Acclimating big sibs to new baby

ellie111227 · March 2017

I know a few people have mentioned taking their kids to big sibling classes, but I don't think we have talked about this a ton otherwise. Moms who already have 2+ children, what did you do to help your child(ren) adjust to the new baby, either before or after they were born? What worked/didn't work?

My kids' age difference will only be 20 months, so my big goals are getting dd to climb the stairs on her own, turn pages in books (so we can read stories while i breastfeed), and stop taking everything out of my kitchen cabinets every chance she gets. It's not a very comprehensive plan...

halfthetree · March 2017

I wouldn't stress too much about it. Make sure she is getting lots of one on one time with you (when baby is napping, forget the dishes. Take that time to cuddle or play a game with your oldest).
We also made an effort to make sure we didn't say "We can't do this because of the baby", and instead just offered alternatives/other ideas.
We also had a box of special activities we could do together while I was breastfeeding, and some things to do while baby was napping. It helped a bit!
Ex: Instead of saying no I can't come play, I'm breastfeeding the baby... I would tell him in 5 minutes I would love to, and ask him to bring a book I can read to him until it's time to play. It totally depends on your child's personality though! My son needed (and still does) a lot of one on one time.

JessyKV · March 2017

My DD was almost 22 months when DS was born. We got her baby dolls and accessories before DS was born so she could mimic me. Also a little kid table with stickers, colors and coloring books on hand for her to have an activity while I nursed. She loved helping and watching the baby. Work on soft or gentle touches. And like PP said spend lots of one on one time with them while baby naps.

Kylieslip24 · March 2017

We're supposed to go on our hospital tour tonight and I'm hoping they will have a sibling class. Those of you who had their kids do that was it really beneficial? How old were your kids? My dd will be 4 years older than ds.
If my hospital doesn't offer it can I go to a different hospital for classes?
So far we have been practicing diapering her stuffed animals and she wears them in her ktan. She also has been "nursing" her dolls and we have been looking at her newborn pictures a lot and talking about what she was like and how brother will be tiny and squishy like she was. She's pretty excited.

Xath · March 2017

DS2 has a babydoll right now and we're teaching him about being gentle. He's got a very nurturing instinct, but is also a toddler. Agree with @halfthetree. Don't use the baby as an excuse for not being able to do things; make sure you give your older LO plenty of attention when baby doesn't need you.

I'm generally not a fan of getting siblings gifts on someone else's special day, but my exception to this is the birth of a baby. It's important for them to know that they're still important even in this time of upheaval in their life. We got DS1 a "big brother" book and t-shirt when DS2 was born. We also had the baby get him a fun present. I'll likely do the same again this time.

And because I'm a Daniel Tiger shill, I highly recommend season 5. The first 4 episodes revolve around the life changes of a new baby in the house. We were able to use the songs as teaching moments for DS1. DS2 also loves DT and we've already shown him some of the episodes.

awillis13 · March 2017

I took DS to a sibling class 2 weeks ago. He is 5 (so there will be a 5.5 year difference). He technically has a younger sibling in his step brother, but we blended families when DS was 2 and SS was 1 so we missed the infant stage). Our sibling class talked about how the baby eats when it is in mommy's belly, the ways the baby can come out, the ways the baby can eat once it is here. She also showed them how to change a diaper, how to swaddle a baby, how to hold a baby. They talked about how baby's have a soft spot so we need to be careful, they need to ask permission to hold the baby, etc.

She read a cute book with the kids about a baby who kept crying and the only person who could make her stop was her older sibling (I forget what it was called) - that was really cute. They talked about who they would stay with when mommy is at the hospital, made a picture frame to put a family photo (or a photo of themselves) to put in the layette at the hospital so baby can start to see their face, and we took a tour of the maternity ward so they could see what the room mommy and daddy will stay in will look like, and where baby will sleep. They got to see a baby in the nursery (which I feel is such a rarity now with all the rooming in that happens).

