Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: IF/Testing Weekly Check-in 5/1
@magnolia131 I admire your restraint and keeping all the FX for you too!
@laurad75 I hope AF comes soon so you can get started. Also, I'm sorry you're having to do IVF #3.
@haylsbayls I'm sorry you have to be here love. But welcome.
@eggplantface I'm sorry your FET is being pushed back. It seems like the whole FET process is a lot of waiting and its so frustrating and unfair. Wallow as much as you need to, sister.
@antoto woohoo! Im so excited for you that you're getting started!
@sunniegrly did you recently come off bcp? Could it just be that your body is taking time to regulate? It seems really soon to be seeing an RE, but I don't know your whole story.
@magnolia131 I'm rooting so hard for you lady! Can't wait to hear how your betas go!
Married: 2013
TTC #1: 2/2017
Dx: mild/borderline NIR PCOS
May TTGP Siggy Challenge - Awkward Prom Photos:
Married: 2013
TTC #1: 2/2017
Dx: mild/borderline NIR PCOS
May TTGP Siggy Challenge - Awkward Prom Photos:
Sorry if you already mentioned this before, but do you remember if you were regular prior to going on the pill? That may clarify a few things.
Cycle/CD: ??
GTKY: How do you feel about theme parks/roller coasters? Meh I don't like big drops but loopdy loops are just fine.
@antoto @laurad75 Thanks for responding. I am guessing there is enough time between now and Friday to do whatever needs to be done. Wishing you lots of luck getting to your next cycle.
@eggplantface I am so sorry you got the bad news of more waiting. I really hope they can fit you in ASAP so you can get that FET!
@haylsbayls Sorry for your diagnosis but I do hope that it can be resolved quickly and that you avoided a lot of heartache later on.
@leekat14 I feel you on the needles! Would it help is your H did the injections? For me, I am phobic of blood but if I don't look it is manageable.
@LoveInDC Ugh so sorry your body is playing tricks on you. Not cool.
@heatherdubrow I hope those three weeks fly by for you. All the waiting is tough.
@zwink1 Sorry love. IF is stressful enough then we have to drag the guys through the process too. I hope you are able to get past this soon.
@MrsJ2410 Hope you kick that cyst in the butt! Sounds like we might be on the same schedule!
@kiwi2628 So jealous of your vacation! I hope you two get the time away you need to just relax.
@vflux33 FX those results come back soon with good news!
@magnolia131 "because hope feels dangerous" I am with you right there. For what its worth, I hope you are an SS!
Cycle/CD: 13/11
GTKY: How do you feel about theme parks/roller coasters? I like theme parks and roller coasters, but haven't been to one in years. When I was in high school, I got freaked before doing the superman ride at 6 flags, but I did it and enjoyed it! Not a huge fan of the big drops though.
@leekat14 Sorry you're feeling so stressed. Fx that this is your cycle, but if not you're doing a good job asking the right questions to plan
@LoveInDC FX that you're body isn't fooling you this time
@shortstack1030 I have an RE appointment in 2 weeks too! Glad you and YH are in a good place
@zwink1 I'm sorry that YH hasn't gotten on the ball of scheduling his tests, that sucks. I just started reading Conquering Infertility and one of the points she makes is how it's so frustrating when the wife is "ahead" of the husband so to speak when it comes to next steps. Sending you hugs and hopefully you can have that conversation with him soon.
@kiwi2628 Sounds like a wonderful trip!
@haylsbayls I'm sorry that you are here, but as someone who is also relatively new to this board I hope that these wonderful ladies can help provide you with support and answers to your questions. I don't have any knowledge on septate uterus, but glad that you were able to get into the RE and figure out what was going on.
@eggplantface Sorry to hear about the polyp and pause on the cycle, FX that you can get in sooner
@antoto I'm excited for you to get the process started, but not the annoying excited that would piss me off too. @laurad75, @heatherdubrow, @saralee797-2 I have my FX for all of you!
