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FFFC 2/24

EmeraldNCEmeraldNC member
in June 2017 Moms
Come on ladies, let's do this!  UO Thursday was so great, let's make this one great too!


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Re: FFFC 2/24

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  • neludeluneludelu member
    EmeraldNC said:
    I will start... This comes from one of my UOs...

    I did not have a birth plan with DD3, and will not with this child.  I understand preferences, but let's be real... anyone who has ever had a child knows anything can change in a second!  My goal is just to have my baby here safely, and for me to be safe.  Other than that... My plan is NOT to have a plan and let the doctor handle whatever comes up.
    I love this! 
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  • Wino0920Wino0920 member
    I will never have a birth plan just like I will never have a plan or wishes for my death. I get really irritated listening to people spout off all the things they want when they are dead. You are dead, stop trying to control everything. Funerals, celebrations, etc..whatever you chose to have should be for the living who are grieving. I will tell my kids (family) whatever helps them get through it, is what I want. You want to have a big sad funeral, fine. You want to have a celebration at a bar and throw my body in a box somewhere, fine. Whatever helps you. 
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  • JAGinMIJAGinMI member
    @neludelu I completely agree. The fact that it is the best option, though, is what I think makes women get really sensitive about it when they are unable to do it, or maybe even when they don't want to do it. They don't want to admit that they can't or won't be giving their child the best. I would never argue that breast milk is not best but it was a very hard pill for me to swallow when my milk hardly came in and I literally was never able to produce enough milk for my child. Happened both times. So I was forced to go with the subpar option even though every fiber of my being wanted to be able to provide the best. And I am already dreading it again because my history tells me it will happen again. So anyway, I personally think that stance just comes from a defensive place and saying "fed is best" is a way to make mothers feel OK about not wanting to or not being able to do it.


    Me: 36;  DH: 38
    DD: 7; DS1: 4; DS2 due 6-21-17!
    **TW**
    MMC & D&C Aug 2016
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  • ladylolly89ladylolly89 member
    neludelu said:
    Here's mine. I don't agree nor can I stomach the "fed is best" campaign. "Fed" is required by law. Breastfeeding is the most nutritious option- yes I am aware that there are millions of reasons that it doesn't work out for others but that doesn't mean it isn't the best option. There isn't anything wrong with formula feeding but to negate the positives of breastfeeding because some people can't or won't do it is ridiculous. 
    As a mom with a FF little one, I agree with you! Even the containers of formula have to be labeled that breastfeeding is the best choice. I understand why people say "fed is best" (I have said it myself) but it does sort of "equalize" breastmilk and formula, which should not be the case.
     I lost my milk when I became pregnant with this LO, but I'm glad that I was able to provide DS with breastmilk for his first 6 months (5 months pumping fresh and another month's freezer supply). I'm glad that formula is there as an option and that my son has grown and thrived on it, but I would never say that it is as beneficial as breastmilk. That said, moms who have to/choose to FF and whose babies have never had breast milk shouldn't feel any guilt for that. It may not be the best option, but it's the best they can give. And there's nothing wrong with that! 
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  • EmeraldNCEmeraldNC member
    @mombod You are SO right.  I wish someone would have told me how... I don't even know the word for it... HOW MUCH EVERYONE SEES!  If I could go back in time, I wouldn't have told a soul besides my husband and sister I was being induced.  Everyone was there during the 2.5 days I was in labor, everyone.  My parents, his parents, my sister and her husband, my grandmother, uncle, cousin.  Even my sweet, precious grandmother was driving me crazy.  In the middle of a contraction..... I did not give a SHIT what my grandmother had made my uncle for breakfast that morning.  And she would not stop talking about it.  Also, she wouldn't budge during cervical checks.  She just sat there talking to me.

    The worst part is AFTER the baby is born.  Trying to use the bathroom for the first time.  Gah, I can't even believe my husband is still attracted to me.

