Hi everybody, it's (belated) checkin time... (sorry, I had a brain freeze and forgot what day it was yesterday!)
Followup: Last week's QOTW was real, and I showed the board's answers to my friend. I figured there is no better group to ask about trying to balance work/home/emotional self care decisions than TTTC! She ended up taking the high security/high paying job. BUT... she's also might be able to freelance for the other company with the fulfilling job and is looking into that too.
What's going on this week?
2017 BFP Hall Fame
BecauseLove dx: amenorrhea, PCOS Rx: IVF
MandyBeeSLP: dx: low progesterone, borderline PCOS, vitamin D insufficiency Rx: IUI with letrozole
MountainLady: dx: Unexplained, Rx: Letrozole
kd0202: dx: Unexplained, LPD Rx: Clomid 50mg
pawcall: dx: MFI(morph) + testing Rx: unmedicated IUI
PoeMasque dx: unexplained Rx: IVF
MJDsquared : dx: PCOS Rx:Letrozole
greenange dx: anovulatory PCOS w/insulin resistance Rx: Metformin, Letrozole, trigger + TI
mrswifeytoad: dx: PCOS Rx: metformin + Clomid
PAGING:
@Bababatty: dx:Low Motility Rx: Letrozole + trigger + IUI
@emgem819 dx: PCOS, Rx: provera, femara + Bravelle
@hoffmanr7: dx: unexplained Rx: Letrozol 5mg+trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone
@jmr1515: dx: Mild MFI/morph, fibroid Rx: Surgery + TI
@mackenzie07 dx: PCOS and Endo Rx: metformin, letrozole, ovidrel
@mandasand: dx: low AMH Rx:IVF (Lupron, Menopur + Follistim)
@Mythril: dx: PCOS (anovulatory) Rx:levothyroxine, metformin and femara + TI
@sarah0985: dx: PCOS, possible blocked tubes Rx: Lap
@SM746830: dx: PCOS, blocked tubes Rx: Surgery, Clomid
@smokinangel: possible PCOS, MTHFR gene, slight MFI Rx: trying to regulate hormones naturally
@starlitfae dx: MFI & balanced translocation, thyroid Rx: ivf with pgd testing
@MountainLady: dx: Unexplained Rx: Letrozole + IUI / possible IVF
@Kate437: dx:anovulatory Rx:Letrozole + trigger
@Tops: dx: anovulatory PCOS Rx: Metformin, testing
@SP128: in testing/unexplained
@eranvo27: dx: anovulatory PCOS Rx: metformin, progesterone
@kristimh80: dx: unexplained Rx: Injectables + trigger + IUI
NEWCOMERS:
To be added to the Weekly Checkin, please answer the following:
1. How long have you been TTC?
2. What is your diagnosis?
3. What is your current Rx plan?
QOTW: Spouse/Partner checkup: How is your significant other handling the IF rollercoaster?
Re: TTTC Checkin 05/31/2017
To start off, I had a brain fart and ended up going to the wrong clinic. Luckily the clinic I was supposed to be at was only 15 miles away, but we ended up being almost 20 minutes late for our appointment.
Then come to find that I have not 1 but 2 cysts in the right ovary along with free flowing fluid. So not only do I have 2 cysts but they are pretty sure I ovulated already so no IUI for us this month. Ugggg. There is a size 17 follicle in there so the nurse suggested timed intercourse over the next week just in case, but yet again I'm not very optimistic.
I actually took it pretty stoically this time. Actually, to put it more accurately, I think I'm just plain dead inside to all of this now. I'm so over all of it, the drs visits, the meds, the disappointment. I don't seem to feel any of it anymore....not sad, not irritated nor do I feel excited or hopeful. I feel blank.
Anywho. DH and I have some decisions to make regarding timing. We are supposed to be going to Hawaii with his whole family next April for his parents' anniversary. This was the last month where we would most likely still be able to go. If we're not pregnant this month, that would put us at our third trimester if we get pregnant within the next 3 months of trying. So do we hold off on trying or risk having to forgo the trip? I think we are both leaning towards a "screw the trip if we must" type attitude. I think it will largely depend on what happens with these cysts. The last time it took 2 cycles before we were cleared to go so what would be one more in the grand scheme of things.
