November 2017 Moms
c+mpeachey
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Gender Dissappointment
c+mpeachey
member
A safe and hopefully non - judgmental space to discuss any surprise, shock or disappointment once we have had gender reveal or given birth.
Please be kind.
Please be kind.
Re: Gender Dissappointment
I never believed i was going to be a good mum to daughters and i do struggle with the one i already have, even tho i love her dearly. I had a mostly absent mother of my own as a child and i think this contributes to my feeling of not knowing what to do with daughters as well as feeling inadequate to be a good enough mother to them. This morning our u/s confirmed another girl and my reaction has been one of quiet shock. I keep fighting back tears. Going to have a nap to see if that helps.
Now that I've had 5 weeks to adjust I'm excited to be a boy mom. It's become more natural to call him a "he" and just in general feels like it makes sense for our family. But I can definitely say I felt a bit of disappointment at first since we're almost definitely done after 2 kids.
Of course, we will love and care for our child...but I don't fault anyone for feeling some gender disappointment. Like anything in life, we have hopes, dreams, expectations and we have to internally deal with reality when it's not what we expected. I think it's normal and healthy, as long as it doesn't turn into resentment.
My brother has 2 Lil girls who are as into avengers and transformers and he man and starwars and guardians as they are princesses . Just cause it's a girl doesn't doom you to pink glitter . Especially with brothers .
They like what they like and I honestly don't think there's a lot that are truly girl things and boy things which isn't pushed on them so if you aren't super girly she doesn't have to be either .
I have a bad relationship with my mom - I'll call to check in every now and then, but I haven't seen her since Christmas and she only contacts me to ask for money. I've found that it's actually pretty helpful to know what a negative relationship is like. It gives me a really good perspective of what not to do and how not to act with my daughter.
I am a girly girl and I spent my whole life at my dance studio and wanted to share that with a daughter. I wanted to help her pick out a wedding dress and be around when she was bringing babies into the world. I realize now that I may not get all of that, but I hopefully will get to experience it with a daughter in law someday. And maybe one more is in the cards for us. Maybe we will adopt a little girl. I don't know, but I am feeling more and more blessed about it as time goes on and less upset. It's totally ok to go through a range of emotion over it, especially when you start to imagine a life with a child before you know it's gender.
The reasons I so badly wanted a daughter were so simple. 1. I'm not a girly girl, so I am hoping to get to experience that side of things with a daughter. 2. I have a step daughter whose life I didn't get to be a part of until she was already 3 years old, so I missed the baby and toddler phases. And, per her mother, there are lists of things I am not allowed to do with her, so I want a chance to parent a daughter without restrictions. (Some requests were obvious like, don't pierce her ears. Some ridiculous like, ask before you take her to any new movies in case she wanted to take her.) 3. I had/have a terrible relationship with my mother and though I feel like I'll be heading into parenting this LO (this one is a girl) blindly, I feel as though I'll finally get to have a mother/daughter relationship, and I plan to do the opposite of everything my mother did.
Note: for anyone struggling with issues of a rough relationship with their mother, there is a great Facebook group that I am a part of (name below) that is amazing and offers great support. We don't just talk about our terrible mothers, we also talk about difficulties parenting because of our parents and ask questions to each other on various topics. You don't need to tell me your name to join and people join all the time. Just search for the group if you're interested.
"Moms without mons (mom's dealing with the grief of not having a good mother)"
Married Since: 7/29/2012
omgosh
DS1 is 7. DD is 1. DS2 is coming in late April.
Found out yesterday I am having a boy. To say I'm shocked is an understatement. I really thought I was having a girl and I wanted one.im ashamed to say that I am upset. It just feels like I'm already a bad mom for not being happy about a boy. This entire pregnancy I've just seen myself as the mom of a little girl. Our family is overdue for a girl. My grandma passed away in April and for some reason I thought it would be a girl because of that?
I am angry with myself for being unhappy that it's a boy but I'm already surrounded by boys. My two step sons are amazing and I love them ... but our foster daughter is leaving soon are doing my step daughter has completely gone off the rails are did left us. I'm the only girl in the house and I guess I just thought I'd get a girl in the house.
DH IS very happy as he wanted a boy. But I'm just so sad.
I am fortunate to have one of each thus far but when we found out my son was a boy. I was terrified. I didn't want a son. I wanted daughters. I was so scared. I didn't know how to handle a boy! I grew up sayin I wanted boys but after having a girl first, I didn't think I ever wanted a son. Now that he is here, and my daughter is a daddy's girl through and through, I am so so thankful God gave me a son. He's a Mama's boy 100%. I was so scared but now, I got this.
That said, I am so nervous to find out the sexes of the twins. I truly want one more girl. So if we find out it is 2 more boys, I honestly will be a little disappointed. I want the chance to do the girly dresses, dance classes, etc again. We also want our daughter to have a sister. We both only have sisters (me a younger one and my husband has 2 older) and we want that for our daughter. Obviously, I will embrace whatever we are blessed with, but both my husband and I are hoping one is another girl.