    I know this post was all over the place, mombod just reminded me of all kinds of emotions, lol.
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  • LMMamaLMMama member
    edited February 2017
    I am 100 percent choosing to formula feed over breast feed. I hated breast feeding my daughter and was so relieved when I decided to stop. I'm down with the "fed is best." I don't feel guilty about formula feeding, and don't like when people get a superior attitude about breast feeding with the whole "You shouldn't feel guilty about formula feeding....but breast feeding is the best for your baby still." Which ultimately implies that you really are being of detriment to them still whether you physically can't/are choosing not to. 
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  • mkrelmkrel member
    @EmeraldNC No birth plan here either. I just want a healthy baby and mom. All I will ask is that they communicate with me and keep me in the loop on options and interventions. As a nurse I always think about the things that can go wrong and possible complications. Almost all doctors and nurses I have ever worked with through my career would do what is best for the patient. I know that my doctor does not WANT me to have a csection, so I trust that if it is the best or only option at the time,  I need to do it. I read a birth story recently about someone who was refusing one and labor was not progressing, well baby is fine overall but there were complications from baby being in there so long and baby ended up in the nicu. Not saying that wouldn't have happened with the csection, but it makes you wonder had she accepted when they suggested it if baby would be complication free. I guess my main point is I will trust the people that do this everyday, unless they give me a reason not to. 

    As far as fed is best... I agree that it has been proven breast milk is best. I have also read so many stories about women who are not successful in breast feeding and feel so terrible and beat themselves up for it, coupled with possible ppd this can be disastrous. I think women need to be educated on the benefits of breast milk, but overall, fed is best. They need to know that if they can't make it work, their baby will be ok.

    I will come back when I think of my own. 


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  • ladylolly89ladylolly89 member
    I didn't tell anyone but my SIL that I was being induced (well, obviously DH knew). She didn't text except in response to my texts, let alone show up at the hospital! Granted, I was only in labor for 5 hours from start to finish.
    I cannot believe that the staff let all those people in there, @EmeraldNC. That sounds awful! 
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  • Stankonia2014Stankonia2014 member
    I'm only choosing to BF to save money. My kids had MSPI and were on Elecare, which was not covered by insurance, therefore it was really fvcking expensive. So, my choosing to BF (or rather EP) is purely motivated by that. 

    Spending hours chained to a pump will do something to a person's psyche, but I'll gladly do it to save a few thousand dollars.
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  • ladylolly89ladylolly89 member
    @Stankonia2014 I freaking hate breastfeeding and if it doesn't work out this time, I'm totally FFing. No shame. (but then, DS was/is able to be on the Target brand stuff, so I'm probably not looking at the same expense as you.) 
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  • awillis13awillis13 member
    I intended to go in to school today to get some work done, but now I just don't care.  I dropped DS off at daycare, and I intend to just have a "me" day with no kids and no hubby.  I have a gift card kicking around for a pedicure, so I may go treat myself.  I also need to go get a gift for a stupid "sprinkle" happening tomorrow.  It's insanely gift grabby (and mildly annoying to me, because we are both due 2 weeks away, and have mutual friends who were going on and on about throwing this for her, but did not even bother to include the other pregnant friend - not that I want one, it's just the principle).  OH, and then we got an email specifically requesting X type of gift over Y type of gift, which annoys me.  I think I'm just feeling annoyed all around today.
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  • mkrelmkrel member
    Sometimes I feel guilty about this one, but here goes... I don't make any kind of an effort to have a close relationship with my siblings. My brothers are quite a bit older and live in completely different states. When we can all get together for holidays it's nice, but that is where it ends. And when I do make an effort, it is more for my parents because I know it makes them happy to have us all together. I honestly would rather just hang out with my parents than have the whole family there. I think with them being so much older than me we just never developed a close relationship. DH and I only have so much time off, so once a year is the max I see them. 

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  • neludeluneludelu member
    Stankonia2014 said:
    I'm only choosing to BF to save money. My kids had MSPI and were on Elecare, which was not covered by insurance, therefore it was really fvcking expensive. So, my choosing to BF (or rather EP) is purely motivated by that. 

