I developed preeclampsia with DS1 pretty severely. I was ignored by my doctor for a long time during that time - except my blood pressure spiked to 220/130s and I lost my vision for a while so they induced me.
This is time we knew I'd be high risk again for preeclampsia. I've had markers come up positive the entire pregnancy for it. I've been going for non stress tests/fluid level checks twice weekly since 32 weeks. My last appointment was on 34 weeks exactly where they found increased protein in my urine, elevated blood pressure (170/108), I'd gained 10lbs in a week from edema, had a headache etc. I immediately get sent to labor and delivery for monitoring - they get my blood pressure down, majority of my labs are normal, and we start a 24 hour urine. The next day my blood pressure is staying down without medications, 24 hours of bed rest and I have ankles again! My 24 hour urine was bad though - like so high the lab couldn't read it and the threshold is 300 (they know it's over 1700). The doctor said they need to start inducing tomorrow.
Im. Not. Ready. He's not ready. He's only 4.5lbs. He'll be an automatic nicu admission and they expect him to be in 2-6 weeks. I'll be going home without my baby. Last time with my first son he came home with us because he was further along and a chunky baby. This baby isn't measuring the same though. I feel fine today - no symptoms. Blood pressure is slightly elevated - 140-160/90s. I just feel like if I could hold onto him for a few more days or even two more weeks he'd be in a much better place. I feel like my body has failed him and I can't stop crying. I've been miserable the last few weeks. The swelling is so bad that my feet have been mottled come end of shift from lack of blood flow, I can't bend my fingers anymore some days, headaches frequently, etc. But I haven't complained about it because I have been so grateful to get this far in the pregnancy. But now tomorrow morning (in five hours) they're going to start forcing my little guy out of his happy safe home. He's been in great shape so far - kicking, smiling on the ultrasound, moving around like a champ. I can't believe it's coming to an end. I won't be able to have him with me anymore, I won't be able to even take him home with me. I won't know if he's safe 100% of the time anymore, I won't feel him in me. I feel so so horrible that I can't carry him anymore. I've been crying nonstop since the news (which hasn't helped my blood pressures). I know it could be so much worse - I still think about our 24 weekers that we're born.
Enjoy the last few weeks of your pregnancy everyone. It will go fast. I'd do anything and tolerate all discomfort if it meant I got to leave the hospital with my son.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I know saying "don't feel guilty!" won't just magically turn off those emotions, but it's nothing you could control as I'm sure you know. Hoping you'll both be okay - and this will be a distant memory not too long from now.
My baby boy was born at 34 weeks due to preeclampsia and I can definitely understand the feelings you are feeling. I won't lie and say it's easy, because it's not and it won't be. But just remember that he is safer out at this point and that you are doing the right thing by making sure he gets the best care. You are a great momma already and this time in his life will be so short compared to the years to come. Mine only stayed 10 days and came home at 4lbs 3oz. It was really hard going home without him initially and the back and forth to the NICU/being away from him felt impossible at times, but I just tried to focus on the positives -he had great nurses caring for him, he was strong, when he came off the breathing support, etc. Take it one day at a time and know that it's okay to cry. I will be praying for you and am here if you have questions or need to talk. You are doing a great job!
Im so sorry that you are at the point they need to induce and you aren't feeling prepared. Prayers for you and your little one! That he would arrive easily and be bigger and healthier than anyone would expect for how far along you are! I hope as soon as you're holding him in your arms all these emotions are swept away with joy and peace knowing it was what's best for you both. Hugs!!
Wishing you so much luck and a big healthy baby. Hopefully he will not need to stay as long as they think. I'll be thinking of you and your beautiful son.
Thinking of you and your little one. Big hugs and remember they're doing what is best for both of you! As moms we obviously want what's best for our babies, but that also includes being healthy enough post-delivery to take care of our little ones.
Alex married to M since 6.13.09 T - 3.3.14 A - 2.24.17
Thinking of you! Please don't feel guilty. You are fixated on your baby, but your doctor has TWO patients: and he/she is going to do everything they can to keep both of you safe and healthy. I'm glad that your doctors are taking this seriously. Hang in there!
