Husbands, partners, SOs

virginiaunicorn11 · March 2017

Pregnancy is a time when I absolutely adore my amazing husband who keeps me fed and massaged...except for those moments when I loathe him and his male idiocy, haha!

Here is a thread to express our love and loathing for our husbands, wives, fiances, or whatever type of significant other is your partner in this wild ride.

(Don't think this is covered by another thread, but if it is, let's have a GIF party!)

virginiaunicorn11 · March 2017

DH is staying home all day with our toddler with pink eye while I go on a business trip. A year ago, this would have made him too nervous, and I would have had to cancel my trip. This time, it wasn't even a question.

I always heard that men can take longer to bond with a baby or become an engaged parent, than women. That's been so true with my DH. But he's really come into his own lately, and it's so awesome to witness!

postywiththemosty · March 2017

DH has been running tons of errands for me! He stops by the grocery store and grabs what we need without me asking, he's been touring daycares a few times a week without me prompting him, puts lotion on my feet and always runs downstairs to grab me water or TUMS if my heartburn is bad. He's been a real champ the last couple of weeks. He's come a long way from just taking care of himself!

MrsZeno · March 2017

I would agree that it takes longer @virginiaunicorn11 especially in my husbands case too.

This pregnancy my Dh has stepped up his game (not thay he didnt in previous pregnancys) but this time around he has been so much more hands on. He gets up at 5:30 in the morning to get himself ready and then gets the kids up and makes breakfast for us all and lets me sleep til about 7:30... Its been amazing.

My favorite thing that he does is when he reads to our daughter at night, it melts my heart. Her bedroom is next to ours so I can hear him reading and he gets so animated in the books that it makes my daughter crack up. Just little things like that makes me love him more.

mj8215 · March 2017

That's a great idea for a thread!

Husband has been amazing throughout the pregnancy, putting up with a lot of crankiness in my first trimester, planning this babymoon, gradually teaching himself how to cook (!!) with blue apron when I had a stretch of crappy late shifts and couldn't get anything done at home... the list goes on.
also my 20 year old cousin and her boyfriend came to visit for a week from Germany (it was their first time in nyc) and my schedule was horrible that week so I only got to see them evenings and weekend, but my husband went out of his way to spend his time off with them, and organized museum visits, fun walks around the city, and even a broadway show - they were so excited!.. I can't wait for him to meet this baby, and I know he will be an amazing dad.

...And now I'm crying because I grew up without a father and have a whole bunch of unresolved fears and issues on the topic.

CapricaAndrea · March 2017

My husband went to our first prenatal class without me last Sunday because I ended up having to work

He was the only person there without a partner, and while he didn't understand all of the terminology, he took extensive notes.

I think it really helped him a lot because he's been feeling left out of conversations with our midwives and doula, because they tend to address me and he feels like he's eavesdropping and therefore doesn't want to ask questions at all.

He he also sat up with me for 45 mins in the middle of the night last week when my acid reflux got so bad that I ended up vomiting.

He's trying really hard to be as involved and supportive as possible, and I know that will continue throughout this kid's entire life

lph4248 · March 2017

Nice idea @virginiaunicorn11. These are awesome stories about awesome spouses.

My husband has almost single-handedly made our recent move happen. He packed nearly everything himself, and he's done pretty much all of the heavy lifting, literally and figuratively. He hasn't been in baby-prep-mode directly - the baby gear/prep research has been on me - but this move is for the baby, so in that sense, he has really stepped up.

This is not to say I am not totally drained from the packing and lifting and carrying that I did. But he really did most of it. And now we're nearly fully moved into a place where our daughter will actually have a nursery. I am extremely grateful for this. Even if the dang traffic is making it hard to sleep as late as I need to. (Please, body, adjust soon!)

plumpous · March 2017

DH is great and does a majority of the work around the house except for cleaning. But I hate how I can feel him resent me for not contributing because I am always tired and achy. Like it seems I'm milking it. I really try to do as much as possible but it's like never enough.

supermom83 · March 2017

DH has always been amazing, and has only continued to increase his amazing ways during this tough transition with my mom. He has welcomed my mom into our home with open arms and has changed his extremely busy work schedule around so that he can help more with the kids while I care for my mother. He's been my rock, my support system and my partner through the toughest times.