QOTW: I think DH is holding up pretty well. He is one of those constantly optimistic types. I know it wears on him sometimes but he's usually pretty chipper about the whole thing. We had an invite for a co-ed baby shower for a friend of his. He asked me if I would be ok, I told him honestly that I had no idea but I know he doesn't get to see this friend often. He finally decided not to go with claims of needing to do things garden wise.....but I wonder if he is saying that to protect me or because he has the same feelings as other peoples pregnancies that I do.
TTC #1 Since: April 2015
Unexplained Infertility
Cycle 1&2 : Clomid 50mg- BFN
Cycle 3: Letrozole 2.5mg- BFN
Cycle 4: Letrozole 5mg- BFN
Cycle 5: HSG-normal
Clomid 100mg+ Estrace- BFN
Cycle 6: Letrozole 5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progestrone- BFN
Cycle 7: Letrozole 5mg, Cyst found during follicle check
Cycle 8: Birth control to treat left ovary cyst
Cycle 9: Letrozole 7.5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
Cycle 10: Letrozole 7.5mg, 2 Cysts found during follicle check
Cycle 11: Clomid 100mg+Estradiol+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
Cycle 12: Clomid 100mg- BFN
Cycle 13-16: Natural attempts while awaiting IVF
Cycle 14: IVF-BFN
I noticed i got taken off the "paging list" and we are on a two year treatment hiatus but are planning to try naturally until June '19 so I was wondering if I could stick around with you all?? There's not many boards out there for infertiles who have given up treatment but aren't technically benched.
This might be TMI* but DH and I have had to use protection for the last 6 months due to Zika exposure for DH and the other night we had unprotected sex and it was glorious!! In nearly 4 years we've only had one pregnancy so trying naturally may not result in anything but it feels nice to at least have a chance besides the one shot with a catheter once a cycle.
QOTW: My husband is the eternal optimist to the point I can't handle it sometimes. But the other night (and this makes me want to ugly cry) I couldn't find him and he was in the nursery holding ***TW*** the two teddy bears that have the twins ashes in them ***end TW*** and sobbing saying he missed them. Gahh that's heart wrenching.
Married 7/13
TTC #1 since 10/13
BFP 2/4/15, MC twin boys at 18w3d 5/15
IUI #1 2/25/16
@hoffmanr7 So sorry. Hawaii sounds wonderful though… you couldn’t move the trip?
@soontobemommahowe I am so sorry for your losses. That is unbelievably heart wrenching
QOTW: My husband has such a lax attitude about it and some days it drives me up the dang wall!
@SoontobeMommaHowe That is so heartbreaking! I'm very sorry about your losses and all you've been through. Hugs to you! I say that you should stick around here while you're on treatment hiatus. I'd love to have you.
@msstephanielynn That's scary and frustrating! Do they think the septate uterus could be contributing to your IF problems? I'm sorry you're benched, but I think that's the right decision. YOu don't need that kind of stress or the risk. I hope the time flies by and the surgery goes well.
AFM CD 5, moving on to IUI #6: The Final IUI. My baselines went well today. Uterus and follies look good, just waiting to hear from the nurse about the bloodwork and then I start letrozole tonight. We also met with our RE this morning and determined that we'll move on to IVF later this summer (probably my cycle starting at the end of July) if this IUI doesn't work. We're signed up for an IVF training class in July, which is somewhat terrifying. Initially I went in thinking, "I'm going to push for us to do IVF in October so it doesn't mess with a race I have scheduled with my cousins." But as soon as I sat down I said, "F it. Let's get this done." 25 cycles in (thanks, somewhat short LP!), I'm so tired of waiting. It's a bit fitting that we'd be starting IVF almost exactly 2 years after we started trying (end of July 2015).