Stay strong sweet girl. ❤ your body has done everything it possibly can to grow your perfect little human and now you are being so strong and letting the doctors help keep him healthy. I can't imagine how you're feeling, but please know our thoughts and prayers are with you guys for a healthy delivery and speedy NICU stay. So many creepy internet hugs.
So sorry you're faced with this emotional struggle. You are a good mother who loves their baby very much! You did a good job thus far and are a good mother by following the doctor's decision. As others have said your health and the baby's health is what is most important. Ultimately your baby will know that they are loved, which is the best thing ever.
I'm so so sorry you're going through this! I hope things progress well after they start the induction and that your baby will be strong & healthy and be able to come home sooner than you think....sending lots of positive thoughts and prayers for you both!❤️
I'm so sorry you are going through this. You're love for your baby boy is so strong and inspiring. Between you and the doctors he is in great hands. Creepy internet hugs to you!
I'm sorry that you are going through this and that it's been such an emotional roller coaster. Just remember that it's not your fault and that your doctors are only trying to do what is best for you and baby. It will be rough not being able to take him home with you right away. But just think of how special it will be when he does get to come home! I'm sure that they will take great care of him at the hospital. When my daughter had to spend a few days in the Special Care Nursery after birth, they would let me call in the middle of the night when I woke up to pump, if I needed reassurance that she was doing okay. Sending positive thoughts your way!
Ugh I think I'd feel the same way if I were in your boat. Like the other ladies have said, your health and baby's health are most important. 2-6 weeks in nicu is a drop in the hat in the grand scheme of your life. Your little man and your other little one need you healthy, and it's not worth taking any risks, so maybe try to focus on the big picture if you can. T&P mama.
I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. Even though this is not how you have imagine your little person coming into this world but this will allow both of you to be healthy. I'll be praying for you tomorrow.
Thinking of you today, I hope everything goes smoothly and you are holding your baby boy in your arms! Stay strong, you can do this! I'm sorry it's not happening the way you envisioned but it's the best thing for your little guy AND you. I hope the hospital stay is short and sooner than later he's home with you.
I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. I think "don't feel ___" is always silly advice -- you're going to feel how you feel -- BUT, you have not done anything wrong, and your body has not failed your baby. It has carried him to this point (34+ weeks!) and now you and your doctor are continuing to do what's best for him (and you) by delivering. I hope you and baby are well and home together as soon as possible. Good luck!
Thank you everyone for all your positivity and thoughts and prayers. Looking back on this thread really helped during an emotional time. The next day labor and delivery was full and my blood pressures were lower so the next doctor on call was ok with waiting. Unfortunately it only lasted a few days and then we were back where we started. They wouldn't even try to manage my blood pressure without inducing - which is frustrating to me. I wish we could have just tried to do some blood pressure medication/monitoring and then induce but the doctor said we still needed to bring him out regardless.
So at 34 weeks 3 days they started the induction. Another doctor in my practice knew how badly I didn't want this and made sure we did everything slowly to give him as much time as possible inside. He didn't believe in forcing pit straight out the gait and after hours of ripening my cervix with meds my water broke on its own. I rolled over and felt a gush. I was contracting on my own so he didn't want to push me thankfully. Eventually my contractions stopped progressing me at 2cm so we had to start pitocin. I don't know if pitocin makes me cranky or if being on magnesium just makes me feel horrible. I HATE magnesium. The puking, the constant migraine, the weird vision, etc.
After 30 hours I asked for an epidural. That didn't work in the end because it was placed wrong. At 39 hours baby was starting to show distress and they were concerned about needing to do an emergency c-section. I was 8cm dialated at that point and the doctor came in and ruptured another sac of water/blood. He left and said it wouldn't be long. In the meanwhile I felt everything. My back labor was horrible and I wasn't allowed to leave the bed or change positions without stressing out our son. I was cursing out the anesthesiologist for being so bad at his job because they had called him four times in 8 hours to let him know I still felt pain and was uncomfortable. He would just come in and dose me up with more meds that wore off quickly instead of placing a second epidural or readjusting the first one. But anyways.. I was contracting on my left side and had the peanut ball between my legs, my husband holding my hand and my nurse rubbing my back helping me through breathing. I felt his head pop out during a contraction and I told my nurse/husband I was pretty sure he was almost out. My husband removed the blanket and peanut ball and said "his head is there!" And the nurse flipped me on my back and the rest of the contraction pushed him out. Then she screamed for other nurses and they came in and the nicu team rushed in for our son.
