Mental Health Check In Week of 4/3/17

Jens_Hoes · April 2017

How is everyone hanging in this week?

michelle59-2 · April 2017

Struggling a bit. I am generally very level headed and I've been fortunate to be able to say that my emotions haven't been too terrible while being pregnant. That being said, I had a breakdown on Saturday. I have been feeling like a bit of a failure. I know that having GD and cholestasis aren't my fault. But, deep down I feel like my body sucks at being pregnant and that I am failing. I've been trying so hard to eliminate bad habits and change anything I need to while being pregnant. So it felt like kind of a blow to have these diagnoses. I also struggle because I know that I'm playing the victim card with myself and I HATE that! So, I wound up having a breakdown and laying in bed crying for a little while on Saturday. It was much needed and felt good. But I know I desperately need to change my perspective. Happy Monday, ladies!

Jens_Hoes · April 2017

This week has been such a mix of emotions for me. I've mentioned before that my DH has a problem with alcohol, and it has been an issue in our relationship for many years. He should be sober, but that is something he cannot commit to, which is truly unfortunate for him and me. This Friday he drank, to excess, and reacted the way he typically does, and of course did not remember the next day. We had a long conversation, full of crying (because I can't hold myself together) and he admitted that he cannot drink liquor. It was a step in the right direction, unfortunately I wish he would just be sober, but this is his journey and I can't make his decisions for him. I've thought about going to Al-Anon Family Groups, because unfortunately, I am the only one his drinking affects. Has anyone attended a meeting and did they like it?

My shower was yesterday, and it was wonderful. We are truly blessed to have so many people in our lives that care about this baby already. We seriously have everything we need, with the exception of the little things (some sleepers, bottles, pacifiers, etc). I had honestly planned on spending so much money on her to get everything ready, and I can't believe I won't have to.
Having the shower also made everything so legit. We haven't gotten the nursery ready because we didn't have anything, but now we do... It makes it feel like she is coming any minute, which in reality is a possibility!

@michelle59-2
I'm sorry you've been feeling down! I can't imagine having one of those diagnoses, let alone both. It sounds like you've been trying your best to be healthy and make good choices for your baby, and that's really all you can do. Pregnancy is hard, period. Are you able to talk to your husband or close friends/family about how you've been feeling?

starphish18 · April 2017

@michelle59-2 I'm sorry you're feeling down, too. GD and cholestasis are definitely not your fault, and it sounds like you're doing everything right. I completely understand how you feel in regards to pregnancy emotions being rough. I'm usually pretty level-headed, as well, but there have been times during this pregnancy that my emotions have been on overload, and it's a bit scary. I'm glad you feel better since Saturday. You've got this!

@Jens_Hoes I'm really sorry you're having this problem with your H's drinking. I imagine that must be incredibly difficult for you when he's been drinking to excess. I don't have any great words of wisdom, but I really hope you two can talk about it and that he could at least commit to being sober during the last month or so of your pregnancy. It'll be important for him to be prepared at any time. I'm glad you had such a lovely shower, though, and your big ticket items have been taken care of. Your pics looked so nice!

starphish18 · April 2017

I've been doing pretty well lately. The two spontaneous labors we've had in the past couple weeks have really lit a fire under me, though (as I think it has many of us). I'm due at the end of May, so I theoretically still have a while to go. But, at this point, I want to have everything done by the end of April when I'm 36 weeks. And really, probably before then. I have a bunch of spreadsheets made to help me keep track (April to-do's, what we still need to purchase, packing the hospital bag, packing the diaper bag, getting our two changing stations set up, what I need to wash, etc). That definitely helps me feel calmer about it all. My goal is to then clean the house in May (I have a big spreadsheet for that, too) if I have time...if not, no big deal. But, I think that will at least help me stay busy next month. My mom is convinced I'll go into labor early, as both me and my H were a few weeks ahead of our due dates. As long as this baby holds off until May, I'll feel ok...but we have all of our classes and such in April, so I really don't want her showing up this early!

I have been feeling a bit down about the weight gain lately. Most of the time, it doesn't both me. But I think sometimes, depending on what I'm wearing or how hungry I am that day, I do worry a bit. I've just started getting some swelling, which doesn't help, either. I do enjoy having this belly right now, though, so I think I just need to stop worrying about the number and let my body do what it needs to right now.