@sunniegrly I'm sorry that you aren't ovulating, but glad that your are on the path to getting some answers
@magnolia131 I'll have my FX for Thursday!
Edited to add @ReesaAnne16 and @KristoKekerooni thanks for the comments on last week's thread!
Cycle/CD: 3rd cycle with RE day 17
Any questions? Not at this moment
GTKY: How do you feel about theme parks/roller coasters? I like them, but I hate heights so I am very picky on what I actually ride. lol
Married: 2013
TTC #1: 2/2017
Dx: mild/borderline NIR PCOS
May TTGP Siggy Challenge - Awkward Prom Photos:
Married: 2013
TTC #1: 2/2017
Dx: mild/borderline NIR PCOS
May TTGP Siggy Challenge - Awkward Prom Photos:
@leekat14 I did the cystic fibrosis test because it was recommended due to ethnicity and I didn’t see any reason not to. They just added it to the list of things looked at in the blood work. More information is always good.
@zwink I’ve never felt on the same page with my H on TTC. With TTC I want to talk about it a lot but my H is less concerned. But in everything else my H loves to talk about feelings and issues and generally everything that I hate talking about. I’m a bottle it in kind of girl, and I know it frustrates him. I think most couples deal with these issues though. I’m always jealous of couples that seem to always be on the same page! I hope your conversation with him goes well tonight.
@laurad75 I’ve never used a planner, but I’ve heard great things about the Erin Condren planners. I know they have 18 month ones.
@haylsbayls I’m sorry you’re here (I’m a recent transfer myself). It feels awful knowing there are issues but it also feels good knowing there’s a solution. I hope everything goes smoothly for you.
@antoto I love that you make room for the excitement. I didn’t think we were ever going to try for a child (my H had reservations and I had resigned myself to it just not being for us), so when he changed his mind and said we should TTC, I had told myself that no matter what happens I would remember that moment and the joy and excitement. It’s hard, and I understand the need for caution and why the optimism fades, but I feel that any opportunity for positive emotions should be taken advantage of.
@sunniegrly I have definitely been there and grieved for my situation. This whole process is incredibly draining at every level, but you gotta be able to get yourself out of that hole and keep going. I’m sorry you’re not getting the support you need right now and I hope you feel better. I’m glad you were able to get the ball rolling and feel proactive.Cycle/CD: 17/CD18
Any questions? Nope
GTKY: How do you feel about theme parks/roller coasters? I like Disneyland (we're going this month!) but I'm not really into other parks/rides. I definitely don't like scary roller coasters.
Me: 32 | DH: 36
Married June 2005
1/2016 - TTC#1
4/2017 - Initial RE visit, Dx: Severe MFI (Varicocele, 14% motility, 3% progression, but normal count)
7/2017 - Stage 3 endometriosis discovered during laparoscopic removal of ovarian cyst
9/27/2017 - BFP at 10dpo (cycle 22), baby boy due June 9, 2018
Again, I hope none of this offends you--just wanted to offer that perspective in case it helps. Sending a lot of
Cycle/CD: 19 (13AL)/CD21 4DPO (although I disagree with FF and think I'm 3DPO)
Status: TWW
What are you doing this cycle: I thought this might be our last natural cycle before OH goes on testosterone replacement, but it looks like we'll still be freezing swimmers in FW next cycle, so no use in wasting the cycle.
How are things going: OK. I was able to at least see that I O'd even though I had a fever for a week right before FW. I O'd a little later than usual, and that was helpful. OH had to abstain for 48 hours to prep for the first round of sperm freezing right in the middle of FW. We were still able to get -4, -1, and 0 timing in, which I'm happy with. But I'm worried that there weren't as many soldiers in his army for those last two times, since -2 is the day he gave the sample...so that was calling in troops 3 days in a row. Also, if we heard the coordinator correctly, his count was lower on that sample than it had been previously. It all makes me nervous. That is my current TTC status.
Any questions: If anyone wants to do a CS, what do you think about when I O'd? Not that it's a huge difference...I'm just curious.
