FFFC 4/14

wyomama0427 · April 2017

My file insert button isn't working so imagine a meme that says "You ain't gotta lie to kick it."

awildrose · April 2017

I'm over editing my posts here. Between mobile bump stupidity and iPhone autocorrect stupidity, I think I will just embrace the perception that I'm grammatically challenged.

wyomama0427 · April 2017

@awildrose oh I feel you. I'm over explaining why I've edited my post, 99.999% of the time it's grammatical. I cringe when I see my own mistakes. Sometimes I just think oh hell whatever and leave them.

awildrose · April 2017

@wyomama0427 Yep! It's even worse when I catch the mistake like an hour later when I'm catching back up on a thread. "Oh well, everyone's already read it by now, why bother fixing it?"

Becky012016 · April 2017

I don't plan to save for college or trade school for any of my kids. I'll help them with rent or food while in school if they need it but I won't bankroll their higher learning.

mercury94 · April 2017

Easter related confession: I hate Peeps. They are super gross. My SIL brought us some blue Peeps to celebrate the baby boy. I took them to work. No one there ate them either. I'm pretty sure they got thrown away after a few days.

awildrose · April 2017

@bridge-and-wall I hate Peeps, too!!! Even as a kid, I would cringe when people would give me and my brothers Peeps. Nasty.

mrsmarygs · April 2017

@Becky012016 I'm not planning on saving for college for my kids either. My dad paid for my older brother's college for three full years, and that did not end well. So he had the rest of us kids pay half, and was able to pay the other half with his normal income. If my kids decide to go to the college that both DH and I are on staff, they will get half off tuition anyway, and can easily pay the difference by working summers and during the school year. I'd rather focus on paying off our mortgage so that we will be in a financial situation to help our kids out however they need us to.

@bridge-and-wall @awildrose Normally I'm all about the Peeps, but this pregnancy has given me an aversion to them. So I understand your pain.

lap018 · April 2017

We will be saving for our kids college and plan to pay for it in full but they won't know anything about it. I plan on telling them that getting scholarships (academic/musical/athletic/any and all) and loans is how they will pay for their college (hoping to get them to push a little harder in their studies/music/athletics/etc if they know they will have to make up the difference with loans) and then surprise them when they get accepted to the college they want to go to. We are also planning to put down payments on their first houses for them. My husband and I have had to pay for college and our houses and literally everything and while yes we've worked hard for what we have it's not hard to give our kids a break/lead in life and also still instill in them a good work ethic. As I said our kids will not know that we plan to pay for their college or for their down payments but I would love to help them out in that way especially as a surprise.

DPandMB · April 2017

Agree with @Becky012016 and @mrsmarygs. We aren't saving for our kids either. My parents had us put ourselves through college and would help with the random things, rent, bills, food as needed. It gave me a much better respect for my time, money, education and career. I don't want my kids to struggle, but I want them to learn the valuable lessons. Also with baby #4 on the way, no way could we afford it.

awildrose · April 2017

We plan on helping with something when our kids move out. We realistically don't see having money to pay for full college tuitions. But my husband and I have struggled a lot getting through college and post grad on our own and just getting stable financially. We want to help our kids without handing it all to them. We've talked about saving what we can for each kid and offer it to help with school, get them a car, or a home. I had a friend in HS whose parents made the deal with her that if she got her college covered herself they'd buy her a brand new car. She graduated salutatorian and her parents bought her a nice midsize SUV she wanted that she still has and can use for her growing family. I just know something even like that would've made a big difference for DH and I over the years.

Ae_Lovely321 · April 2017

@lap018 I get what you're saying. I'm really torn on transferring over my GI bill to my kid. I'm already working on a master's and haven't touched it. Growing up though I had to pay for everything on my own. I think it made me grow up and appreciate hard work more.

My FFFC is this past month I have been lurking on a lot of baby shower threads because there is always some sort of drama. People take life too seriously.

mercury94 · April 2017

@Ae_Lovely321 If anyone's looking for me. I'm now lurking on baby shower threads.

