Second time mom going insane

fergee3 · January 2017

I am 10 weeks 4 days pregnant after miscarrying in August. I am so excited and so happy, but our DS just turned one, and I am having the hardest time keeping up with him throughout the day in the midst of extreme nausea and fatigue. I am also a new SAHM (as of September) and I feel like our routine wasn't that solidified to begin with. Any suggestions or ideas from other second time mom's? I want to make it through the next few weeks without totally sucking at being a mom. Not to mention our house is a disaster and my DH has been eating cereal for dinner for like a week

totally drowning.

kodariah · January 2017

I'm just getting to the end of that. I'm a STM with a DS that turned one this month. For a while I would sleep every chance I could, Zootopia would babysit so I could throw up, I was pretty much doing the bare minimum as a mom and wife. I'm blessed my DH is go amazing, and helped me out but I still felt like i was failing and would cry about once a day about how I felt like an awful mom. I'm almost 11 weeks now and I'm getting al ot of my energy back and I'm not very sick anymore and life is getting back to normal. I can't say anything really helped other then time, but it will pass and everything will be back to normal here soon

Don't be to hard on yourself.

Rgriffin91 · January 2017

First, stop judging yourself. You're enough. You're doing enough. I'm sure your son feels loved. And your husband is a grown man--if he wants something other than cereal, he knows where to find the pantry/take out menus.

Second, none of us have this crap figured out. I've been a SAHM for nearly 3 years (working sporadically but always returning to SAHM status). Do what you can when you feel well enough. You'll come out of the fog and be back to "normal". Stop thinking we're super moms who crusade through our pounding headaches, nonstop nausea and vomiting, earth-shattering constipation, and fatigue so bad we can only make it to the potty and back, to accomplish all the pinterest crafts with our kids. We're all struggling. You're doing what you can. And if I'm being totally honest here, sometimes even when I feel like I can, I don't (self-care is important, too).

Third, it takes a while to find a good, working routine at home with a toddler. In my case, my children made our schedule. They already followed a loose routine and I just learned it.

Just so you don't think I'm blowin' air up your tooter, when baby #3 comes, I'll have a 3 yr old and a 1 yr old. I've gone through the same feelings you're talking about. Stop putting so much on yourself.

The adopt u.s. kids commercial slogan is actually what snapped me out of my insane obsession with being a "perfect mommy" : you don't have to be perfect to be a perfect parent.

morgy_bee · January 2017

Having children running around is crazy when you feel like garbage. Just remember that you are almost done with the first trimester! You will start feeling better soon. Do what you need to do to make it through.

Also, we have s STM check in every week where we discuss this type of thing so make sure to post there.

fergee3 · January 2017

@Rgriffin91 thank you for the encouragement! Glad to know I'm not the only one!

fergee3 · January 2017

@morgy_bee oh awesome, I'll check out that post! Thanks!!

ColoradoHiker · January 2017

Paw Patrol and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse are my friends right now. I feel no shame at plopping DS in front of the tv so I can get my tired butt ready in the morning, and try to scramble a meal together without wanting to throw up. My DH is amazing and so helpful, but there are still most days that I feel like I'm falling short in the mom category right now. It's totally normal, and you'll make it.

Lauradi1010 · February 2017

You are not the only one who feels like a failing SAHM here. My house is a hands down disaster and I have been relying on Disney Jr. to entertain my 2 year old. Many meals have been basic grilled cheese, microwaved from frozen stuff in freezer, etc. It's tough feeling like crap all day everyday.

Do not the feel guilty though. Soon you will feel better and get some energy back and while things still won't be perfect, they will get better. Super proud that we've only eaten out twice in a week and that I have managed four loads of laundry in two days.

If you need to ask a friend/ family member for help. It sometimes help me get the chaos under control.

jaclynnn89 · February 2017

Same boat! I'm 10.5 weeks and I have a 10 month old who's just about to start walking. She's always been an amazing and happy baby (we have been SOSO lucky) but in the last few weeks as I've been getting more and more tired, she's gained so much more energy. She's into everything and constantly moving around. I felt bad not having the energy to keep up but have finally been feeling a little more normal (thank god the 2nd tri is almost here). I think ultimately you just have to do the best you can and rely on your partner whenever you can! We're growing a little human and you have to know when to take a break, your child will still love you even when you're tired, that's the great part about unconditional love!

mkayslurp · February 2017

Don't feel guilty. My four year old had to miss his first day of swimming lessons and a day of preschool last week because I could not stop throwing up. Both my kids have had waaay to much screen time and my house is a disaster. This is such a short period of time in their lives- they'll survive (and so will you!!). Try to remember that you're giving you child the most amazing gift of a sibling.

middy411 · February 2017

I'm 13 weeks and my 11 month old decided last month that she was going to start being super clingy and never want to be put down (especially when mama needs to cook dinner). Luckily I haven't been sick so I've been feeling well enough to get the necessary things done, i.e. eating, diaper changes, and getting dressed sometime after lunch lol. I broke down to my husband about feeling like a failure especially because I was so into mom groups and play dates and actively letting DD experience the world before this pregnancy. He comforted me and reminded me that this is just temporary. I never got a "burst" of energy back with my first pregnancy, but I was able to function a little better. It didn't happen for me til around 17 weeks. Until then, the house may remain a mess, and we may not get outside as often as I'd like but we will all be just fine. Hang in there!

lewliv · February 2017

You don't suck at being a mom! Pregnancy is hard. DS will be ok. Maybe you could arrange some play dates?
I'm a FTM and my house is a mess! I arrive home from work so tired that the only thing I can think about is food. DH is trying to get as much done as possible but I definitely don't feel guilty. I'm gonna nurture this baby for 9 months and push it through my vagina. He can handle the house for now. He should also be used to by now since during the 2 years I was getting my MBA I also told him it was his responsibility to cook and clean while I was in class/studying. Marriage is a partnership. Being a SAHM doesn't make you fully responsible for raising your kids and maintaining the house. It should not be a 24/7 job. DH must share chores when he's home.

Lauradi1010 · February 2017

@middy411

I hear you on the clingy kid thing. My DS is two and wants to sit in my lap all the time. To make it better my cat is extremely clingy when I am pregnant. Yesterday during naptime I had my son holding my hair and my cat sitting on my chest. I'm at the point where I don't want to be touched.

frizzell76 · February 2017

You are not alone. my dd turned 1 yesterday and I'm 13 weeks pregnant with #4. I've baby proofed as much as I can so she can run around without me having to chase her all over. dinners are cereal or drive thru most nights. it's only for a short time. this period won't last forever.

MatteaGabrielle · February 2017

My 3 year old gets a movie or the tablet just so I can nap. You are not alone.
I don't cook dinner every day. Meh. Don't worry it will pass eventually and they won't hold the 'bad momming' against us. And hopefully your husband is supportive and understanding. Mine is fine picking up dinner a few nights a week because he knows how worn out my body is and I'll come around.

emmeline714 · February 2017

You just have to learn not to beat up on yourself your kids are happy if you are. Currently I have a 6 month old and i felt like a failure for a while because I am pregnant again and feel like I am not doing a good enough job but then my daughter says mama and smiles and touches my face and then reassures me she is happy just the way things are going and sometimes you just need extra hands that offer it to you don't feel bad because sometimes you do need some air and i am thankful for my parents and sister in laws that tell me they can help out whenever i need to breath. As time goes you learn and get yourself back in line. Just know you are doing good

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