He gives me daily massages, daily!!! and doesn't complain. He makes me breakfast and brings me water before bed every day. I am so blessed to have him as my partner. I seriously couldn't imagine my life without him.

Dcwtada · March 2017

I'll be the token DH complainer...

I love DH but this pregnancy he has been like a jealous toddler. Very demanding of my attention and gets grumpy/bitchy if we don't have an outing or two a week just by ourselves. I haven't talked much about the pregnancy because of it, and when he has a "tantrum" he does almost immediately feel guilty and compensates by spoiling the toddlers or telling me to get something for the baby. I know even though we both are looking forward to our last little baby he is worried about losing more time and the focus on our relationship to the kids but there is definitely better ways to approach it.

Any advice here would be appreciated, and it's not really the time we have together is lacking lately by any stretch, I think he is just going through some sort of fear or crisis. He is a great husband and father but jeez has he been sensitive lately.

virginiaunicorn11 · March 2017

@plumpous That's really hard. I'm sorry you feel like he resents you. I remember when DS was born, DH would wait on me hand and foot...but if he didn't act happy about it, it made me feel really guilty and upset. Which felt silly, but was true for me. I tried to remind myself that "actions speak louder than words" and tried just to "listen" to his actions. Sounds like he loves you a lot and is trying hard to be supportive. I bet it's hard for them to really understand how bad we feel (both physically and emotionally!).

MrsZeno · March 2017

@Dcwtada I can imagine how frustrating that would be. I think you're right though its the worry of losing more time with you. The dynamic of your family is about to change again and maybe hes just struggling. I think sometimes we lose site of our relationship with our partners because the kids tend to require so much of us that we just kinda get into a groove. My dh gets the same way after a while of not going out with just the two of us.
I wish I had advice but maybe as you get further into the pregnancy and closer to your due date things will change and he'll snap out of it.

longhairdntcare · March 2017

DH spoils me. He pretty much would wait on me hand and foot if I'd let him (I try not to most of the time). last night was rough though. I was so uncomfortable and had the worst backache. So he rubbed my back until I fell asleep.

This morning, we were laying in bed cuddling and delaying getting up for the day and he started playing music (Guardians of the Galaxy soundtrack lol) on his phone and put it on my bump. The one song (Ooh Child) he apparently read was one of the top non-classical songs that stimulate brain activity. It was pretty adorable. She either really liked it or really didn't because she was kicking a lot haha.

greenbean-2 · March 2017

DH was a rockstar during first tri when all I could do for nearly 2 months was get out of bed, go to work, and come home and lie down with a pot next to me to throw up in (his idea, after he came home one day to find me sitting on the bathroom floor, crying and shivering because the tile was so cold and I felt so sick). He made me food, cleaned up my vomit, and got up in the middle of the night to make me toast when I couldn't sleep because I felt too sick. He never complained. I literally couldn't take care of myself, so he took care of both of us. He's going to be an amazing father.

clio · March 2017

@Dcwtada Hang in there! As others have said, it is virtually impossible to go through something as major as the birth of a child without it affecting your relationship. After DD was born, DH and I had a rough adjustment period as a couple. We ended up seeking counseling and running a marathon together to reconnect. We are now doing great, but I wished I would have known that these issues are so common.

MrsLa3 · March 2017

I'm just here so read all of these incredible stories.

DH helps, but he doesn't go out of his way to do anything for me. He will help with the kids but only if I ask, I'm still the one to do everything. He's really great after my csection, he'll get up with the kids, cook, NOT CLEAN, which is the only thing I really want him to do. I can tell with each pregnancy he realizes he needs to do more bc I can't do it all. He's getting better, and he's still learning.

Not to say he does nothing at all, he babysit, changes DS when he has to, feeds them, gives baths and all. He just doesn't up and do.it without me telling or asking him.

chiquita928 · March 2017

DH is a whole different person this time around - literally. The first pregnancy, he was a doting husband, excited for all the developments, and read parenting books. When DS was an infant, he did amazing at taking care of me and our son. He did the 3am feeding willingly, he got himself and DS ready for the day, and he dropped DS off at the sitters before going to work. He was the man of the hour, and it seemed like he was made to be a daddy. Then he had a stroke, and each year after seizures, hypothermia and other medical issues. He isn't the same man he once was.

