woke up last night, in addition to the million potty trips, with leg cramping that wouldn't stop. I'm awake but sleepy, not too happy with my leg right now.
well...MIL is at it again! yesterday was Sunday dinner time (which I've conveniently gotten out of for the last 2 or so months) So I go up to the house, and get bombarded with here take this (Chicco baby wear sling), here take this (formula - which I might add...I'm BREASTFEEDING!), here take this (swing). So finally I said, I don't need any more formula. I've gotten plenty from her and from freebies from doctors and such, and I'm planning on breastfeeding (supplementing after a month possibly). To which she says, well you know you'll be up every 2 hours feeding right?! YES I'm fully aware of what I'm getting into. WHY must you question every one of my parental decisions?! Then about the swing I said - keep it here so I don't have to lug my stuff around EVERY TIME we come up to visit.
Needless to say I walked out with the Chicco baby wear, but left the swing and formula there. #pushyMIL #getoffmyjock
@MsTurney - I feel the same! I want to clean so badly, but I feel like I keep dropping everything and needing to pick it up, and baby is already low, so I don't want to squish her any more than she already is. Also - I did clean the shower this weekend because DH is incompetent and totally missed several spots, so that was a lot of bending down too. Poor guy, afterward said "how was the shower? Did it need to be cleaned more?" Yes honey you missed a lot of spots.
My mom called me angry that I haven't called her in 4 days. She always does this: It's always about her first. I'd been texting her and telling her that I'm hustling prepping for baby and beyond exhausted. It takes these times to show what a mother's true love is. Let's all remember not to turn into narcissists for the sake of our daughters.
I am having to walk on some serious eggshells around my DH. It's crazy how every little thing sets him off. Like just now, I got up to use the bathroom and the toilet wouldn't flush. His response? "Did you just shit?!!!!" And I said "Nope all I did was pee" but what I really wanted to say was "You were the last one to take a dump in here with all your grunting so you wanna rethink your tone?".
This is just one example of what I am living with. I can't do anything right. I constantly have the anxiety of when I will get snapped at next and what can I do to avoid it.
Had my baby shower this past weekend. It was super nice! But my husband's aunt... egads. She is one of those people who HAS to make everything about her, and one of her daughters is currently pregnant with a rainbow baby, which we are all really happy for her! However, with almost every single gift that was opened, this lovely aunt kept reminding me that if we don't use it, we can give it to her daughter, or else talking about how she got her daughter something like it, but better. Like... yea, I get it, she's expecting, too, but can we maybe let my husband and I have our day instead of trying to make it all about your daughter who isn't even there, and is currently not even out of her first trimester so maybe she doesn't need to be worrying about commandeering all of our baby gifts just yet? Of course, this is the same woman who, at my sister-in-law's wedding shower, was showing pictures of the funeral that they held for the baby that they lost at two months. Again, I completely understand that you're going through a tough time, but honestly... time and place, lady. Time. And. Place.
@MMaru that's INSANE. I'm sorry one of her relatives didn't shut her down. Absolutely wrong time and place for even one of those types of comments, let alone repeated ones!
My stepdaughter, who is in college, planned a major life event for March 4--a decision she made on Sunday. We just found out about it. It will be in another state about 8 hours from here. DH will be heartbroken if he doesn't get to go, and he has told her that. She knows we are having our baby this week too. I keep telling him that he needs to go, but our baby will be a week old. I have friends here who can come sit with me for a day or two, so I'll be fine. I'm just angry that she couldn't postpone for a week or two when my mom will be here to help me. There's no particular reason for March 5, and in fact a date later in March actually makes more sense. I know this isn't about me, but I'm frustrated at her selfishness. Looking for cheap plane tickets. Grrr... rant over.
I have a MIL rant... it is long, apologies in advance.
Backstory: My twins are almost 2 weeks old. They are preemies born at 34 weeks and we were fortunate that they only had 24 & 48 hrs of NICU time, and came home from the hospital one day after me when they were 5 days old. Preemies have additional challenges that term infants might not have. We have to be exceptionally vigilant about germs etc.
