May 2017 Moms

Mental Health Check in 3/7/17

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Re: Mental Health Check in 3/7/17

  • kat81kat81 member
    I've overall been doing well, but today I woke up in the worst mood. Work is stressful because in an emergency I was the one who needed to take on extra work this semester in my department. Bad timing for sure but I wanted to be a team player (and we could use the extra $). In spite of being in a terrible mood, most of my work day went at least "ok" and the very end of the work day finished out quite positively.

    But then we had the evening from HELL at home. DS, who has some as of yet undiagnosed mood disorder (I've been saying he's "special needs" on this board before), had a BAD afternoon/evening. Our cleaners came today and he knew this and had been warned about it for days. Anyhow, it meant that I cleaned up his lego scenarios (he was supposed to do it himself but didn't finish.) Before we even got home he was really upset about it. When we did get home, he had an hour-long meltdown that included things like throwing things in the playroom, climbing over our fence outdoors to try to escape to the street, etc. Then he flipped the switch eventually and suddenly started spontaneously doing nice things for everyone in the family, was extremely affectionate, positive, happy, etc. (He often has these REALLY high moods with extreme generosity, affection, joy, energy...but then also has these REALLY big blow-ups when upset that can get downright dangerous, like the escape today.) Dinner was ok, though DH and I were shell-shocked and literally just taking deep breaths to calm down (him even more so--he didn't even eat right away with us and just sat there--he was engaged with parenting but literally couldn't serve himself a plate.) THEN to top it off, DD had a long tantrum of her own regarding a bath and then toothpaste...mostly the toothpaste. She was probably affected by DS's earlier blow-up, as well as how her bedtime was made a bit later than intended because of all of the earlier events.

    The night ended up fine because DD went to sleep and DS was still in his vastly improved positive mood. But boy was it a doozy! Thank GOD DH was home! It's the worst when things like this happen when I'm solo parenting, though this level of DS meltdown is quite rare.

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  • @kat81 Ohhh what an afternoon! I can imagine how frustrating and heartbreaking it is for you to deal with DS tantrums and not have an exact reason why he has them! I taught in a special needs preschool classroom my first year out of college and when I was reading your description about his tantrum I instantly thought of one of my students. He too was at the time waiting a diagnosis. He was such the sweetest boy when his moods completely switched and I just felt so awful for him when he was having an outburst because you just want to help! Hugs to you mama! 
    Married 03.09.09
    Sweet Baby H 12.21.11
    Sassy Baby P 03.26.14
    Little Brother Due 05.22.17
  • auro_c said:
    Hi girls,
    first time posting on a mental health check-in. I read you all have to struggle with different things and I'm so sorry for all of you.
    I was pretty ok up to now and then we had to visit hospitals. None of them seems appropriate. I live in Mexico, where the C-section rate is about 80%, plus the babies aren't always allowed to share the mother's room and I'm panicking at the idea that I won't see my baby for the first 8-10h of his life. My ob/gyn isn't very supportive either (but he could be worse): he works with strict rules like episiotomy and epidural in ALL cases and only in strict hospitals with zillions of restrictive protocols. At least, he agrees that I don't seem to need a C-section (but most of the ob\gyn here find a stupid excuse last minute and you end up with a C-section). 

    So, I talked to a doula and I am now considering changing ob/gym at 31 weeks and it's scaring.

    On top of that, yesterday, during our monthly visit, the doctor excited baby to make him move just to have a better view of his face on the U/S...which turned out to be terrible. I was so sad that I even found my baby ugly. And now I'm concerned I might not unconditionally love him after all. 

    I probably just need some ice cream and a good night sleep. Sorry to share this with you :(.
    So sorry to hear this, it must be so frustrating to have to find a new health care provider so late into your pregnancy, but it seems like the right thing to do. Best of luck in your search for someone who is more aligned with your needs for care. 
    I'm sure your baby will be precious and adorable and you'll love him no matter what. Maybe he was agitated with this awful doctor you have! Can't wait to see his cute little face when you share your happy birth story!
  • Sorry to skip responding and participating, but I've been struggling. It's hard for me to even open the bump and be here because I feel so disconnected by sadness. It's hard for me to engage. I feel checked out.

    I recently found out I have gestational diabetes. Aside from all the terribleness of that diagnosis, it also puts my ability to give birth at the birth center in jeopardy. Plus I can't stop worrying about the baby!! 

    All of this emotion I'm having (crying spells, general moroseness) makes me worried about PPD. I'm a mess of worry, fear, and sadness.
  • auro_c, don't worry about not finding your baby attractive in the US! The 3D scans make the baby look like cheese and the regular scans sometimes look like skeletons - definitely not always cute! I hope you find a doctor that'll listen to your wishes. 80% is a super high number of c-sections; I had no idea it was like that. 

