Second baby, gender reveal party, baby sprinkle or announcement with gender?!

Mrsstasisantos · April 2017

hey everyone I just found out I'm pregnant with number two (ds just turned 1) and I'm racking my brain what to do! Since it's baby number two for me and three for my husband (both boys) I don't know if I should
A. Announce with the gender
B. Have huge gender reveal party in lu of baby shower
C. Have a baby sprinkle if it's a girl and just a diaper party if it's a boy?

All of my friends have had kids close together and have had a second baby shower and I have listened to a lot of people complain about the second shower, if it's another boy I don't know if I should have a huge party but if it's a girl I think it would be okay.... so maybe just annouce with the gender? Let me know what u guys think or what you have done!

Duckybears · April 2017

I think it's really up to you and your husband. Do whatever makes you comfortable and happy.

A friend of mine had a different gender for her second baby so we had a sort of sprinkle shower for her at a pottery painting place. It was fun just to get together and do something fun and bringing diapers and wipes got you door prize tickets. Most of her gifts were just small things such as girl outfits and new books.

angetralala · April 2017

I will tell you that second showers are a touchy subject around these parts! I'm not sure exactly what you're looking for, though - you could just announce the sex of the baby without a party, since it's not as though the party is what informs people that you're expecting.

jlemons-2 · April 2017

I'm not having a second shower, regardless of sex. Also, the sex shouldn't affect your decision, that just sounds gift grabby.

GraysonsMama · April 2017

I agree that it's a touchy subject here. If I were you I would have a sip and see or a bbq after the baby is born. That way it's not seen as gift grabby. And in all honesty, my first was a boy and my second was a girl (22 months apart) and we reused everything from our first. With the exception of out of the house outfits. She still sleeps in traditionally boy pjs.

eighmey · April 2017

I think you should do whatever you feel comfortable doing. I have a huge family, and we do everything together. Even though this is my second, we will end up having a gender reveal/BBQ. But for me and my husband a small intimate gathering still involves around 25 very close family members.

ohmickey331 · April 2017

We plan on doing a gender reveal with just family and close friends. We also have plans for a BBQ to celebrate baby, no gifts or anything.

jesrude · April 2017

I have a question. Not to start anything but just for genuine feedback. What is wrong with a second shower? What if the children have a large age gap between them? I have known people to get upset with a third or more shower. Is a second shower more "touchy" if the children are closer in age? What if you're in a new family, i.e. the dad's are different, and the new little is first grandchild of said family?

Again, this is genuine curiosity, if you are more comfortable messaging me directly a response please do. I'm not trying to put anyone and their beliefs on blast here just learn why this is such a touchy subject and what peoples views of it are.

GraysonsMama · April 2017

I personally don't have a problem attending a second shower though I wouldn't have one. A baby shower is traditionally to welcome a woman into motherhood and to shower her with gifts. Of you're already a mother then etiquette would say you don't have a second no matter the sex or age gap. If you would like to celebrate the baby then you should have a party after the baby is born and he/she can attend. Or just have a simple shindig where gifts aren't brought

Just my thoughts anyway.

vvitchhazel · April 2017

@GraysonsMama Hit the nail on the head. Multiple showers are super gift grabby. Showers are for helping new moms and dads transition into parenthood. I hear people say that they will celebrate every child they have... But how are you celebrating a person who isn't even there yet with a shower where you primarily get gifts that help you? Sip and See's are totally acceptable, where you provide refreshments for people who come to meet your baby. There shouldn't be a registry on the invitation at all. Most people will probably bring some kind of gift, but gifts should never be expected.

@jesrude I think the only acceptable exception would be if it's the father's first child. He deserves that ushering into fatherhood too. That being said, in my circle, husbands are always included in showers and they're typically pretty co-ed.

IMO, there's no good excuse for having a second shower. If you want pink stuff instead of blue stuff, go buy it on your own. And I'm also not a big fan of huge, elaborate gender reveal parties.

splsmama2016 · April 2017

I wouldn't do a shower unless theres a huge gap (we are talking a large gap). I'm even iffy on a sprinkle, unless its only my super close friends, passing on clothing from their kids IF KidUnit #2 turns out to be a boy. (shout out to my Tots!!)

Tennis11785 · April 2017

I think having a second shower after a long gap emphasizes the gift grabby feel. To me, it feels like "we didn't save stuff, so now you all get to buy me new stuff."

lablover920 · April 2017

Personally I do not want a second shower of any kind. I get super awkward with people buying me gifts in general and my first shower was plenty enough for me. I do however not judge friends who have had second showers due to a different sex or big gap in ages. I am going to do a sip and see, not for the gifts but so I don't have to make plans with a million people to come and see the baby once he/she is born. I got so stressed with people coming over all the time to meet DD, especially people I don't even know that well (distant relatives that just want to cuddle that baby...eye roll!). OP do what you want. If your family and friends want to throw you another shower/sprinkle/reveal....go for it! If you want to just do your own thing...do that!

