Mental Health Check in Week of 5/8

Jens_Hoes · May 2017

How is everyone this week?

SKZW · May 2017

It's hard to believe this thread's been sitting here open & unanswered all afternoon, that's super uncommon!

I feel like a fraud for wearing maternity clothes when there's no inside baby anymore. I mean, I won't fit back down into my other clothes for awhile, but all this side ruching is like a neon sign blinking fervently in the night. Fake. Fraud. Fool. False.

OmegaRose3 · May 2017

@SKZW It took me a while after having DD before I went back to pre-maternity shirts. I felt the same way and although I dropped my baby weight relatively quick, I got use to my wardrobe being a certain way. If you really want out of them and the weather is warm enough, I found flowy tank tops to be long and flattering on my PP body.

I'm doing so-so this Monday. I reached 37 weeks and I'm ready to be done. Everything is making me a bit too emotional and I am so uncomfortable. Constant cramps and BH that are strong but not super consistent and after having to reschedule my last OB visit, I'm just dying to know if im dilated and if the baby will be getting out soon because I AM SO DONE. I'm ready for phase 2.

Jens_Hoes · May 2017

@SKZW I think you can give yourself a little more time before you're a fraud! It took you nine or so months to get here... you won't shrink back down right away!

@OmegaRose3 I feel the same way as you. 37 weeks this past Saturday and man am I ready to be done! At least we know at any point in time they could come, right? Hang in there, a healthy baby will be worth this craziness!

BabyMC517 · May 2017

I was thinking the same thing @skzw! Usually there are a ton of lost by now! Maybe some of the feelings and what not have been said in other threads. And don't feel like a fraud! You just had a baby! You're a rock star! Wear whatever the heck you want and is comfortable right now.

Im right there with you ladies @OmegaRose3 and @Jens_Hoes. I'm so done. I mean I go back and forth mentally about it, but physically I'm done. Some days I feel mentally ready and others I'm like what the heck is going on?! How are we going to do this!? How are we going to afford daycare? Too many questions, but in the end we will have a little guy that we will live and cherish. I have to believe everything else will fall into place. I'm 38+1 by the way...just done. Lol we can make it!

Eta: changed to +1 bc I can't keep track of my days anymore...

SKZW · May 2017

BabyMC517 said:

I was thinking the same thing @skzw! Usually there are a ton of lost by now! Maybe some of the feelings and what not have been said in other threads. And don't feel like a fraud! You just had a baby! You're a rock star! Wear whatever the heck you want and is comfortable right now.

Thanks for the reply. Not sure about the rock star part, but I'll continue to wear what's comfy. That makes sense! What do you mean by this bolded part?

OmegaRose3 · May 2017

Glad to see that I'm not the only one who's just over it. I feel slightly guilty, but physically, I'm just drained and ready to be done. @Jens_Hoes @BabyMC517 hopefully we'll have our LOs soon

mdlorenz · May 2017

@skzw I totally hear you. I rocked the side-ruching all through the twins' NICU stay and dreaded any questions like "when are you due?" in the hospital lobby / anywhere other than the NICU. Thankfully no one said anything but I was simultaneously mourning my baby bump and feeling like a fraud (as if I hadn't just carried two babies for 7 months!). Those feelings got better with time but it took a while. And I'll echo what others have said - be gentle on yourself because 7-9 months is a long time for your body to change -- it won't "go back" (to wherever it's going to go) overnight, or even in a few weeks to months. You grew a human and that's f-ing miraculous.

BabyMC517 · May 2017

@skzw that was supposed to say "posts" not "lost". Oops! You had mentioned how you couldn't believe the post had been there all day without any responses.

and I think because we can all grow tiny humans that we definitely qualify as Rick stars in my book!

