Struggles on Mothers Day- Share

greenhillgirl · May 2017

Hi Everyone,

I've been on here just short of 2 years and have posted a few times. Is anyone else struggling on this Mothers Day and want to share?

If so, chime in on two questions.
1) Why is this Mothers Day particularly hard or not so hard for you right now?
2) What non-fertility things are you grateful for?

My answers:

1) This Mothers Day isn't that much harder for me than some other days, but it is just a reminder of my struggle and not having the child I want to. I'm trying to stay off Facebook today because so many people I know have multiple children and will be posting.

2) I'm really grateful to have such a sweet husband. He made waffles and eggs this morning and I'm glad we have a quiet Sunday to hang out together. I'm also grateful to have a good job and health insurance during thes crazy times.

mtpbadger · May 2017

This Mother's Day is harder than others as we are currently in the process of moving to surrogacy. Past Mother's Day I was always in the middle of a cycle so there was always that hope that it would happen. I'm also staying off of social media as much as possible

I am so thankful for my husband and friends this weekend. My DH thankfully let me out of lunch yesterday with his mother as she doesn't know what we are going through and always asks really inappropriate questions and he understands how hard this weekend is already. Today we are enjoying the (finally!) nice weather and going to a baseball game. I had friends reach out and let me know they are thinking of me today and offer up a shoulder or bottle of wine if needed. I'm also thankful that we both have good jobs that allow us to cover these crazy costs and even consider the insane cost of surrogacy.

cashewchicken · May 2017

I've been struggling with infertility for almost three years now. Mother's Day has never been as hard for me as this year probably due to the fact that one of the family members is pregnant and the couple has been slowly announcing the pregnancy to the rest of the family. So for the past couple of weeks practically every family gathering (including yesterday's pre-mother's day celebration for all the moms in the family) is about them revealing their pregnancy (complete with clues, props and videos). Ugh. Why they can't just pick one single occasion to announce pregnancy is mind boggling.

I'm thankful for my husband who puts up with my ups and downs during the IVF cycles. I'm also thankful that both of us have decent-paying jobs that we've never had to make decisions on family planning based on our finances. I've been complaining about my job being boring without much career growth but I should be more appreciative of the fact that it's well-paying and flexible enough that I can take time off whenever I want to. Thanks for making me realize that.

nmd9168 · May 2017

Trigger warning: Loss Mentioned
1) Mother's Day has been hard for me since I started TTC in 2015. Before 2016, it was hard because I was frustrated that I hadn't been able to get pregnant yet and that no one had any solutions to help me. After my MMC in April 2016 it's obviously been hard because I see everyone else getting gifts in my family and celebrating their motherhood, and I think to myself how that should be me. Today has been hard because I should have a 7 month old with me giving me a card and snuggles. My mom would actually get me a card for the first time and my husband would too. I would have a reason to celebrate. It has also been hard since my sister had her 2nd kid in February 2016. My parents have made a such a huge deal about my sister's kids. She has 2 of them. They buy them gifts constantly and have practically made their house into a nursery. When my husband and I go over there, and the kids are there too, it feels like they don't even realize we're there. They don't talk to us. They talk to my sister and the kids and no one really seems to care if I even exist. I know it makes me sound like a jealous little kid that just got another sibling or something, but it does feel like they're thinking "Oh, you don't have kids, so what you're doing in your life doesn't matter. It doesn't matter that you're here"
I also had an IUI yesterday, and not that it helps, but I am feeling pessimistic. After all that I have been through with these stupid fertility issues, why would this work? It probably won't and I'll be back to square one spending crap tons of money on something that only gives me a 10% chance of pregnancy, and if I do get pregnant, who's to say I will sustain a pregnancy? Just feeling blah and I get to go "celebrate" in a few hours with my mom and sister. Yay....

2) I'm so glad you included this question, @greenhillgirl , because I need to be reminded that there are other good things in my life. I'm very grateful for my sweet, supportive and loving husband. He is such an amazing guy. I feel blessed to have him there to make me laugh and give me hugs and just be my best friend. I'm also grateful for my snuggly doggo, Barry. He is my one constant in life that I know will always be happy to see me. He makes me laugh and gives me so many things to smile about. I'm grateful for my overall health, that is pretty decent, besides fertility. I am also grateful that I have a home in a town that I want to live in, I get to watch (live and at home) my Detroit Tigers. I am also grateful that gummy bears exist because they are delicious.

DOG TAX!!!

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/s8/n878eevbrd15.jpg

nmd9168 · May 2017

@cashewchicken I'm sorry about the multiple pregnancy announcements. I could definitely see how frustrating that can be. My husband and I found out that he had anti-sperm antibodies the same day that my sister announced her pregnancy with her third child. Having to hear about it constantly, I'm sure is no fun. Big hugs! Hope your day is easy and relaxing

J1006 · May 2017

1. Mother's Day hasn't been hard for me in the past, but this year has been tough. I'm just coming off a failed IUI, my cousin gave birth to her second child this week, and I was basically forced to attend a baby shower at work on Friday. Also, on Friday a another coworker who is pregnant wished me a Happy Mother's Day on Friday and then said, Oops, I forgot you don't have kids. Just the way I wanted to start my weekend...