QOTW: My H goes back and forth. I think it's been really hard for him because of the MFI diagnosis, but he hides it well. Yesterday he got really depressed when we were talking about the questions to ask our RE today. It only just hit him that we were really looking at IVF now. I think he was really hoping the clomid he's been on would help and that we'd get KU "naturally" or as naturally as you can when they're sticking a catheter up your ladybits.
@SoonToBeMommaHowe I really hope you stick around! You're story totally made me tear up. That is just heart breaking.
@Bababatty I hope that #6 does the trick for ya!
TTCAL just finished cycle 14. Now benched until my surgery.
All of our tests have come back normal. DH just got his chromosomal test back and his was normal as well (there was a chance that one of us could have had a balanced translocation). So we are relieved but still don't have answers. Unless this fibroid really is the cause for our IF.
I will be having my fibroid removal and exploratory tube laprscopy on Monday. I am nervous and can't wait for it to be over!
DH is very good about the whole TTC thing. He tries to be as supportive as he can while admitting that it is hard for him to feel the same emotions that I do. When I told him I wanted to quit he said that it was all up to me. We can take this as far as I'm comfortable but he won't push me on it. We both have parents who were adopted and he has told me that it is something that he is willing to do. I'm just not quite there yet. I don't have anything against adoption, I just really want to be pregnant and give birth. It's not an experience that I'm willing to give up on yet.
FX for you that the final IUI is the charm
@msstephanielynn Since we are going with the whole family for my in-laws anniversary there really isn't any wiggle room on rescheduling. However we both have said that we could just go ourselves another time.
@Bababatty Nope, no blood work, but I trust their judgement. I'm sure they would have if I requested it but it seemed pretty unnecessary, especially considering the cysts which would have benched us anyways. Luckily we BD on Sunday to (as our nurse put it "clean out the pipes") so who knows. Fx for your IUI!
@MooFish2364 GL with your fibroid removal. I hope it goes well!
TTC #1 Since: April 2015
Unexplained Infertility
Cycle 1&2 : Clomid 50mg- BFN
Cycle 3: Letrozole 2.5mg- BFN
Cycle 4: Letrozole 5mg- BFN
Cycle 5: HSG-normal
Clomid 100mg+ Estrace- BFN
Cycle 6: Letrozole 5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progestrone- BFN
Cycle 7: Letrozole 5mg, Cyst found during follicle check
Cycle 8: Birth control to treat left ovary cyst
Cycle 9: Letrozole 7.5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
Cycle 10: Letrozole 7.5mg, 2 Cysts found during follicle check
Cycle 11: Clomid 100mg+Estradiol+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
Cycle 12: Clomid 100mg- BFN
Cycle 13-16: Natural attempts while awaiting IVF
Cycle 14: IVF-BFN
@Bababatty fx for you!
@SoonToBeMommaHowe I'm so sorry for your losses. I know how it feels to hurt and to see your DH hurting is sometimes more heartbreaking because you love them so much.
hugs to those that need them.
AFM my doctor called and canceled my third beta and wanted me to do another one in a week which was today. So tomorrow I start a new job and I'm going to be a nervous wreck waiting for the nurse to tell me how it went. I'm scared they are going to call and say it stopped growing. Or that I'll get to the ultrasound and it will be a BO.
QOTW: DH is usually the strong silent type. We started ttc because we had a CP when we were not trying and the let down was sad for him. He broke down crying at work. I didn't think he would take it so hard so I told him over the phone. My bad. That night he told me he was committed to what ever the DRs said we needed. He's is keeping his distance emotionally until we get to the ultrasound. He just keeps making me French onion soup. It's my comfort food. I think taking care of me is how to deals with it. Like he doesn't feel so helpless by cooking or doing a chore for me. I appreciate him.
Not doing great this week if I'm being honest. I've been badly struggling with depression and had a few breakdowns, spending the evenings crying to my hubby.
We have taken some positive steps though. AF showed up 7 days after finishing Provera, so I'm on CD2 today. I start my first round of Letrozole tomorrow too, then back in for tests next week.
So I'm happy we've had some positive steps but I just haven't been able to pull myself out of this crap this week
QOTW: Spouse/Partner checkup: How is your significant other handling the IF rollercoaster?