SKZW · May 2017

@BabyMC517, okay, got it, thx!

mdlorenz · May 2017

This resonated with me this morning: "Birth of A Mother" (NY Times)
https://mobile.nytimes.com/2017/05/08/well/family/the-birth-of-a-mother.html

BabyMC517 · May 2017

So, today is not a good day. I think it started last night, but really turned crappy today. I was telling H how I was over the crap in the dining room that needed to be put away (again). We were hanging pictures and the desk area needed work. I went over to find the hot glue gun to fix a few things and I think H took that as I wanted him to put everything away last night, which I didn't. Anyway, he seemed in a bad mood doing it and I asked if he was mad at me for saying how it needed to get done, and of course he said no, but I could tell he wasn't thrilled. Its not like I made him do it right then and there, but seriously its been sitting that way for over a week. I just want everything to be done for when the little guy gets here and we have guests because you know you can't just prepare for a baby you have to also prepare for guests. Ugh...

Then this morning I sent him a text to see if he took Stella out because he knows its difficult for me now and he said no. So on top of having to get ready, not sleeping well, needing to eat breakfast and get out the door, I had to take her out. Awesome. So, then I'm 5 minutes late to work, not a big deal, but I hate being late. So I say sorry to my boss who is in the lobby talking to our Staff Assistant. She said don't worry about not a big deal I understand. Our assistant was all you live 5 minutes away and you're late. You weren't late when you lived a hour away. Screw you lady! I'm also 38+ weeks pregnant and feel really crappy in the morning and it takes me a bit longer to move. So, I just walked away and then said well it probably didn't help that when I got up to pee in the middle of the night that I ended up for maybe an hour and then I just didn't sleep well. She had the nerve to say she didn't sleep well last night either! She does this all the time! If I say my back is hurting then her's is, and she legitimately has a bad back but its like she always has to complain and doesn't say anything to you like I'm sorry you're not feeling well. Again, 38+ weeks pregnant! I think I trump any of your crap going on right now!

Then my boss comes in to ask me AGAIN about this conference that is the week I come back from maternity leave. Its only a few days and I've been trying to see if my mom will go and bring the baby and she can't seem to give me a straight answer, but she'll say she's not sure he should be in a hotel that young. So, I have to ask again and I get the response of well do you want to go? My boss doesn't care either way. I mean she'd like for me to go, but she said its fine if I don't. I'm just like I don't want to make any more decisions. Just do whatever. They ended up determining that they can register for both of us and if I change my mind they will just get credit to use towards webinars. Why wasn't this a thing in the first place?!? Instead I've been trying to figure out if I'll be okay to leave my 9 week old or if my mom will bring him.

And I lost it when my boss came in to talk to me about it and I told her what was going on with H and the being late thing...ugh...she doesn't care. We're pretty close, but still I hate when that happens, but I didn't have control anymore. Sorry for the ridiculously long post and props to anyone who made it this far! I just needed to get it out!

I'm. So. Done.

jayandaplus · May 2017

So many cyber hugs @BabyMC517!! Hang in there, you're doing great and there is a finish line, I promise!
Maybe you need a quiet bath tonight?

I'm right there with all you "over this" mamas, @OmegaRose3 and @Jens_Hoes.
You're not a fraud at all @SKZW. You're still wearing maternity wear because you just gave birth, you're postpartum, it still counts for sure. My shape changed so much I had to swap out my old wardrobe for almost 100% new one with maternity items, so it'll be a while before I have the energy to reswap the wardrobes. No shame in maternity wear postpartum!

My check-in:
I feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown the last 2 days. I'm getting more symptoms by the hour, and I literally can't handle my laundry list of complaints. The pelvic pressure and cramping and the low back ache are getting to me so much. I feel like I should be stronger, and I feel like if I wasn't pregnant I'd be able to handle this without any problem. But I am so drained physically and emotionally and mentally. I was debating making an appointment with my therapist, but honestly don't see what good it would do. I don't want to just bitch and rant (despite what this post is turning into), because that doesn't make me feel better, it just makes me feel defeated and weak.