peachy13 · April 2017

I would suggest just announcing, whether in person or on social media or whatever. I would side eye a "huge gender reveal party" or "sprinkle" for a second child that you sound like you're throwing for yourself...

dkizz82 · April 2017

Your personal decision. Where I'm from, everyone has multiple showers. If this one is a different sex, i hope for at least a sprinkle.

angetralala · April 2017

Also, I didn't have a shower for my first, so I'm just not into the whole dog-and-pony show anyway. I think showers are nice in theory, but rarely in practice.

alysapuggles · April 2017

I will have a 6-year-plus age gap between mine, and I will not be doing any registry/shower/etc. Everyone was super generous with us when DS was born, so it just feels wrong ( to me) to ask for anything more. At this point, it's up to us to replace the old car seat, monitor, etc. IMO. Now, having said that, I'm sure DH's parents and mine will still want to shop for second baby, but there will be nothing formal at all. I like the idea of a no gift casual gathering to meet the baby after it's born though.

eazybreezy225 · April 2017

In all honesty it really depends on what is socially accepted in your own community of friends and family.
I grew up in a community where everyone had a baby shower of some kind for every single baby, regardless of age gaps, gender, etc. When someone announced the pregnancy, the first question asked was usually "when is the baby shower?". And if one wasn't planned a surprise one usually was. It was considered strange to NOT have one.
In my social circle now, we only have showers for the first baby or if the age gap between kids is 10+ years. It is considered strange and gift grabby to have a second shower.
So really, we can advise you all we want on this topic but it really comes down to what is the norm for your social circle. After all, it's your friends and family that will be impacted. It's not like any of us will be there. Lol.

flowerpower5838 · April 2017

As previously mentioned, baby showers are traditionally to welcome women to motherhood, not to celebrate a baby. You cannot honor a guest that is not in attendance and you cannot be welcomed to motherhood twice. I think that subsequent showers, with the exception of one of the parents being a new parent, are gift grabby. I 100% agree with @tennis11785 that having subsequent showers specifically because of large age gaps or even different sexes SCREAMS tacky and gift grabby to me. Because the sole purpose of said shower is for people to buy you stuff - don't kid yourself about wanting to equally celebrate the second+ kid.

Yes, I know, people will say that others don't have to go if they don't like it or come and don't bring gifts. But they will. And they'll likely talk about it behind your back. This is why etiquette exists, so you don't make friends and family uncomfortable with requests that they can't politely decline. I could not politely decline my SIL's second shower for her second child that is 2 years younger than her first. I was expected to go and bring gifts. While I love her and I absolutely equally love her second child, other SILs and I most definitely talked about her and how tacky it was that she registered for a BLUE baby bath because apparently a baby with a penis can't bath in a pink baby bath?

If the goal is also celebrating kid 2+, do so in a way where people are not expected to bring you gifts. If people want to bring you gifts, they don't need a gift-giving esque party to do so. It's not your friends' and family's responsibility to make sure you have everything for a second baby.

TIPS for first time moms - if you are so lucky to have a friend or family member that wants to host a shower for you (dear god, please do not host your own even if no one else will), and you plan to have a registry, try and keep the items that don't particularly matter (ie baby bath) and the big ticket items gender neutral.

ETA: also not a fan of gender reveal parties, especially not big blow out ones. I also think it's weird when the parents know the sex already and have a party specifically to reveal to everyone else. That is like the one redeeming thing about these parties, watching the parents' reactions when they learn what they're having.

AMCsquared · April 2017

I think u should do whatever your gut is leaning toward. I see no problem with multiple showers. Gender reveals can be a fun way to make it a celebration if you're looking to avoid the shower.

jlemons-2 · April 2017

@alysapuggles do a registry for yourself and your parents because of the completion coupon!

alysapuggles · April 2017

@jlemons-2 That's true, almost forgot about that!

ab920 · April 2017

Mine will be 15 months apart and I'm certainly not doing a second shower or sprinkle. I agree that it's gift-grabby and inconsiderate to friends and family who generously got you gifts for the first baby.

What we are doing, however, is having a gender reveal. It's going to be a BBQ with food and booze and a small reveal at the end (cake pops). We did one for our first baby and people had a blast. We also include "NO GIFTS" or something like it on the invitation.

I have been to one event that was a BBQ/gender reveal and the invite asked everyone to bring diapers. I didn't think that was tacky or rude...actually thought it was kind of cute. Everyone brought different designs and it was fun.