Jens_Hoes · April 2017

@starphish18 I'm right there with you about wanting to have everything done by the end of April. My DH said he'd set up the crib and dresser in the next few weeks so that I can start putting everything away. Everything we need to do to get ready feels overwhelming for sure.
I also feel you about the weight gain. It is so hard to feel positive about yourself sometimes, but the truth is we are creating life, and just because we gain a little, or a lot, doesn't mean anything about anything. Once we get into the swing of things with our little one's we can start to focus again on that (if that is what your plan is).

michelle59-2 · April 2017

@Jens_Hoes alanon is a great resource! I highly recommend it! I've found it incredibly helpful when I've has addicts and alcoholics in my life. There is so much support there and you learn so many tools to help you cope. I don't know if you're familiar with AA, but alanon is a program based off of that. For people who are struggling with someone else's addiction. If you want to private message me, I would be more than happy to tell you more about it in depth. I hope you will give it a try. It can be hard going at first, but it is worth it to stick with it. I promise.

BabyMC517 · April 2017

I'm sorry that you ladies are struggling with the different medical diagnoses, weight gain, and general pregnancy stuff. I struggle with the weight gain as well and I truly think it just depends on the day and what I've eaten (or how much) for the degree of my issues with the weight. I've really tried to be good and stay on track, but we all have those days/weeks where we can't help it and that's okay. LIke @jens_hoes said, we are creating life and it doesn't matter if we gain a little or a lot as long as baby and mom are healthy!

@jens_hoes, I'm sorry you're having to deal with the alcohol with your H. That must be very frustrating that you aren't able to really do anything for him but be there and have the conversations you've been having. I think that its a great first step for you all to be talking and have him say that he can't drink liquor. I hope that you all can continue to talk and that maybe one day he will be open to getting some outside help, because you're only one person (with a LO on the way!) and can only do so much. I've gone to an Al-Anon meeting before for a class that I was taking, but not for anyone in particular. I think that they are a great resource to families who are struggling with loved ones who are having their own struggles. They seem to be very supportive and at the very least a great place to talk with others who are going through similar things as you. It might be a great idea for you to look into.

I don't have the medical diagnoses that you have @michelle59-2, but I can imagine how you must be feeling. I hate not being in control of things and both of those diagnoses you really don't have control over. Its definitely okay to have a breakdown! We all need to have those! Hang in there and know that we are all here for you!! Such a great group of ladies we have

I'm doing okay so far this week. Last week was rough with all of the issues I was having. Its really hard as a FTM when you start feeling all of these different pains and what not because you just don't know what they are! That to me is the most frustrating part, I like to know what something is going to feel like or be like and I don't. Just trying to take it one day at a time

I'm, also, starting to feel very overwhelmed with what still needs to get done in our apartment and with what we will still need for the little guy. We have most of the essentials, its just figuring out what else we still need and I can't do that until I can start putting things away. I think H is going to start putting furniture together this week in the nursery because he knows its bothering me. The rest of the apartment is sort of coming along, just need have a few more things to go through and put away then I'll feel much better that we will only have the nursery. I would love to have everything done and ready by the end of April, too!! Here's to motivation and getting organized!

So sorry for the looooong post! Happy Monday!

jayandaplus · April 2017

@michelle59-2 Not trying to hijack your post, but I feel like I can relate 100percent. You are not a failure and those diagnoses are not your fault!! This is an emotional time and those diagnoses don't help! It's okay to cry but keep making sure it's not getting too bad that you're getting depressed. I've found the threads here really help me. Please feel free to reach out to us during these tough moments. You can do this! Don't doubt yourself for much good you're doing despite these diagnoses.

Mobile bumping, more to come later!

lilmisscrafty-2 · April 2017

@Jens_Hoes I can relate on the H and alcohol issue. MH has struggled with alcohol for years. I don't know if I have much in the way of advice. In our situation, I had to make the decision to stop enabling him, or making excuses, or cleaning up his messes. I've started looking into some Al-Anon literature to read. Don't know if I myself am ready to attend meetings. But figure it's a start. As for MH, he is definitely working on his drinking. He's been doing good. A few hiccups here and there. I noticed that he mostly drinks when he doesn't have anything else going on. So one of the things he's done is to fill that dead time with activities or chores. I know your H's work is seasonal. Do you notice a difference in his drinking once work picks up?