I go back to work tomorrow and it is causing me so much anxiety. I'm afraid I can't physically do my job well. I take pride in my work (ER nurse) and it's a terrible feeling to think/know you're truly inadequate.

BabyMC517 · May 2017

Thanks, @jayandaplus. That might be a good idea

I'm sorry you're having more and more symptoms but nothing happening yet. It must be so frustrating to have all of those symptoms and be in that much pain, but nothing coming of it. I hope you can find some relief! I applaud all of the nurses on here! I don't know how you stand on your feet all day! I can barely handle standing/walking for long periods of time and I sit at a desk all day at work.

So thankful for everyone on here and a place I can go to vent. Its a good feeling knowing you're not alone

Jens_Hoes · May 2017

@BabyMC517 I'm sorry your day has been awful

Maybe you should try to have a non-confrontational talk with your DH. I know that sometimes I get really frustrated with the things that he does or doesn't do, and honestly he isn't trying to be a pain, he just has other things on his mind. Is it possible he is stressing about the upcoming baby?
As for your coworker- I have no thoughts for that twat! I can't stand people who "one up", this is not a competition! If your boss didn't have a problem with you being late, then she can shove it!

@jayandaplus I'm sorry you've been struggling. As for your appointment with your therapist, you should be able to vent and complain but also get some tips and tools from your therapist on how to cope with your daily stressors. As a therapist myself, that is a big part of therapy.

BabyMC517 · May 2017

Thanks, @jens_hoes

we aren't very confrontational people and are typically able to talk about whatever happened in a civil way, just takes a little bit because we are both stubborn! I'm sure I'll talk to him tonight about it and cry because that's what always happens. He very well could be stressing as well and not saying anything (he does that with everything!). Just makes it a little harder at this point when everything feels so heightened. We'll make it though

and, yes, she can be such a twat!

0408Bear · May 2017

DH just asked if I needed to go be seen for PPD:/ I cry at the drop of a hat. I truly think it is all just situational and not baby blues, but I told him I would get thru this week and then see. I am on the same page regarding maternity clothes...well any clothes. I have gotten dressed once since the twins were born and that was for their newborn pictures. I have yet to really get into a "grooming routine" and know it needs to happen soon. I can't wear 3x tshirts forever. Mother's Day always stresses DH out because his sisters and mother always demand he treat them to the day, but he feels it takes away from me...even though I understand that since his dad died the "other women" in his life expect him to be like dad. I sold my first house yesterday and DD1 bawled her eyes out because it was "our house" and that made me so sad. So again I cried all night.

Sorry so long...thanks, everyone, for being there!

jayandaplus · May 2017

@BabyMC517 and @Jens_Hoes Thanks for the support. I feel so lucky to have this group of ladies to turn to.

@0408Bear Do you have a therapist, OB, or PCP you can talk to about getting evaluated for PPD? It truly doesn't hurt to talk to someone who can help sort through what you're going through. I'm sorry you're going through this, but you don't have to do it by yourself. If your DH is concerned, I think you should listen to him and follow through with a provider. We're here for you, but it's better to have use real life resources.

kat81 · May 2017

I've been feeling hormonal, but with positive emotions. Like crying at simple stories/videos about families & kids (there was this one about southwest doing an amazing thing for a mother and her family that really got me going.)

I'm oddly in a really good state right now. It might be because I have more exams to grade and dinner plans tonight so I really do NOT want the baby to come yet; also I got invited to this neighborhood event Saturday night for moms to celebrate mother's day amongst ourselves and I'd really like to go. So basically I'm totally happy if the baby stays in until, well, Mother's Day, when I'll be three days overdue. And I don't feel like complete hell. Maybe it's because I've come to expect to feel like hell this late in the pregnancy but I just don't even fell that terrible for someone who's due in two days! Also DH is really stepping up so I don't have to do much. Maybe that's why I'm in such a good (well, not terrible) mood.