My hubby is pretty awesome
TTC #1 since July 2016
Dx: PCOS, on Metformin since Feb 2017
@tops-2 I'm sorry your having such a hard week. I had a bad day myself last week. I hope you start feeling a bit better as you start your new treatment cycle.
@SoonToBeMommaHowe - I don't mind if you hang around, although I am hoping you will get spontaneously pregnant before June '19, obviously.
@msstephanielynn - I'm sorry about the uterus. FX for a quick resolution!
@Bababatty - FX for your final IUI!
@MooFish2364 - keeping my fingers crossed for a smooth fibroid removal and speedy recovery! GL!
@SunflowerMama428 - how was the beta?!
@tops-2 - I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time. I hope you take time to take care of yourself through all of this - it is gut-wrenching!
We had an IVF orientation today, and we shelled out a few thousand dollars for the drugs, which I put on a line of credit. Now, my fridge and a cupboard are full of FSH and some antagonist. I'll start birth control next week, and will be on that for three weeks before we start stimulation.
All through the orientation, I was so irritated about the scheduling. I was irritated that we couldn't have done this last month - that I'm not on birth control now. I was pretty forthcoming with my doctor's assistant that I wanted to start ASAP, but she wanted me to wait for his schedule to be clear (and to make sure my IUI hadn't worked) to move on, and then we had to wait for a nurse to be free for the orientation, etc. etc. Part of me is grateful we're moving on, or thinks it was good for my body to have a month off after my last clomid cycle, but part of me is so annoyed.
And my H, he wasn't annoyed at all. Now that we're spending $15,000 he's really sitting up and paying attention - he wants to mix medications and help me with injections, and I can't help but think: "Oh, now you want to help?!" Like, I'm annoyed with him and my clinic.
Then I feel guilty, because he's a good guy and I love him and he's just trying to help, and the reality of the situation is that women have to do all the heavy lifting of fertility and infertility - them's the breaks.
Anyway, this cartoon felt especially apt today:
I'm tired of the doctor's needs and the clinic's needs, my ovary's needs, my uterus' needs, and even my H's need to "feel included". I'm pretty over it.
New job has been going well, however I am on the night shift for the first month. Not sure if I told you all, but I am now a 911 dispatcher. I LOVE it, but it will take some time to adjust, that is why I'm late to the party lol!
CD 286 with no sign of AF. I have no idea what the possible change in hormones was about. AF was a big fat no show, OPK has been a BFN and same with the hpt.
QOTW: Honestly I'm not sure. He is just as disappointed as I am when we get a BFN and wants it as badly as I do, but sometimes I feel like he just doesn't get it. He is a positive person in general, but the "we'll just try again" or "we will see a doctor" or being hopeful that every change (oily skin, more pimples, cravings, upset stomach etc.) means that we will get a BFP is slightly exhausting. I feel like he doesn't understand my frustrations and fears, they don't impact him as deeply. It seems when he is trying to be positive he is in that same group that always tells us "just relax and it will happen!"
Me: 34 - SO: 40
TTC #1 since 8/2016
FINALLY diagnosed with anovulatory PCOS 11/2016 (Insulin resistance and multiple cysts on both ovaries)
Miscarriage on 7/19/17 at 7 weeks
Miscarriage on 10/16/17 at 5 weeks
@SoonToBeMommaHowe you can stick around as long as you feel comfortable being here as far as I'm concerned
@msstephanielynn I'm so sorry to hear they didn't catch your issue sooner. I don't blame you for being frustrated that it took this long to find it. I hope the fix is easy.
@tops-2 I'm sorry you're struggling right now. I hope you start to feel better soon.
AFM- *TW* I went in today to make sure all the HCG was out of my system and it wasn't all gone. I'm currently sitting at 9 and still and have been bleeding for 3 weeks. I'm super frustrated because my HCG was never even that high for this pregnancy and it is taking forever for it to all get out of my system. *End TW* I'm starting to try to figure out what life will look like if we don't have kids.
