We're in the process of creating a Will and we added a clause stating that our kids can under no circumstances be given to DH's step-mom (who raised him since he was 6). She's BSC. I feel slightly bad because I'm sure it would hurt his Dad's feelings, but hopefully we never need it and no one finds out.
You guys are really stressing me with all this talk of parenting teenagers. I'm still stressed about how to breastfeed and potty train, and can't handle thinking about parenting a hormonal teen!!
This is prob flameful but in my 2 hour mind race the other night I decided when they are in high school my rule will be if they are in trouble/drunk/at a party they need to call me to pick them up. Regardless of the circumstances they will not get in trouble if they do this. If I catch them drunk driving or having a party that is when they will get punishment.
I don't know how realistic this is. And I hate semi giving my approval for drinking. But I just don't know another way for them to call me if they are in an unsafe situation. I remember in HS putting myself in dangerous positions just to not get caught.
DD1 and DD2 will just be a grade apart. I don't know if this will work in my favor or make everything worse haha.
FFFC: we haven't made a will yet and that's primarily because I can't decide who DD would go to without hurting feelings, or how to ensure she would still get to see all her grandparents. I know NOT doing a will is worse but ugh, putting our decision in writing is so hard.
Fffc I don't want the people who are to raise the kids on our will to raise them. Process of elimination they were the best choice. But they aren't good enough haha. Also they are vegan I am adding a letter to my will about how the kids are not to be raised vegan (and I spoke to the vegans about this).
@carries2018 I've thought about that as well, and I think it depends on the honesty/integrity of the child. My brother did that with my nephews (they are 19 and 21), and they only needed them once or twice. They have a pretty open relationship, but I could see a kid taking advantage of that situation, and bragging that their parents let them drink.
Me: 31 DH:35 TTC #1: March 2011 Fur-children: 3 dogs + 2 cats (all rescued) dx: Endometriosis and Fibroids 2 Laps and 1 Abdominal Myomectomy 6 rounds of clomid 5 rounds of iui IVF #1 Gonal F, Menopur and Cetrotide ER 12/1/2016:Retrieved 22 eggs 12 fertilized, developed moderate OHSS 4/4 day 5 embryos were normal for PGS!!! 2 boys/2 girls FET 1/10/2017 Gallbladder surgery 1/10/2017 FET 2/2 BFP 2/7/17 Beta#1: 594!!! Beta#2 1630!!! Having a girl! EDD 10/21/17
@carries2018 DH and I have that same plan. Not to outright condone drinking underage, but that if they are ever drunk and need a ride, we will come get them without judgement rather than them driving home to try and hide it. Same if they are ever in a situation they want to get out of (i.e., if people were pressuring them to use drugs)- they can call us and blame having to leave on us.
FFFC: we haven't made a will yet and that's primarily because I can't decide who DD would go to without hurting feelings, or how to ensure she would still get to see all her grandparents. I know NOT doing a will is worse but ugh, putting our decision in writing is so hard.
We have said since I was pregnant with DD that we would do one. She turns 3 in August and we're finally getting around to it
@carries2018 my parents used the fear of gd to prevent me from underage drinking and drugs and it worked lol. DH's parents did the same thing you want to do but he never called them even tho he's told me he got into a tricky situation at some guys house once. Im not sure what we'll do - but I know I did a lot of lying to my parents about who was going to the movies on Friday nights and I don't want those kinds of secrets between me and my kids.
I hate it when older kids are on binkis or sippy cups. I babysat for my cousin yesterday and she left a binki for her 4 year old "just in case"... news flash, she didn't need it. It's more of a convenience for my cousin I think. And when I go to my sister in laws house she lets her 9 year old drink out of a sippy cup if he wants. That's just ridiculous to me. My 6 and 8 year olds don't understand why they can't drink out of one too while we are there. You haven't had one in YEARS you aren't getting one now. Maybe I'm just pregnant and easily annoyed.
I am terrified of my kid being in High School because I teach in one. I see/hear things that go on with some of these kids and it's pretty scary from a future parent's perspective. On the flip side though...I see the really awesome kids too. I'm constantly thinking of how to make one of those. haha
i saw pics of our town prom, and there were couples kissing. and i was just jaw on the floor can't believe it! they are babies! when in reality they are 17/18 and i am sure are doing a lot more than kissing. but it was just ZOMG our kids are giong to be there one day. DONT KISS MY KIDS!