I hope everyone can take care of themselves -- being in the final month is rough, and being in the first month post-baby is insane! And those post-partum hormones can be REALLY fierce.

luckywife10 · May 2017

Hugs and positive thoughts to everyone! Like others have said, I too am thankful for this board and the supportive community we have here.

I'll be 38 weeks on Thursday and I'm already feeling pressure (pun intended) from family members to have this baby early. Obviously, unless my doctor determines I need to be induced or have a C-section, I don't know when this baby will arrive. Both H's family and mine have some big events coming up in the next 3 weeks. We've had "light-hearted" comments made to us about me needing to have the baby around the events that are happening or to have the baby this weekend. Yeah, sure, let me get right on that... I know people are joking when they say these things, but it's kind of stressful because people are going to cancel their travel plans if the baby hasn't arrived by the time the events happen just in case the baby comes when family is away at the event. Ultimately, I don't have real control over when the baby is coming other than to do some things (like lots of walking) that may encourage baby to come. I think people sometimes forget it's not really up to the mother to decide when the baby is born. I don't want people to get mad at me for "not having the baby on time" because it's not my decision! Plus, being a FTM it's very likely I will go past my due date. Ok rant over.

kns1988 · May 2017

My mom has a compulsion with buying and gifting us things. I say compulsion because it's way more than what is normal; it's like she literally can't help herself. DH and I are at the other end of the spectrum and identify as minimalists, so constantly getting physical gifts really stresses us out. We don't want or need the stuff, and then we have to find a place for it (usually Goodwill). I've been trying to get through to my mom for 5 years that we don't want her to give us things, and I've tried explaining my lifestyle a million times and giving her alternatives (i.e. food instead of material items).

Well, I finally got to the point this past week where I started sending things back. I can't be nice about it anymore. She has hoarded up my sister's house with things, and I'm not letting her do it to mine. I realize this probably sounds ungrateful, but it really comes down to the fact that she isn't respecting my wishes and my boundaries. It just feels really disrespectful that I've asked her so many times to stop doing something and she just does it anyways. /vent.

jayandaplus · May 2017

@luckywife10 How stressful! Just know that moms and people who are realistic know you have zero control. Even doing things to induce labor does not mean you can control when it happens. Try to just ignore all of their comments, let them worry about their plans, and they'll figure it out. This is how life happens. We've gotten so used to planning details as a society that it stresses us out when we can't control major events. Sorry you're dealing with it from all sides.

@kns1988 That would stress me out too, especially after a new baby and just moving. When you don't need or want something, it's hard to have an appreciation for it because it's not bringing anything useful or joyful to you. What did she do/say when you sent it back? Is it anything you can repurpose to a friend or the camp?

jayandaplus · May 2017

Ugh, I'm so sorry to keep posting, I'm not trying to hijack. I just don't know where else I can say all of this.

DH wants to go on a walk, which I'm down to do. But I/we keep doing so many things to get this baby to come, it's all I do all day, aside from keeping the house tidy. I am starting to feel really guilty. Also, I can't tell if trying to make the baby come is making my anxiety worse or if not trying is making me more sad. At least when I'm trying I feel somewhat productive. But I am getting so anxious!!

kns1988 · May 2017

@jayandaplus - she said she's trying (as in, trying to respect my wishes) but I've just changed so much over the past 5 years and it's so nontraditional and yada yada... then she asked me if I needed crib sheets. So yeah, I'm still not getting through to her, but at least she's asking instead of just showing up with the stuff. I'm saying no to everything now out of principle. Re-purposing would be good if she weren't so out of control - I just need it to stop completely at this point. I can't take it anymore.