I'm actually doing good today. I did have a good cry on Saturday because my plans were ruined. I had planned to work on my taxes but realized I couldn't because DH hadn't started his. We have two businesses so we're trying to see if there's a benefit to filing separately. I had to laugh at myself. Who cries because they can't do their taxes?

Today I'm armed with to-do lists. Is there any better feeling than checking off things you've been putting off? With H starting his new job today, I'm determined to stay ahead of things around here.

michelle59-2 · April 2017

Aww you ladies are the best! Thank you so much for the support! I did tell my H how I was feeling, but it kills him to see me sad so he just wanted the tears to stop. I feel like you guys are the only ones that really understand because you go through the ups and dosnst too. It's incredible to not feel alone. Thank you all again!
I do have some good news, however, that lifted my spirits. I was supposed to have my first GD appt last week and they called and cancelled. They were supposed to call and reschedule and never did. I tried calling twice last week to set something up with no luck. I called this morning and they rescheduled for Thursday. That was a relief. Also, I have been on medication for the cholestasis and I had my bile acid levels checked last week. I've been looking online everyday for my results. They were finally posted online this morning and since being on the medication my bile acid levels are back in a normal range! I'm so excited! Definitely raised my spirit's!!!

bubsalicious · April 2017

@Jens_Hoes I don't have super personal experience with Al-Anon because I was too young when our family got involved, but my mother has gone for years, and I think she still does. I know it has helped her tons, especially when times are bad. I know you can't force someone to get help when they don't want it, but has your H or even you looked into any 30 day inpatient treatments? I know the timing would be super sucky right now, but those first 30 days are always the worst. But those first 2 medallion (if it's an AA treatment) are the ones that I hear are the best and help people going.

Jens_Hoes · April 2017

Thanks for all the support guys.

The only hesitation with Al-Anon that I've had is I don't want to go to a meeting near my house because we live in a small town (my MIL is the mail lady, FIL is the electrical inspector, and many know my husband because he works for himself). I'd like support, but I don't want his problems to be known because honestly myself and his parents are the only ones who know how bad it is. I also feel like I can't go near work because I'd be afraid of running into my clients or their families (I work in mental health). I was thinking about maybe going during my maternity leave.

@LilMissCrafty There are definitely certain activities that increases his drinking (snowmobiling, being slow with work, being overwhelmed) so there is a definite ebb and flow. He is about to go back to work full time (once the snow melts & ground thaws) and he has so much lined up, so not much time for drinking.

@absbubbs He's not at a place where he is willing to be sober. He told me that he is done drinking for the rest of my pregnancy, and will not drink liquor anymore. I honestly don't think he'd benefit from a 30 day treatment facility, not only because I don't think his needs are there, but he also wouldn't be willing to go.
In the last year he has done so much growing in regards to recognizing his struggles (both mental health & substance abuse) and trying to make some improvements. I almost feel bad wanting more from him, almost feeling selfish, even though I KNOW I'm not.

bubsalicious · April 2017

@Jens_Hoes Totally understand the small area fear, but every program through AA is suppose to be anonymous. Ours was also in a small community, and there were a couple times some info leaked, but they quickly found out who it was and they were not allowed back. People talking about anything said at a meeting in the outside world is not taken lightly. Also, you only say as much as you want to so if you don't want the group to know how bad it is, they don't have to. I agree, treatment programs aren't for everyone. At least he is acknowledging things need to change and is working towards that.

mdlorenz · April 2017

@michelle59-2 I'm so sorry you are feeling down about your diagnoses. I felt / feel a similar way about my little guy and his IUGR diagnosis. It was extra difficult to decide to have both babies by c-section so early (32w) in order to protect Owen from getting sicker inside. I felt so sad that my body wasn't growing both babies well. I think I'm still mourning the loss of a "normal" twin pregnancy. What has helped me is to focus on what I can control, and acknowledge that I'm sad/grieving but not get wrapped up in it. Hugs to you.

