Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: IF/Testing Weekly Check-in 5/1
@laurad75 thank you! That's good to know about the meds. I didn't realize you didn't have to do the full order.
@eggplantface ..Thanks for reminding me about the compassionate Care program! I need to do that!
Edit because words are hard
TTC #1 November 2016
50mg Clomid June 2017
BFP June, 21 2017 | EDD March 4, 2018
@LoveInDC oh no so sorry girl I was hoping that It would! And OMG how frigging cute is she??!!!! What breed?
TTC #1 November 2016
50mg Clomid June 2017
BFP June, 21 2017 | EDD March 4, 2018
EDD: March 24, 2018 - angel baby at 21 weeks
TTC #1 November 2016
50mg Clomid June 2017
BFP June, 21 2017 | EDD March 4, 2018
@beachbunnyxo123 the actual transfer should be around June 12 (as long as all goes well)
ETA: BTW, did he check your thyroid levels? I'm not a doctor or a scientist, but it seems there can be a link between estrogen/progesterone levels and thyroid issues. Just something to think about if it hasn't already been done. Hey, maybe I did have some wisdom!
Beloved SS: born 12/2011
TTC my bio #1/our #2 since January 2016
**TW** June 2016 had CP **end TW**
August 2016 - dx with DOR
Somewhere in here received recommendation to do IVF with donor eggs, elected not to; OH dx with Low T
May 2017 - began freezing sperm
June 2017 - OH began treatment for Low T
July 2017 - began doing 1 IUI via a midwife and 1 at home insemination each cycle
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/6259ba
July 2018 - exhausted frozen sperm, officially NTNP since OH is probably shooting blanks
So, somehow this random news actually works with the prior conversation, but possible, maybe, TW?: Soooooo, we foster dogs and we got a new one last Saturday. She's from a terrible hoarder/puppy mill case and was released off of court hold like two days before she headed our way. So, I take her in to get spayed this morning and they call around noon, turns out, she's pregnant. So, now instead of working to get her adopted, she's just hanging out for the next few weeks, and puppies! The puppies part is only super exciting because I don't actually have to take care of them, lol. She'll transition to one of our fosters with the time/experience to deal with little puppies before she's due.
@LoveInDC a fake out like that would frustrate me so much. Hope you are staying sane as this cycle goes on
@heatherdubrow I don't think I officially said it yeto but as much as I'd prefer ypu weren't here, welcome back and hope your stay is as short as possible.
@zwink1 I'm sorry you and her husband had a tough night. I can empathize, my husband is horrible at scheduling his tests and keeping the appointments. Though he says how badly he wants all this, it's tough to see that when he keeps rescheduling.
@MrsJ2410 so sorry to hear about the fight with your boss. That sounds terrible and I hope that you get out of that situation soon
@kiwi2628 have so so so much fun on baby moon #2
@laurad75 so many hugs my friend
@haylsbayls so sorry you find yourself here. Hope your surgery gets scheduled quuckly and that recovery is quick
@vflux33 what a relief! Get back to business
@eggplantface hope it all goes well and that you are back on track quickly.
@LadyMillil and @antoto hope these next few weeks pass quickly and you stay in your zen place as all the emotions fight for centerstage.
@GG620 I'm looking like a June IUI as well. Yay for friends out there together
@magnolia131 I sympathize with your DH andid the teacher schedule. I work at a school (PT for children with special needs) and planning appointments is very difficult
@saralee797-2 such good news that you found more reasonable priced meds. Good to know that shopping around is a good idea
@sjb2215 good luck with all the testing. Red tape is the worst
Sorry i haven't posted the last two weeks. Work and life and vacation have been crazy (and fun) but I promise I've been lurking and cheering for everyone.
Diagnosis (If you've been): Testing cycle
Cycle/CD: 11/12
GTKY: How do you feel about theme parks?
Welllllll l just came back from a girls getaway weekend in Disney world. It's my favorite place.
