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Multiples
goldenmama
member
a very very long vent....
goldenmama
member
in Multiples
I just have to get this out and you guys pretty much are the only ones that would even remotely get this...
I am at my wits end with the not sleeping thru the night crap. I am so freaking tired and they are so freaking tired none of us can funtion on a normal level so it is just nothing but whining and crying from all ends. I am so tired of the WHINING! Seriously I almost pull my hair out when they are both in unision and I cannot get even the simple task of getting them dressed done because I am so irratated by the whining. It has finally cracked me.
I have tried EVERYTHING to get them to sleep thru the night and they will do it for a night or two and then they are back to their normal routine of lets get up at 2:45 and not want to go back to sleep and cry for an hour and unless we are being rocked on mommy or daddy no one is allowed to sleep in the house. They are horrible nappers even though I put them down at the same time every day they sleep "maybe" 1.5 hours the entire day!
On top of all this DH is pressuring me to figure out my new career path for when the boys go to school in oh yeah FOUR YEARS! He wants me to figure out if I need to go back to school for anything and if I do he wants me to go thru the next few years. He keeps trying to pressure me into making decisions that are just not me. I have been self employed for the last 8 years dude give me a freaking break I need some time to process even working for someone else.
I am starting to think I may have some form of PP deprepression and that it has finally hit me with everything that has happened this year. ( babies born and me staying home full time, me closing down my business and me being ripped off by a former employee big time) I think I need to speak with someone because I am just not me...not all the time but enough times for me to question am I loosing my marbles 
If you have read this far thank you. I am just one frustrated mommy.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: a very very long vent....
I'm no therapist but I would say 75% of your problem is sleep deprivation; that alone can cause tons of stress. And then add that to all you've gone through this year and the added pressure your dh is unfairly applying, you could probably benefit from talking to someone.
I really can't helps you w/ the sleep problem. I'm very blessed it's not an issue in my house on most nights. But I would like to address "going back to work" b/c it crosses my mind at times and I just shove it back... we have a pretty cool opportunity. Not to many people can decide to switch careers mid-life but motherhood break is a great time to do it. That said, I don't think you should ponder ANYTHING definite yet. Your job right now is to care for your babies and more importantly yourself.
Hope you have a better day, heidi
I am so sorry you're going through this!! ?I was right there where you are right now when my girls were 8 months old. ?Anna and Margaret are notoriously AWFUL sleepers, and I'd find myself up with them 4,5 and 6 times per night, even in to their 9th month. ?After nearly having a nervous breakdown from the lack of sleep, my husband and pediatrician pretty much had an intervention for me (LOL) and quite firmly told me that I needed to get a handle on the sleep and realize that my girls were smarter than I was giving them credit for, and were taking advantage of my oversensitivity to their needs. ?Here are the things that I did when they were about 7 1/2 months old, that may help you:
1. Buy and read the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. ?It became my Bible for sleep correction.
2. Stop the overtired cycle that my girls have become trapped in, and realize that they needed to be put back to bed after 2-3 hours awake during the day. ?I started living by the "2-3-4" rule - that they needed to take a nap 2 hours after they woke up in the morning, 3 hours after they woke up from their first nap, and, if needed, 4 hours after they woke up from their second nap.
3. Establish a very consistent and repeatable bedtime routine of downtime, then bath, then books, nursing, then bed. ?Never waver, and never push the time too late. ?Be firm and unwavering when you walk out of their nursery at night after putting them down, even if they're screaming - if you give in or act upset, they'll take advantage of that.
4. I employed a weird mix of "Cry It Out" and the Ferber method. ?But in order to do so, we had to separate them by putting one in the guest room in a pack n play. ?It will be painful for the first few nights, but it DOES work!
?5. Work on correcting daytime sleep habits first, then nighttime - or vice versa. ?I found it overwhelming to work on both at the same time.
6. Unless the babies are extremely distraught and crying to the point of getting sick, do not go get them during their nap unless it's been a full hour. ?If they don't nap at all, just go on with your day and try again in a couple of hours. ?Pretty soon, they'll get the routine and the expectation to nap.?
?We still had bad days, sleep regressions, and bad habits reform when I gave in and went and got them out of their cribs - but for the most part, it really did fix a lot of problems, and cut down on a lot of the fussiness and whining (I feel your pain on that!). ?I realize there are tons of sleep theories out there, so mine may not work for yours, but hopefully it may give you some ideas.
I should add, in all honesty, that my Margaret STILL gets up at least 2x per week in the middle of the night - but Anna is thankfully STTN every night, and has been since about 10 months old.
?Your husband needs to understand that now is not the time to be forming your career path - sleep and mental sanity need to come first! ?I, just now, am starting to put together plans for getting back to work ?It honestly took me 18 months to get to this point!
?Hang in there - this too shall pass!
Katie?
HUGS sweetie! I have no advice on the STTN...I am right there with you. If you find a miracle, let me know. I honestly think that my boys are just not good sleepers. We have taken all kinds of different advice, but it hasn't worked. Brody STTN 2 out of every 3 nights, but Aidan is a terror...he's been sick and that has just thrown him way off.