---
I started talking to a counselor 2 weeks after my babies were born, as there are a lot of issues in my life causing stress / sadness. The pregnancy / birth / NICU trajectory. My career on hold and how the heck I'll balance it with having 3 kiddos. How my DH deals with stress (simmers, then boils over). The division of labor in our home. Etc etc. Its been helpful to talk to someone but she managed to hit the right nerves and I cry every time. I hate crying in front of other people.

michelle59-2 · April 2017

@Jens_Hoes another thing you could maybe consider if you decide to try Alanon is that, like someone else said, you can say as much or as little as you want. Therefore, you don't have to share who in your life is struggling from addiction if you don't feel comfortable. You can still get the support and help without sharing too much.

chailife34 · April 2017

@Jens_Hoes Stay strong, lady. You are not alone, even though sometimes it can feel that way. Not only are all of us here for you, but there is so much support out there to help guide you through such a difficult situation. I'm glad to hear you were brave and told him how you were feeling - so important - and that he's willing to slow down through the rest of your pregnancy. Like @starphish18 said, he has to be prepared at any time for this baby to come, so maybe that reminder will help give him a reason to be sober.

@mdlorenz I really appreciate your sentiment about grieving the loss of a "normal" pregancy and feeling sad about our bodies not providing how we expected. This week has been one of the hardest weeks of my life, going from low to high risk, and I know I'll have more grieving to do once the csection is all over. I feel like my body betrayed me, even though I know previa is a (rare) naturally occurring thing that I couldn't ever have control over anyway. I keep trying to humble check myself, thinking this will give me better perspective, the yin to the yang that was my DD's perfect birth. We certainly can't control everything, but it's still really disappointing when things don't work out the way we hope. "It could always be worse" - we could have not found the previa until it was too late and would have faced a life threatening situation, as we planned an out of hospital water birth. There have been a lot of moments in the last few days where I have broken down out of fear.. of bleeding again, of surgery, of going back to the hospital, of the baby being born prematurely. So much uncertainty. Bed rest does a number on an anxious mind!

BeachMommy2B · April 2017

@Jens_Hoes I'm so sorry to hear about the struggles with DH. I don't have experience with my significant other, but my Father and grandparents on his side are all extreme alcoholics. Unfortunately in my situation the best decision for me was to rid them from my life completely. Hopefully the baby might change some of your DHs perspective on things.

@michelle59-2 it definetly is not your fault. I have had a really tough pregnancy as well. I don't have anything like what you are going through, but I know it can be so tough when you feel miserable and like you can't fully control the situation.

I am doing ok this week. The Temp that is filling in for me at work during my leave is turning into a huge headache. His words today were "how am I suppose to be able to do all this without you here", ugh I know it's hard, but that's the whole point.... plus although he put on a good interview I happened to google him and he is an aspiring model/actor and OMG he is so dramatic.... today was his second day and he was apparently throwing up all morning so he didn't come in until lunch. Then he would clutch his stomach and wence all day. I get being sick sucks, but come on dude enough is enough. So he is adding more stress to my plate when he is suppose to be taking it away.

mdlorenz · April 2017

Hugs @chailife34 -- wishing you a super smooth delivery. You still have some options, even with a surgical birth - if you want, it might be worth asking your provider about what you *can* control (whether you want to see the birth, either via camera zoomed in on your belly or with the drape lowered // if any skin-to-skin is possible or desired // if you want someone in the OR to take any photos of the birth and your sweet baby - usually up to the anesthesiologist rather than the OB). It takes a sh*t-ton of courage to undergo surgery (of any kind) - you are so strong mama!

Edit: Autocorrect is so dumb sometimes

chailife34 · April 2017

@mdlorenz thank you so much sincerely. Creepy internet hugs. I'll definitely take your advice and ask some more follow up questions at the next appointment. I seem to be in a pretty baby friendly hospital setting so hopefully they'll be willing to work with me. Great advice.

kns1988 · April 2017

@Jens_Hoes, you should definitely check out Al-Anon. I firmly believe that no one will get sober until they're ready, but that being said, my DH encouraged me to get help and I've been in AA and sober for a little over 2 years. This was after trying to do it on my own off and on for years and even going to an outpatient rehab. If it weren't for DH's support, I never could have done it. Now that's not to say you need to be his savior, but you likely have more influence than you realize. I also saw a therapist who specialized in addiction, so that coupled with AA was invaluable.