It was about 1.5 hours, but I feel like it was really helpful. DS was attentive and engaged, and we talked about the things he learned after. I know our hospital offered a younger sibling class (definitely 3-4, not sure if it went younger than 3) and then the older sibling class was 5+.

tmrussell · March 2017

Kylieslip24 said:

We're supposed to go on our hospital tour tonight and I'm hoping they will have a sibling class. Those of you who had their kids do that was it really beneficial? How old were your kids? My dd will be 4 years older than ds.
If my hospital doesn't offer it can I go to a different hospital for classes?
So far we have been practicing diapering her stuffed animals and she wears them in her ktan. She also has been "nursing" her dolls and we have been looking at her newborn pictures a lot and talking about what she was like and how brother will be tiny and squishy like she was. She's pretty excited.

My hospital has a website with their classes listed. I would think that you could go to another hospital if they don't have one. We have been reading books and talking about the baby a lot and we are going to the class in April or May closer to the baby's birth.

Edit* auto correct error

allywat · March 2017

My son will be 20 months when baby arrives and I'm pretty nervous about his reaction. Even when trying to be loving he has a rough streak to him, our poor dog can attest to that. I'm hoping the new squish will be sleeping enough during the day that I can set aside time for him one on one at least for a while. I'm also thinking about getting him some baby dolls to practice being gentle. Other than that I'm not sure he will be able to comprehend anything else until baby is actually here.

Kylieslip24 · March 2017

So we did our hospital tour and that went well, but no sib classes. But I found a near by hospital that I was able to register her at for free. I'm excited. I don't think it's a necessity, but it will be fun for her hopefully.

awoodruff27 · March 2017

We had a rough time getting DD1 to like DD2. She was 3 (almost exactly) when DD2 was born. Now they are best friends, they fight like crazy but love each other. Now adding in dd3 I'm nervous about DD2 (who will be almost exactly 3) not being the baby anymore. BUT I'm hoping having DD1 there to show here it's okay and how to act it will help. I'm taking them to a siblings class, but I Know it could all hit the fan once dd3 gets here haha.

Kylieslip24 · March 2017

Any ideas on what to bring to the hospital to entertain a 4 year old? Our stay will be 2 days, unless a c sec then 3. So far I have a coloring book, new crayons, books, a disposable camera, snacks, a new toy from the baby. Maybe a craft to do with dad? She's the artist type. I'm hoping there is a park close by he can take her to, but I need to look into it still. We will have a few visitors and of course a new baby to check out too, but do you think that's enough?

Xath · March 2017

Your hospital is letting your DD stay with you?! This is one of those situations where I'd break out the tablet. DS1 had a Kindle Fire and it's fantastic for times like this. Also, since my subsequent babies ended up in the NICU we were able to use the tablet to introduce DS1 to his siblings.

onaed · March 2017

@halfthetree, super helpful input I will definitely keep the phrasing in mind when talking to my DS (he will be 22 mos when the LO arrives).

Follow-up question- Maybe this should be obvious to me, but when did YOU sleep (particularly when you don't have help)? For my DS, I napped when he napped the first 4 months. It took us some time to get him to sleep through the night so I took advantage of any opportunity I could get. If I'm now playing with my 1st when the new baby is sleeping, when would I catch up? Maybe the answer is just never, and your body adjusts to even less sleep the second time around. If that's the case, I'll mentally prepare for that. If you have a strategy on it though, I'd love to know.

JessyKV · March 2017

@onaed it's a lot harder with two! I would try to time naps so the afternoon nap overlapped for both of them. That way I could rest. My oldest also went to daycare part time when I was on maternity leave with my second which made things a little easier. Now I stay home and my oldest doesn't nap so it's going to be really hard for me to rest ever. I'm a little scared!

Kylieslip24 · March 2017

@xath no, although they probably would at our hospital tour they said about a hundred times they were there to serve us and we can do whatever we want.
The plan is during birth she will be in the waiting room with grandma, or home if it's night time. Then she will be with us once he's born pretty much the whole time except dh will take her home to sleep at night. We are all more comfortable together. They are a very family friendly hospital.
Definitely going to bring the iPad. I have to figure out how to download a movie or two onto it.

alm52386 · March 2017

@Kylieslip24 if you have Netflix you can now download certain movies and tv shows to watch without wifi. Although I assume most hospitals have wifi these days....?

Kylieslip24 · March 2017

Ooh that's s good idea. Oddly we do not have wifi, but I'm betting our hospital does!

Xath · March 2017

@onaed. What is this sleep you speak of?