I hope that they start sleeping better for you. Can anyone give you a night or two off? I know sometimes that's hard, but sleep might make all the difference in the world for you!
If you need to chat...send me an email...I don't get a chance to get on here much but I'd be more than happy to listen.
mwilson@uwsp.edu
omg...I wish you could've caught my rant post that I had to delete (can you believe it was longer than yours?). I too have had a MAJOR crack today with the unbelievable events the twins put me thru, the sleepless frickin nights that I feel guilty about since it's not the one particular child's fault, the failed businesses that have left us poor and all the anger I hold onto about the pregnancy/deliver and current state of EVERYTHING.
Dude...someone needs to pass us pills or something...?
I"m so sorry you're going through this. ?My advice for the sleep issues is to be consistent 100% of the time. ?If you don't go in when they cry for a few days and then one night he cries just a little longer and you go, he knows eventually you'll come. ?I highly recommend getting Dr. Ferber's book and following his techniques. ?
I'm sorry you're feeling so down. ?I really think that most of it comes from lack of sleep. ?My son around 6 months was miserable during the day because he was over tired and after we got him sttn it got MUCH better. ?Hugs and vibes that you can stick with a program with them. ?(and if it makes you feel any better, DD didn't sttn till almost 10 months)?
Imronburgundy has some great tips.
We have the same 2,3,4 rules (although we recently dropped 4 and started an earlier bedtime- that 'night-time' nap is confusing in the winter months).
Also I did a 5,15,25 rule at night as well. 5 minutes check and reposition blanket and baby (pop in pacifier) say it is "still sleepy time" and leave. If they were crying after another 15 minutes more, repeat. Another 25 minutes more repeat....and so on if necessary. If you give in to anything different you are confusing expectations-so whatever process you want to pursue make sure it is sustainable and the exact same. Rocking is not sustainable. A couple of rough nights (a lot of guilt listening to crying), but they have slept beautifully for months and it makes life much easier.
I agree with the others, sideline the long term work/school discussion at least until you have had the chance to get some consistent sleep.
I really wish you well, anger/sadness/stress is so physically draining and some of that goes away when you know you have time that is consistently yours. Good luck---we want updates....I know you can do it mom!!!!
Go! Go! Golden
Wow...I feel for you. I was cracking at eight weeks from lack of sleep. I don't know how you have managed to keep it together this long!
I agree with the others, lack of sleep is a horrible thing to endure and it impacts your mood, emotions and coping abilities. Can you have someone give you a break for a night or two? Once you've had some sleep yourself you may be able to decide on a sleep method and try some of the suggestions mentioned by the other ladies.
I hope you are able to find a solution soon. Not only is it impacting you but your babies need to get consistent sleep as well. I've got my fingers crossed for all of you!
My twins are 5! My baby is 3!
DS#2 - Allergic to Cashew, Pistachio, Kiwi
DS#3 - Allergic to Milk, Egg, Peanut, Tree Nuts and Sesame
I really don't have much advice, just tons of hugs and sending support your way. I feel like no one ever truly prepares you for the consequences of sleep deprivation. It literally rules your life, and I'm sure it has a lot to do with the feelings you are experiencing right now. I remember some nights being almost delerious from lack of sleep.
I really do agree with what Katie says about napping. I have found that the boys really do need a lot more sleep than I would ever think during the day. They go back down for a nap no more than two hours after waking up, for at least an hour. Then they take a second, longer nap in the afternoons, and they're 21 months old. I know these naps are what it takes to make them happy, so if I put them down and they're making noise or crying, I leave them there for at least 30 minutes or so. 9 times out of 10, they'll go to sleep.
As for the career, you've got way too much on your plate right now to be thinking of that! It sounds like you did wonderful before and I'm sure you will again, but right now, you need to focus on some peace and sanity. The rest will come much easier after that's done.
Just wanted to say sorry, I completely understand the exhaustion from not sleeping!!
I also wanted to "mark" this post so I can use some of the great advice. Thanks for posting!!
Wow, Katie does have some great tips. We've been trying to be more consistent with nap schedules, too. I think it really does make a difference.
When the girls were about 7 months old and we were at our wits end, we started the Cry It Out method. It was difficult, but it did work for us. We'd go in the room 5 minutes after a baby started crying to give the pacifier, and then we'd just increase the amount of minutes.
Have you checked with your local hospital or university? In RI, Brown University has an infants sleep lab. We were considering taking part in it before the girls started STTN. There may be something available to you locally.
In terms of PPD, I totally hear ya. I was actually just going to post something... I have been feeling really down lately. I'm wondering if it's due to weaning and a hormone drop, or if it's sleep deprivation (the girls still wake up during the night here and there). I do talk to a counselor ever since my dad died in April, and talking about the stresses of parenting does help me. It may be worthwhile to find someone to talk to... besides us