My parents had the rule of "call us to pick you up if you're drinking and need a ride" when I was in high school. My dad is French so underage drinking wasn't as taboo and it was actually expected that we would drink a glass of wine at dinner when we visited family. I did my fair share of drinking in HS but no more or less than all my friends, and I do think that I made better decisions knowing that it was better to tell my parents I was drinking rather than do something stupid like drive drunk just to not get caught.
Most of the drinking I did in high school took place at my own house when my mom was out of town every weekend (what parent leaves their 18 year old alone from Friday-Sunday?! Lol) so I typically didn't have to worry about getting a ride home and most of my friends crashed at my house (I just recently revealed this fact to my mom and she was legitimately shocked I did this). I think it's a good rule to have that kids can call you for a ride. Just my luck my kids will probably treat me like their personal designated driver though haha
FFFC1: I don't brush DS's teeth every night and never brush them in the morning. And I have only tried toothpaste with him once. I don't have it in me to fight him on it. He'll be 2 next week.
TTC x 1.5 years.
Acupuncture, Femera x3 cyles, and HSG. BFP in September 2014, DS born June 2015. TTC x2 months. BFP January 2017.
FFFC2: DS's godmother is my sister (by title only, we don't pick for religious purposes) But I'm glad I never officially asked her to be his guardian for him in our will, because I disagree with her political beliefs and that's more concerning to me in terms of raising my kid than anything else.
TTC x 1.5 years.
Acupuncture, Femera x3 cyles, and HSG. BFP in September 2014, DS born June 2015. TTC x2 months. BFP January 2017.
FFFC: I'm annoyed that no one is posting in the nursery thread, because I'm obsessed with design and decor. I'm still waiting on DH to finish painting ours, then I'll update. But until then, I'd like to live vicariously through you guys. So please show me your nurseries. Mmk thanks.
October 2017 June Siggy Challenge -- "You Had One Job!"
DD1 is responsible for brushing her own teeth in the morning (she is 3) if she does great, if she doesnt idgaf. i brush them good at night and they brush after lunch at school.
I don't like any of our possible guardian options. I just want my babies to go live with my mom if we die, but I feel bad because I don't want her to have to raise kids into her 70s. So I'm just avoiding the issue.
October 2017 June Siggy Challenge -- "You Had One Job!"
FFFC: this LO won't have a nursery. He will be living in our giant master closet for the first year. We have 3 bedrooms. The only room that's available is huge and used as a guest room/office. I'm not willing to give that up yet. Our closet has a ridiculous amount of space and a window, he will live.
i get really angry when people use loss as almost like a game of "i knew her/him best" like all these people come out of the woodwork posting all over FB looking for sympathy and acknowledgement. like that person is someone's mother/father, wife/husband, brother/sister, child, friend. it just lessens those condolences for them. i think FB is a great tool to express condolences and that can be helpful to the people grieving by posting nice memories on the person's page. but this carrying on on your own page doesn't sit right with me.
I took DS to the dentist a couple months ago when he turned 2 and they said it was time to start brushing in the morning. We still haven't started. Whatever, I do a good job brushing at night.
My mom and stepdad are the first-in-line guardians in our will, but there's a stipulation where if they're too old or unable to care then they go to my brother.
The nursery thread stresses me out because we still have so much prep work to do before we can get to the fun decorating part.
FFFC: My OB said to bump up my caffeine intake if I get headaches in 2nd tri. I haven't had a single headache, but I still follow her advice.
My kids are to go to my parents and only my parents. MIL is so overbearing that my kids would turn into absolute hellions out of spite. My parents know this, but we really need to get it in writing. We don't even have wills and we've been married almost 9 years
My brother caused so much trouble during our childhood that it made me want to be the good kid. I never drank or smoked or did drugs in HS. The very first time I actually drank was the night after HS graduation and got so ahead of myself I blacked out. That scares the shit out of me, so I will be very vocal with my kids about being responsible. We will not tell them "don't drink", we will tell them how to do it responsibly and to understand that there can be serious consequences. Drunk driving, alcohol poisoning, getting ticketed, etc.