HollyGolightly09 · April 2017

Not sure if this is a confession or a rant...

I hate 90% of the little girl clothes/nursery decorations I see online. The glitter, bright colors, wild prints, quotes, and gigantic bows are just horribly tacky, in my opinion. I try looking for stuff I like and just end up texting my mom and DH pictures of stuff I hate.

wannabeamongoose · April 2017

FFFC - I'm going to encourage my kids to not even go to college. At least not a 4 year college right away. I think it's a much better use of their time and experience to work for a year or two, maybe attend community college or trade school, and then decide if a 4 year degree is really what they want. If I had gone that route, I honestly don't think I would have gotten my bachelor's or my master's.

DPandMB · April 2017

I hope this doesn't come across as hateful or mean, but just a different view. @Lizlann do you think not getting a Bachelors will impact their ability to secure a job? I ask because I was a bit surprised at your comment. In my line of work, when I was in a lead position, HR wouldn't even give me candidates to interview if they didn't have a bachelors at a minimum. Now that being said, I will also say, I don't necessarily agree with that because my job is a specialized job and is not learned in school. Those without degrees are certainly capable of doing my job. I'm just curious where you are coming from.

lap018 · April 2017

And I definitely see the other aspect of not covering the expense and them learning the value of their work. We just had to work like dogs since the moment we started driving and we did not get to enjoy our college experience because we were exhausted and over worked and burnt out. Our kids will still have to get like a work campus scholarship or have a part time job at least, that will be a requirement for us to cover their college tuition because we will not be paying for them to go on spring break or to travel during the summer or stuff like that. I think there's a way for us to pay for their stuff like that while still having them work and saying things like we will no longer cover your tuition if your gpa fallls below a certain number etc. there will be requirements for us to pay for it just like a scholarship has its own requirements

mrsmarygs · April 2017

@lizlann I was kind of surprised too by your comment. Although the more I think about it, the more I half agree with you. If you have a child that has always struggled through school, but has more of a hands-on approach to life, a trade school would be great for him. There are several fellow students who learned after a semester or a year that academics were not for them, and they found enjoyment in something that did not need a degree.
However, my sister was very hurt by this thinking that college is unnecessary. It took her years to get an associates degree and she is finding it hard very hard to get a job that isn't looking for a bachelor's degree. She has nearly three years of experience, so not all work places value experience over education.

DPandMB · April 2017

lap018 said:

And I definitely see the other aspect of not covering the expense and them learning the value of their work. We just had to work like dogs since the moment we started driving and we did not get to enjoy our college experience because we were exhausted and over worked and burnt out. Our kids will still have to get like a work campus scholarship or have a part time job at least, that will be a requirement for us to cover their college tuition because we will not be paying for them to go on spring break or to travel during the summer or stuff like that. I think there's a way for us to pay for their stuff like that while still having them work and saying things like we will no longer cover your tuition if your gpa fallls below a certain number etc. there will be requirements for us to pay for it just like a scholarship has its own requirements

I get this too. And in all honesty, although I stand by "kids will pay themselves" I would probably pay for them if I could. I struggled a lot too and am still paying student loans at 32.

mrsmarygs · April 2017

lap018 said:

And I definitely see the other aspect of not covering the expense and them learning the value of their work. We just had to work like dogs since the moment we started driving and we did not get to enjoy our college experience because we were exhausted and over worked and burnt out. Our kids will still have to get like a work campus scholarship or have a part time job at least, that will be a requirement for us to cover their college tuition because we will not be paying for them to go on spring break or to travel during the summer or stuff like that. I think there's a way for us to pay for their stuff like that while still having them work and saying things like we will no longer cover your tuition if your gpa fallls below a certain number etc. there will be requirements for us to pay for it just like a scholarship has its own requirements

I like this mentality, it's similar to the decision my parents made. They are fairly well off and had enough money to put all of us through college and buy us nice cars and things. My mom wanted to help us out as much as possible because she was starving in college just to make it through and had tons of debt. But after the failed attempt with my oldest brother (he basically stopped studying and just fooled around), they came to compromise of paying half for all big expenses. So laptop, car, college, airplane tickets back home, we had to come up with the other half.

