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March 2017 Moms
marshmallowfarts
member
Induction and feeling guilty
marshmallowfarts
member
I developed preeclampsia with DS1 pretty severely. I was ignored by my doctor for a long time during that time - except my blood pressure spiked to 220/130s and I lost my vision for a while so they induced me.
This is time we knew I'd be high risk again for preeclampsia. I've had markers come up positive the entire pregnancy for it. I've been going for non stress tests/fluid level checks twice weekly since 32 weeks. My last appointment was on 34 weeks exactly where they found increased protein in my urine, elevated blood pressure (170/108), I'd gained 10lbs in a week from edema, had a headache etc. I immediately get sent to labor and delivery for monitoring - they get my blood pressure down, majority of my labs are normal, and we start a 24 hour urine. The next day my blood pressure is staying down without medications, 24 hours of bed rest and I have ankles again! My 24 hour urine was bad though - like so high the lab couldn't read it and the threshold is 300 (they know it's over 1700). The doctor said they need to start inducing tomorrow.
Im. Not. Ready. He's not ready. He's only 4.5lbs. He'll be an automatic nicu admission and they expect him to be in 2-6 weeks. I'll be going home without my baby. Last time with my first son he came home with us because he was further along and a chunky baby. This baby isn't measuring the same though. I feel fine today - no symptoms. Blood pressure is slightly elevated - 140-160/90s. I just feel like if I could hold onto him for a few more days or even two more weeks he'd be in a much better place. I feel like my body has failed him and I can't stop crying. I've been miserable the last few weeks. The swelling is so bad that my feet have been mottled come end of shift from lack of blood flow, I can't bend my fingers anymore some days, headaches frequently, etc. But I haven't complained about it because I have been so grateful to get this far in the pregnancy. But now tomorrow morning (in five hours) they're going to start forcing my little guy out of his happy safe home. He's been in great shape so far - kicking, smiling on the ultrasound, moving around like a champ. I can't believe it's coming to an end. I won't be able to have him with me anymore, I won't be able to even take him home with me. I won't know if he's safe 100% of the time anymore, I won't feel him in me. I feel so so horrible that I can't carry him anymore. I've been crying nonstop since the news (which hasn't helped my blood pressures). I know it could be so much worse - I still think about our 24 weekers that we're born.
Enjoy the last few weeks of your pregnancy everyone. It will go fast. I'd do anything and tolerate all discomfort if it meant I got to leave the hospital with my son.
This is time we knew I'd be high risk again for preeclampsia. I've had markers come up positive the entire pregnancy for it. I've been going for non stress tests/fluid level checks twice weekly since 32 weeks. My last appointment was on 34 weeks exactly where they found increased protein in my urine, elevated blood pressure (170/108), I'd gained 10lbs in a week from edema, had a headache etc. I immediately get sent to labor and delivery for monitoring - they get my blood pressure down, majority of my labs are normal, and we start a 24 hour urine. The next day my blood pressure is staying down without medications, 24 hours of bed rest and I have ankles again! My 24 hour urine was bad though - like so high the lab couldn't read it and the threshold is 300 (they know it's over 1700). The doctor said they need to start inducing tomorrow.
Im. Not. Ready. He's not ready. He's only 4.5lbs. He'll be an automatic nicu admission and they expect him to be in 2-6 weeks. I'll be going home without my baby. Last time with my first son he came home with us because he was further along and a chunky baby. This baby isn't measuring the same though. I feel fine today - no symptoms. Blood pressure is slightly elevated - 140-160/90s. I just feel like if I could hold onto him for a few more days or even two more weeks he'd be in a much better place. I feel like my body has failed him and I can't stop crying. I've been miserable the last few weeks. The swelling is so bad that my feet have been mottled come end of shift from lack of blood flow, I can't bend my fingers anymore some days, headaches frequently, etc. But I haven't complained about it because I have been so grateful to get this far in the pregnancy. But now tomorrow morning (in five hours) they're going to start forcing my little guy out of his happy safe home. He's been in great shape so far - kicking, smiling on the ultrasound, moving around like a champ. I can't believe it's coming to an end. I won't be able to have him with me anymore, I won't be able to even take him home with me. I won't know if he's safe 100% of the time anymore, I won't feel him in me. I feel so so horrible that I can't carry him anymore. I've been crying nonstop since the news (which hasn't helped my blood pressures). I know it could be so much worse - I still think about our 24 weekers that we're born.
Enjoy the last few weeks of your pregnancy everyone. It will go fast. I'd do anything and tolerate all discomfort if it meant I got to leave the hospital with my son.