Jens_Hoes · April 2017

Well, I spoke too soon.
Yesterday, when he came home he said "oh my day has been so stressful, do you care if I have a glass of wine?" A long argument ensued, and I just feel so defeated. He fails to see how disrespectful it is to ask to drink just three days after the last incident. He also told me that he will never stop drinking, and that if I don't "allow" him to drink he'll start hiding it from me. He also "doesn't remember" telling me that he wouldn't drink for the rest of my pregnancy. Basically called me selfish because he has toned his drinking down, and has said he won't drink liquor "until we have our problems figured out". I told him that he was pushing us towards a divorce by continuing to drink, and he said "oh well we'll cross that bridge when we get there."
I feel so defeated, and disrespected on top of the fact that I'm 32 weeks pregnant and MISERABLE.

I came to work today and printed out the Al-Anon meeting schedule.

lilmisscrafty-2 · April 2017

@Jens_Hoes Oh man, that's awful! I'm so sorry you have to deal this. Glad to hear you're taking the next step to attend a meeting. Please know you're not alone. Lot's of creepy internet hugs! Wish I could offer more.

BabyMC517 · April 2017

I'm so sorry @jens_hoes. Unfortunately, some people need to hit rock bottom before they realize what they are doing, not only to themselves, but to those around them. I'm so so sorry that you are going through this right now. I'm glad that you looked up the Al-Anon meeting schedule. I truly believe that it will help provide you the extra support that you need. Hang in there! We're all here for you!

mdlorenz · April 2017

@Jens_Hoes I'm so sorry that DH is treating you like that. Hugs to you - I hope you can find something (like Al-Anon) that helps you through this. You certainly deserve better, mama.

jayandaplus · April 2017

@Jens_Hoes I know you've gotten a lot of feedback so far, but you can never have enough, right? I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this! I do think alcoholism is one of those things that a person has to come to decisions on their own. It's good that he realized he needs to cut out liquor, that's a step in the right direction. As for Al-Anon, I have had friends who liked it and found it useful.I have joined support groups for things related to DH and I and found them to helpful, at least for a time. Worth a try. We're hear for you, but sometimes live people can be really helpful, even if you just listen.

I'm sorry he is continuing to drink and disrespect your current state, feelings, and the conversations you've had. Hopefully outside resources will help, even if just you. Do you see a therapist?

@starphish18 Weight gain is inevitable. I was freaking out about it for a long time, probably until about 3rd tri and my GD diagnosis (when it was something I just couldn't worry over anymore.) My midwife told me a story. She had a midwife teacher who had three babies. With the first she let herself go, ate whatever she wanted whenever. She gained 60 lbs. For her second baby she tried to be more cognizant, eat healthier and more carefully. She gained 60 lbs. For her third baby, she tried even harder to eat well, exercise, not gain too much weight. She gained 60 lbs. The moral of the story is that your body is going to gain with it needs for baby. As long as you're not eating donuts for every meal, look at the weight gain as baby's doing, not in a blame kind of way, but in a biological way. Not sure if that helps, but you're not alone. I think weight worry is completely normal.

@BabyMC517 I know we've had a few early births around here, but the reality is as a FTM you probably have plenty of time. I feel like personally and from reading a lot of posts in various threads, emotions are very heightened right now. We worry, we doubt, we second guess. Maybe your concern is just that-- another pregnancy symptom/phase? It will all get done, if it doesn't, you'll find a way to make it work after. Just take it day by day, step by step.

@mdlorenz I think it's great you started seeing a counselor. You have a ton on your plate right now!! I understand hating to cry in front of other people, but that's part of being a therapist. Think of it was a safe place to let that emotion out. And maybe it helps to know it's one person, rather than family and friends, etc. These emotions are nothing to be ashamed of, and it's healthy to let them free, so they don't fester and become bigger issues or manifest in other unhealthy ways. I hope the counseling helps.