GTKY: I love rollercoasters! Just nothing that spins...in my old age, it makes me feel yucky. It's been far too long since I've been to Six Flags or one of the other fun amusement parks. I really do enjoy them.
Beloved SS: born 12/2011
TTC my bio #1/our #2 since January 2016
**TW** June 2016 had CP **end TW**
August 2016 - dx with DOR
Somewhere in here received recommendation to do IVF with donor eggs, elected not to; OH dx with Low T
May 2017 - began freezing sperm
June 2017 - OH began treatment for Low T
July 2017 - began doing 1 IUI via a midwife and 1 at home insemination each cycle
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/6259ba
July 2018 - exhausted frozen sperm, officially NTNP since OH is probably shooting blanks
Cycle 30/Day 14 on bcp
On BCP for IVF. Last pill Friday and if everything looks good I'll start stims next week
I'm really trying to not get my hopes up that I could finally be KU by the end of May because I know there is a greater chance that it will fail (60%) then work
I get motion sick so I don't ride roller coasters
@RatParade Thanks for the info. Im sort of in the mindset of "what's another couple thousand at this point". Sad to think like that but here I am
@LoveInDC FX it is O!
@shortstack930 That's awesome you're feeling less stressed!
@zwink1 Hugs. That's a tough situation with your H. MH did the same think when we first started testing. It took him so long to get his first SA and then forever to make a follow-up appointment with the urologist. All his testing was so painful to get through just because he dragged his feet, even though I know he really wants a baby. It's tough when you and your H approach things differently. I hope your H gets on the same page as you soon - but know he's not the only guy out there that drags his feet. Best of luck with your conversation tonight.
@MrsJ2410 That job situation sounds intense - I've never seen a screaming match at work. Sorry you are feeling stuck there.
@kiwi2628 I'm glad you are speaking up and making sure you get to talk to you RE about all the medical decisions.
@haylsbayls Sorry you are here. Best of luck to you as you find out more about your diagnosis. Feel free to vent here as much as you need to!
@laurad75 Sorry for the BFN.
@eggplantface I'm so sorry to hear your FET got pushed out; how frustrating! I'm sorry if you've explained all of this before, but with a fibroids RX, does that mean you randomly get new polyps even after you've had surgery? That looks like that's the case but I don't know anything about fibroids and am curious. Also, how did they find them at your mock FET?
@antoto I'm rooting for you! I know it's hard to manage the hope and excitement - not too much, not too little.
@magnolia131 FX for your beta on Thursday! Kudos to you for trying to hold out on POAS until then. That progesterone level is awesome.
@saralee797-2 He threw his gloves on the floor? That is crazy! I hope you are able to get all the insurance stuff together soon!
AFM
Cycle/CD: 7(month 16)/CD 12
GTKY: How do you feel about theme parks/roller coasters? I usually get sick on roller coasters, and I think I've come to associate theme parks with getting sick. I do like fairs though for the games and the shows and the feeling that they're fleeting.
Cycle/CD: 15/16? CD 13
GTKY: How do you feel about theme parks/roller coasters? Not a big fan but I do some mainly because DH loves them. I am always so scared for DH because he is 6'3 and almost 300 lbs and I feel like he doesn't fit in all the seats well but he couldn't care less. He always has to ride every one. We are in Florida so we go to universal often enough.
@leekat14 FX for you for this cycle but if AF does show up we will all be there for you for the next step.You can do it and we are rooting for you. Also all the IVF ladies on here have so much knowledge to help you along.
@shortstack930 Yay for the TTC break. Sometimes it is just so needed. GL with the RE visit.
@zwink1 sorry you and YH had a fight. This process is so hard and I feel like a lot of the guys keep it all bottled up inside. It can be really hard for them, especially if they feel like they are the problem. Maybe let him pick a date and time when you guys can sit and talk about everything, that way he is prepared for it.
@MrsJ2410 Sorry about the aweful weekend. Hugs to you and I hope everything else goes according to plan this cycle.
@kiwi2628 yay for vacation! That sounds so exciting.