Together: 11/2008, married: 3/2014
DH: Type 1 Diabetes, (dx 4/15) Celiac Disease (dx 11/14), Treatment induced Neuropathy of Diabetes (dx 7/15)
DH SA: 11/16: low count and low motility
DH SA: 12/16: borderline low, count and motility
1/20/17: BFP, 1/24/17: CP
5/17:low AMH (0.89)
6/17: first IUI cycle, 50 mg clomid + ovidrel + IUI: 2 follies, BFN (count 58 million, 97% motility)
7/17: second IUI, 2.5 letrozole, OPK, IUI: 1 follie, BFN (count 9.5 million swimming- dont know percentage)
8/17: third IUI, 5.0 letrozole,
IVF cycle people...can you remind me how the calendar goes for monitoring/meds? Call on the first day of your period but when does the first pill or shot begin?
@haylsbayls I'm glad you were able to get in contact with someone else who had the same diagnosis. GL finding a hobby to keep you busy.
@beachbunnyxo123 Best of luck with your testing this weekend. I'm glad that the Femara seems to be doing all that it needs to. I know for myself once I started treatment, I did get more nervous with testing. FX crossed for you. Also, that puppy is the cutest!
@eggplantface Ah, okay. I didn't know they did an SHG before the transfer, but it makes sense that they do. That's great news that you are able to get both the hysteroscope and polypectomy done on Monday.
@zwink1 I am so happy for you! That is awesome you were able to find a new job so quickly, and it sounds like a new job is just what you needed. Congratulations!
@kiwi2628 Avocado toast and wine sounds amazing, and just right for the up and down day you're having. Your RE sounds thorough and it's good you are getting some answers as to what is going on, even though the diagnosis remains "unexplained". I'm sorry you are riding the IF rollercoaster right now.
@WillRunForWIne21 That's great your HSG was clear. Are you still waiting on the results of any tests?
AFM: I triggered today. I had a 23 mm and a 15 mm. I'm thinking the 15 probably doesn't count? What do your REs consider mature? Either way, I'm happy as this is the most stress-free, perfect cycle I've had yet. Because I only had the 1, maybe 2, follies I was able to trigger with HCG instead of Lupron which means I don't have to do the PIOs - thank goodness. I have a work trip during this TWW and I was wondering how I was going to manage injecting myself in the butt.
@WillRunForWine21 Glad to hear your tubes are clear and that you're progressing with testing!
@madspunk That is great news about your perfect cycle and avoiding butt shots on a work trip is always a plus.
EDD: March 24, 2018 - angel baby at 21 weeks
@Aurora1181 my RE did not, but that is because my GP checked them 6 months ago at my annual and it was totally normal, plus I have zero hypothyroid signs, so I'm not worried.
@leekat14 I started bcp on CD2. I called on CD1 and they scheduled a whole bunch of appts from there (mock transfer, nursing consult etc). My RE wanted me on bcp in order to suppress my hormones. I am on a high responder protocol. After everything was set they brought me in for a baseline us and bloodwork and then told me to stop bcp once they confirmed my hormones were nice and low. I start stimms four days after that (tomorrow!?!)
@kiwi2628 I completely connect with what you are saying. There are a lot of mixed feelings going through testing. Personally, I was relieved nothing was wrong but at the same time mad/upset there was nothing to fix. I still worry we will find what is "wrong" while going through IVF. Hang in there and enjoy the wine and travels!
@madspunk My RE considers anything over 19 mature. It definitely seems to vary. Keep in mind they can still grow between the time you trigger and your IUI so you never know. Hoorayyy for at least one good follie and no other issues!! I am dreading the PIO shots. It looks like they would be really tough to administer yourself but my nurse said its been done. Where there is a will....