She sees my niece about 4 times a week and shows up with something in her hand almost every time. Christmas is an all day extravaganza where the room is covered in presents. That kid is drowning in toys and has no appreciation for any of it, and I can't let her do that to my son. The worst part is, she's also in debt! It's not like she has the money for all this stuff.

starphish18 · May 2017

@kns1988 That sucks, that would stress me out, too. I'm also more of a minimalist, and I really hate clutter or excess things lying around. On top of that, we have no storage space for extra stuff in our house. So, I make a habit of going through our things twice a year and donating stuff we aren't using. My mom and MIL both want to give us stuff sometimes, and it's definitely hard to say no. My MIL was trying to unload my H's childhood toy chest on us. The thing is HUGE! I was looking desperately at my H asking him where we'd even put it. I kind of talked us out of that one, and luckily she didn't continue to force the issue at a later time, but I could tell she wanted us to have it because of sentimental value. But for me, it's just something we don't need and won't use. So long story short, I definitely feel you, and I'm sorry your mom has been so pushy about it and isn't respecting your wishes.

BabyMC517 · May 2017

Sorry I feel like I'm just venting way too much today but it's been a pretty emotional day. Cried at my appointment which made my BP go up, thankfully it went down by the end though. Then my car decides it's going to overhear so now I'm getting my toes done waiting for H. Who got here while typing this...he's in a great mood too. Oh and he replaced part of my a/c and it was working but then while sitting at the dr (got there really early) it started to blow warmer air. I just don't know what's going on with it anymore and I know as much as it's frustrating to me I know it is to him too. Is this day over yet?

jayandaplus · May 2017

@BabyMC517 Sorry you're having such a rough day! At least DH is trying to help. Hopefully you can get the car all worked out. Hang in there!

BabyMC517 · May 2017

Thanks @jayandaplus. And the hits just keep coming...this probably belongs more in the B!tch thread but since it adds to my day I suppose it doesn't hurt to go here. I just erased everything I wrote about what happened. I'm now paranoid that someone is lurking on here and if I vent about it they'll see it. Ugh...good news, I think H fixed my car! Again!

BabyMC517 · May 2017

Ok so I'm not crazy I swear! MIL left a weird vm on H's phone about how we finally settled on a name and then hung up. Haven't told anyone but you all and of course my mom helped with the letters. She showed my dad and sister but none of them would post anything anywhere. I swear she's losing her mind. H finally got ahold of her and she asked if we decided on the name and he said we're still debating just to see what she'd say and she just said oh ok. So I don't know where her vm came from or if she just doesn't know how to leave a message, either way it was weird. Not sure why I thought she'd lurk on here, she's not very tech savvy, but I didn't want to complain if she was. Really hoping today is better...

lilmisscrafty-2 · May 2017

I haven't been able to post (besides love tits) since DD was born. Feel like I'm going to break at any minute. Writing this his post from the NICU.

DD was diagnosed with jaundice shortly after birth. Her bilirubin levels were on the high end, around 18. She had to spend 18 hours under lights. It sucked not having her in the room with me. I had to walk down to the nursery to feed her every 2 hours. With the jaundice she goes back and forth between being inconsolable or being extremely tired to the point of being unresponsive. This made nursing her hard. In between feedings I had to pump so that the nurses had something to give her to help calm her down. Eventually her levels dropped to 10 and they sent us home on Monday.

Yesterday she had a follow-up appointment with the pediatrician. Her doctor could tell by looking at her that her levels were up again and said to be prepared to have to go to the ER if the lab result confirmed it. We got the call last night to go to the ER. DD bili levels were at 24 (over 21 is considered critical). By the time we got to the hospital her levels were at a 28.

Its been nearly 10 hours and they've been able to get her down to a 20. She's been under UV lights with an IV and a catheter. It's been hard not being able to hold her or comfort her.

I feel like I haven't been able to get to know her. I can't tell what her personality is. I'm exhausted. She cried so much Tuesday night that I was lucky to get a few hours. Tried to sleep last night but can't get comfortable in the hospital furniture. And I'm still recovering from my csection so I'm already uncomfortable.