Married 9-19-2009
Baby Karrot 2.0 - 6.25.2015 - He's here! Via VBAC @ 36 weeks.
We don't find out for 2 more weeks at out A/S, but I can tell you that I hope it's a girl. We've already talked about "it doesn't matter what we have, we're done." so I don't feel the pressure for it to be a boy. Also, like I said, I'm a girl mom... it's what I know and what im used to.... I don't even know if I know how to raise a boy...
I also wanted a girl for my husband. He's had a girl name picked out forever, like since he was young, that he won't get to use. Plus I wanted him to have a dad/daughter relationship because I love the mom/son one. So I do feel a little sad for him. My oldest (4years) said he hoped for a baby sister, with both of my pregnancies, but once he knew he was having two brothers he was excited. My husband i think was a little bummed at first, but now is excited to watch the three of them grow together.
My fear about being a boy mom is when they are all grown. I worry that I won't get to help pick out a wedding dress, or be as involved in my daughter being pregnant. Or that my future daughter in laws won't stay close to me and the family. But then, I think of all the adult guys that I know that are still close to their families and make time for both. Just hope my future daughter in laws like me.
What bothers me the most is other people's reactions to boy #3 or even being pregnant with #3 already while already having 2 boys. I can't tell you how many comments I got about how maybe we'll get our girl, or now we need to have a 4th baby just to try get a girl. I wanted three kids regardless of their sex and almost knew or felt I was going to have all boys. We weren't trying for a girl, just a healrhy happy baby to add to our family. I'm happy about another boy and other people's reactions sometimes bother me. I think they generally mean well or are just trying to make conversation.
My in-laws, though.... god. They want me to have a boy so badly, that despite the anatomy scans confirming DD was a girl, they said "we won't believe it until the baby comes out without a penis." among other really horrible things that made me think they didn't want DD to be a girl...
Personally I'm still coming to grips with having a little girl after two boys and we found out at 10 weeks (17 currently). I don't have much of a connection yet with this pregnancy like I did at this point with the boys, but I hope that will change once I begin to feel her move. I think picking a name will probably help too.
Married 9-19-2009
Baby Karrot 2.0 - 6.25.2015 - He's here! Via VBAC @ 36 weeks.
I know my son will get over it and I know that he will love the baby because he is a sweet, sweet spirited boy. I think my only anxiety comes from know that he really, really believes (for whatever reason) that it will be a girl and well I hate to see him upset. If it is a boy, we will use it as an opportunity to explain to him the God knows best and has a very special plan that we cannot always understand.
We work REALLY hard to cultivate a spirt of love in our family and among our kids. We have 2 really big parenting goals 1) that our kids know how much they are loved and 2) that our kids know they are NOT nor will they ever be the center of the universe. I know this is a personal belief, but I think this helps make our kids grounded, confident, and ready to face the challenges of life with determination rather than disappointment.
My older two are 18 months are part and then there is 7 years between my boys so we have never been in this exact situation with a little one who knows what is happening but certainly cannot process his emotions like our bigs did when he was born and they were 7 and 8. Thats why I love this board...sharing and learning from each other.
I am anxious about how he will feel when the baby is A boy and I do not think we will be telling them until the baby is born. I suppose we will see.
I have an amazing relationship with my mom - she's my best friend. I have great relationships with my sisters, too. I just never in my life saw myself being the mother of a girl. Even when I played dolls as a young child, my "babies" were always all boys.
It helps for me that my fiance and my son both DESPERATELY wanted a girl. My son would have been furious had she been a boy, and my fiance would have been grateful for a baby, but a bit sad that it wasn't the daughter he pictured. I guess that's how I feel - just kind of taken aback that it's not the baby I pictured. The finality of knowing that my 6.5 year old was my last little boy. So much for mother's intuition.
You know what's actually really been helpful? Retail therapy. Girl clothes are adorable.
What does not help? FI's jackass family who clearly only wanted a boy and have made many, many comments to that effect. Like I did something wrong and made "the wrong one" or something.
~EDD Nov 18, 2017 with my IUI success story~
[spoiler]
~EDD Nov 18, 2017 with my IUI success story~
[spoiler]
Of course now Honeybear keeps saying "I really want a girl for the second child" so I guess there's that to look forward to.
Married for two years to my Honeybear and expecting a little Honeybee on our homestead in Belgium.
Now I know I'm having a boy. And yes trousers and over alls and old man hats all that jazz, little vests very cute I know. BUT this ridiculous, irrational, stupid part of me cannot get over the fact that my child will never have a little Pandora bracelet, and it kind of breaks my heart.
I know it's stupid and ND I know Pandora bracelets themselves are kind of ridiculous and I know my baby would in reality never wear it. But I want it and I'm emotional about it. So I'm gonna tell you guys because you won't judge me. That is all.