@chailife34 I can't imagine what you're going through. It's terrifying to have your birth plan taken away, let alone replaced by something so opposite. Have you looked into ways to make the cesarean crunchier? You've been through so much the past week or so, it's completely understandable you'd feel worried about the future. It's a fragile situation, but you're handling it with amazing grace and dignity. Your baby is going to have a wonderful mama and learn that strength from you, even if your baby's birth isn't what you wanted. A safe birth is all that matters in the end. We're here for you. Thinking about you and baby!

jayandaplus · April 2017

I think I had a panic attack last night. I've been sick and super emotional (not like me). I feel like a pregnancy cliche, everything makes me cry. I feel very dramatic. But I worked a 13 hour busy shift, got into bed around 3 am and could not sleep last night. I kept having BH yesterday, for the first time ever. I think they were more stress related than dehydration, because I was drinking lots of water. Anyway, I kept having them throughout the night, and then around 6 am I woke up in a panic, for some reason feeling frenzied that I couldn't feel the baby. I drank 3 glasses of cold water and kick counted for the first time. I was bawling for about 45 minutes before I got enough counts and was able to simmer down. Suffice to say I've averaged 2-3 hours of sleep the last 3 nights, am sick with a terrible illness, and overwhelmed with my work life right now. DH made me spend four hours in bed today, trying to sleep, and I couldn't. I've struggled with severe insomnia before, and it was bad for my mental health. I'm not sure if part of my labile emotions is from sleep deprivation or vice versa. I just spiked a fever in the last hour, and while baby is back to it's usual very active self, I can't seem to shake off my panic attack. Not sure exactly what I'm looking for by posting this, but you all are always so comforting I just wanted to say it somewhere.

kns1988 · April 2017

I'm sorry you experienced that, @jayandaplus. It's been a few years since I've had a panic attack, but they are pretty devastating in the moment. Try to focus on what you know is real: the baby is kicking, and you *will* sleep eventually. If the anxiety is really bad, my OB told me there are meds that are safe to take for anxiety during pregnancy. The OB can be a good resource to find you help whether you want meds or not. I hope your sickness goes away and you can get some sleep soon. That would mess with my mental state, too!

@jens_hoes, I'm sorry the conversation with your husband went so poorly. I'm sure you have a lot of resources and knowledge already since you're a therapist, but if you ever need to talk to someone about alcoholism or AA, you can PM me.

MollyandD · April 2017

My class is driving me crazy. These 3rd graders are the toughest group since I taught 7th graders. They broke a cable that make sure my projector function yesterday, I have several who have to be closely monitored on technology for attempting to look up porn- YouTube porn, meaning anything with a dirty sounding title (one did it again yesterday in the library when I wasn't there to watch), their parents deny or justify everything they do, and they NEVER stop talking. I can give them instructions, and they will literally do exactly what I said not to do and claim they didn't know. I love the kids individually, but as a group, they are a bad mix. I can't wait until I have this baby and go on summer break early. The mother of one of my challenging kids lets him skip school on detention days, since it's a one day a week thing. My mental health is fragile, haha. I'll be ok soon enough.

michelle59-2 · April 2017

Ughhh. There's been a bit of a rift in my family for almost two years. Haven't seen my dad since and have only seen my mom once. My mom and I have been working on our relationship and talk on a regular basis. I was really hoping she'd come when my daughter is born, especially since it's my first. But she told me today that she won't be there. It absolutely crushed me. I haven't cried like that in years. She said she will come visit soon after, and I appreciate that. But I won't lie, this whole pregnancy, all I've wanted was for my mom to be there. H's family will be there, so I am a little jealous. And hurt.

jayandaplus · April 2017

@michelle59-2 I'm so sorry your mom said no. Did she give a reason? Creepy internet hugs!

Knottie71048143 · April 2017

My MIL is stressing me out and has made everything in this pregnancy about her. She announced the pregnancy when we asked her not to. She's has 5 kids and 4 grandchildren. I'm 44 there was a 54% chance I wouldn't make it out of the first trimester. Hubby got to tell no one because she had already told the whole family. She and my SILs are planning a shower (I'm grateful, they didn't have to) but, I invited 15 people, she invited all her friends I don't know (30+people), she asked me to make a registry at target after we had made one online because she "likes to touch things." I hate the color pink and we're having girl. The nursery is purple and it's a mermaid theme. I just got a call from her asking about something with pink roses because her friend wants to get something embroidered because she, the grandma liked it. Didn't you ask me to make an additional registry for you and your friends? She also wants to be in the delivery room (hell no). I am very firm with her and let her know how I feel. Hubby has told her to "get a grip" she's a nice person but, I have reached my limit. Any suggestions? Maybe it's my hormones.

