Need some input! — The Bump
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Need some input!

MIght be long and confusing but I really need input on this...
So with my first pregnancy, I was pretty young and had no support from anyone really other than my partner. Fast-forward 5 years and now i'm pregnant again (got pregnant on birth control) so it was unplanned but not unwanted, I'd never personally would want an abortion after having a miscarriage... Anyways, i tend to dwell on stuff and can't get over the fact that he seems so much more less supportive and overall uninterested in me. I don't ever get a kiss or any affection unless i start it. I don't get "hey how are you doing" texts throughout the day,. or not even tonight when I was at the hospital for contractions at 25 weeks. Im just overwhelmed with stress and can't decide if i'm overreacting or just needy. I just for once want to feel supported and wanted during pregnancy. I was cheated on last summer and got over that but I can't help but to think i can't compare to her in his eyes? Like being with me is just so he doesnt look bad? I never get any straight answers when I ask if he really wants me...and part of me just takes it because I feel like having at least a little something is better than not having him at all. I'm just tired of feeling so unwanted...I see other pregnant couples and always wish It could be like that...I want someone to ask about me, to be interested in me and the baby, to WANT to feel the kicks and pick out baby stuff with me...I want to be able to be like other pregnant women with supportive husbands that truly show they love them...It brings me down so bad when I realize I dont have that...that all my pregnancies have been miserable and stressful... I think about it all the time, I can't get over the fact that most of the time I feel lonely...or like a big inconvenience...like it would be easier for him if I just left with our girls and gave him a free pass to live his life as a single man with no responsibilities....and I hate that it feels that way but the awful way he talks about me to his friends and the fact that he wont stop talking to his ex drives me crazy every single day.   There is not a day that goes by that I just wish he loved me as much as i loved him...or at least show it through my pregnancy...i feel like after i'm pregnant he'll end up leaving...i probably sound so stupid for wanting someone so badly that shows no interest in me....I feel like I give all my support and affection and get nothing back...sometimes i'm scared I won't love this baby as much as i love my daughter...i'm just drained..

Re: Need some input!

  • geveth said:
    MIght be long and confusing but I really need input on this...
    So with my first pregnancy, I was pretty young and had no support from anyone really other than my partner. Fast-forward 5 years and now i'm pregnant again (got pregnant on birth control) so it was unplanned but not unwanted, I'd never personally would want an abortion after having a miscarriage... Anyways, i tend to dwell on stuff and can't get over the fact that he seems so much more less supportive and overall uninterested in me. I don't ever get a kiss or any affection unless i start it. I don't get "hey how are you doing" texts throughout the day,. or not even tonight when I was at the hospital for contractions at 25 weeks. Im just overwhelmed with stress and can't decide if i'm overreacting or just needy. I just for once want to feel supported and wanted during pregnancy. I was cheated on last summer and got over that but I can't help but to think i can't compare to her in his eyes? Like being with me is just so he doesnt look bad? I never get any straight answers when I ask if he really wants me...and part of me just takes it because I feel like having at least a little something is better than not having him at all. I'm just tired of feeling so unwanted...I see other pregnant couples and always wish It could be like that...I want someone to ask about me, to be interested in me and the baby, to WANT to feel the kicks and pick out baby stuff with me...I want to be able to be like other pregnant women with supportive husbands that truly show they love them...It brings me down so bad when I realize I dont have that...that all my pregnancies have been miserable and stressful... I think about it all the time, I can't get over the fact that most of the time I feel lonely...or like a big inconvenience...like it would be easier for him if I just left with our girls and gave him a free pass to live his life as a single man with no responsibilities....and I hate that it feels that way but the awful way he talks about me to his friends and the fact that he wont stop talking to his ex drives me crazy every single day.   There is not a day that goes by that I just wish he loved me as much as i loved him...or at least show it through my pregnancy...i feel like after i'm pregnant he'll end up leaving...i probably sound so stupid for wanting someone so badly that shows no interest in me....I feel like I give all my support and affection and get nothing back...sometimes i'm scared I won't love this baby as much as i love my daughter...i'm just drained..
    I'm not sure what you're looking for. You can't make him be more interested in your or love you more. That said, a lot of your reasons for thinking he's not into you may just be his manner.  My husband almost never texts me during the day. Your partner is probably, you know, working, and not on his phone all the time. In fact, my H and I haven't texted in a week.  The last text between us was last Thursday (the ninth), and that was just one text of me telling him the UPS guy had dropped off a package he was expecting. As for being invested in the pregnancy, some guys just have a harder time "connecting," so to speak, with the baby when its still in utero, even sometimes afterward when the baby is very small and really doesn't "need" Dad. My H didn't really get excited or seem into the pregnancy until 16-17 weeks or so. He still has hardly felt the baby and I'm almost 27 weeks. The kicks are not super consistent yet, and he just doesn't have the time or inclination to sit next to me with his hand on my belly for 10 minutes waiting for the baby to kick again. My H also isn't super into picking out stuff. I've done all of the registering, just showing him it and asking his input on a couple things (and he usually just says it sounds fine and doesn't have any real opinions). He also has not really wanted to talk about specifics about the birth. I have maybe 5-10 minutes where I can talk with him about all this stuff before he loses interest and wants to do something else. Some guys are just like that.

    If you want to improve your relationship with your partner, I think you need to sit down and talk. Tell him what you want and need from him and ask him what he wants and needs from you. How do you know he badmouths you to his friends? If you've heard him, tell him it makes you feel bad when he does that and see what he says. Honestly, I suggest a few honest conversations about your relationship and future and potentially some couples counseling.
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