2. I'm thankful for DH and my fur baby. They are the best. I'm also thankful that nice weather looks like it is finally here to stay. I loved having our windows wide open.

caseyw8784 · May 2017

1) My SIL's in-laws (her husband's parents) and their family joined us and DH's family (his parents and his sister+her family) this morning for brunch. SIL's in-laws gave me a Mother's Day card. I have no kids, and to their knowledge we have not started trying for kids let alone doing IVF. It's apparently their family "tradition" that "all women get Mother's Day cards regardless of their motherly status." (actual words). FFS, what a bunch of douche-canoes and twatwaffles.

2) My DH. He literally was gripping the arm of his chair and biting his cheek so he wouldn't get start yelling at them in the middle of the restaurant. On another note, weather is finally getting nice up here, so I'm looking forward to soon being able to go to my parent's summer house on weekends!

junicek · May 2017

I found today really difficult, and have struggled the last 3/4 mothers days. I miss the days when it was just about celebrating my mom, and not about what I'm missing and wishing desperately I had. I have a 12 year old stepdaughter and I mother her all the time but it's not acknowledged. I definitely had some tears today.

I am am grateful for my husband who is usually supportive and was today, for my mother in law who bought me flowers and said I mother all the time, and my fur babies who help to fill the home in my heart.

2MomsHoping · May 2017

@greenhillgirl thank you for starting this thread hearing everyone's stories makes me feel a little better.

1. This mother's day has been tough. It's the first mother's day since our losses and I feel like I should be a mom. A friend who got pregnant a week after my first loss actually had her baby this weekend which has been very tough on me. When all the mom's got roses at the restaurant i wanted to scream I deserve one of those too! And then just got really sad that I wasn't a mom.

2. I'm insanely thankful for an amazing partner, my dogs, our home, and generally a good life. I am also thankful that I have found hope again that maybe next year it will be my year to get one of those roses

greenhillgirl · May 2017

Ugh, I definitely feel for everyone. We went out to the grocery store yesterday evening and this woman with two little kids blocking an entire aisle made a big show out of wishing me a Happy Mother's Day after saying she was sorry and moving. I know it was meant to be nice, but it hurt. I was just trying to buy some apples. I hope everyone is having a good Monday!

megmac2010 · May 2017

@greenhillgirl I know it's not funny, but I did giggle at "I was just trying to buy some apples."

I hope you got your apples, and that you covered them in peanut butter and cinnamon sugar because you deserve it.

[Deleted User] · May 2017

1) Why is this Mothers Day particularly hard or not so hard for you right now?

I always like sending out Mother's Days cards to the women in our life/family - I guess I am a douche-canoe! Lol no but the only one who doesn't have kids is my one Aunt who never had kids, but she is always sending me cards and remembering my birthday and things like that, so I feel like she deserves to be acknowledged, cos she's an awesome aunt.

Now my one mom-friend who has been a long-time (if tumultuous) friendship, has suddenly gotten super-weird on me all over again, (just as we are maybe starting to approach doing ivf and hopefully finally <i>actually</i> being pregnant/having a kid), and I'm kinda bummed about that. She texted me today afrer receiving her card:

<div class=" Quote">Thankyou for the thoughtful card. Please don't send anymore until we can both share the joy. </div>
WTAF???? I still haven't said anything back, bc.... <b>WTAF????</b> And I'm a little bit stressing too, bc I think I may have accidentally spaced/not kept track or whatever and not sent a card to my one Aunt/Godmother, so I'm kinda anxious about calling her up and being like, "uhm, did you get your card? Bc I'm a total space-cadet, apptly." :#

2) What non-fertility things are you grateful for?

Ahhh well. I am grateful for ma doggiez. They are pretty friggin awesome and the house would be so quiet if not for them, when DH is out working. I would say I'm grateful too for my new pt job, but really that doesn't count either, bc I'm mainly excited bc ivf coverage. :/ so much of my life these days has become somehow br or if- related and I hate it. Like I'm mad about it. I feel like if/when we do finally get ku, I wanna take my hobbies back! Lol.

nmd9168 · May 2017

@BusinessWife WOW. I am so sorry for that friend of yours. That's a really rude thing to say. =/

greenhillgirl · May 2017

@BusinessWife It's rude and super weird! Did she think she was being a giving person. So sorry! I would be shocked.

[Deleted User] · May 2017

@nmd9168 @greenhillgirl. Thanks ladies ❤ yeah, ikr. I dunno why but that one really did hurt. And I like to think I mostly let a lot of this stuff roll off. She did try to apologize bc I think she knows she hurt my feelings - and didn't mean to - but I get the sense she honestly still has no idea why or what she said that upset me. So why would I keep going back to just open myself up to more, right? If she doesn't even know when she's doing it???
<img src="https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/ym/wmje02yhmqd0.gif" alt="">

greenhillgirl · May 2017

@BusinessWife I guess for me it would depend on how long I had the friendship and the type of person she's been in other situations. I went on a long rant on another post recently talking about how no one I know irl really gets how it feels unless they've been through it. If I stopped being friends with everything who I've felt said something insensitive that would be everyone but I definitely think taking a break is healthy. You have to protect your emotions and if she doesn't get it maybe take a step back from the friendship?

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