QOTW- DH is like Pollyanna which is nice and annoying all at the same time. I know he hurts and worries about everything especially when I'm feeling really low but he hides his feelings. This whole process sucks.
DX: PCOS/Unexplained Infertility/MTHFR Mutation
TTC since December 2014
Fresh Transfer: Gonal, Menopur, Cetrotide. ~ Chemical Pregnancy
FET #1: 1st Beta- 3,792~ 2nd Beta- 4,227~ BFP ~ Miscarriage at 8 weeks
FET #2: 1st Beta 207~2nd Beta 235~ BFP~ Miscarriage at 6 weeks
FET #3: 1st Beta 18~ 2nd Beta 44~BFP~ Miscarriage 5 weeks
FET #4: 1st Beta 50~ 2nd Beta 97.7~ Miscarriage 6 weeks 5 days
FET#5: 1st Beta 29~ 2nd Beta 109~ 3rd Beta 227~ 4th Beta 661~ Miscarriage 5 weeks 3 days
Miracle Natural BFP Estimated Due Date June 2019~ God is good
2 snow babies
so my third beta sky rocketed at 999. Its doubling time is 1.4 days so things look good and they let me schedule all my appointments tentative to the ultrasound next week.... I'm excited but nervous..
like where do I go from here? I dunno maybe it's the hormones I just feel detached sometimes. Maybe I just need to get to the ultrasound
Amen. You are a trooper. All of this is effing b*llsh*t, and you have been wading through the absolute worst, deepest, sh*ttiest part. I hate the newbies too - they really are like puppies, with their eagerness, and I'm like a nasty old, arthritic dog - the kind who snaps at puppies.
Do you think old dogs, the ones who just spend all day laying in the sun, do you think they do that because they just feel numb inside, and all they want is the sun on their old, aching bodies?
@SunflowerMama428 - congratulations!
Update from me: after yesterday's irritability, I am feeling somewhat hopeful today.
Maybe it's that getting to IVF for us, with our diagnosis, was such a struggle - it just took so long, and so many false starts and so much waiting and so much disappointment. And for so long, it's just been on me - all those OPKs and blood tests and scheduling follow-up appointments, and then dealing with AF.
It's really hard for me to just act like "it's all cool" and "I'm so grateful" now that we're doing IVF. I mean, it's not cool. And acting like it is, or being expected to act like it's great, it makes me feel like all of the pain I've experienced to date is being ignored. No part of me was like: "Wow, thanks doctor! I'm so excited to have this chance!" Instead, I was like a wounded animal, hissing and scratching and angry that I've spent the last 21 cycles basically enduring trauma.
At one point, when I was upset yesterday, DH was like: "But this is what you wanted, you're getting what you wanted." And I totally snapped, like: "WTF?! This is not what I wanted. This is the opposite of what I wanted. I wanted to get pregnant the very first time we tried!"
Anyway, I still feel like that, a little. But today, and late last night, I was starting to feel like maybe - just maybe - I might be pregnant by the end of July. And I just felt myself starting to open. I hate the clinic and all the injections and all the bullshit, but the thought of being pregnant by the end of July, it gives me enough incentive to keep going.
DX: PCOS/Unexplained Infertility/MTHFR Mutation
TTC since December 2014
Fresh Transfer: Gonal, Menopur, Cetrotide. ~ Chemical Pregnancy
FET #1: 1st Beta- 3,792~ 2nd Beta- 4,227~ BFP ~ Miscarriage at 8 weeks
FET #2: 1st Beta 207~2nd Beta 235~ BFP~ Miscarriage at 6 weeks
FET #3: 1st Beta 18~ 2nd Beta 44~BFP~ Miscarriage 5 weeks
FET #4: 1st Beta 50~ 2nd Beta 97.7~ Miscarriage 6 weeks 5 days
FET#5: 1st Beta 29~ 2nd Beta 109~ 3rd Beta 227~ 4th Beta 661~ Miscarriage 5 weeks 3 days
Miracle Natural BFP Estimated Due Date June 2019~ God is good
2 snow babies
My husband and I share our online calendars (often, I schedule things for him, like my family obligations).