Baby Luke was 4lbs 6oz born 2/1 at 0815 - not really sure on his length nobody told us. He's really small. He was immediately taken to nicu and I wasn't able to see him for hours until I was able to walk again. The epidural didn't work for labor but it did make my legs numb an hour later. Then because my pressures were horrible and I still needed to be on magnesium 24 hours post partum I wasn't allowed to be in the nicu without my nurse because of seizure concerns.
Little Luke only needed a nasal cannula after birth (which he has since ripped out and thriving without). The magnesium made him really sick too. He needs a feeding tube and isn't digesting what we give him. I'm making colostrum and pumping every two hours but it isn't enough and once again I'm supplementing - but at least he's fed and I'm trying to stay positive about that. Yesterday he started pooping and peeing and I even changed his diaper twice. He's starting to become more awake now that the magnesium is wearing off him (it's still high though for a baby). At first he only wanted to cuddle and had zero interest in fighting. Anyone with a premie baby knows you want a fighter so they can come home. He's been regulating his body temperature really well too so we're hopeful this means we'll be able to hold him soon. I was able to get an hour in of skin to skin where he wanted to nurse even though nothing came out. He was soooo happy on the breast. It's amazing they know what to do. Right now his goals are to be able to be fed orally which he's working on - but he's not digesting and has more residual than what he went down with when they check before next feeding. He's doing good on room air so we checked that one off our list for now, and to keep maintaining his temperature. They tell you to expect to bring him home on his due date and be pleasantly surprised if you get him before that. Please please pray we don't have to wait 6 weeks to bring him home. I know there are babies who are so much more sick and need so much more. But I really need our little man home - this has been a five year journey for us with multiple miscarriages along the way. I'm ready to complete our family and have us all together. Waking up and not having him near me is devastating. I cry a lot every day over it. But I guess in the end he's safe and healthy for the most part and I need to remember that.
As for my preeclampsia - my blood pressures still aren't good so I'll be on beta blockers for the next six weeks and we'll re-evaluate from there. Even though this was a rough pregnancy for me I can't wait to try for number three. I'm so in love with our little man - it sounds crazy to want even more at this point - but we definitely do.
Your journey is almost over friends - enjoy your last few days with your littles inside. The outcome is so worth it!
I'm sorry you had such a rough go of things, mama! But congratulations on your little Luke!! Prayers that he grows and is ready to join you at home real soon!
congratulations on the arrival of Luke! I'm sorry to hear you had such a difficult start with him but wishing you both lots of good health so that you can go home the very soonest you can, and that Luke continues to improve!
Congratulations on your baby Luke! So sorry his birth was such a stressful time but I hope both of your health improves quickly and your little man is home with you soon. Lots of love!
T&P for a short NICU stay. I'm glad you posted this because it really helps keep things in perspective for those of us who are griping about the challenges of being so pregnant. Even though it sounds like your little man is doing fantastic, the situation is not ideal for you are we should all be very grateful for the back aches and bloating, etc. especially having this added perspective.
I'm sure you guys will all be home together in no time.
Re: Induction and feeling guilty
married to M since 6.13.09
T - 3.3.14
A - 2.24.17
Me 28 DH 28 Married 2012
TTC #1 since March 2015
Metformin + Femara + Gonal F + Trigger = BFP 6/24/16
EDD 3/3/17
Found out it's a girl! 9/23/16
baby #4 due March '17!
