Kids or No kids at a Co ed Baby Shower?

jjrivey · June 2017

I have a dilemma. My husband and I are having a Co ed Baby Shower. This is my second child and his first. My son in 7, so essentially we are starting over. We would like the "shower" to be more of a fun celebration for our first baby togther. A friend is hosting the event and we are doing a backyard BBQ and beer theme. We have many friends and family with children (whom we love to pieces).
Our dilemma is that there are quite a few parents that during events like this do not watch their children, for some I end up being the care giver (for instance at my wedding). We are thinking we would like it to be adults only, it may be much more relaxing for my husband and me and other parents as well. It would be far from a traditional baby shower, so is it wrong for us to exclude children?

OliveOyl2014 · June 2017

If you truly don't want kids there you can make it adults only. But be prepared that people either won't come because they don't have childcare, or will bring their kids anyway. If you end up having kids there, have some kid friendly activities for them to do in the backyard.

dufferoo · June 2017

I think you can do whatever you choose, but I do think people will be confused by the fact that you're doing a backyard bbq which would probably be typically thrown as a family event, but excluding the kids. But then it's also pretty funny to have a beer theme at an event honoring a woman who presumably isn't drinking.

jjrivey · June 2017

I'm wondering how it would be any different if I threw a birthday party for a friend or any other similar event? Keeping in mind we aren't doing a traditional baby shower. It's not specifically for me, it's a celebration for my husband and me. And we would love to give parents an opportunity to get away for a couple hours and celebrate with us. I know as parents sometimes you need that. I've been to many baby showers that served wine or mimosas. Just because I can't drink doesn't mean others cant enjoy themselves. I was afraid to hear that it's not possible to plan events these days without children and not offend someone. Thanks so much for your opinions, I appreciate it!!

JennyColada · June 2017

I think that if you threw a birthday part for a friend that was also pregnant I would find it a little odd for the event to be alcohol-themed. I mean, that's like someone throwing me a birthday party that's brussel sprout themed - BLECH.

If you don't mind alcohol and mimosas being served at your baby shower then that's fine. Just let your host know. I threw a high-tea themed baby shower for my bff and included cucumber and cream cheese sandwiches which I think maybe aren't always pregnancy-approved, but they are my favorite so suck it. :P

neverblushed · June 2017

Don't call it a shower. It's not -- especially if you're hosting it for yourselves. Call it "one last grill'n'swill before the baby is born" and make the start time close to the dinner hour. That will signal to savvy parents that it's not a particularly kid-friendly event. Non-savvy parents may not pick up your signals, but they also won't be able to stick around too long with their children, because the event will go past bedtime.

If you can't start the party at dinnertime, here's a hint on dealing with kids at parties: I also found it mildly irritating to throw a party and then wind up spending most of the party dealing with other people's kids. Finally, I just stopped doing it! Now, before the party, I put away anything that I or my own kids would not want broken by little guests. Then, as parents arrive, I give each family a little speech about the house rules for this party. For example, my "house rules" are as follows: 1) you can go anywhere in our back yard, and you can play with any toys you can reach. If you need help reaching a toy that is up high, ask an adult. 2) ask an adult before you pet the cats because they are nervous when we have company, and they may scratch you. 3) you can go anywhere in my house that is open, but you may not go into rooms with closed doors. If you think you need to go into a room with a closed door, ask an adult first.

I have found that kids as young as 3 can basically handle these directions, and that I have to do a lot less policing and entertaining once the rules are made clear. More importantly, this little speech is a nice way of cluing guest parents in that I and my husband will not be supervising the children and that they should expect to supervise their own kids if necessary.

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