Yesterday, I put in my tentative IVF schedule, and today when I was checking something, I saw this note, right next to mine:
LOL. Touché!
Of course, it was extra funny because I have been grouchy.
Anyway, I guess that gives you pretty good insight into how my h is handling this.
It's been a while since I chimed in here... I think I forgot to mention that my DH blocked this website and a few others because I had been spending too much time on them, heh.
My current update is that we had 4 embryos frozen from our IVF cycle, no fresh transfer, no PGS. One is pretty crappy quality, two average, one good. On the one hand, I should be thrilled and (am happy) that we had any at all. Things could have been much worse. On the other hand, it's not a huge stockpile and 50% of embryos are aneuploid at my age so I don't exactly feel secure either. And I've seen so many ladies whose FETs don't work, even with PGS-tested embryos (which mine aren't).
It was a long time (~ 2 years) to get to IVF, which felt like a defining moment - like finally reaching the end of some tunnel. Now having done a cycle though, I see these whole new landscapes of time opening up in front of me - frozen embryo transfers, maybe another retrieval if those don't work - that could easily take up most of a year.
End pity party.
@Worldtravler0522: I'm so sorry about the losses and the frustration over the HCG taking forever to get out of your system. The endless waiting begins to feel like purgatory. I don't know how you've done it.
@funkykey : Congrats on finally reaching IVF. I totally agree about the mixed feelings. It's depressing to have to go to such radical levels to even have a shot at having a kid. And it is a huge rollercoaster.
TTC since May 2015.
Saw RE in July 2016.
11/16: IUI #1= BFN.
1/17: IUI #2 = BFN.
5/17: IVF #1. 'long lupron' protocol. E2 = 4800, 'freeze-all', 8R, 7M, 4F, 4B.
8/17: FET #1.
Thus far - 'unexplained'.
The waiting game is a blessing and a curse in this process. It's nice to have a little "normal" in between the cycles although I am always eager to go back to it as soon as humanly possible. The one thing I have stopped doing is letting this process dictate my life like putting trips on hold or not making plans. I refuse to let this process take over my life anymore. Sorry for the novel!!
DX: PCOS/Unexplained Infertility/MTHFR Mutation
TTC since December 2014
Fresh Transfer: Gonal, Menopur, Cetrotide. ~ Chemical Pregnancy
FET #1: 1st Beta- 3,792~ 2nd Beta- 4,227~ BFP ~ Miscarriage at 8 weeks
FET #2: 1st Beta 207~2nd Beta 235~ BFP~ Miscarriage at 6 weeks
FET #3: 1st Beta 18~ 2nd Beta 44~BFP~ Miscarriage 5 weeks
FET #4: 1st Beta 50~ 2nd Beta 97.7~ Miscarriage 6 weeks 5 days
FET#5: 1st Beta 29~ 2nd Beta 109~ 3rd Beta 227~ 4th Beta 661~ Miscarriage 5 weeks 3 days
Miracle Natural BFP Estimated Due Date June 2019~ God is good
2 snow babies
I am kind of relieved to take this cycle off. Though Friday we go in for a consult with the Dr which I imagine will be discussing IVF. Not looking forward to paying for it, but excited that the odds are so much more favorable!
@notamyrtle 4 embyros is great news!! I understand your frustration, I just turned 37 and it feel like the clock is running faster than I can keep up with! A small break from can be a good thing....a nice stress reliever / mini-vaca from fertility stuff.
June 2016 - CP
2017 - Medicated Cycles & IUI's
IVF w/ PGS - January 2018
FET #1 - April 2018 - BFN
ERA Cycle May / June 2018
ERA Biopsy June 2018 ~ Results: receptive (no change)
FET #2 - July 2018 - BFP
U/S #1 7wk1d - HB 144 U/S #2 9w1d HB 166
Anatomy Scan 1st 11/2/18 2nd AS 11/19
EDD March 28, 2019
Baby Girl born 3/26/19