@laurad75 sorry for the bfn. I know we are all rooting for you for this next round of IVF.
@haylsbayls sorry you find yourself here. I have heard of septate uterus but no personal experience. I hope surgery goes well for you and your stay here is short!
@eggplantface sorry for the delay with your FET. I hope everything gets done on Monday and you can get back on track quickly. Hugs to you. I also spent all of last week trying to catch up on the posts here but could never get through everything to post. This thread blows up so quickly now which kind of sucks because it means so many of us are having issues.
@antoto so happy that you have started! FX for you that everything goes according to plan.
@sunniegrly being in limbo is so frustrating. Hugs to you and I hope you get some answers soon. It's awesome that you got the RE appointment so soon tho.
@magnolia131 FX for you this cycle!
@saralee797-2 sorry you are having a rough time. It would be awesome if the insurance companies saw it from our point of view. I hope everything gets sorted soon so you can get started. Also that doc sounds like a real peach to work with. Hope you don't have to see him again.
@LadyMillil I have fingers and toes crossed for you as well. Hoping that 40% turns into 100% for you!
TTC #1 November 2016
50mg Clomid June 2017
BFP June, 21 2017 | EDD March 4, 2018
@vflux33 awesome news!!
@safire3 - The actual RE didn't have any appointments until July, but his PA was able to see me in just 10 days. I love PAs/NPs. I see a women's health NP in addition to my OBGYN because she's so much easier to get in to see. But after seeing things on here about waits of 6 months to see REs I realize I'm fortunate that wait times are so short in my area. That's partly why I decided to go ahead and call to make one so soon in my TTC journey - I figured the wait time would be longer.
Edited: typos and added words
Married: 2013
TTC #1: 2/2017
Dx: mild/borderline NIR PCOS
May TTGP Siggy Challenge - Awkward Prom Photos:
@vflux33 - I'm still wading through all the comments and just saw your good news!!!!! So excited for you and glad you can start moving forward!
Married: 2013
TTC #1: 2/2017
Dx: mild/borderline NIR PCOS
May TTGP Siggy Challenge - Awkward Prom Photos:
Edited: typos
Married: 2013
TTC #1: 2/2017
Dx: mild/borderline NIR PCOS
May TTGP Siggy Challenge - Awkward Prom Photos:
@madspunk Glad to hear that this cocktail is working and you are not overresponding!! yayyy
@LadyMillil Yesss you are getting started!!
@safire3 FX your wait is over and you O'd
@Aurora1973 Looks like you got some good timing in! Just keep swimming!!
AFM The approval for the drugs went through finally so that was a relief but they also told us the cost ($10k) whomp whomp and for the first time said we could/should shop around. So, I spent most of last night on the phone with various pharmacies trying to shop drugs. My H is going to make more calls today. Our issue is we are lucky enough to have some insurance coverage with a lifetime max but it is hard to decide how to apply it and what to pay for out of pocket. The financial dept at my clinic is no help either. I am hoping we can figure that out today.
@saralee797-2 havebyou checked out GoodRX? I've heard people have had success with that site. Not sure if it was for IF drugs, but it's worth a shot!
Oh, and I'm super duper excited that you've been posting more frequently! You're always in my thoughts, friend.
Dating since: 11/17/2001
Married: 9/26/2009
TTC: June 2016
EDD: 5/14/2018
@sunniegrly I personally have no problem with you being here. If I remember correctly you did ask when you first posted and a lot of the ladies here encouraged you to stick around. I can imagine it's difficult finding a place to 'be' on this board when your cycles are not cooperating and fitting into the tww or wto. I think the ladies who commented before just don't want you to stress unnecessarily over this since you are still very early in this process and irregular cycles after coming off of birth control is not uncommon. I know you will worry about it no matter what but we can tell it is really stressing you out. I really hope that it is just a hormonal glitch due to the birth control and that your cycles return to normal and you are KU in no time. This IF journey is something that I wouldn't wish on anyone and we all hope you can be spared that.