, I don't know. I get really uncomfortable.
I tried to not open gifts at my bridal shower, but I had a pushy bridesmaid who actually yelled at me and told me "it's your job to entertain these people with your gifts. So shut up and sit down" and then turned and yelled to get the room's attention and tell them I was opening gifts and everyone was to pay attention. So I didn't really get a say, and I felt like I was awkward the whole time...
Clearly, I can suck it up if I need to, but I'd rather not.
TL;DR - Do you need to open gifts? I don't want to, but will suck it up if needed.
** December BMB Siggy Challenge - Animals in Pools **
Me: 31+ H: 32
TTC Since 11/2015
#1 - MMC 6.5 weeks (2/16); #2 - MC due to cystic hygroma at 20 weeks (10/16); #3 CP (2/17); #4 - Due 12.16.17
Me: 29 DH: 31
Married 10/13/12
TTC Since 8/2016
Married 4/22/16
**TW**
BFP 2/1/16 I MC 3/21/16 (11w)
TTCAL 6/15/16
BFP 3/23/2017 Team pink! Quinn Leigh EDD December 1, 2017
@Tennis11785 I love the Costco brunch idea. That might work out perfect!
@AMCsquared the open house was just like an open house. You could come and go as you please, there was an open buffet of finger foods, alcoholic and non-alcoholic punch. No games, no cheesy prizes.. we just came in, set our unwrapped gift on the coffee table in the house and sat outside and visited. The games/entertainment was onsie and wooden block decorating.
I have always loved the book-as-card idea, but can see how everyone writing in it would create a tricky situation if you got a lot of duplicates. I've never been a card buyer, though, as it just seems wasteful to me-- I buy the gift bags with the little small blank hanging tag on the handle. I did see a friend who made some sort of nursery artwork out of her cards though. Can't remember exactly what she did, I'm sure whatever it was is on Pinterest.
Where I'm from, we do a lot of "floating" showers, which just means people can come and go whenever they please. It's especially nice when you have a larger or more open-ended guest list (like, all the women at your church or workplace got invited, or something like that). Sometimes folks will still stay the whole time because it's fun, but it does take a lot of pressure off of you if you aren't the type that wants a huge audience while opening gifts. I also HATE HATE HAAAAATE cheesy shower games so it eliminates that as well!
@Piccola1988 Honestly as long as there is at least one other close friend or relative (like an aunt) in attendance, it's easy for the hostess to recruit a helper-- it doesn't have to be a co-hostess. More often, though, someone will just volunteer if they notice something is needed. Maybe you could ask your mom if she has someone in mind to help with those things?
I'm nervous because one of my good friends immediately jumped on throwing a friend shower for me, but it wasn't at all the person I was expecting. She asked the person I WAS expecting if she wanted to help, but they aren't really that close, so now I have no clue what will happen! It will be interesting!
@anewadventure I agree with you on a brick-and-mortar registry if you know there will be many older adults invited or in attendance. My issue is that I'm obsessed with Buy Buy Baby, but there isn't one anywhere close to my hometown, where I know most of my guests would be coming from. If I don't create a Target or BRU registry, I'll end up with a bunch of clothes or stuff I don't want-- but at the same time, I don't want to be "that girl" who has like 5 registries on her invitations.
Here is my possible asshole advice. I would create one at Target and one at BBB. Put all the stuff you really love on the BBB one. Put some other leftover stuff on the Target. Then, whatever you don't love you can return to Target and use for diapers and essentials, but it's pretty clear the majority of your stuff is in your BBB one. People will be more likely to give you gift cards to BBB if you at least have a registry there and they can see you want many of their items.
I know people are very particular about returning shower gifts that someone spent time picking out, but you will never NOT use a Target gift card and you've given people plenty of options.
Im having this same dilemma