I was nearly at the bottom of the social ladder in school and it made it hard for me as an adult. I wasn't social, had a hard time at my first couple if jobs, I know I missed out on a lot because of it. So I will encourage my kids to branch out and make friends, but not necessarily be popular. Right now, we're focusing on teaching our kids how to make friends with the *right* people, since DD1 (8yo) has some friends at school that aren't good kids and this ish is hard y'all. And it's only the beginning
I don't think I realized (or I forgot) that there was a nursery thread! We will be working on ours this weekend, and I forgot that I hid a bunch of laundry in there the last time people came over.
Me: 31 DH:35 TTC #1: March 2011 Fur-children: 3 dogs + 2 cats (all rescued) dx: Endometriosis and Fibroids 2 Laps and 1 Abdominal Myomectomy 6 rounds of clomid 5 rounds of iui IVF #1 Gonal F, Menopur and Cetrotide ER 12/1/2016:Retrieved 22 eggs 12 fertilized, developed moderate OHSS 4/4 day 5 embryos were normal for PGS!!! 2 boys/2 girls FET 1/10/2017 Gallbladder surgery 1/10/2017 FET 2/2 BFP 2/7/17 Beta#1: 594!!! Beta#2 1630!!! Having a girl! EDD 10/21/17
@ChocolateIsLife Nice!! That's pretty much what my nursery looks like at this point too. We cleared out a lot of the stuff we had stored in there a few weekends ago, and built a crib. But otherwise it still doesn't look like a nursery lol
@sjohns08 I like the encouragement of making friends but not needing to be popular. I had that same exact discussion with one of my students the other day. Having a group of close friends with similar interests is so much more beneficial to a high schooler than having everyone love and adore you. I think kids who get involved in something like marching band, a sports team, any club, etc. also have an easier time finding those people with similar interests.
Guardians - Our kids will go to my parents if anything happens to DH and I. We went to China when DD was 7 months old (2 week work trip for me, DH joined me the second week) and my parents said we couldn't leave the country without putting a will together, just in case. I would never allow my children to go to the inlaws and DH was in agreement so that's what is in writing right now. We have really good friends that live in NorCal that we would have no issues putting down as guardians - likeminded, similar parenting, have one daughter that's a year older than DD, fun, loving people. But they live 2 states away which would mean our kids would rarely see their family in WA. So for now we're sticking my with my parents as guardians.
Drinking - my younger brother was the worst child, so I always tried to overachieve and not cause my parents additional stress (subconsciously of course). My brother nicknamed me "the perfect child" (to be fair I was also insanely busy with extracurricular activities all through high school). I didn't drink until my first night in college and obviously got sick. I have no clue how to handle teaching my kids about this stuff but luckily I'm married to a health and PE teacher. I'm sure he'll have great ideas!
i get really angry when people use loss as almost like a game of "i knew her/him best" like all these people come out of the woodwork posting all over FB looking for sympathy and acknowledgement. like that person is someone's mother/father, wife/husband, brother/sister, child, friend. it just lessens those condolences for them. i think FB is a great tool to express condolences and that can be helpful to the people grieving by posting nice memories on the person's page. but this carrying on on your own page doesn't sit right with me.
Some people get so weird and self centered about others' losses. When I was in high school, a good friend of mine named Matt passed away, and random popular kids who had never exchanged a sentence with Matt or me would come up to me and try to commiserate. Not just "I'm so sorry for your loss" stuff but actually acting like they were part of the grieving. And then they'd turn around and act like they were in the know "oh bluejeanbabi is sad but she's doing ok, etc" gross.
On the popularity note, I wasn't popular or unpopular in hs, I was a jock and a nerd and hung out with those kids, and as a result I felt very little pressure to be "cool" or do anything I didn't want to do. I think that's ideal, and I hope my kids fall into that same middle of the road category.
We also struggle with who to put down as guardians. Our closest friends are childless by choice, so I don't think they'd be up for it. My mil has some pretty serious mental health issues, so it wouldn't be good for her or our kids. My sister assumes it'll be her and bil, but I have some reservations, not about her parenting, but about her family's dynamic. So, I guess it'll be my parents by default.