That said, he is now the stay at home spouse, and cleans everything except the bathrooms. He does laundry and all the day to day chores. It took a lot of learning and more patience than we had to get to that point, but it is mostly working. He will pretty much do whatever he is asked to do, but isn't one for spontaneity...I don't think his brain works that way anymore. He was terrified of this new baby, because he is aware of how...different he is. It's been a rough road with extra morning sickness and whatnot, as well. As much as I wish I had the same stories as some of you, I am super grateful for what he has been doing, and really proud of his progress.

Edited bc of autocorrect

tuxielove93 · March 2017

My DH is absolutely wonderful. He is already such an amazing father and the baby isn't even here yet. He has taken to tickling me to make the baby kick, and often times I get kicked in the bladder.... It's annoying but it's so incredibly adorable and amazing that he already plays with the baby that I don't have the heart to tell him to stop. Plus, I think its really sweet.... even if I'm suffering for it.

BusyZee · March 2017

I have no idea how H will be with the baby, And I'm really excited to know. I do know he's detail oriented and that comforts me because I can imagine he will be careful with baby and do the small things well but I can't know for certain until baby is born!
He's extremely forgiving, which is great when your a parent and I want to learn that trait from him. I'm a bit stricter than I would like to be and much more of a perfectionist so I want to learn that from him. I can be hard on those I love most... so I'm concerned about that.

Can't wait to see...... !!! I'm honestly a little anxious.

He babies me a lot, he will help me put on my shoes or take them off, tie my laces when they get undone, open doors, compliment, handy man work, running errands, pick up all the heavy stuff, wash heavy pots, change sheets and clean because he doesn't want me being exposed to chemicals these days specifically so I greatly appreciate it. He's very physical which for me is very important, small gestures like fixing my hair, kissing my hands and cuddling me mean a lot to me! we have to have a proper conversation about each other's day and fill each other on the details no matter how busy we have been. He's very gentle to me, I have never come accross a more gentle man and I can't be thankful enough. He is very apologetic, and will apologize just to resolve an argument and make peace which in turn makes me realize my mistakes aswell. I have never felt ignored, or felt second place even during our toughest and busiest times. We both know how to give each other adequate space. We have a great dynamic going on which I don't want to change after baby comes but I'm mentally preparing myself. I want to make the most of these few months alone with him.

Coming to my role, we've been engaged since I was 19 (I'm now 28) and iv known him since I was 17. Just before the wedding he changed fields and it was extremely stressful for both of us. My parents were upset naturally because I was going to be so far away from them but I took up the challenge. First three years of our marriage I guided him and gave him all the comfort of the world so he could focus on his new endeavors, it was a tough time, but he gained experience very quickly and after 5 years I am glad he made that transition. But that transition meant no honeymoon, no traveling, I didn't meet my parents for two years because I couldn't afford to apply for my green card, none of the fun stuff and while it was hard at the time, I value the bigger and better things More in life now. And that in turn made our bond stronger and defined our roles.

I have complete authority over the home, I choose everything myself, from curtains to the sofa to the kettle all of it which I wouldn't have any other way since I'm very particular but I want him to be able to choose his own stuff aswell. I also want my child to be able to have his own opinions and choices. I like choosing for him but when I get busier with the baby I won't be able to pay attention to his mismatched clothes, socks, and general guidance (work politics, family politics etc) my H has spent a good amount in Hawaii so hes very relaxed in these matters which Is very cute and refreshing for me but We aren't at the beach and you have to be professional, especially with the kind of goals he/we have in life. So basically he has his goals, but I have to make them happen by guiding him if that makes sense? I am his only support and mentor (his family isn't supportive at all).
Also, my attention will be diverted and I want my little family to grow, because I know for sure il be growing in many ways too.

Sorry for the autobiography I kind of derailed lol, I'm just realizing there's not much time left, how much i love my current situation and knowing a lot will change in the future makes me happy and sad at the same time. I have no idea what to expect!

I really hope the baby mostly takes after his personality, with ofcourse a few of mine too

postywiththemosty · March 2017

@BusyZee your post made me think of that SpongeBob episode

You win for longest post I've seen to date!