@zwink1 This may be the only time in life where I am actually annoyed about puppies because I thought the exact same thing as @vflux33 lol
@heatherdubrow I'm officially putting too much pressure on both your FET and my first medicated cycle because we'd end up in the same BMB
TTC #1 November 2016
50mg Clomid June 2017
BFP June, 21 2017 | EDD March 4, 2018
So I might need to be talked off a ledge here. Another stark white test at 12DPO this morning has me ready to call and order my meds for IVF. If they get here in time the nurse said I could be starting next week!!!! How bad of an idea is this? I mean there's a chance I'm a SS but that test this morning leads me to believe otherwise.
@leekat14 sorry for the bfn girl, I don't have any info but I just wanted to say I hope you get all the answers you need to decide!
AFM, I was supposed to test tomorrow but decided to today cause my RE isn't in the office on Fridays, stark white bfn. Nothing burns my eyes more than a stark white test. I'm 11dpo today so unless I'm a SS it's likely that AF will come tomorrow night or Saturday so I called the RE cause I need a refill on the femara but I have some questions. This was only our first medicated cycle but we are all OOP for treatment as most ladies here so I was wondering am I wasting my time with femara + TI? I see some ladies going right to IUI and I don't want to be burning cash if the chances are super low. I met with the REs midwife to talk about our treatment options and she gave me no data or percentages for anything and I didn't like her so when I called today I asked for info from my RE or a callback from him with our percentage of chances conceiving with TI vs IUI. I don't want to jump the gun but I'm not trying to waste my time either. The same nurse lady also did my ultrasound for my follie check and i asked about converting to IUI next cycle and she said that I should try a couple months of just femara but of course had no evidence to support this which makes me not trust her at all. Anyhow any input is appreciated! I also have this huge irrational fear after reading an IF treatment horror story article that the IUI wouldn't be my husbands sperm which is so irrational but freaks me the f out. Also just to note we only did femara and TI no trigger shot.
@leekat14 @beachbunnyxo123 Hugs for the BFNs, ladies
@heatherdubrow Let's make this happen! (Not like we have any say, but still lol) This will make waiting for June a lot easier
TTC #1 November 2016
50mg Clomid June 2017
BFP June, 21 2017 | EDD March 4, 2018
Edit typo
@beachbunnyxo123 I have read the certain dx's do change your probability of success with IUI but overall I was surprised and annoyed by how little stats I could even find for IUIs. My RE seems to be anti medicated TI--I don't think she tells any patients to go that route (seems like some REs are like that and some aren't). And the only legit national stats you can use to even evaluate your RE on are based on IVF alone. My RE has good IVF stats but that makes me wonder is it because she is pushing people to IVF who don't really need it?? No way to be sure.
As for the wrong sperm fear, I share it and MH strongly shares it and is freaked out. If he could follow all the techs and watch the sperm wash he would. He brings up his fear about it all the time and I don't know how to console him other than tell him to just ask questions at the office and pray their answers make him feel better. BUT instead of that he has told me we are getting a paternity test either while (if) KU or when (if) he or she is born. I was like, "are you serious??" and he is very serious. So that's going to be fun.
According to the literature there are a number of things that contribute to increased success of IUI over TI. If you have issues with your cervix, IUI will increase your chances. If you have what is called "hostile cervical mucus" (what a gross term), IUI will increase your chances. If your partner has poor motility but otherwise sufficient count/morphology, IUI will increase your chances. In addition, some people without any of these things just do better with IUI (people who fall into the "unexplained IF" category).
My RE told us that since we know our IF diagnosis and it's not any of those things, there's little benefit to us for IUI over TI. For couples with any of those aforementioned issues including unexplained, he suggests going straight to IUI instead of spending time on TI.
On our own: 2-3% chance each cycle
Medication (oral) + TI: 5% each cycle
Medication (oral) + IUI: 15% first cycle
Medication (injectable) + IUI: 22% first cycle
IVF: 53% each cycle
He also showed what it would be for secon, third, fourth, fifth and sixth cycles, so for oral meds and IUI, the first cycle has a 15% chance, but the second has 22% of people pregnant (total, so first cycle and second cycle combined), after that it was like 29% for 3 cycles and I think after 6 it was like 42% or something.