It was strongly suggested to me by my OB that anyone coming to spend any measurable amount of time with the babies get a flu and TDAP shot. It prevents whooping cough, which is so bad for a tiny baby. This was suggested when it appeared my babies would be term. Once they were born early NICU doctors agreed: TDAP for all, they frowned upon anyone even visiting the NICU if they didn't have a TDAP.
My MIL is a bit crazy, and believes that any sort of traditional medicine is poison. Vitamins? Poison. Tylenol? Poison. Tums? Poison. Do you see where this is going? She has flat out REFUSED to get a the TDAP, and said she's going to go to her doctor (a Polish "doctor" that believes in her crazy snake oil cures, not 100% convinced that this person is actually a doctor) and will have them call and explain to us why she doesn't need the shot.
She also decided that she's coming to see the babies today. I drew my line in the sand: No, you will not see my babies until you get the shot. If you decide that not getting the shot is better for you and your life, that's fine with me, but you will not be coming to see my babies. If they get whooping cough they could DIE. They could die from a PREVENTABLE ILLNESS. If that doesn't bother you, then you cannot be in our house we can Skype...
I'm worried that she will come here anyway... If she does I can't be held responsible for what I do...
I know that I can't control everyone the babies come in contact with, and that some won't have a TDAP shot, but now that she's said that she will not get the shot, I can't drop it...
@direwolfmini stick to your guns for the babies' health. You are right, babies have such sensitive immune systems. I'm a firm believer in skype for troublesome MILs.
@direwolfmini 1: I'm glad to see you on here! But sorry it's to complain about your crazy MIL!! There is NO way I'd let her see the babes till she had a shot. Even IF it wasn't a well known shot that ppl should get to be around infants and IF it wasn't doctors orders to do so (all reason enough she should do it)-- I think its important pissing match to win right out of the gate. These are your kids, she needs to respect your wishes with them--starting with this, because if not... it'll just keep being an issue with one thing after another.
Whats your husband say?? Make him deal with it. That's honestly what I do with all my MIL drama--he's the gatekeeper/protector of our family and he's in charge of keeping anyone at bay or telling them "our" wishes for me.
@direwolfmini I'm so sorry your MIL is stressing you right now!! You have your hands full with two tiny babies, she is being utterly insensitive. I agree with @kjd291 - I would get DH to deal with her or at least stand as a united front against her coming over. Does he have a good relationship with her? If it were me, I wouldn't let her in the door. She needs to understand, and even if she doesn't understand, and disagrees - she has to respect your wishes for your babies.
@direwolfmini 1: I'm glad to see you on here! But sorry it's to complain about your crazy MIL!! There is NO way I'd let her see the babes till she had a shot. Even IF it wasn't a well known shot that ppl should get to be around infants and IF it wasn't doctors orders to do so (all reason enough she should do it)-- I think its important pissing match to win right out of the gate. These are your kids, she needs to respect your wishes with them--starting with this, because if not... it'll just keep being an issue with one thing after another.
Totally agree with @kjd291! I would stand firm on the shot issue, not only to protect your babies now, but also to establish boundaries when it comes to the kids. From what you've said in the past, MIL has major boundary issues, so standing firm now is an important precedent for future interactions. I really don't envy you. Good luck!!
@direwolfmini - agree with all PPs....MIL (or anyone for that matter) should absolutely have the TDAP shot. These are your babies. Sorry MIL....you won't be allowed to see them until you have the TDAP shot.
@direwolfmini - I'm sorry you're dealing with this madness over a simple vaccination that can be obtained at almost any drug store as a non-event. It seems like a lot of parents go into an insane controlling/selfish mode when we have children and it's a real shame because it could be such a joyous time for all. But, I digress.
If your husband isn't willing to stand up to his mom, send her a text or email or slide a paper out the front door. Simply state that your pediatrician's directive is that no one who has not been vaccinated can come into contact with your babies. Her doctor's opinion does not matter and there is no negotiating this, and she needs to provide proof that she's been vaccinated. Nip this in the bud or it'll keep coming back to haunt you.