Sugargirl1019 · April 2017

I hate peeps.. and I will help my kids with what I can. I owe my successful position in life to my parents' help. I have a house I bought myself for my now growing family thanks to their support through college. My gratitude is unmeasurable for that headstart.

Ae_Lovely321 · April 2017

@bridge-and-wall look up "No friends to throw baby shower" in Mar15.

Swazzle · April 2017

FFFC: I slept until 9 (couldn't tell you the last time I slept even close to that late) and now I don't plan to move off the couch until 4:30 when I have an eyebrow appointment.

labby18 · April 2017

I do not plan on making my children go to college. I plan on saving/investing for each child (I'm a financial advisor, i do this for a living for other people). If my child wants to enlist in the military go to a trade school or otherwise I fully support it. Having a Bachelor's degree does not guarantee you a job. I have found many friends from growing up who went to trade school and work at the shipyards back home have starting salaries more than many and almost all entry level positions a bachelors degree can get you depending on your major of course. I was forced to go to college, and was under the assumption my parents were paying for college. I have $65k in student loan debt between my undergrad and masters, and I do not want my children to feel forced into a decision that doesn't guarantee you anything - I was not eligible for any grants at all, and I decided to go to the school I wanted, not the school with the most scholarships offered. I will encourage them to go to college if they wish to, and encourage them to achieve their dreams. We plan on having the $ set aside for them depending on their goals to help them have a jump start in life. DH did not go to college, he enlisted in the military and has an amazing career. He had $50k in inheritance from a grandparent, of which he lent to his parents, who have not paid him back and have made it clear they have no plans to.

BigBadWolf12 · April 2017

ditto @sugargirl1019 My parents never gave the impression that they would pay the whole thing (and they didn't), but they never gave the impression that I would be fully on my own, so I knew I would have the support if I needed it. Whatever money they contributed was contributed AFTER I had already put in as much as I had saved up from jobs, placements, and random earnings.

I think it worked for us and not for others (for some of my friends, if their parents said they'd top up if they ever ran out of money, those friends were partying, buying new stuff all the time, etc) because they had already raised me to not be obsessed with *things* (brands, the newest and best, etc), so I hardly spent anything on non-essentials in highschool and uni, and though I spend more on leisure now, it's not a pattern. On occasion (birthdays or something) I'd go out to eat, whereas my friends would go out at least one night a week for drinks and stuff. They'd get a new phone every year or two, with a $60/month data plan while I got a phone in second year and kept it until I got a new one as a birthday gift when that phone literally didn't work anymore and a $25/month texting plan. So part of it is about the money itself, but I see a big part of it to be about the work ethic and values taught through the years leading up to the 'transition to freedom' (whether that's uni, college, trades school, apprenticeships, etc)

Sugargirl1019 · April 2017

@labby18

whaaat??? 50k just gone??? My parents wouldn't ever lend me that amount, and I've paid every penny back they ever advanced me! It's so horrible having terrible parents... the in laws constantly make us feel guilty for making more money than them and complain when we don't buy them dinner, spend x amount on their gifts.... we already pay their monthly phone bill

labby18 · April 2017

@Sugargirl1019 yeah, i still can't comprehend how they did that to him, and have like zero remorse. DH is from southern california, and in the 2000s his dad got laid off a few times (he does corporate real estate) and they more or less "took it" under the concept that they were "borrowing" it. And when DH has asked for money as an adult to help with a few things (car broke down, when I was between jobs because of a military move etc) they get really snarky. He brings up the $50k, and the response is "we raised you, we don't owe you that back." or something like that. If we had that $50k, everything would be so much better. My dad is a government employee and got sequestered right before our wedding, so we had to pay for that ourselves and so much other bull crap that that $ could have really come in handy for.

and my mantra for this week continues...people suck/i hate people.