I really want to tell people off when they complain about my oldest's food preferences. I get that it seems weird and makes it hard when a kid doesn't eat the "typical" foods that are served at parties and such, but stop giving my kid a hard time because she doesn't eat like shit. She doesn't like pizza, burgers, hot dogs, chicken, chicken nuggets, grilled cheese, those sort of things. She prefers a turkey sandwich or salad. So what? Why is it ok to give someone grief for eating healthier but it's "acceptable" to eat the shit that is making people overweight and causing health problems?
High school: I was not a popular kid and was often picked on up until my junior year. I was a band/music/drama geek and did well academically. I had a great group of friends my junior and senior years, and for the most part was able to get along with everyone those last two years. I hope my kid doesn't strive to be popular, but to follow whatever interests they have (art, music, technology, sports, etc) so they can grow and have a better understanding of who they are rather than what they think they "should" be.
Will: Haven't even thought about this until now. I don't know who'd our kids would go to if something were to happen. My parents have passed, DH's mom has health problems and we don't know how much longer she'll be around, and his dad lives in Mexico and he doesn't have a good relationship with him. I don't think my brother would be a good fit-he's excited to be an uncle but has no interest in being a parent. I guess it would go to my SIL, but I have reservations with her husband and his parenting (mostly left to the SIL) style.
My FFFC: I don't like reality shows. I'm totally not interested in shows like The Bachelor/Bachelorette, Teen Mom, etc. BUT I do enjoy watching judge shows, like Judge Judy, from time to time. Some of the people on that show are crazy hot messes and it makes me feel a little better about myself in that I feel like I somewhat have my shit together.
Edit: I should say I think my SIL would be fine, but from what I hear from my DH (who gets his info from his mother), he leaves everything to his wife (parenting, housework, etc), maybe helping out once and while. He works (as does she), and feels that is enough of a contribution to the family.
June 2017 Siggy Challenge: "You had one job to do!"
High school : wasnt at all popular, in fact I was bullied for quite some time, until i changed school. And then i became "ok" but the thought of our kids growing up is also freaking me out lol! Never thought about a will! Definitely ahould put some thought into who id want as gardians....
My FFFc : i could spend my life in pants like these (Aladin style lol)
I really want to tell people off when they complain about my oldest's food preferences. I get that it seems weird and makes it hard when a kid doesn't eat the "typical" foods that are served at parties and such, but stop giving my kid a hard time because she doesn't eat like shit. She doesn't like pizza, burgers, hot dogs, chicken, chicken nuggets, grilled cheese, those sort of things. She prefers a turkey sandwich or salad. So what? Why is it ok to give someone grief for eating healthier but it's "acceptable" to eat the shit that is making people overweight and causing health problems?
i am pretty sure most of us are insanely jealous of your daughter! that is amazing and i can't believe people would say anything negative. if they do, its just projecting their BS onto you and your daughter which is fucked up
Re: FFFC 6.2.17
Baby Boy due October 2017
I don't know how realistic this is. And I hate semi giving my approval for drinking. But I just don't know another way for them to call me if they are in an unsafe situation. I remember in HS putting myself in dangerous positions just to not get caught.
DD1 and DD2 will just be a grade apart. I don't know if this will work in my favor or make everything worse haha.
May Siggy Challenge: Parenting Fails
*O17 June Siggy Challenge - You had 1 job!*
May Siggy Challenge: Parenting Fails
TTC #1: March 2011
Fur-children: 3 dogs + 2 cats (all rescued)
dx: Endometriosis and Fibroids
2 Laps and 1 Abdominal Myomectomy
6 rounds of clomid
5 rounds of iui
IVF #1 Gonal F, Menopur and Cetrotide
ER 12/1/2016:Retrieved 22 eggs 12 fertilized, developed moderate OHSS
4/4 day 5 embryos were normal for PGS!!! 2 boys/2 girls
FET 1/10/2017
Gallbladder surgery 1/10/2017
FET 2/2
BFP 2/7/17
Having a girl! EDD 10/21/17
Baby Boy due October 2017
I babysat for my cousin yesterday and she left a binki for her 4 year old "just in case"... news flash, she didn't need it. It's more of a convenience for my cousin I think.
