Why My SO is a Mr. Poopy Butthole

pandawares · April 2017

Mine texted me before he left for work saying he was upset that I hadn't washed him any undershirts after he'd asked me to. I'd seen the text in which he asked when I was half asleep and immediately forgotten. He didn't say anything about it the entire time he was home yesterday.

vvitchhazel · April 2017

My husband lays in bed on his phone in the morning, spends at least 45 minutes in the bathroom on his phone while doing his business and showering, and then wants me to make his lunch while he rushes panicked out the door. It drives me NUTS! I make every meal we eat, including his to go breakfast burritos. Can't you just allot enough time to do your own lunch?!

pandawares · April 2017

My DH has often said "I just wish our priorities lined up a bit more." Well, sorry, I'm not going to change my priorities. If I can't walk freely around the house, I'm going to fix that before I wash dishes.

peachy13 · April 2017

DH is chomping at the bit to tell everyone that we're expecting. I told him when we first found out that I wanted to wait until 12 weeks to tell anyone, but then at the doctor's, my OB said we could tell people after our next appointment (10 weeks) assuming everything goes fine. That's now 3 weeks away. 3 weeks is nothing! I keep telling DH that and he will agree for like 5 minutes, and then go... "but can I tell Tim (his best friend) if I talk to him this weekend?" No! You can tell Tim in three weeks!

kater622 · April 2017

DH goes to bed after me, and when he comes in the room to get ready for bed he makes a lot of noise. Sometimes he's even listening to a podcast (no headphones!). Often he tries to talk to me, wrestles with the dog, wants to turn the tv on or lays next to me on his phone with the bright screen shining in my face too. I have a hard time falling asleep/staying asleep as it is. Last night I lost my temper and said "if you're not ready to sleep why the hell are you in here!" and he goes "wow is this what you're going to be like for the next 9 months?". I wanted to suffocate him with his pillow.

drablnd · April 2017

My SO works nights and every morning he comes home and wakes me up to talk to me and turn on the tv and make me roll over and snuggle him and some days I just want to kick him. One morning I was asleep so hard that when he came in and shook my arm I reacted by almost socking him before he jumped out of the way. Granted I was still mostly asleep and didn't realize it was him. Now he stands way back when he wakes me up

vvitchhazel · April 2017

@vauxthekate Ugh! I'm angry for you! My husband is super gropey in his sleep, so I've been moving to the couch after he falls asleep. I've always had a hard time falling asleep and staying asleep too, so I miss out on at least a half hour to 45 minutes every time he touches me. We need sleep! We're growing babies! They're energy suckers!

pandawares · April 2017

@vvitchhazel I sleep on the queen-sized futon in the living room all the time because I just love sleeping alone. DH once asked me if we were okay because I'd slept away from him for a week or so; I felt so bad! I have a seriously hard time falling asleep, so once I feel sleepy, I don't do anything to jeopardize my chances of falling asleep. That often means falling asleep where I am, which is usually the couch. Once I'm asleep, though, that's it. I have to take medication to help me wake up. If I don't, I wake up 10-12 hours later with a headache from oversleeping and am still tired.

vvitchhazel · April 2017

@pandawares It's a lose-lose situation for me. When I'm not in bed with my husband, I have nightmares and I actually suffer from bouts of sleep paralysis. I don't know if I just feel safer next to him, but I have no SP issues with him by my side. But almost nightly he wakes me up with boob or butt squeezes.

pandawares · April 2017

@vvitchhazel Hm. Have you tried putting one of his worn t-shirts in bed with you? It works with babies!

pandawares · April 2017

@vvvitchhazel Or you could get some air in a can and use it when he touches you awake XD

CandyApple2012 · April 2017

Last night DH was talking to my bff on the phone (we're all super close) and we were talking about planning a visit home soon to see everyone. DH made a joke about "how pregnant K won't be any fun" in reference to no partying, After their conversation I kind of lost my mind on him for a minute. Maybe it's the hormones because I know it was meant to be a joke, but WTF. The three of us were a little wild back in the day and the whole thing really rubbed me the wrong way. While I embrace the change we've decided to make in life, I guess it freaks me out a little bit too. Ugh. All the feelings.