So at 34 weeks 3 days they started the induction. Another doctor in my practice knew how badly I didn't want this and made sure we did everything slowly to give him as much time as possible inside. He didn't believe in forcing pit straight out the gait and after hours of ripening my cervix with meds my water broke on its own. I rolled over and felt a gush. I was contracting on my own so he didn't want to push me thankfully. Eventually my contractions stopped progressing me at 2cm so we had to start pitocin. I don't know if pitocin makes me cranky or if being on magnesium just makes me feel horrible. I HATE magnesium. The puking, the constant migraine, the weird vision, etc.
After 30 hours I asked for an epidural. That didn't work in the end because it was placed wrong. At 39 hours baby was starting to show distress and they were concerned about needing to do an emergency c-section. I was 8cm dialated at that point and the doctor came in and ruptured another sac of water/blood. He left and said it wouldn't be long. In the meanwhile I felt everything. My back labor was horrible and I wasn't allowed to leave the bed or change positions without stressing out our son. I was cursing out the anesthesiologist for being so bad at his job because they had called him four times in 8 hours to let him know I still felt pain and was uncomfortable. He would just come in and dose me up with more meds that wore off quickly instead of placing a second epidural or readjusting the first one. But anyways.. I was contracting on my left side and had the peanut ball between my legs, my husband holding my hand and my nurse rubbing my back helping me through breathing. I felt his head pop out during a contraction and I told my nurse/husband I was pretty sure he was almost out. My husband removed the blanket and peanut ball and said "his head is there!" And the nurse flipped me on my back and the rest of the contraction pushed him out. Then she screamed for other nurses and they came in and the nicu team rushed in for our son.
Baby Luke was 4lbs 6oz born 2/1 at 0815 - not really sure on his length nobody told us. He's really small. He was immediately taken to nicu and I wasn't able to see him for hours until I was able to walk again. The epidural didn't work for labor but it did make my legs numb an hour later. Then because my pressures were horrible and I still needed to be on magnesium 24 hours post partum I wasn't allowed to be in the nicu without my nurse because of seizure concerns.
Little Luke only needed a nasal cannula after birth (which he has since ripped out and thriving without). The magnesium made him really sick too. He needs a feeding tube and isn't digesting what we give him. I'm making colostrum and pumping every two hours but it isn't enough and once again I'm supplementing - but at least he's fed and I'm trying to stay positive about that. Yesterday he started pooping and peeing and I even changed his diaper twice. He's
starting to become more awake now that the magnesium is wearing off him (it's still high though for a baby). At first he only wanted to cuddle and had zero interest in fighting. Anyone with a premie baby knows you want a fighter so they can come home. He's been regulating his body temperature really well too so we're hopeful this means we'll be able to hold him soon. I was able to get an hour in of skin to skin where he wanted to nurse even though nothing came out. He was soooo happy on the breast. It's amazing they know what to do. Right now his goals are to be able to be fed orally which he's working on - but he's not digesting and has more residual than what he went down with when they check before next feeding. He's doing good on room air so we checked that one off our list for now, and to keep maintaining his temperature. They tell you to expect to bring him home on his due date and be pleasantly surprised if you get him before that. Please please pray we don't have to wait 6 weeks to bring him home. I know there are babies who are so much more sick and need so much more. But I really need our little man home - this has been a five year journey for us with multiple miscarriages along the way. I'm ready to complete our family and have us all together. Waking up and not having him near me is devastating. I cry a lot every day over it. But I guess in the end he's safe and healthy for the most part and I need to remember that.
As for my preeclampsia - my blood pressures still aren't good so I'll be on beta blockers for the next six weeks and we'll re-evaluate from there. Even though this was a rough pregnancy for me I can't wait to try for number three. I'm so in love with our little man - it sounds crazy to want even more at this point - but we definitely do.
Your journey is almost over friends - enjoy your last few days with your littles inside. The outcome is so worth it!
Baby #2 - March 2017
Me: 39 DH: 40
Married: 12/6/2014
BFP#2: 10/28/15 MC: 11/24/15
BFP#3: 3/20/16 MC: 4/26/16
BFP#4: 7/15/16 DD: 3/18/17
BFP#5: 5/1/18 EDD: 1/12/19
I'm sure you guys will all be home together in no time.