GTKY: Biggest regret

Jens_Hoes · April 2017

Stealing this from June, but some of their responses were interesting.

What is your biggest regret in life?
angry frustrated anchorman regret ron burgundy GIF

angry frustrated anchorman regret ron burgundy GIF

Jens_Hoes · April 2017

I'll start.
I'd have to say my biggest regret in life is staying with my college boyfriend for as long as I did. We broke up shortly into our relationship and quickly got back together and stayed together for an additional 2+ years. He was at times emotionally abusive, and extremely controlling and jealous. I often chose him over doing things with my roommates or my set group of friends because he didn't like it. While I still had fun in college, I think it would have better served me if we had not been together. Alas, our break up led me to my current husband, so maybe I wouldn't have met him.

mrsrep123 · April 2017

I try to not regret anything, but it would be not seeing my dad too often during the last year of his life. (Some background: My dad was 73 years old when he had me. My mom was 40 years younger than him. I was basically told my entire life to cherish the moments because he won't be around too long.) He died at age 96. We had a huge 95th birthday party for him - that I was late to and was always looked down upon for. I just graduated from college and was just busy with life. But every time I look back, I feel terrible. His 11 year death anniversary was this past Saturday.

bailey8809-2 · April 2017

Mine's very strange. I regret not getting my driver's license sooner. I was in two bad car accidents as a teenager (I wasn't driving in either accident) and it completely freaked me out. It became so real to me how in an instant something could happen and you could die. It seems so silly because I could die as a passenger just as easily but somehow in my head I couldn't get over the fear of driving. I ended up finally getting my license in my mid 20's but regret not doing it sooner. There are so many things that I missed out on because I physically could not get too them, everything from social events to job opportunities to even something as simple as an appointment or going shopping. I know a lot of people in big cities never drive but where I'm from there is barely any public transportation and it is a really big deal.

CherryBananas · April 2017

I regret being so cautious when I was younger. I was so afraid to step out of my comfort zone that I missed out on a lot of fantastic experiences. I would stay at bad jobs for too long because the next one might be worse. I didn't go across the country to my top pic university because I was afraid of not knowing anyone. I didn't backpack Asia with my friends because I was worried about the money. I've changed so much in the last 10 years. Risks are still scary for me but I'm willing to take them now, and when I realize the benefits it's kinda sad because some of those missed opportunities I'll never get back.

Yiggle09 · April 2017

I have two. One is pissing away my money while I was in army training for over a year. I left active duty with no savings where did all my money go! My other was I moved out at 20 because the kid I was dating had his roommate move out and was stressed about paying for the apartment. That caused me to have a hour plus commute both ways right when gas was over 5 dollars for regular 6 days a week. I got into so much debt I had to stop going to college and get another xray job on top of my other xray job. Took me years to dig out of that debt.

RainyDays86 · April 2017

I regret not spending a significant time abroad pre-marriage and kids. I dated H through college and was afraid of losing him if I traveled picked up and left for a year. And maybe I would have which would have been terrible because he's the best. But it was always a dream to spend a solid year traveling through Africa or Central America (the dream has changed a bit over the years) - living in hostels and short-term rentals and just going where I wanted. But I got into a very competitive teaching program right out of college and started my life in Colorado and have been here ever since. I've been fortunate enough to travel a lot as it is, but something about spending a solid year just traveling somewhere totally outside of my comfort zone still appeals to me.

nda_roxybabe · April 2017

Not a big regret, but a funny little one....

I regret having never snuck out of the house. I was a great kid and didn't even have a curfew. My parents just needed to know who I was with an idea of when I'd be home. If I wanted to leave after they went to bed I was supposed to wake them and let them know. Well, I never wanted to do that so I just wouldn't go anywhere after they'd gone to bed. I wish some nights I would've just left/ "snuck out". I don't think they would have been mad and it would've been fun!

SKZW · April 2017

I love this thread, and everyone's responses so far. It's telling (and true) that our regrets most often are those things we did not do (as opposed to regretting things we did do).

chocolatelemons · April 2017

I regret the amount of student loan debt I accumulated over the years because of not thinking my decisions through. I had a full scholarship in college for track and field and I quit my junior year. My parents, very gererously, helped cover some of my expenses but I still had to take out loans. Then, because I didn't know what else to do with my life, I went to law school for a year in a very expensive city where I took out more student loans.