    Spending hours chained to a pump will do something to a person's psyche, but I'll gladly do it to save a few thousand dollars.
    This is one of my main motivations!
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  • FSUNole31FSUNole31 member
    Kind of lame but all I have for now.  I am ridiculously lazy about dumb things.  My favorite mascara has eyeliner somehow all over the top and every day when I grab it out of my bag it gets all over my hands.  I silently curse myself for not wiping it off yet and drop it back in the bag every day to repeat the process.  Seriously it would take me two seconds to wipe it off.  I need to get it together. 
                                                                              Married 12/17/2011
                                                                                  K born 8/31/12                                 
                                                                                  C born 1/11/14
                                                                  BFP #3 Nov 2014: D&C January 2015
                                                                  BFP #4 Sept 2016: Due May 31 2017


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  • krex-2krex-2 member

    Even if I would have gotten pregnant and had a bio child, I had zero plans to even attempt BF.  Not my thing, and I have zero issues/guilt over FF.  People will judge, which is fine, and I fully expect to get judged this time around, even though baby will be adopted.  I definitely believe BFing should be discussed and education about it supported, but every mother has to make her own decision on how she feeds her kid. 

    That said...the price of formula?!  Jesus.

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  • anitamargarita_82anitamargarita_82 member
    @doodleoodle I kind of did the same thing... randomly scheduled it for the middle of the day next Friday so I have a reason to leave early and not come back.  No shame in my game.  Fridays are so slow.  I hate being here all day.  Today I happen to have a re-enlistment to attend that's an hour and a half away.  Came into work to check my email then I'm out of here. 
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  • JAGinMIJAGinMI member
    krex said:

    Even if I would have gotten pregnant and had a bio child, I had zero plans to even attempt BF.  Not my thing, and I have zero issues/guilt over FF.  People will judge, which is fine, and I fully expect to get judged this time around, even though baby will be adopted.  I definitely believe BFing should be discussed and education about it supported, but every mother has to make her own decision on how she feeds her kid. 

    That said...the price of formula?!  Jesus.

    I know there is some crazy talk about getting your breasts to produce milk or something even if you didn't have a baby (which I totally side-eye because I couldn't even produce enough after having babies) but the fact that other moms would simply see a mom they don't know giving their baby formula and judge - that makes me really sad. There are so many reasons why the mom might be FFing, how could you make judgments?? 

    FFFC: I judge when women don't breastfeed just because they don't want to. I do. I don't understand why you would purposely choose not to give your kid the best option when you have no reason other than you don't want to. And just to be clear, I am not talking about those who have done it and hated it for various reasons, I am talking about those who just refuse to try and say from the get-go that they simply aren't going to do it. 


    Me: 36;  DH: 38
    DD: 7; DS1: 4; DS2 due 6-21-17!
    **TW**
    MMC & D&C Aug 2016
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  • zseirecargzseirecarg member
    I've been having issues feeling comfortable in a bra these days, so I ordered a wireless bra from Soma and wore it all day yesterday with the tag on. If it wasn't comfortable at the end of the day it was going back. Sorry not sorry, I have always hated bra shopping (especially ordering online and returning) and do so even more now with how my body is changing and trying to feel comfortable. 

    Luckily it was actually comfortable so I'm keeping it! Hopefully I can wear it for more than a month. 
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  • ladylolly89ladylolly89 member
    @krex I guess I'm not sure how anyone would know you weren't giving your baby breastmilk from a bottle? I have never breastfed DS in public, if we went out I would just give him a bottle of breastmilk from the time he was a newborn. When we switched to formula, no one knew, because it looks almost the same (maybe not as yellow?). Only close friends know that he's on formula and people are generally surprised if they find out. 

    Not that it matters to me what way another mom chooses to feed her baby, but I would probably just assume it was pumped milk if I saw another mom give a bottle. 
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  • krex-2krex-2 member
    ladylolly89 said:
    @krex I guess I'm not sure how anyone would know you weren't giving your baby breastmilk from a bottle? I have never breastfed DS in public, if we went out I would just give him a bottle of breastmilk from the time he was a newborn. When we switched to formula, no one knew, because it looks almost the same (maybe not as yellow?). Only close friends know that he's on formula and people are generally surprised if they find out. 

    Not that it matters to me what way another mom chooses to feed her baby, but I would probably just assume it was pumped milk if I saw another mom give a bottle. 