So because we feel our parent's kinda screwed us over, we want to make sure we have stuff set aside for the kids. I'm the youngest, and my older brothers' court fees and replacement vehicles and having to pay out of pocket for housing at an out of state private college because he got kicked out of the dorms, dried up any and all college money for me. (and i was the honor, varsity athlete student who also plays classical piano...and has only had 1 speeding ticket my whole life)...I'm bitter so I should stop now.

HollyGolightly09 · April 2017

I will help my kids with college expenses, because it is often not even worth going if you leave drowning in debt. If they are not school oriented people, though, or have a specific interest outside of college that will be fine, too.

My parents helped me with expenses, but I never expected them to pay for everything. I went to my 2nd choice school because they offered a better scholarship. My parents paid for my apartment and the 20% of tuition we had to pay. I got a part time job and paid my car payment, school books, and normal living expenses. I do have some student loans, but nowhere near what I would have had without their help.

With my brother, on the other hand, my parents paid half of his tuition, all his books, and his car payment for 2 years. (He lived at home.) He got student loans to pay for the other half. He ended up dropping out, and my mom now pays the student loans.

awildrose · April 2017

@labby18 I agree. College isn't for everyone and we certainly won't tell our kids that have to, either. That's why we have been discussing the "help them somehow" approach. Money down on a car or house can be just as helpful in getting started as less in student loans can be.

mrs_tacos · April 2017

Both of our fathers are the first to go to college in their families, and work jobs that are not blue collar. They had to work very hard for everything they had, and they instilled that in us, and we want to pass that on. They also helped us to varying degrees in our early years- my parents gave me a reliable car to drive to and from school in, they paid off all the student loans I accrued before I got married, and they cosigned with us for apartments in the early days before I even really had credit, among a hundred other small things. Both families helped us financially later on when DH spent a year without a job, and I could only find part time work. We really appreciate that they found ways to help us, and we wouldn't be in the place we are now without them, but we still had to work hard. If our financial planning goes as, well, planned, this baby (and any future children) will have money for college or trade school, as well as a small amount that will become theirs later in adulthood. But they won't know that until the time comes, and the money for college is not unconditional- you fool around, the money ends. I really hope to strike a good balance with our son. He's going to grow up with more than I ever had as a kid, but we don't want that to translate to a lack of work ethic, or a privilege that makes it hard for him to see past the end of his nose. I want him to know that he comes from humble people, and hard work is the only reason why he's not growing up the same way. I hope he feels as connected to, grounded by, and thankful for that heritage as DH and I do.

mrs_tacos · April 2017

HollyGolightly09 said:

Not sure if this is a confession or a rant...

I hate 90% of the little girl clothes/nursery decorations I see online. The glitter, bright colors, wild prints, quotes, and gigantic bows are just horribly tacky, in my opinion. I try looking for stuff I like and just end up texting my mom and DH pictures of stuff I hate.

I feel the same way, but I'm stuck in boy land. Why does everything for boys have to be sports or camo or jungle or farm themed? And it's all the same three color schemes, and all the animals have horrifying faces. A few friends have given us a few bags of hand me downs, and I ended up passing a ton of it on to goodwill, because it was just so ugly.

I felt bad, like it made me ungrateful not to keep it all.

HollyGolightly09 · April 2017

mrs_tacos said:

HollyGolightly09 said:

Not sure if this is a confession or a rant...

I hate 90% of the little girl clothes/nursery decorations I see online. The glitter, bright colors, wild prints, quotes, and gigantic bows are just horribly tacky, in my opinion. I try looking for stuff I like and just end up texting my mom and DH pictures of stuff I hate.