michelle59-2 · April 2017

@jayandaplus No, she didn't say why. I'm trying to just appreciate that H's family will be there. But the 6yr old in me wants my mommy. Ha.
I caught up on this thread and read about your panic attack. I've always struggled with them. They're really tough and to be honest, scary. I don't like to take meds for them if I don't need to, so I've worked a lot on coping tools to try to make it through them. If you ever want to talk about it or need some tools you can PM me or ask on here and I'll be happy to help any way that I can. I just want you to know that as much as it may feel like it in that moment, you're not alone! Hope you're doing and feeling a bit better. Sorry to hear about the flu!

jayandaplus · April 2017

Thanks @michelle59-2. Currently can't sleep at 1:45 am and fighting a fever that won't break.

I'm sorry about your mom. It's nice you have DH's family, but I understand it's not the same. Is it worth trying to convince your mom?

michelle59-2 · April 2017

@Knottie2891384 I wish I had some advice for you. But I am also struggling with the MIL trying to take over. She's tried to invite herself into the delivery room a few times. And she desperately wants H and I to move in with her after baby comes. So if you get some good advice, would you be willing to pass it along? I'd be ever so grateful! Hope it gets better for you!

michelle59-2 · April 2017

@jayandaplus I could try to convince her, but I don't want her to come because she feels like she has to you know?
I have horrible insomnia.. So if you're stuck awake I am up too! I get so bored at night time. H sleeps like a baby. Ha.
Besides the fever, how are you feeling?

jayandaplus · April 2017

@michelle59-2 Yes, I understand. Maybe she'll change her mind on her own?

I'm struggling in every way with every symptom. Hot flashes, body aches, congested, headache, and such bad nausea I'm just waiting to race to the toilet. Thanks for asking. Do you take anything for insomnia?

michelle59-2 · April 2017

@jayandaplus that sounds miserable! Sending healthy vibes your way!
My OB doesn't want me taking anything. I used to take seroquel of ambian. But now he only wants me to take benadryl which doesn't do anything to help me sleep unless I take at least 6. And, I can't take that many because I worry about the effects on the baby. So I just tough it out. I get a good nights sleep one or two nights a week where I will just crash. I can nap during the day time, but that's a horrible trap for me to fall in to too. Because the insomnia has gotten so bad being paired with the pregnancy, I do try to sleep when I can, though. Even if it is during the day.

michelle59-2 · April 2017

I itch so bad at night that sleep is almost impossible anyway.

BabyMC517 · April 2017

michelle59-2 said:

@jayandaplus that sounds miserable! Sending healthy vibes your way!
My OB doesn't want me taking anything. I used to take seroquel of ambian. But now he only wants me to take benadryl which doesn't do anything to help me sleep unless I take at least 6. And, I can't take that many because I worry about the effects on the baby. So I just tough it out. I get a good nights sleep one or two nights a week where I will just crash. I can nap during the day time, but that's a horrible trap for me to fall in to too. Because the insomnia has gotten so bad being paired with the pregnancy, I do try to sleep when I can, though. Even if it is during the day.

Why won't your OB let you take anything other than Benadryl? I know Tylenol PM is on my approved list or Unisom...just curious

ETA: Because I just wasn't thinking... that m sorry you're both struggling with your MILs and even mom! I've had some off comments made by my MIL and when I tell H he just talks to her. She is kind of a jealous person and I think she gets jealous of me being with her only son as weird as that may sound. When my mom posts pictures up of me on FB she always comments "aww there's my grandson!" And nothing about me even when the title of the list is "isn't she lovely". I just brush her off even though it's super annoying and I may snap one day haha nothing like wha you all are going through, but solidarity sisters! Hang in there! Oh and she will not be in the delivery room! She didn't ask to because she lives across the country but I know she would have if she lived near us! I'm not even sure I want my mom in there!

chailife34 · April 2017

Okay, I'm freaking out right now.. we're headed back to the hospital because I'm bleeding again, worse than before. I'm 34w today and am praying that we can keep this baby cooking, even if it means I have to stay at the hospital. Of course we live super far from the hospital so this is the most stressful drive ever with DW speeding. Ugh! I'll check back in soon for updates.

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