In all seriousness I agree with pp; try to get at least one nap to overlap during the day so you can sleep (or shower or eat, or go for the hat trick). When DS1 stopped napping we instituted "quiet time" where he goes into his room and can read in bed or play quietly. He's almost 6 now and we still have quiet time every day; at this point it's when he can play with his Kindle and he decides how to use his screen time.

onaed · March 2017

@JessyKV thank you, will definitely try to figure out overlapping naps, for my first they were unpredictable so we'll see how this works.

lolol @Xath, I think I'm in for a rude awakening with number 2

allywat · March 2017

I'm really starting to worry about acclimating my 17 month old to this baby. I mentioned he is rough but he is constantly trying to hit, pinch, bite, pull hair. I try to tell him no sternly and demonstrate gentle touches. I've even started the timeout chair though not sure how much good that does at this age. To top it off he currently cosleeping in our bed and I really want to transition him to a crib and put the new baby in a bassinet bedside but I'm worried this is gonna be a huge issue and cause for jealousy.

ladylolly89 · March 2017

@Allybiery if you want to put your son in a crib, I'd do so now so that he doesn't associate the transition with the new baby!

doodleoodle · March 2017

@Allybiery DD1 just turned 17 months old and is a huge hair puller. Two things that have helped increase gentle touches and reduce aggressive ones are: 1) positive reinforcement, I make a huge deal out of her being gentle, and she eats it up. 2) disengaging, when she is aggressive I'll tell her no a couple of times, explain to her that it isn't nice and then if she continues I completely disengage and walk away.

I agree with PP about doing any sort of sleep training and crib transition immediately so that it isn't associated with the baby.

allywat · March 2017

Thanks for the advice ladies I agree I don't want him to associate having to move to the crib with the new baby.

Wino0920 · April 2017

I guess I'm the odd ball after reading this thread. I am very honest with my kids. I tell them, they move on up because they are growing up and get a new bed, baby gets the crib. Being an older sibling means sharing everything including Mom and dad. I don't sugar coat. I am totally ok with my kids feeling disappointment or not feeling they should get everything or their way all the time.

There are consequences for throwing tantrums and hitting or whatever, even at early ages. (Punishment fits the age obviously)

My transition from 1 to 2 was so easy.

huzzahuzza · April 2017

@Wino0920 not the odd ball. I am always about the honesty approach!
We're trying to be honest with DS1 but he's the total opposite of what I thought he would be like and I'm a little worried he's thinking the whole situation will be all puppies and rainbows! Lol He's so excited for his little sister!
We've read a lot of books and Daniel Tiger is super helpful for my kiddo, but a lot of resources don't quite describe the differences that are about to come his way!

Kylieslip24 · April 2017

@Wino0920 I try to always be honest too, maybe it's her age, being almost 4, but she is really excited about having "her" baby and taking care of him and giving him her baby stuff. She even majorly surprised us the other day and told us she wants to give him her Elsa build a bear and she will keep her Anna build a bear so they can match. Although she doesn't know exactly what she's in for, she's pretty happy to leave behind the title of baby of the family.

shmarpler · April 2017

Wino0920 said:

I guess I'm the odd ball after reading this thread. I am very honest with my kids. I tell them, they move on up because they are growing up and get a new bed, baby gets the crib. Being an older sibling means sharing everything including Mom and dad. I don't sugar coat. I am totally ok with my kids feeling disappointment or not feeling they should get everything or their way all the time.

There are consequences for throwing tantrums and hitting or whatever, even at early ages. (Punishment fits the age obviously)

My transition from 1 to 2 was so easy.

I'm right there with you. If my 19 month old can understand the command "put your coins in the pig, and put your blocks in your cupboard" and does it while I wash dishes without my urging her on, she can definitely understand "no."

I also think it is healthy to experience disappointment, and understand that things won't always go her way. That simply is not life, and it will be easier for her if she learns how to handle those emotions young, rather than as an adult.

huzzahuzza · April 2017

@Kylieslip24 sounds like we're in the same boat with our 3, almost 4, year olds!!!

Kylieslip24 · April 2017

It's a great age for a new baby, I think! @huzzahuzza

Want a personalized experience?

Acclimating big sibs to new baby

Re: Acclimating big sibs to new baby

Choose Another Board

Search Boards