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STMs - Pregnancy Support from DH?

azerimamaazerimama member
in October 2017 Moms
Just wondering if any other STMs are dealing with the same thing that I am...

My first pregnancy, DH was extremely supportive. Read all the baby books, wanted to do a registry, gave me time for naps, foot and back rubs, helped more around the house and with dinner, all that jazz. He even cut me slack during mood swings and just let it go if I wasn't in the best of moods.

This time around is night and day. We have a 4 year old now, and I am still doing a vast majority of the parenting (getting her ready every morning, ensuring she has food on the table to eat, getting up with her when she wakes, etc.) No back rubs, no foot rubs, hardly ever even talks about the baby, very few naps. I'm still getting up with our 4 year old when she wakes at night, as soon as she's up in the morning, and I'm having a much harder pregnancy this time around (sick all the time, back and hip pain worse than ever, constantly nauseous, etc.). He is going out of his way to just harp on me constantly. He's being rude all the time. What gives? Anyone else?
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Re: STMs - Pregnancy Support from DH?

  • MamaStreeterMamaStreeter member
    Sorry he's being a turd! DH is stil being supportive of me. Has your DH heard baby's heartbeat or been to a ultrasound? That might help him connect to baby. And are you talking positively and excitedly about baby, or moreso complaining about pregnancy symptoms (which I totally get - we all do that!!)? Because maybe he's associating this with more negative emotions because it's harder this time around so perhaps you're having more physical complaints. Also, maybe try sending him updates on baby's growth and development!! Hope you can get some support from him soon. <3
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  • feeislovefeeislove member
    A friend of mine recently told me he bf was very negative for basically her entire pregnancy. Didn't want to do a gender reveal, was at the shower for like 5 seconds, had a bad attitude regarding the pregnancy in general. She said she thinks it was because the pregnancy wasn't planned. She did tell me she had just stopped taking BC and told him when she had. His response was basically "whatever happens, happens." She thinks he just didn't expect it to happen as soon as it did or at all. Was this pregnancy a surprise?
    Me: 29  DH: 32                                                                                          
    Married 9/27/2014
    TTC Since 1/1/2017
    BFP: 2/6/2017
    Due Date: 10/13/17
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  • azerimamaazerimama member
    @MamaStreeter no, sadly he hasn't been to a single doctor's appointment with me. His first one will be on the 18th for the anatomy scan. It's a mix of both, I've been super positive about having a second, and being excited for each development milestone, hyping it up so our 4 year old is interested. But have also been miserable sick (like 5-15 times a day puking, massive heartburn, bloating, back pain, hip pain, etc.). so I'm sure me crying from the pain doesn't help.... but he hasn't even offered a back rub not once. I even went to the chiropractor, which was a waste of time since they resfused to adjust me during the first appointment and are making me come back for a second exam because I can't do xrays. So I won't be adjusted for at least 4 more weeks.... BS. 

    @feeislove this was very much a planned pregnancy, and he pushed harder for the second one than I did! We were TTC with difficulty for just over a year this time around (with DD we were pregnant within 5 weeks of starting to try). So I'm positive it's not that. I think he's just being a bit of a douche in the sense that he thinks I should still have to do everything I've been doing for the last 4 years, and just be grateful if he washes only the dishes in the sink once a week.... as if that entitles him to a thank you and excuses the 1000+ other things he doesn't want to do. I'm just worried he won't snap out of this shit once the baby is born, because it's about to get hectic with two kids!
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker 
     May Siggy Challenge: Parenting Fails
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  • ShreyaRShreyaR member
    azerimama said:
    Just wondering if any other STMs are dealing with the same thing that I am...

    My first pregnancy, DH was extremely supportive. Read all the baby books, wanted to do a registry, gave me time for naps, foot and back rubs, helped more around the house and with dinner, all that jazz. He even cut me slack during mood swings and just let it go if I wasn't in the best of moods.

    This time around is night and day. We have a 4 year old now, and I am still doing a vast majority of the parenting (getting her ready every morning, ensuring she has food on the table to eat, getting up with her when she wakes, etc.) No back rubs, no foot rubs, hardly ever even talks about the baby, very few naps. I'm still getting up with our 4 year old when she wakes at night, as soon as she's up in the morning, and I'm having a much harder pregnancy this time around (sick all the time, back and hip pain worse than ever, constantly nauseous, etc.). He is going out of his way to just harp on me constantly. He's being rude all the time. What gives? Anyone else?
    Sadly, I am going through the same thing! all he does is annoy me, is very unsupportive! Was away for the 12 week scan because he was sent from work but he's going to miss out on 20 week scan too because his career is more precious. He has been sacrificing me and my DS for his career, it's sad!! Its all about him this time round, he does everything a man without kids would do
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  • ShreyaRShreyaR member
    I had such a long thing written and it got deleted :( 
    Anyways, my situation is very similar to yours! 
    I hope your DH realises what he's doing and what he should be doing and starts taking care of you! I hope after he sees the baby, he will be the DH you want him to be and needs to be x 
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  • buttercream_frostingbuttercream_frosting member
    My DH was definitely more attentive first time round but the difference between the two pregnancies are not as contrasting as your situation. I'm sorry your DH isn't helping you enough. It sounds like a common problem for many women I know.

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  • MCraig1484MCraig1484 member
    Mine has been really supportive this time around just like the last.  I think you should sit down and talk to him.  Maybe he's already nervous/anxious about life with 2 kids?  Either way, it sounds like you need all the support you can get with as sick as you are, so hopefully talking about it with him will help him realize that you need more from him.
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