    @jayandaplus, I'm sorry you had a GD diagnosis and it's impacting your birth plans. There are a lot of women with GD who have healthy babies, so I'm sure you don't have to worry about that as long as you're under a doctor's care.
    Me: 29, DH: 31
    Married: October 2014
    Began TTC: April 2015
    BFP #1: 9/18/15. EDD 5/18/16. MC 10/26/15. (9w)
    BFP #2: 2/27/16. EDD 11/7/16. MC/D&E 4/20/16 (11w)
    BFP #3: 9/22/16. EDD 5/29/17. DS born 4/24/17 <3
    BFP #4: 5/20/18. EDD 1/23/19. 


  • @jayandaplus I love @SKZW suggestion to try and check in here sometimes. You're noticed when you're not here ;) If you need to take a break, that's okay too. Sometimes it's okay to just feel sad and do a little wallowing. Try to focus on the good and remember you have support and you can do all of this :)
    Married 6/5/14 in Ireland
    1st Baby 5/12/17, Henry
  • kat81kat81 member
    hp_momma said:
    @kat81 Ohhh what an afternoon! I can imagine how frustrating and heartbreaking it is for you to deal with DS tantrums and not have an exact reason why he has them! I taught in a special needs preschool classroom my first year out of college and when I was reading your description about his tantrum I instantly thought of one of my students. He too was at the time waiting a diagnosis. He was such the sweetest boy when his moods completely switched and I just felt so awful for him when he was having an outburst because you just want to help! Hugs to you mama! 
    @hp_momma It is really draining for us in the moment, but not particularly "heartbreaking" because we're used to it and we know it's only a piece of him--he will swing his mood the other way and we get to experience extreme joy when that happens (though as I said we're sort of densitized to that, too--we know it's odd/clinical that he gets SO generous/happy/joyful/excited--but we do enjoy it while it happens). The heartbreaking thing for us is when he's rejected socially either because he's weird or because he has burned bridges if a kid caught him while he was having a blow-up. It's just sad because some kids have only seen the neutral-to-bad sides of him and then treat him badly, which creates a vicious cycle: he will act up if excluded. The other heartbreaking thing is when DS assumes that when DH and I laugh we're laughing at him, or assumes that when an adult comes in to talk to his Kindergarten teacher, it's about him and he's in trouble, or DS says calls himself bad kid or a bad guy. These paranoid feelings, IMO, are due to a BAD experience he had at his first preschool last year (before we realized what was going on and pulled him!) and he's still recovering from that. The K teacher (we just had our conference this morning) is convinced of that, and says he is SUPER sweet in her classroom and very well-liked by the other kids! Again, she brings out the best in him! No major mood swings at school so far.

    Sounds like you are a GOOD special needs teacher! I get so horrified when teachers (special or not) are in this profession and don't really look out for each kid. Even the twerpy/"bad" ones might have some other issues going on and if you root for them perhaps you can bring out their best! We see such huge differences when a teacher believes in DS vs. just does the minimum job or, even worse, clearly has it in for him. DS is night and day in these environments.

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  • @starphish18 It's very understandable you'd be anxious. I think it'll end up being a relief to get it checked and find out that everything is okay (positive thinking!). I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.
    Married 6/5/14 in Ireland
    1st Baby 5/12/17, Henry
  • SKZWSKZW member
    @starphish18: I'm a fan of journaling & getting things out of your head and heart in order to process/deal/manage, so good for you, seriously! I can't imagine all you went through. It sounds like you have a great perspective now (and you mom's doing well!) but it wasn't an easy journey getting there.... Thinking of you for tomorrow's test. Having more info/data (even if crappy/unexpected) is better than the not knowing, right?
  • @starphish18 I find just typing it all out to be very therapeutic as well. Totally understandable that you are anxious for your appointment tomorrow and I'm hoping it's really more of just a precaution but it may help ease your mind somewhat having it done for the future! 

    Married 03.09.09
    Sweet Baby H 12.21.11
    Sassy Baby P 03.26.14
    Little Brother Due 05.22.17
  • @SKZW Thank you for the words of encouragement. I'm chalking the past week up to bad and trying to ove on. I couldn't have gotten through this week without you all here at The Bump. @nda_roxybabe Thank you for the kind words. It means a lot.

    @starphish18 That is an intense story-- I'm sorry you and your family had to live it. Your mom sounds like an amazing woman, and I've already come to think the same of you. Keep leaning on us-- I've learned it's very helpful. Thinking about you.
  • Today is a bad day. I'm not a yeller, but that's all I feel I've done today..I hope maybe a few days alone in a hotel at a work conference will be helpful and relaxing. I hate feeling upset, and for no apparent reason. 
  • @0408Bear I hope tomorrow is a better day. Sometimes you just need to yell and be mad. It'll pass. Thinking about you!
  • Thanks everybody for the support. I went to yoga, DH bought me some ice cream and cooked dinner, and, sometimes, that's just enough to feel better. I've decided to consult another doctor specialized in more humanized deliveries. I hope you girls will have a much better week starting tomorrow. The hormones aren't helping but we're stronger than them ;).
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