@direwolfmini ugh I'm so sorry about your MIL...these are your babies and you have to do what you can to protect them. I would also lock the door and not allow her to come inside. She's showing very little consideration for you and your babies health. Hugs to you and I hope your DH will stand up to her as well.
Me (37) Hubby (39)Marriedsince 4.2009 EP: 2.17.2016 DS: 3.4.2017 DD: due 7.16.2019
@direwolfmini I'd also not let her in if she shows up. It's not worth it, you're doing the right thing by keeping that line in the sand & sticking to it.
@direwolfmini heck no I would not let MIL in without that shot! I told my parents and the inlaws- who live in Germany btw and are coming to visit us and the baby in May- to all get the shot and thankfully all have complied!
It finally started. The constant "Did you have the baby yet?" nonsense. I can't walk past my fiancé's grandma without being asked how I'm feeling or if I'm having any "inklings" yet. I just want to smack her every time I see that look of hope and excitement on her face.
A friend of mine has started asking when I'm having the baby because I've been pregnant for "like 2 and a half years."
At my baby shower on Sunday, my aunt got herself all worked up about how we were going to tell everyone when we've had the baby. Apparently saying that paper birth announcements are a tremendous waste of money wasn't smart. I had to promise her an email with pictures about 20 times before she settled down. This is the same aunt that just got back from a 3 week vacation and called her sister (the aunt that I live with) all freaked out about the shower because she for some reason thought that I might have had the baby and didn't tell her.
Even one of the nurses at my doctor's office ran into the room yesterday during my appointment to see if I'd had the baby yet.
Its starting to get weird that I'm 39 weeks pregnant and have more patience when it comes to this than everyone around me.
Thanks everyone. I'm glad to know that I'm not off base here. I'm sticking to my guns! @babyisthenewblack I fully intend to say that this is the directive from their doctors because it is. @serenity13, @ngcsugirl1112, @CanadianintheSouth Unfortunately, she has a set of keys... She kept them from before we moved in (a year and a half ago...) when her contractor friend was helping remove wallpaper. If I see her pull up, i'm dragging the babies to the master bedroom and locking the door.
My husband is on the fence. He loves his mom and wants the kids to have her in their lives, but he agrees that its messed up that she's prioritized her crazy hangups on medicine in front of their health.
Added layer to this? My HUSBAND hasn't gotten his TDAP shot. He is disabled and does not drive. The babies were so early, and I have been unable to drive until yesterday (in the hospital for 9 days, and then an additional 6 at home) he doesn't drive, and when my Mom took him to CVS (two different ones...) to get the shot, they were out!
So, because HE hasn't gotten the shot, he's rationalizing that it is probably OK of his mom doesn't have the shot. He's also toying with the idea of just never getting the shot... (What is with this family?!?!) I'm trying to juggle two newborns so dragging him to the drugstore isn't really an option for me right now. Also, his dad is at the end of his life dying of lung cancer (and continues to smoke...). He will not be able to get out to get the shot, and will not be getting it either. Do I want them to meet their grandfather before he dies? Yes. Is it safe? I don't have any idea.
@kjd291 I fully intend to win this war, I just don't want to alienate my husband to do it, but I'm prepared to if it means protecting my babies.
@Spartanrd4 I'm glad your family was willing to comply! My whole family ran to get their shots the day that I asked. My brother has not seen the babies yet because my SIL was sick the week they were born and they don't want to risk getting them sick! THEY GET IT!
@direwolfmini has your DH had the Tdap in the past 10 years? My OB said my DH didn't need to get it again because he just got it 4 years ago. Only we have to get it despite it still being in the 10 year window because you pass the immunity to the baby. Just a thought!
@direwolfmini Plain and simple, I wouldn't open the door. If she's going to be selfish, she can pay for the repercussions herself. You have a duty to protect your babies and you're making the best decision. It doesn't matter if it gets dramatic. Not your problem. I would do exactly this.