    Yeah, I mean...I have no idea if I will be judged, just heard stories of other moms who had strangers say something.  And that's fine, if it happens...I have pretty thick skin.  I just wish people would realize what and how I feed my child (or how anyone feeds their child) really isn't any of their business, FF or BF.  (not saying you, just people in general)

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  • neludeluneludelu member
    MotherofDragons said:
    I won't tell my husband this because I don't want him to feel bad but I'm so sad my mom won't be in the delivery room with me. 

    She'll be caring for my son so it isn't an option. With my son my husband expressed he wanted it just to be us, so I said that was fine. HOWEVER my labor was so long, so exhausting, and pain med free. I wanted my mom so badly at the end that I had my husband call her just so I could hear her voice. But the connection was bad and I couldn't speak with her. 

    I wont tell my husband this because he was a wonderful support during labor. I'd hate to hurt his feelings although I think he'd understand. 

    It's a silly confession but I really wanted my momma. 
    Why can't you tell him how you feel?
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  • MotherofDragons MotherofDragons member
    @neludelu I probably could but I would hate to make him feel sad or that his support wasn't enough. 
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  • Elyse1384Elyse1384 member
    edited February 2017
    neludelu said:
    I feel like I need to clarify my statement about breastfeeding. I'm not judging mothers who bf or ff. I am all about do what's best for you and your family. But there is no mistaking the fact (scientific fact) that breast milk is the healthier option. Formula is designed to be like breastmilk for a reason.  I just want to scream that your personal situation doesn't change science. 
    I agree. I made the personal decision to BF my kids as long as I could because I was fortunate to be able to produce the needed amount of milk, I understood the added benefits of breastmilk and I'm cheap. In order to undergo IF treatment however, I am put on meds that can't be used while BFing so I had to wean both earlier than desired.  I felt a strange mix of guilt and relief when I stopped BFing.  I care most about having well fed babies, but I certainly can't refute the scientific evidence for the benefits of breastmilk.  To your earlier point, even the formula cans concede those benefits.  I don't see any shame in giving LOs the next best thing to nature (formula) which has all the essential vitamins and nutrients to help babies thrive.  It saddens me that some FF moms are made to feel like crap by asshats who make ignorant comments. 

    That said.. holy F the cost of formula!  DD had to go on a hypoallergenic formula.  Longest 4 months of my bank account's life.  Your think standard formula is bad, just try that shit.  Hundreds a month to feed my baby girl and that is with some level of insurance coverage as it was deemed a medical necessity.  
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  • Stankonia2014Stankonia2014 member
    Yup, @Elyse1384, my town barely even carried DDs formula, so I basically had to buy it on the 'black market' and it wasn't cheap
    and my insurance didn't cover it. Fuck if I do that again. 
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  • erinh84erinh84 member
    edited February 2017
    My birthplan: give me the damn epi now!

    I will be formula feeding this LO due to being bipolar and needing to stay on my medication for everyone's sanity. I tried bfing with DS and he ended up in the NICU for 3 days. My body was so stressed out I couldn't produce anything and the LC was so pushy my Christian/pastors wife of a  mother actually cussed her out. It was great. Hats of to all the bfing mommas out there though, I have mad respect for you. Also to all the ffing mommas out there too, never doubt you're doing what's best for you and your baby, don't listen to the haters.

    edit:words
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  • Elyse1384Elyse1384 member
    @delujm0 One of the "benefits" of BFing over FFing that I don't believe is the immune system thing.  Given I was adopted at 6 months, I was formula fed.  My immune system sucks, but my brother (also adopted) was FF and has an amazing immune system.  I BF DS and he has a shitty immune system like me. I really think it is luck of the draw and/or genetic.  What the hell do I know though.  Other benefits I do actually agree with though.  