Sorry for for the long post. Just really felt like I needed to get this out. I just hate that my baby girl has to go through this.

kns1988 · May 2017

Oh no, that's so hard, @lilmisscrafty-2! I'm sorry you're going through that and that she had to go back to the hospital after getting to go home. Just know that you're being an incredible mom already by doing what's best for her medically, and you'll get your bonding time once she's better. Hang in there.

Jens_Hoes · May 2017

I'm so sorry @lilmisscrafty-2 that must be so tough for you! It sounds like you're doing everything you can for her!
Do you have family support? Does DH know you're feeling this way? It must be so tough with all the pregnancy emotions plus dealing with this. Hang in there!!

mdlorenz · May 2017

@lilmisscrafty-2 I am so sorry to hear what you've been through. It is tough having a baby in the hospital, especially so soon after you've been through major surgery. Try to be gentle on yourself about bonding - it will happen. I know how weird it can feel to have a baby you can't snuggle. Even with DD1 who came home with me right away (3 years ago), I struggled to feel like she was really my baby.
You are such a great mom already - wishing you and your sweet LO a short stay. So many hugs.

starphish18 · May 2017

I'm so sorry @lilmisscrafty-2. I hope her levels improve and you're all able to go home quickly.

erinh2005 · May 2017

@lilmisscrafty-2 I'm so sorry it had to start out this way but you sound like a very doting and committed mama despite all or the obstacles and trying to recover from surgery on top of that! The others are right that you're doing what's best given the circumstances and you should be proud of yourself for that!

SKZW · May 2017

@lilmisscrafty-2: I'm so sorry you're going through this. When my 3y.o. was in the ER a few months ago, I felt helpless and sad and angry. With guilt on top. I can't imagine having to deal right after giving birth! Hang in there, mama. Take it one hour at a time. Jaundice is treatable, right? And she's getting better, and is in good hands? You're doing right by her. You are doing your best. One hour at a time. You've got this!

SKZW · May 2017

P.S. Re the horribly uncomfy furniture: Do they have the option of bringing in a real cot for you? They should take extra care b/c of your recent c-s. Have you asked if there's an alternative?

BabyMC517 · May 2017

@lilmisscrafty-2 Sorry to hear about the struggles you've been encountering. I hope everything gets better soon and you all can be home for good!

Hang in there, you're doing great!

bubsalicious · May 2017

@lilmisscrafty-2 I'm sorry this is all happening to you right off the bat! Bonding is tough to begin with and then you get thrown for such a loop. Hopefully LO gets on the mend and stays there soon so everyone can finally be together. :

jayandaplus · May 2017

@lilmisscrafty-2 I'm so sorry you and your baby girl are going through all of that! Just know you're doing your best, and you'll get to know each other really well soon! I can't imagine how hard it is to visit her in the NICU. I second SKZW, see if you can request better accommodations. All the NICU nurses I've met want happy mamas. Lots of big hugs!

lilmisscrafty-2 · May 2017

Thanks everyone for the support. I really needed to hear all of this! I've been trying my best to stay positive. It's hard at times.

DD's levels have been going down. We're still in the high range but the doctors are optimistic. We can expect to be here another day or two. They took her off the lights briefly and her skin is no longer yellow (a sign of jaundice). She's been calmer too. The intensity of her cries last night was too much for either of us to handle.

@jens_hoes - DH and I have been good about checking in with each other. Every once in a while we try to remind each other that we're doing the best we can. My mom is coming up to sit with us. DH's mom loaded us up with food after the birth. Thank god for that, otherwise we'd be eating out of vending machines right now.

@skzw - Funny, DH and I have been saying "one hour at a time" since she was born. Typically jaundice is very treatable when caught early. A lot of babies are diagnosed with it. I know plenty of babies that have had it and everything was fine. However, if not caught early and the bilirubin levels get too high, there's the concern of potential brain damage. The hospital where we delivered didn't catch it until day 3 and by then the levels were in the high risk zone. We're now at her pediatrician's hospital. Unfortunately the rooms here are really small. No room for a cot.

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