And when I go to my sister in laws house she lets her 9 year old drink out of a sippy cup if he wants. That's just ridiculous to me. My 6 and 8 year olds don't understand why they can't drink out of one too while we are there. You haven't had one in YEARS you aren't getting one now.
Maybe I'm just pregnant and easily annoyed.
Baby Boy due October 2017
*O17 June Siggy Challenge - You had 1 job!*
May Siggy Challenge: Parenting Fails
*O17 June Siggy Challenge - You had 1 job!*
May Siggy Challenge: Parenting Fails
BFP in September 2014, DS born June 2015.
TTC x2 months.
BFP January 2017.
BFP in September 2014, DS born June 2015.
TTC x2 months.
BFP January 2017.
May Siggy Challenge: Parenting Fails
May Siggy Challenge: Parenting Fails
My mom and stepdad are the first-in-line guardians in our will, but there's a stipulation where if they're too old or unable to care then they go to my brother.
The nursery thread stresses me out because we still have so much prep work to do before we can get to the fun decorating part.
FFFC: My OB said to bump up my caffeine intake if I get headaches in 2nd tri. I haven't had a single headache, but I still follow her advice.
My brother caused so much trouble during our childhood that it made me want to be the good kid. I never drank or smoked or did drugs in HS. The very first time I actually drank was the night after HS graduation and got so ahead of myself I blacked out. That scares the shit out of me, so I will be very vocal with my kids about being responsible. We will not tell them "don't drink", we will tell them how to do it responsibly and to understand that there can be serious consequences. Drunk driving, alcohol poisoning, getting ticketed, etc.
I was nearly at the bottom of the social ladder in school and it made it hard for me as an adult. I wasn't social, had a hard time at my first couple if jobs, I know I missed out on a lot because of it. So I will encourage my kids to branch out and make friends, but not necessarily be popular. Right now, we're focusing on teaching our kids how to make friends with the *right* people, since DD1 (8yo) has some friends at school that aren't good kids and this ish is hard y'all. And it's only the beginning
TTC #1: March 2011
Fur-children: 3 dogs + 2 cats (all rescued)
dx: Endometriosis and Fibroids
2 Laps and 1 Abdominal Myomectomy
6 rounds of clomid
5 rounds of iui
IVF #1 Gonal F, Menopur and Cetrotide
ER 12/1/2016:Retrieved 22 eggs 12 fertilized, developed moderate OHSS
4/4 day 5 embryos were normal for PGS!!! 2 boys/2 girls
FET 1/10/2017
Gallbladder surgery 1/10/2017
FET 2/2
BFP 2/7/17
Having a girl! EDD 10/21/17
Drinking - my younger brother was the worst child, so I always tried to overachieve and not cause my parents additional stress (subconsciously of course). My brother nicknamed me "the perfect child" (to be fair I was also insanely busy with extracurricular activities all through high school). I didn't drink until my first night in college and obviously got sick. I have no clue how to handle teaching my kids about this stuff but luckily I'm married to a health and PE teacher. I'm sure he'll have great ideas!
Will: Haven't even thought about this until now. I don't know who'd our kids would go to if something were to happen. My parents have passed, DH's mom has health problems and we don't know how much longer she'll be around, and his dad lives in Mexico and he doesn't have a good relationship with him. I don't think my brother would be a good fit-he's excited to be an uncle but has no interest in being a parent. I guess it would go to my SIL, but I have reservations with her husband and his parenting (mostly left to the SIL) style.
My FFFC: I don't like reality shows. I'm totally not interested in shows like The Bachelor/Bachelorette, Teen Mom, etc. BUT I do enjoy watching judge shows, like Judge Judy, from time to time. Some of the people on that show are crazy hot messes and it makes me feel a little better about myself in that I feel like I somewhat have my shit together.
Edit: I should say I think my SIL would be fine, but from what I hear from my DH (who gets his info from his mother), he leaves everything to his wife (parenting, housework, etc), maybe helping out once and while. He works (as does she), and feels that is enough of a contribution to the family.
Never thought about a will! Definitely ahould put some thought into who id want as gardians....
My FFFc : i could spend my life in pants like these (Aladin style lol)