I will say that I'm very happy that I got out when I did because I'd probably be miserable and in more debt. I ended up getting my masters in education at a state school while working full time so I could pay as I went. Finally- a good decision! I'm very happy as a teacher now but it took a lot to get here.

starphish18 · April 2017

When I was in college, my grandmother's health was declining. She had diabetes and honestly just didn't care to manage it well. She was ready to go and wanted to live the end of her life on her own terms. So, she was in and out of the hospital a lot. My mom called late one night when she was in the hospital and told me she was on her last leg. I regret not getting in the car right then and driving to the hospital. It wouldn't have made a difference, as she did pass away very shortly after and I wouldn't have made it in time anyways. But, I do regret not trying. I shouldn't have been worrying about making class the next morning.

livin541 · April 2017

These are so interesting to read! I think my biggest regret is starting my career about a month after graduating college instead of spending a little time traveling or at least enjoying being done with school! I was so excited to start making money, and now it's 10 years later and wish I could tell my 22 year old self to have a little more fun and not worry so much about paying back those student loans!

On another note, my parents have decided to pick up and move to Hawaii in September and my H and I are considering following them over early next year. It's great timing with 2 young kids, and we are in a position to be able to do it for a year or two. It's such a scary thought to leave our whole lives here, but I have a feeling if we don't go through with it, that will become a major regret as well. I hope it all works out!

lilmisscrafty-2 · April 2017

My biggest regret is waiting too long to be an active participant in my own life. I was a scared kid and didn't get out much or participate in many activities. I was so scared of making the wrong choices that I never made any decisions for myself at all. I let opportunities pass me by out of fear. While my life now is more unpredictable, I can at least say that I've lived and that I've made things happen rather than let things happen to me.

BabyMC517 · April 2017

Hmm I would probably have to say my student loan debt as well. I went to a private undergrad and had a lot of grants and what not but parents still had me take out the loans to help with other things and I really didn't know anything about it so I did. Then I moved to Cali and went through a licensure program but had to pay out of state tuition at a community college. And I have 2 masters...so yeah I've got quite a bit of debt. But I'm in a decent repayment program since I work at a state college, so that at least helps.

Also, I wish we would have been able to travel abroad. Been to quite a few places in the states and have done some road trips, but nothing out of the country, well I did go to Canada once...I'm hoping we will still get to do some traveling, just now it won't be the 2 of us (unless grandparents watch the little guy).

ShadeofGreen816 · April 2017

I thought I was in love with this guy in college. We had dated/hooked up off and on through school but the timing was never quite right to get serious. I was also best friends with his room mates and we all were together all the time. Our senior year he started dating someone but they never seemed that serious or compatible honestly. One night we got drunk and hooked up. It was months later but she found out about it and it all blew up. Honestly I feel badly for participating in the cheating but I mostly wish I hadn't done it because it resulted in me not being able to see the other guys and it really impacted our friendships. They ended up getting married and I think have a kid or two so I didn't exactly ruin their lives but I still miss the other guys and we've lost touch.
In general, my senior year of undergrad I was really lost and unhappy with my life and I made a lot of poor decisions and many of them were somewhat promiscuous. Luckily I didn't contract anything to stick with me. But I do wish I had been a little more prudent with my choices.

KMD1106 · April 2017

My biggest regret is wasting time with a loser in college. I studied abroad one summer and would skip time with the rest of the awesome people in my group to call him back home. He could never commit to being an official couple, but I kept holding out hope. When I got back from France I found out he had slept with multiple women while I'd been gone, all while assuring me that he was faithfully waiting for me to return. I really wish I would have left that guy in the dust and had really taken in that study abroad experience.

clebl24 · April 2017

Mine is pretty much a ditto of @jens_hoes. I started dating a guy one month after my high school graduation, got engaged after a few years, and I called it off my last semester. I had a blast in college, but I think I would have enjoyed college life more without the long term relationship. On the bright side I did marry my rebound so it all worked out ok in the end.

MrsFreeman2010 · April 2017

I'll agree with the student loan debt. I went to a private university that enabled me to get a good job however I walked out with 6-figure student loan debt. I always wonder if I should have gone to a state school or a community school. I would still have my RN but I did get some a year sooner than friends that started at the same time so I don't know.

RedInLove · April 2017

I wish I went to college. It was a small part of why I joined the Army Reserve, but I never pursued it.

jayandaplus · April 2017

Love this thread! I'm sitting here crying while reading these, for the record. Thank y'all for sharing.

I'm not a big regret person, but I agree with the student loan debt. But, eh, I think generationally I didn't realize there were better options. I love the education I received, so it's okay in the end.