    @MotherofDragons I got lucky because DH didn't care if I invited my mother into the delivery room.  I originally did so as I wanted to do something special for her.  She had always mentioned how she wished she could have been there for my birth and I wanted to invite her for her grandkids' births. Boy did I end up needing her!  For starter's DH slept through my labors.  He is a great husband and dad, but at times lacks situational awareness.  She kept me company and sane at points. AndPlusAlso when I'm hurting, I want mom.  Yeah... I'm a big kid.
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  • NamelessAriaNamelessAria member
    @MotherofDragons nothing wrong with wanting your momma there! I'm sorry that you weren't able to have her there when it meant so much to you. And I'm sorry it won't be an option this time around either.
    Me: 28 Husband: 31
    TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016
    Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
    Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017  ❤️

    Baby #2 due June 12, 2018
    BabyFruit Ticker


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  • Kylieslip24Kylieslip24 member
    I loved breastfeeding and totally plan on bf all future babies, even if I adopt...but I am a milk machine. My aunt is the same way and bf her adopted son. We don't lose our breast milk, it's weird. It's ridiculous, I made so much milk that I literally just poured it into her bath water, my freezer was too full.
    But, I only side eye if you just don't want to, no reason just don't. I knew someone who bf her first four kids and then her fifth wasn't planned and she didn't want her in the first place and just didn't want to bf again. This kid is a teenager and still is treated like the worlds biggest accident. She went on to have another kid and I'm willing to bet she bf that kid because she was planned. I just felt so sad for that baby and it kind of stuck with me. 
    That said, I think that if you have a real reason not to bf your dr (physical or mental)should be able to prescribe formula. And it should be free. I have had friends who just can't bf and then they had to struggle to pay for formula and that's not fair. I know I'm living in a dream world, but breast milk is free and if you don't have that choice, formula feeding should be free too. 
    I also think we need free access to lactation consultants. 
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  • bergberg member
    @delujm0 yes to everything you said!  This is my first, so I've never tried to BF or had to go through any of the trial and tribulations that occur so often.  But the pressure to BF over FF is just crazy to me.  I also don't judge other mothers based on their reasoning for FF'ing.  If someone isn't comfortable with BF'ing due to their body image or maybe their partner's view of it or even the time constraints, then FF.  What do I care?  As long as you love your kid and the kid is being fed, you're doing just fine in my book.  
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  • Elyse1384Elyse1384 member
    I know someone via a mutual friend who decided not to BF purely because she thought it would make her boobs sag and look like shit.  I admit to side eyeing her, but at the end of the day I truly don't care how she fed her kids.  Formula still gives them essential nutrients to thrive.  That said, I sure as hell judged her when she openly admitted to pushing for (and getting) an elective c section with #1 because she didn't want to "ruin her vagina".  I didn't even think you could request an elective c section like that????  But her rationale of not wanting a loose vajayjay???  WTF!!!!  
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  • bornmommybornmommy member
    EmeraldNC said:
    I will start... This comes from one of my UOs...

    I did not have a birth plan with DD3, and will not with this child.  I understand preferences, but let's be real... anyone who has ever had a child knows anything can change in a second!  My goal is just to have my baby here safely, and for me to be safe.  Other than that... My plan is NOT to have a plan and let the doctor handle whatever comes up.
    This is a big thing that I teach.  Personally, I love BPs and will always have one for myself because it helps me prepare for birth but I always tell my students and clients that the major part of a birth plan is for YOUR education.  Its not a plan like a contractor would make in drawing up a building they are building, its to figure out whats out there for you, start the communication with your provider about your preferences, and to overall guide your experience.  Taking it to the hospital and showing it to your nurse and doctor there is generally looked at as not great by medical professionals.  In my practice, plans go the way they are planned to go to the T about 15% of the time.  Its the education you garner from making the plan that helps the most!   .  

    One thing I disagree with in your statement is allowing the doctor to "handle whatever comes up."  Everything that is decided upon in a birth is the mother's decision based on her basic human rights.  From allowing a cervical exam to allowing surgery.  Creating a plan helps you get the information prior to the experience and, in turn, can change an unsatisfactory experience  (or even tramuatic) into a good one
                  
                                       \

                                                                DS #1 born 05/25/2012   
                                                         BFP#2:  06/12/2013 ---- loss     
                                                                DS #2 born 4/08/2014
          BPF#4: 2/1/2016 --- 2/23/2016 suspected molar pregnancy--- 3/15/2016 D&E - diagnosis MM
                                                                   BFP#5 - 9/22/2016
                        
                                                                                                                                     * formally bornmommy

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