@direwolfmini stand your ground! I had a similar issue with my last pregnancy with MIL (minus the crazy witch doctor nonsense). MIL tried to say that she wasn't getting it because we weren't asking my family to do it (which was absolutely untrue). I asked all the grandparents, plus DH to have the TDAP, and all my close relatives that would be around often I mentioned that it would be a good idea. EVERYONE in my family got it without batting an eye. At the end of my pregnancy whooping cough was actually going around in our area and I made DH call her and tell her that if I go into labor and she hasn't been vaccinated, then she would not be allowed to be at the hospital when we went to have the baby, and not to come over once we got home. She then went out and got the shot.
As a mom with a completely overbearing MIL, my best advice to you is to set boundaries now, and stay strong. DD is 2.5, and we are still battling it out....and my in-laws wonder why I don't let them babysit.
@direwolfmini Just because she has a set of keys doesn't give her the right to come into your home if she's not welcome...she should show the same courtesy as a friend or family member who doesn't have keys to your house. Just my two cents.
Both sides of our families have gotten the flu and TDAP shots, but I'm still wary of anyone (ahem, MIL) kissing the baby, especially on the mouth. I know many people grow up kissing their parents on the mouth, but we didn't in my home, so if I'm not going to be kissing my son on the mouth, I sure as hell don't want anyone else doing it. I told DH last night that with all the sickness that goes on at this time of year I didn't want anyone kissing on the baby...he said "Well just tell them"...umm...you can stand up to your parents instead of having me look like the bitch of a DIL...
Me (37) Hubby (39)Marriedsince 4.2009 EP: 2.17.2016 DS: 3.4.2017 DD: due 7.16.2019
@ngcsugirl1112 You're right re: your husband telling his parents not to kiss the baby. My couples' counselor said the wife should tell her parents what they need to know/hear and the husband should do the same with his parents.
@direwolfmini If her having keys is that big of an issue, replace your locks. Its not that expensive and its a pretty easy project. Access to your home and children is a privilege, not a right. If she won't respect your rules, she should lose that privilege.
My b-fest for the week: Training this temp is killing me. I've recently decided not to stress about it and just let things play out. If I come back to a complete shit-storm, so be it. Since I am the only AP person for the company I see her temp agency bills so I now know that the company is paying just under DOUBLE what I make an hour for her to be here. All F&*KS given are now long gone.
Me: 24 DH: 27 High School Sweethearts: 10/13/06 Married: 10/13/13 Baby #1 EDD: 3/20/17
I am with everyone with the no kissing! My MIL is absolutely lovely, but she kisses my nephew on face and I cringe each time. My FIL also gets the occasional cold core (heater) and I keep having night mares of him coming to the hospital with one and passing it to my child by kissing her. How would anyone deal with that ? Ask a nurse to say something?
@OctoberLove13 Temp contracts are so confusing. I would bet that the agency gets a good deal of her salary for placing her, but if they are truly paying her DOUBLE she might be taking home more than you and maybe you should ask for a raise when you come back and have to clean up the mess she will inevitably make! Of course, I know that things rarely work out like this in corporate America, but it may be worth a try?
@ngcsugirl1112 My dad and his girlfriend smoke. He smokes cigars and she smokes cigarettes and they have a smoking room in their house... ALL of their clothes REEK and I told him that he needed to figure that out or he would not be coming over to see the babies. He did. I think he stopped smoking in his car, or has a clean change of clothes he keeps with him because he has come over not reeking like smoke.
@catybug820 I'm glad that things worked out with your MIL getting the TDAP. Sorry that you're STILL dealing with the battle of wills, I see that in my future, too.
@nicklesb I had a long talk with DH today after we had a HUGE fight and he has asked his mother to come pick him up tomorrow so that they can BOTH get the shot. I really hope that this isn't some sort of manipulation. I already warned him that if this is some sort of trick that I will be locking myself in the bedroom with the babies.
@ShannonJ96 the funny thing is that our front door has been acting up and we probably SHOULD get a new lock. That would be a nice surprise for her
@MsTurney I read a story about a baby getting really sick because he was kissed by someone with a cold sore, definitely have the nurse or doctor say something!