Image result for spongebob long list gif

BusyZee · March 2017

Hahaha sorry

I know Im so emotional !!! @maybeitsmadeline

postywiththemosty · March 2017

@BusyZee Hormones! I broke down in my office today from watching a video of a gender reveal where the box they were supposed to open had three white balloons for the three miscarriages they had endured and then they were surprised with a separate balloon popping to find out the gender. I balled in silence here at work because it was so touching!

Xath · March 2017

My husband surprised me with jammy donuts at my office on Fat Tuesday.

He's an all-around super husband/dad. He put his career on hold to move overseas with me for my job. He is just amazing with our kids and he solo parents without complaint when I'm traveling for work.

virginiaunicorn11 · March 2017

Xath said:

My husband surprised me with jammy donuts at my office on Fat Tuesday.

He's an all-around super husband/dad. He put his career on hold to move overseas with me for my job. He is just amazing with our kids and he solo parents without complaint when I'm traveling for work.

Yay for the wife-following husbands! @Xath I wanna hang out with you one day. Our dudes can bond.

longhairdntcare · March 2017

I want a donut now.

Xath · March 2017

@virginiaunicorn11 I almost reached out to you when I went to Germany a few weeks ago, but then I thought it would be too stalker-y so I chickened out.

cssme13 · March 2017

DH is a rockstar when it comes to birth. I've had both babies via c-section and he stepped up both times and was absolutely amazing. With our daughter he was literally up for 36 hours straight holding the baby changing her, making sure she was covered and warm, anything he could do all while I slept and recovered. I literally had to just lay there and breastfeed and I didn't touch one diaper until we went home 4 days later.

He helps out at home but with the work that he does he's usually exhausted which is totally fine.

I think my favorite thing about this pregnancy is that he has taken on more of the entertainment roll for the kids, he's been so good about keeping them busy while I lay on the couch a total worthless blob.

satsumasandlemons · March 2017

Great idea for a thread - DH definitely doesn't get enough credit or sex from me (although, in our defense we're both pretty low libido people and are matched pretty evenly) but he is strives to be an active and equally engaged partner. Two things to brag about:
1) he fractured a few bones in his foot, but is just as helpful around the house with cleaning, still makes DD's lunch every morning and dinner every night (I know, I'm SO SPOILED)
2) he's an engaged parent and volunteers at school. The other morning during weekly updates, he noticed one of DD's classmates crying quietly by herself in line holding her stomach and he asked her what was wrong, determined she was hungry (she often comes to school with just a soda for snacktime and no lunch) and talked to her to let her know she'll be getting breakfast soon and he'll let the teacher know to make sure she gets her breakfast. She was comforted enough to stop crying, smile, and wait through the morning announcements

virginiaunicorn11 · March 2017

Xath said:

@virginiaunicorn11 I almost reached out to you when I went to Germany a few weeks ago, but then I thought it would be too stalker-y so I chickened out.

Oh damn!! Next time, please do!

yellow1daisy · March 2017

satsumasandlemons said:

Great idea for a thread - DH definitely doesn't get enough credit or sex from me (although, in our defense we're both pretty low libido people and are matched pretty evenly) but he is strives to be an active and equally engaged partner. Two things to brag about:
1) he fractured a few bones in his foot, but is just as helpful around the house with cleaning, still makes DD's lunch every morning and dinner every night (I know, I'm SO SPOILED)
2) he's an engaged parent and volunteers at school. The other morning during weekly updates, he noticed one of DD's classmates crying quietly by herself in line holding her stomach and he asked her what was wrong, determined she was hungry (she often comes to school with just a soda for snacktime and no lunch) and talked to her to let her know she'll be getting breakfast soon and he'll let the teacher know to make sure she gets her breakfast. She was comforted enough to stop crying, smile, and wait through the morning announcements

I'm definitely in a weird hormonal phase but this totally makes me want to cry ugly tears

squirttheturtle · March 2017

@Dcwtada I'll be a complainer, too

While I can say that DH's emotional support has been amazing and unwavering and I LOVE that he is so excited, and he did surprised me with a babymoon, his helping support hasn't been so great. If I ask him to do something, he'll do it, but I hate that I have to ask him to do something like empty the dishwasher, or take out the garbage. He knows that he needs to step up...DH knows his days of being lazy and being able to play video games all day on Saturdays are numbered so he's 'enjoying them now', but I need him to help NOW. We've talked about it and know where the other stands and feels...the major difference is that I feel weekends are for working/projects and DH feels weekends are for resting. I've told him I don't need 2 days of constant go, but 1-2 hours each weekend day is all I'm asking for. He felt this was a fair compromise so we'll see how it goes.