I think my only true regret is not something I did or didn't do, but a situation that lasted a long time in my life. I struggled pretty significantly with depression and anxiety in my late teens/early twenties. I received a lot of mental health help. Part of me tries to not regret it because I think it was very character building and has made me a much stronger person in the end, but when I look back at my "dark years", sometimes I wish that didn't have to happen. I just wish who I am today is who I was always.

erinh2005 · April 2017

It is so interesting to hear how different these can be! Especially the couple of you who regret not taking risks because you don't hear of those as often. I am sitting here reflecting and having trouble coming up with something because for as long as I can remember I have lived my life actively trying not to have any regrets. I have always set and followed my own boundaries when it came to relationships so I never felt like anything ever went too far. And DH and I have been together since we were 17 so I didn't have much opportunity lol. As far as school I guess I'm not thrilled with my debt but I knew it going in. I also could have picked a different major instead of Fine Art but I knew most people didn't use their exact degree anyway and it just important to have a bachelor degree in the long run.

Wait I have one! I regret moving in with MIL for those nightmarish three months that coincided with my first trimester and wish we would've just wasted the money on rent before we were ready.

Kipperoo · April 2017

These are all so interesting to read! Good call on the thread, @Jens_Hoes!

I am not big on regrets because I'm typically pretty confident in my decision making and life's choices, but one thing that sticks out is not studying abroad in college. I spent my summers doing internships and did so while temporarily living in NYC and San Francisco. But I wish I would have found some time to spend a semester in Europe. I was way too focused on getting career experience and landing a good job immediately out of college.

ChristinaWild · April 2017

Wow - these are great and really make you sit back and think. Every month when I have to pay on my student loans, a small part of me regrets having to take out so much. But in the end, I know that my job is a direct result of finishing my MBA, and that accounts for about 1/2 of my debt. I can remember growing up with very little, and the stress it brought to my parents (they weren't financially stable until I was almost out of high school). I knew I didn't want my kids feeling that kind of stress, so if paying off student loans is the price, then I guess I don't regret it that much.

I do, however, regret turning down an invitation back home to Louisiana from my grandmother for a seemingly random weekend. Two weeks later, she had a stroke and died. I think I'll always carry around the guilt of staying home that weekend out of laziness. She was a wonderful woman, and I hate that I didn't get one last weekend with her.

saric83 · April 2017

This is pretty petty as I don't have many regrets since most of the things I thought were "bad" led me to even better things (e.g. staying with my high school and college boyfriend for WAY too long gave me great perspective on what I would settle for versus what I really wanted in a partner).

But I do wish that I had said no to being in so many damn weddings in my early to mid 20s. While they were mostly fun, they were ridiculously expensive and stressful at a point in life when I didn't have much money. I should have said no to at least half of them and just had a blast as a guest.

kat81 · April 2017

I don't really have any big ones. Here are a smattering of a few smaller ones:

1) I regret one short relationship I had at the end of HS with a manipulative guy who won me over with his persistence, in part because I dumped a very wonderful long-distance boyfriend to do it (I guess the distance was getting to me.) But it all worked out in the end. I just feel bad about the guy I dumped.

2) My wedding was great but I had a few regrets about it at the time, that mostly amounted to being pressured to do things I didn't actually want because I followed other people's advice/urgings.

3) I regret missing my MIL's big retirement party because my parents were feeling sad that I hadn't visited them in a while, and it was over my mom's birthday, so I went to see her instead. It was definitely the wrong call and I resented that they put me in that position. At the time we lived near neither family and my parents were being huge brats about how often we visited them.

4) I regret not attending two overseas weddings I was invited to. I am not a huge travel person so I don't have a huge travel regret in general, but these were particular opportunities that I could have done pre-kids! Now my passport is expired and I have no idea of when I'll go abroad next, much less whether I'll ever go to Africa or South America (where the weddings were.)

5) My career involves lots of schooling and other steps along the way. I regret ONE of these choices, but it all worked out in the end as I like my current job and location. I could have learned more and now been better at what I do, but it's all ok.

Seriously these were hard to come up with and they're all pretty mild! I feel lucky that things have overall worked out. I'm sure that as soon as I experience a death of someone close to me I'll regret not spending more time with them, because there are a lot of people I need to spend more time with....

clebl24 · April 2017

@christinawild, I didn't realize you were originally from Louisiana?

ChristinaWild · April 2017

@clebl24 - yes! I grew up in Lafayette - I lived there until I was 16. Even though I've lived in Texas longer than I lived in Lafayette, it's always going to be home!

kat81 · April 2017

saric83 said:

But I do wish that I had said no to being in so many damn weddings in my early to mid 20s. While they were mostly fun, they were ridiculously expensive and stressful at a point in life when I didn't have much money. I should have said no to at least half of them and just had a blast as a guest.