Re: Weekly Bitch Fest (2/20)
Needless to say I walked out with the Chicco baby wear, but left the swing and formula there. #pushyMIL #getoffmyjock
DH: 37
DD: 03/17/17
DS: 12/06/19
DH: 37
DD: 03/17/17
DS: 12/06/19
I am having to walk on some serious eggshells around my DH. It's crazy how every little thing sets him off. Like just now, I got up to use the bathroom and the toilet wouldn't flush. His response? "Did you just shit?!!!!" And I said "Nope all I did was pee" but what I really wanted to say was "You were the last one to take a dump in here with all your grunting so you wanna rethink your tone?".
This is just one example of what I am living with. I can't do anything right. I constantly have the anxiety of when I will get snapped at next and what can I do to avoid it.
I just can't do this anymore.
Backstory: My twins are almost 2 weeks old. They are preemies born at 34 weeks and we were fortunate that they only had 24 & 48 hrs of NICU time, and came home from the hospital one day after me when they were 5 days old. Preemies have additional challenges that term infants might not have. We have to be exceptionally vigilant about germs etc.
It was strongly suggested to me by my OB that anyone coming to spend any measurable amount of time with the babies get a flu and TDAP shot. It prevents whooping cough, which is so bad for a tiny baby. This was suggested when it appeared my babies would be term. Once they were born early NICU doctors agreed: TDAP for all, they frowned upon anyone even visiting the NICU if they didn't have a TDAP.
My MIL is a bit crazy, and believes that any sort of
traditional medicine is poison. Vitamins? Poison. Tylenol? Poison. Tums? Poison. Do you see where this is going? She has flat out REFUSED to get a the TDAP, and said she's going to go to her doctor (a Polish "doctor" that believes in her crazy snake oil cures, not 100% convinced that this person is actually a doctor) and will have them call and explain to us why she doesn't need the shot.
She also decided that she's coming to see the babies today. I drew my line in the sand: No, you will not see my babies until you get the shot. If you decide that not getting the shot is better for
you and your life, that's fine with me, but you will not be coming to see my babies. If they get whooping cough they could DIE. They could die
from a PREVENTABLE ILLNESS. If that doesn't bother you, then you cannot be in our house we can Skype...
I'm worried that she will come here anyway... If she does I can't be held responsible for what I do...
I know that I can't control everyone the babies come in contact with, and that some won't have a TDAP shot, but now that she's said that she will not get the shot, I can't drop it...
What would you gals do?
Even IF it wasn't a well known shot that ppl should get to be around infants and IF it wasn't doctors orders to do so (all reason enough she should do it)-- I think its important pissing match to win right out of the gate. These are your kids, she needs to respect your wishes with them--starting with this, because if not... it'll just keep being an issue with one thing after another.
Whats your husband say?? Make him deal with it. That's honestly what I do with all my MIL drama--he's the gatekeeper/protector of our family and he's in charge of keeping anyone at bay or telling them "our" wishes for me.
DH: 37
DD: 03/17/17
DS: 12/06/19
If your husband isn't willing to stand up to his mom, send her a text or email or slide a paper out the front door. Simply state that your pediatrician's directive is that no one who has not been vaccinated can come into contact with your babies. Her doctor's opinion does not matter and there is no negotiating this, and she needs to provide proof that she's been vaccinated. Nip this in the bud or it'll keep coming back to haunt you.
EP: 2.17.2016
DS: 3.4.2017
A friend of mine has started asking when I'm having the baby because I've been pregnant for "like 2 and a half years."
At my baby shower on Sunday, my aunt got herself all worked up about how we were going to tell everyone when we've had the baby. Apparently saying that paper birth announcements are a tremendous waste of money wasn't smart. I had to promise her an email with pictures about 20 times before she settled down. This is the same aunt that just got back from a 3 week vacation and called her sister (the aunt that I live with) all freaked out about the shower because she for some reason thought that I might have had the baby and didn't tell her.
Even one of the nurses at my doctor's office ran into the room yesterday during my appointment to see if I'd had the baby yet.
Its starting to get weird that I'm 39 weeks pregnant and have more patience when it comes to this than everyone around me.
@babyisthenewblack I fully intend to say that this is the directive from their doctors because it is.