rachswi · April 2017

My husband has been mopey all day because he really wanted some yesterday and didn't get any because I'm exhausted. I'll probably have to give in tonight so he'll keep doing the dishes.

flowerpower5838 · April 2017

DH works nights and weekends, I work traditional hours (but work from home Tuesday and Friday). When I ask DH to do things on his day off, he doesn't want to do it because it's his day off and he wants to relax. When I ask him to do things before he goes to work, he doesn't want to do it because he has to work all night and wants to relax. I want to hulk smash him sometimes.

beaandthebabes · April 2017

DH thinks my burping is hilarious and constantly says we need to name the baby Rick Sanchez aka Tiny Rick. Which makes this thread name fitting.

AFrye0726 · April 2017

I'm sitting in the parking lot of the dollar tree. My car died. Apparently this is my fault.

He's mad he has to cancel his plans tonight, when I asked why he couldn't fix the car tomorrow (he's a mechanic/body man), he got pissy.

Now crying waiting for the tow truck. This is going to be a fun 9 months.

NME44 · April 2017

@pandawares, is your DH incapable of operating the washing machine?

camomile_june · April 2017

@vvitchhazel OMG, my H is exactly the same. We take turns making meals, including breakfast. But when I actually have to be at work on time, I have to make breakfast myself, because DH spends 30 mins in bed on his phone, then 15 in the bathroom with his phone, then 20 mins in the shower listening to podcast or music, and then wants to cuddle in the bed with me when he's done showering. Dude, I don't have time for that, I have to be out the door in 5 minutes. It's not like you didn't know this, because YOU DO IT EVERY F*ING DAY! And then he makes some hasty toast for us, instead of the healthy stuff I always make. Just set your alarm for 30 minutes earlier instead of driving me nuts! Grrrrrrr.

Edited because word endings and grammar

pandawares · April 2017

@AFrye0726 Hugs!

@NME44 He helps me out with laundry all the time! But once we delegate something to the other person, it slips our minds. He apologized when he came home.

moonlady-2 · April 2017

Mine is so on me about what I eat and drink since finding out. I know he's right but sometimes I just want a damn Diet Coke!

vvitchhazel · April 2017

@camomile_june Seriously! What is it with guys? I told him today that he isn't allowed to mess around on his phone when he works early because he always ends up running late. Reddit can wait until you're pooping! I've been spending extra time in the bathroom every morning, because the MS is real. He waits until I'm out of the bathroom to get DD up, because he's on his phone in bed. She happily plays in her crib until we get her and he's always the one that changes and dresses her... But maybe if you did that before I got out, you'd have extra time. EYEROLL!

camomile_june · April 2017

@vvitchhazel Reddit is the devil, indeed. I sure hope I don't get bad MS, because we only have one toilet and DH occupies it for what feels like hours at a time...

QsMadd · April 2017

All of these are great. I had a good laugh.

stillclever17 · April 2017

vvitchhazel said:

But almost nightly he wakes me up with boob or butt squeezes.

@vvitchhazel I read squeezes as sneezes. I was like, "What's a boob sneeze?"

vvitchhazel · April 2017

@camomile_june That's our problem. We live in a painfully tiny flat with one bathroom. 40 more days til we move in with my parents who have 3 glorious bathrooms!!!

AMCsquared · April 2017

He was doing so well and I kept thinking wow I'm so lucky... until last night lol. I had told him during the day my nausea was bad and I couldn't wait to get home from work. Then I got home and texted him how I really wanted carbonated water and food but that my stomach was so upset I wasnt eating. He said he'd bring it all home for me. Then suddenly oh he's going out to eat with his cousin instead because I "wasn't eating anyway" and he needed to eat. Hello dude I just wanted to be taken care of. Then I had a meltdown about going through pregnancy alone lol.

vvitchhazel · April 2017

@AMCsquared Ugh, they just don't get it!

AMCsquared · April 2017

I told him hello when you're sick I rush to take care of you. He was like thank you. And then still went out with his cousin lol

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