You must be a very popular person and close friend to a lot of people to have been invited to be in so many weddings!

clebl24 · April 2017

@christinawild, I have several cousins in Lafayette as well as my law school roommate.

lnds32 · April 2017

I would say one of my biggest regrets was not going away to college. I was accepted to my dream school which was far away but decided to go to the local university so I could go to college with my high school boyfriend. I also had a full ride academic scholarship to the local school so my parents pushed it a little as well. In the end I broke up with that guy sophomore year so he wasn't really worth the sacrifice!

I later went to grad school at my top choice so I did get a college experience I wanted in the end. However, I always feel a small hint of regret when I meet someone who went to undergrad where I really wanted to go!

saric83 · April 2017

kat81 said:

saric83 said:

But I do wish that I had said no to being in so many damn weddings in my early to mid 20s. While they were mostly fun, they were ridiculously expensive and stressful at a point in life when I didn't have much money. I should have said no to at least half of them and just had a blast as a guest.

You must be a very popular person and close friend to a lot of people to have been invited to be in so many weddings!

@kat81 - You're sweet to say so! I think that might be part of it with friends from lots of different circles in my life, but also when we were younger, many folks had pretty large wedding parties, and I had a few family members who got married too, so it just started to add up quickly to 13. And the only dress I've ever worn again was for a zombie bachelorette party where I ripped it all up and put fake blood all over it.

bubsalicious · April 2017

@saric83 Please tell me you turned it into a 27 Dresses moment and made them wear the dresses you were forced to wear at your own wedding! Side note, guess what movie I'll be watching tomorrow now...

thistlenweeds · April 2017

I wish I had learned to play a musical instrument as a kid. We had a music school in literally the same building as our condo but at didn't have space for a piano. I hope I still do it someday.

OmegaRose3 · April 2017

When my best friend was murdered I held a lot of regret and guilt for not telling him that I wanted him to stay in town instead of moving back to his home town, especially considering all of the heartache and trouble he dealt with the last three months of his life. I still hold onto that a lot because I know that if I'd told him to stay, he would have, but time has taught me to remind myself to be thankful for the time I had with him and not to dwell on what was taken from me.

On the otherhand, my other biggest regret is not standing up for myself in both my childhood and adulthood. I could've saved myself from a lot of misery if I had a better backbone and put my foot down instead of lething people treat me like less of a person because I was afraid of being unlikeable.

saric83 · April 2017

absbubbs said:

@saric83 Please tell me you turned it into a 27 Dresses moment and made them wear the dresses you were forced to wear at your own wedding! Side note, guess what movie I'll be watching tomorrow now...

Haha! I'm not that mean. Plus, after going through all of those weddings, we went away to Mexico and got married with just 40 people there and *only* four bridesmaids. They got to pick their own dresses.

SKZW · April 2017

@OmegaRose3:

It's encouraging you've come to terms with how you shared your time together with your friend, but I'm so sorry you had to deal with such a tragedy. <hugs>

OmegaRose3 · April 2017

@SKZW Thank you...I've spent time thinking about it all quite a bit since April marks the 3rd anniversary of him being gone and I truly believe that grief is a never-ending journey, but that there's always something to learn and grow from it. The people who loved us never meant for us to be sad.

sweaterboots · April 2017

These really are so interesting to read.

My biggest regret is putting my mom through financial hell when I was in college and when I moved to California from Indiana. My mom was overly "motherly" and wouldn't let me work in HS or College because she didn't want it to interfere with my studies. Unfortunately, it really set me up for being way behind in developing essential life skills with money.

It's odd because we were on welfare until I was about 8 or 9, so we were the exact opposite of rich. We had food stamps and government food (powdered milk & dehydrated mashed potatoes, etc) but my mom would bust her ass to make us feel middle class at least. This sort of backfired though, because from the time I left home for college I lived outside of my means. I'd blow my money on clothes (Urban outfitters was new back then and I was obsessed) and partying. Then I'd call mom and tell her I had no money for essentials. I wasn't trying to be an asshole, I was just oblivious. I feel really bad about what I put my mom through. She didn't like to "stress me out" though so she never told me how much trouble I got her into. She took a mortgage out on her house to keep me afloat out here in California. I didn't know that until a couple years ago.

Luckily the sadness I feel around what I put her through has made me take control and swing the pendulum the other way. I am still a little careless with "treating myself" sometimes but in general I make good decisions and now have a financial advisor. We have stocks & bonds and other than having to liquidate some for Maternity leave (freelance so no pay and no government assistance) we intend to focus on letting it grow grow grow. I still have a complicated relationship with money though and if I buy something nice for myself I instantly feel guilty. It will be interesting to see what happens when almost all extra money goes to baby boy! I hope I can impart upon him the importance of saving and budgeting so he doesn't have to learn the hard way.

GTKY: Biggest regret

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