I feel the same way, but I'm stuck in boy land. Why does everything for boys have to be sports or camo or jungle or farm themed? And it's all the same three color schemes, and all the animals have horrifying faces. A few friends have given us a few bags of hand me downs, and I ended up passing a ton of it on to goodwill, because it was just so ugly. I felt bad, like it made me ungrateful not to keep it all.

The animal faces are horrifying. We had settled on doing woodland themed stuff for a boy, but I hated the super cartoony, babyish looking animals.

labby18 · April 2017

FFFC...

DH is a back sleeper and I am a side sleeper, even before he knocked me up and am now banished from back sleeping. Our king size mattress is 5 years old. He now claims it causes him sooo much pain...So being a good wife, I suggested we switch mattresses around, and we are sleeping on the Queen (maybe full idk) mattress from the guest bedroom. This thing is like a ROCK, I feel like it's Princess and the Pea status on that bed. And side sleepers need a softer mattress. He's sleeping better than ever, me...not so much, so I'm sleeping in the guest bedroom on our king mattress...my confession you ask? It is so nice to snuggle with my animals and have a WHOLE king size bed to myself. I slept so well last night. But, does anyone have a sleep number bed? or have had any success with other beds when you and your hubs are complete opposites on bed type.

mercury94 · April 2017

@mrs_tacos it took some work, but I've found some cute boy clothes. I like the little outfits with ties.

mrs_tacos · April 2017

@bridge-and-wall I'm finding some cute stuff here and there as well. The tie outfits are super cute! I've had some success at a baby consignment store where I can pick and choose what I like, rather than having to buy a five pack of something I only like two of.

awildrose · April 2017

I have another:

I dislike Jimmy Kimmel. I find him obnoxious and not very gracious as a host. (Ex. Interrupts frequently and has to have the final word)

mrs_tacos · April 2017

awildrose said:

I have another:

I dislike Jimmy Kimmel. I find him obnoxious and not very gracious as a host. (Ex. Interrupts frequently and has to have the final word)

I agree! James Cordon, on the other hand, is a gem.

msashley2010-2 · April 2017

My FFFC: (more of a BF) Sometimes I really really wish I could punch people over the phone with no consequences.

My OB is referring me to a high risk doctor to get better testing on my kidneys. They called me to schedule the appointment but I was at work and when I called them back the lady very curtly said "We don't do OBGYN here. You must have called the wrong number."

I said, "Oh yeah? That's funny. Because someone from your office just called me and left me a voicemail looking to schedule an appointment for me and this was the number that was left."

It just kills me because working in claims customer service and empathy are my top priorities and I would get yelled at if I treated people this way. Then you have receptionists and people at doctor's offices treating patients with actual medical issues like this and it really grinds my gears....

awildrose · April 2017

mrs_tacos said:

awildrose said:

I have another:

I dislike Jimmy Kimmel. I find him obnoxious and not very gracious as a host. (Ex. Interrupts frequently and has to have the final word)

I agree! James Cordon, on the other hand, is a gem.

I like what I've seen of James Cordon!

Ive been pretty smitten with The Graham Norton show lately. Maybe because they have so much more conversation then American late night shows?

mrs_tacos · April 2017

awildrose said:

mrs_tacos said:

awildrose said:

I have another:

I dislike Jimmy Kimmel. I find him obnoxious and not very gracious as a host. (Ex. Interrupts frequently and has to have the final word)

I agree! James Cordon, on the other hand, is a gem.

I like what I've seen of James Cordon!

Ive been pretty smitten with The Graham Norton show lately. Maybe because they have so much more conversation then American late night shows?

I love Graham Norton! I do appreciate that they have so much more conversation, and that all the guests stay out the whole time.

Incandescent · April 2017

Same @mrstacos I hate baby boy clothes! Girl clothes are so cute. My 7 year old and 3 year old are boys, 10month old is a girl. She is so much more fun to dress! I'm so sad she's our only girl! Buuuuuut I did find some cute boy outfits last weekend.

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