Me: 32 DH: 34
Baby #1 - January 2010
Baby #2 - March 2017
Baby #2 - March 2017
Re: Induction and feeling guilty
married to M since 6.13.09
T - 3.3.14
A - 2.24.17
Me 28 DH 28 Married 2012
TTC #1 since March 2015
Metformin + Femara + Gonal F + Trigger = BFP 6/24/16
EDD 3/3/17
Found out it's a girl! 9/23/16
baby #4 due March '17!
So at 34 weeks 3 days they started the induction. Another doctor in my practice knew how badly I didn't want this and made sure we did everything slowly to give him as much time as possible inside. He didn't believe in forcing pit straight out the gait and after hours of ripening my cervix with meds my water broke on its own. I rolled over and felt a gush. I was contracting on my own so he didn't want to push me thankfully. Eventually my contractions stopped progressing me at 2cm so we had to start pitocin. I don't know if pitocin makes me cranky or if being on magnesium just makes me feel horrible. I HATE magnesium. The puking, the constant migraine, the weird vision, etc.
After 30 hours I asked for an epidural. That didn't work in the end because it was placed wrong. At 39 hours baby was starting to show distress and they were concerned about needing to do an emergency c-section. I was 8cm dialated at that point and the doctor came in and ruptured another sac of water/blood. He left and said it wouldn't be long. In the meanwhile I felt everything. My back labor was horrible and I wasn't allowed to leave the bed or change positions without stressing out our son. I was cursing out the anesthesiologist for being so bad at his job because they had called him four times in 8 hours to let him know I still felt pain and was uncomfortable. He would just come in and dose me up with more meds that wore off quickly instead of placing a second epidural or readjusting the first one. But anyways.. I was contracting on my left side and had the peanut ball between my legs, my husband holding my hand and my nurse rubbing my back helping me through breathing. I felt his head pop out during a contraction and I told my nurse/husband I was pretty sure he was almost out. My husband removed the blanket and peanut ball and said "his head is there!" And the nurse flipped me on my back and the rest of the contraction pushed him out. Then she screamed for other nurses and they came in and the nicu team rushed in for our son.
Baby Luke was 4lbs 6oz born 2/1 at 0815 - not really sure on his length nobody told us. He's really small. He was immediately taken to nicu and I wasn't able to see him for hours until I was able to walk again. The epidural didn't work for labor but it did make my legs numb an hour later. Then because my pressures were horrible and I still needed to be on magnesium 24 hours post partum I wasn't allowed to be in the nicu without my nurse because of seizure concerns.
Little Luke only needed a nasal cannula after birth (which he has since ripped out and thriving without). The magnesium made him really sick too. He needs a feeding tube and isn't digesting what we give him. I'm making colostrum and pumping every two hours but it isn't enough and once again I'm supplementing - but at least he's fed and I'm trying to stay positive about that. Yesterday he started pooping and peeing and I even changed his diaper twice. He's
starting to become more awake now that the magnesium is wearing off him (it's still high though for a baby). At first he only wanted to cuddle and had zero interest in fighting. Anyone with a premie baby knows you want a fighter so they can come home. He's been regulating his body temperature really well too so we're hopeful this means we'll be able to hold him soon. I was able to get an hour in of skin to skin where he wanted to nurse even though nothing came out. He was soooo happy on the breast. It's amazing they know what to do. Right now his goals are to be able to be fed orally which he's working on - but he's not digesting and has more residual than what he went down with when they check before next feeding. He's doing good on room air so we checked that one off our list for now, and to keep maintaining his temperature. They tell you to expect to bring him home on his due date and be pleasantly surprised if you get him before that. Please please pray we don't have to wait 6 weeks to bring him home. I know there are babies who are so much more sick and need so much more. But I really need our little man home - this has been a five year journey for us with multiple miscarriages along the way. I'm ready to complete our family and have us all together. Waking up and not having him near me is devastating. I cry a lot every day over it. But I guess in the end he's safe and healthy for the most part and I need to remember that.
As for my preeclampsia - my blood pressures still aren't good so I'll be on beta blockers for the next six weeks and we'll re-evaluate from there. Even though this was a rough pregnancy for me I can't wait to try for number three. I'm so in love with our little man - it sounds crazy to want even more at this point - but we definitely do.
Your journey is almost over friends - enjoy your last few days with your littles inside. The outcome is so worth it!
Baby #2 - March 2017
Me: 39 DH: 40
Married: 12/6/2014
BFP#2: 10/28/15 MC: 11/24/15
BFP#3: 3/20/16 MC: 4/26/16
BFP#4: 7/15/16 DD: 3/18/17
BFP#5: 5/1/18 EDD: 1/12/19
I'm sure you guys will all be home together in no time.