OperaSingerMommy · March 2017

DH just came home early: "Hey, how about when DD wakes up I take her to the playground and then stop and get ice cream on the way home for dessert tonight."

Major points, dude. Major points.

SaphireSweetie88 · March 2017

I love my DH and I know he means well but lately it seems like every time I groan because of a side cramp or something or roll over in bed he's suddenly on high alert and asks what's wrong. I tell him I am ok but he still watches me like a hawk for the next few minutes. If I take a shower when he's home, he'll come in when he hears the water tun off to make sure I don't slip getting out lol I just want to tell him " down boy" lol

postywiththemosty · March 2017

SaphireSweetie88 said:

I love my DH and I know he means well but lately it seems like every time I groan because of a side cramp or something or roll over in bed he's suddenly on high alert and asks what's wrong. I tell him I am ok but he still watches me like a hawk for the next few minutes. If I take a shower when he's home, he'll come in when he hears the water tun off to make sure I don't slip getting out lol I just want to tell him " down boy" lol

That's so sweet!!! I'm sure it's irritating at times, but sometimes I wish DH would check on me like that. I dropped stuff three times in a row in the shower and he didn't even yell out to see if I was okay.

SaphireSweetie88 · March 2017

@maybeitsmadeline - Oh wow. I don't even want to know what DH would do if he heard that lmao. I know it's sweet but yes it is irritating as well lol

BusyZee · March 2017

SaphireSweetie88 said:

I love my DH and I know he means well but lately it seems like every time I groan because of a side cramp or something or roll over in bed he's suddenly on high alert and asks what's wrong. I tell him I am ok but he still watches me like a hawk for the next few minutes. If I take a shower when he's home, he'll come in when he hears the water tun off to make sure I don't slip getting out lol I just want to tell him " down boy" lol

Hahaha yes! The body guard attitude is super sweet but in public or infront of his parents it embarrasses me a little, I know it shouldn't but sometimes it does lol.

SaphireSweetie88 · March 2017

BusyZee said:

SaphireSweetie88 said:

I love my DH and I know he means well but lately it seems like every time I groan because of a side cramp or something or roll over in bed he's suddenly on high alert and asks what's wrong. I tell him I am ok but he still watches me like a hawk for the next few minutes. If I take a shower when he's home, he'll come in when he hears the water tun off to make sure I don't slip getting out lol I just want to tell him " down boy" lol

Hahaha yes! The body guard attitude is super sweet but in public or infront of his parents it embarrasses me a little, I know it shouldn't but sometimes it does lol.

Thankfully he tones it down when we're in public lol

Dcwtada · March 2017

@OperaSingerMommy I am side-eyeing your husband right now, but just because I am jealous lol.

My gem of a husband waits until I have completely gone through the nighttime routine (dogs up and fed, made dinner for kids, cleaned them up, changed and in bed, straightened the downstairs and JUST about to finish dinner) to hear him yell "anything I can do to help". I know the man well enough to know it's his way of getting points by offering help with no intention to help. The last time he did this I told him if he pulled that again I was going to punch him in the face. He still does it to annoy me.

Dude is a hard worker so I can't complain too much but that is wrong.

dancegurl1118 · March 2017

DH was the highest of saints with my first pregnancy. Now with this one he DGAF (ok that's an exaggeration). I was hoping to be waited on hand and foot again but I guess that's a distant memory with a one year old

OperaSingerMommy · March 2017

@Dcwtada Aw haha, trust me this isn't an everyday occurrence! He's been great lately with helping out with DD but when she was born we had about 7 months at his last job and it was a different story since he was so busy and hardly ever home.

I'm sorry you aren't getting more help with the evening routine- I would probably threaten some face punching too!

ladybray · March 2017

Jeez oh petes guys. You all are making me a jealous girl. I am going to make my husband read these. Between his school and work I am feeling pretty fat and neglected. He watches our son while i get some sleep and will grab stuff for me on the way home from work if I ask...but he doesn't go out of his way to make me feel better. I guess I didn't realize how sad I have been about it all until just now.

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