@serenity13, @ngcsugirl1112, @CanadianintheSouth Unfortunately, she has a set of keys... She kept them from before we moved in (a year and a half ago...) when her contractor friend was helping remove wallpaper. If I see her pull up, i'm dragging the babies to the master bedroom and locking the door.
My husband is on the fence. He loves his mom and wants the kids to have her in their lives, but he agrees that its messed up that she's prioritized her crazy hangups on medicine in front of their health.
Added layer to this? My HUSBAND hasn't gotten his TDAP shot. He is disabled and does not drive. The babies were so early, and I have been unable to drive until yesterday (in the hospital for 9 days, and then an additional 6 at home) he doesn't drive, and when my Mom took him to CVS (two different ones...) to get the shot, they were out!
So, because HE hasn't gotten the shot, he's rationalizing that it is probably OK of his mom doesn't have the shot. He's also toying with the idea of just never getting the shot... (What is with this family?!?!) I'm trying to juggle two newborns so dragging him to the drugstore isn't really an option for me right now. Also, his dad is at the end of his life dying of lung cancer (and continues to smoke...). He will not be able to get out to get the shot, and will not be getting it either. Do I want them to meet their grandfather before he dies? Yes. Is it safe? I don't have any idea.
@kjd291 I fully intend to win this war, I just don't want to alienate my husband to do it, but I'm prepared to if it means protecting my babies.
@Spartanrd4 I'm glad your family was willing to comply! My whole family ran to get their shots the day that I asked. My brother has not seen the babies yet because my SIL was sick the week they were born and they don't want to risk getting them sick! THEY GET IT!
Thanks for the support everyone! @disneybaby84, @mecoats, @Happyhiker, @jenny0228
As a mom with a completely overbearing MIL, my best advice to you is to set boundaries now, and stay strong. DD is 2.5, and we are still battling it out....and my in-laws wonder why I don't let them babysit.
Both sides of our families have gotten the flu and TDAP shots, but I'm still wary of anyone (ahem, MIL) kissing the baby, especially on the mouth. I know many people grow up kissing their parents on the mouth, but we didn't in my home, so if I'm not going to be kissing my son on the mouth, I sure as hell don't want anyone else doing it. I told DH last night that with all the sickness that goes on at this time of year I didn't want anyone kissing on the baby...he said "Well just tell them"...umm...you can stand up to your parents instead of having me look like the bitch of a DIL...
EP: 2.17.2016
DS: 3.4.2017
High School Sweethearts: 10/13/06
Married: 10/13/13
Baby #1 EDD: 3/20/17
If her having keys is that big of an issue, replace your locks. Its not that expensive and its a pretty easy project. Access to your home and children is a privilege, not a right. If she won't respect your rules, she should lose that privilege.
High School Sweethearts: 10/13/06
Married: 10/13/13
Baby #1 EDD: 3/20/17
@MsTurney I would definitely pawn that off on the nurse
EP: 2.17.2016
DS: 3.4.2017
@ngcsugirl1112 My dad and his girlfriend smoke. He smokes cigars and she smokes cigarettes and they have a smoking room in their house... ALL of their clothes REEK and I told him that he needed to figure that out or he would not be coming over to see the babies. He did. I think he stopped smoking in his car, or has a clean change of clothes he keeps with him because he has come over not reeking like smoke.
@catybug820 I'm glad that things worked out with your MIL getting the TDAP. Sorry that you're STILL dealing with the battle of wills, I see that in my future, too.
@nicklesb I had a long talk with DH today after we had a HUGE fight and he has asked his mother to come pick him up tomorrow so that they can BOTH get the shot. I really hope that this isn't some sort of manipulation. I already warned him that if this is some sort of trick that I will be locking myself in the bedroom with the babies.
@ShannonJ96 the funny thing is that our front door has been acting up and we probably SHOULD get a new lock. That would be a nice surprise for her
@MsTurney I read a story about a baby getting really sick because he was kissed by someone with a cold sore, definitely have the nurse or doctor say something!
Gotta keep the house safe for the babies. Neither your MIL or husband can argue with that.