Tennis11785 · April 2017

I could go either way with a sex reveal party. I'm a bigger fan when it's more of an excuse to get people together and hang out and have fun and then maybe do a small cake or something at the end (Kinda like what @ab920 said). I'm not as much of a fan when the entire party is about the sex reveal. Some of the ones I've been to felt like it was a second shower, and that I don't like. So I think it's all about how it's positioned.

splsmama2016 · April 2017

I'll be making a registry but that's because I want to take advantage of the perks you receive after. I'm not giving the list to anyone or even mentioning it to anyone. Why not take advantage of money back??

babypi · April 2017

@Mrsstasisantos I think everyone's situation is different and you should definitely do what your family and community is expecting, since this will always be a controversial subject on these boards. I wanted a shower with my first just to be able to get together with friends and family. But we lived 2000 miles away from our closest family because of the military. So we might get to have a 'first' shower with the second because I'll be home for 6 weeks later this summer and my family wants to throw one this time around. They feel like they missed out before.

tmk0325 · April 2017

Mrsstasisantos said:

hey everyone I just found out I'm pregnant with number two (ds just turned 1) and I'm racking my brain what to do! Since it's baby number two for me and three for my husband (both boys) I don't know if I should
A. Announce with the gender
B. Have huge gender reveal party in lu of baby shower
C. Have a baby sprinkle if it's a girl and just a diaper party if it's a boy?

All of my friends have had kids close together and have had a second baby shower and I have listened to a lot of people complain about the second shower, if it's another boy I don't know if I should have a huge party but if it's a girl I think it would be okay.... so maybe just annouce with the gender? Let me know what u guys think or what you have done!

I think if it were me (my boys are 10 months old), I would do a gender reveal/lunch and if people want to bring gifts they can. I would not probably call it a shower or a sprinkle. Where I live sprinkles are very uncommon (in WI) and usually a second shower only happens if there is a very large gap in between the children. I would however do a small registry though, so if people ask if you are registered though you have something to tell them, but I wouldn't necessarily promote it. That's what I'm going to do and just put a few things down that I know we'll need like diapers, wipes, maybe some clothes if its a different gender, another convertible carseat, etc. So if people want to shop off of it they can, but it's not expected.

tmk0325 · April 2017

@sdLindenberg And yes, that is why I will make a registry too, so I can get the completion code!

lablover920 · April 2017

@sdLindenberg Such a great idea!! Totally forgot about the completion code at the end...thank you!

flowerpower5838 · April 2017

Don't forget the swag bag that comes with registering, too! Amazon has a good one!

failuretofly · April 2017

@flowerpower5838 excuse me what??? I registered with amazon for DS and never got a swag bag!!

flowerpower5838 · April 2017

@kvacmak GIRL! https://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html?docId=1003000081 Here are the deets so you don't miss out this time lol.

wabash15 · April 2017

This may be an UO... but I think its WAY too early to even be thinking about it. We're not even close to being out of the 1st trimester and the ugly truth is some of us won't get there. Also I'm team green and don't really get the whole gender reveal thing...

b48kate · April 2017

Bottom line: you do you. People who think it is tacky won't participate. People who don't think it is tacky will come. Ultimately it will all be a real side-note in the parenting adventure.

AFrye0726 · April 2017

I've never been to a 2nd baby shower, so the idea seems weird to me. I just even recently heard of sprinkles and sip & sees. Honestly, what you are most comfortable with is what you should do. But we aren't planning on anything at this point. We did a large gender reveal for the last one, and DH was like can we just find out and move on.

I'm probably going to announce it on social media some way, but other than that this is #2 for me and #3 for him. We've gotten so much help from people, we would feel awkward even thinking about another party. I'm sure people will still buy this baby things too, especially if it's a girl, since we have 2 boys. But hopefully it'll just be grandparents and close family.

ameliabedelia-2 · April 2017

I second what most people are saying, skip the party and throw a sip and see afterwards when there is an actual baby to celebrate and meet. I have been to plenty of second showers where I thought it was tacky but went because I felt obligated. And there is nothing worse than dictating what your guests should bring should they feel inclined (like asking for diapers).

flowerpower5838 · April 2017

@b48kate I think that more realistically people who think it's tacky will come because they would be expected to. I've done it, I am sure other people here have done it. Those that don't support second+ showers will likely just talk about you (general you) behind your back or silently judge your selfishness.

b48kate · April 2017

@flowerpower5838 I geniuenely would not go to an event where I was silently judging the honorary or host. No matter how obligated. How is that better than just skipping it?

Tennis11785 · April 2017

@b48kate - you go to support your friend, even if you don't support what they are doing. Or you go because you want to see a particular group of people that you know will be there. Or you go because it's your sister in law and your mother in law will throw a fit if you don't. Those are just three of many reasons why you may still end up going to a 2nd baby shower that you think is tacky.

flowerpower5838 · April 2017

@b48kate 100% exactly what @tennis11785 said. I don't hate people who do this or think they are morally corrupt, nor am I going to carry this judgment to the grave or anything. I just don't like this one thing they are doing. Do I judge them in the moment? Yes. Will I hold it against them for life? Of course not.

I respect that everyone is allowed their own opinion on the subject. But I do think the general rules etiquette supports my opinion.

b48kate · April 2017

@tennis11785 I get social pressure, I just think the stronger ethical position is not going. If you do the calculus and decide you are going, for any reason, then you are being pretty tacky yourself if you spend the whole event quietly bitter or talking behind someones back. You aren't being the bigger person, the better person.

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