new baby mil rants

JuneBaby1984 · September 2016

Let's vent about our mother in laws. Mine is driving me nuts. I knew she would. We used to live about 3 hours away and even when I only saw her every month or so she bugged me. She is super gossipy and just annoying. She will literally ask questions about every person we know and personal stuff too..KY friend recently had a still birth st 21 weeks and she insisted on asking me a bunch of questions about jt in front of their entire family when I was 9 months pregnant (not upsetting at all..sarcasm). She also always wanted to throw me a shower..I hate attention and said no Thanks..my mom is just having a small family one. .which her entire family was invited to. So she told me ...not asked..that she would have a meet the baby party..which me.and my so also politely declined. So about 2 months after the baby was born I offered to bring the baby over to meet her friends..which she had been all over me for. She said ok and gave me a time that's it. So I show up in my cut offs..not even showered and it's legit a shower..her friends are.all there wearing heals ..the table is set super fancy with like sea shells at each setting and everyone has gifts..so she basically forced a shower on me against my will. She is also super pushy about seeing slash babysitting the baby..I make sure she sees him at least once a week which I feel is plenty right? It's usually twice. But every time we see her she is all anxious about when the next time will be. She also hates that we asked her to please call and see if it's ok if she comes over..I don't understand how anyone thinks point in on people which a new baby is ok..and she already knows we hate it from when we first moved here and she did it all the time. .I caught her peeking in the windows without even ringing the bell first and we had to lay down the law. The other day she called at 1030 and Saud can I come over thus morning..and I said no since baby was napping and my sister was coming over after. I agreed to lunch with them rhe next say. So at lunch she was all piss about not being able to come over and asked if she could come over next Wednesday but come whenever she wanted..such a wierd request...she wants us to sit around all day waiting for her to maybe show up anytime? So I said..no tell me a time. Am I being unreasonable or is she nuts? OH ya I finally let her babysit for one hour..my only request was that she not let the dog near him and put him outside if she had the baby down on the floor. So I get back a little earlier and the dog is all very him. .like I know he's small but he could scratch him or something. Please share your crazy mil stories to make me feel better ! I already do from that extremely long rant haha

adiaz132003 · October 2016

I love my MIL but my mom... Oy. She is such a hypocrite. She was telling me off for still wanting to go to see our cousins this weekend even though Preston had a cold. They have a 16 month old would also got over a cold. I already had explained to her that we would only go if he seems to be feeling better and his ear infection is gone. Here's the hypocritical part, she gets super angry at me when I say I don't want smokers around him. She claims it doesn't make a difference and she used to be a nurse, WHO WORKED IN A NICU!!!!! You know better, woman!!!

vintagevix2016 · October 2016

Yeeeeaaa I'm at my wits end with the inlaws at this point. They're basically stuck in the 1970s when it comes to taking care of a baby and anything safety or healthwise that has come out since then is considered ridiculous. If they did it in the 70s, then it must still be alright to do it now.

lzablocki · October 2016

So my mil watches Stella twice a week and has a very dramatic, over the top personality. The first week she watched her my husband and I got a text that she found a water stain on the dresser in our room.( As a wedding present she bought me and my husband a brand new bedroom set) So then she went on a rant that she should have just bought us a cheaper set if we weren't going to take care of it properly bla bla bla. Umm are t you suppose to be watching our daughter?? Why are you inspecting our furniture?? Then she was ignoring our texts when we were asking about Stella so we said we would try to fix it and not to worry about it.

rmmorris · October 2016

My MIL isn't too bad. We've always been cordial and polite to each other's faces... BUT in the past she's said negative things to my husband about me (backstory: my husband and I lived together before we got married and his southern baptist mom was "shocked"). Anyway now that we are married and have her only grandchild she is super nice to me but I would prefer to keep my distance (and subsequently my LOs) because I'm still irked about that past situation. Luckily she lives 10+ hours away, although we are seeing them more now that LO is here. It just seems so forced and fake that she likes me now (because our relationship finally benefits her).

kristinamarie10 · October 2016

Ever since Keira was born my mil has been telling her family and friends that we have been keeping her from the baby. She's constantly complaining that dh doesn't call her. She'll call and ask what time dd will be awake because God forbid she's sleeping. When dd was just a few weeks old and she was visiting dd had the hiccups and she suggested I give her some water. ( ever since that comment I won't let her babysit) she's always making back handed comments, and acts like I'm the one that's overly possessive with my daughter. She is basically yelling at dd when she holds her (definitely outside voice ha) it seems like everything this woman does irritates me. Ib feel bad sometimes, I know she just has a lot of love for her son and grand daughter, but it kinda keeps me out.

vintagevix2016 · October 2016

kristinamarie10 said:

Ever since Keira was born my mil has been telling her family and friends that we have been keeping her from the baby. She's constantly complaining that dh doesn't call her. She'll call and ask what time dd will be awake because God forbid she's sleeping. When dd was just a few weeks old and she was visiting dd had the hiccups and she suggested I give her some water. ( ever since that comment I won't let her babysit) she's always making back handed comments, and acts like I'm the one that's overly possessive with my daughter. She is basically yelling at dd when she holds her (definitely outside voice ha) it seems like everything this woman does irritates me. Ib feel bad sometimes, I know she just has a lot of love for her son and grand daughter, but it kinda keeps me out.

My MiL believes in giving babies water regularly because, "Babies get thirsty too!"

JuneBaby1984 · October 2016

Haha because milk and formula aren't liquid?? I got an eye roll for saying I was worried now that baby can roll onto his tummy and it scares me at night..and a "well we always put them.o their stomachs". Yes..32 years ago and deaths from sids dramatically reduced since that changed

Lizbeth86 · October 2016

My mil is a piece of work but she is 5 hours away and in a home now and sadly losing touch with things. I feel so badly for DH.

My mom, on the other hand, has been so helpful, coming over at least once a week to take LO out for hours so I can get a break. But the price I pay is having to deal with constant snorts, eye rolls, etc about minutiae with LO. Half of them are the change in pediatric recommendations over the years and half are just my own ways of dealing with stuff (such as draping a light blanket over the stroller to keep out the sun). I'm open to suggestions, but we need to protect her from the sun, thanks Mom!

My mom is really a nice person and definitely doesn't realize that she is doing this. I have to bring her attention to it and then she genuinely feels bad that i took it badly (and then i call her out again like 10 minutes later and she catches herself). So I can only imagine if I were her daughter in law and couldn't be as direct as I am with her.

I'm sad bc I think it's a combination of age and retirement, she's out of practice at filters and being polite. I swear she wasn't like this 10 years ago : (

26pointrunningfor2 · October 2016

My MIL does not respect our babies schedule at all. We left LO with my mother and father in law so we could go to a wedding last night. I explained in detail that our 3.5 mo old feeds every 2-2.5 hours and generally will stay awake about 90 minutes. We were gone for almost 7 hours and they only fed him twice, and he didn't nap at all in that 7 hours. I left enough breast milk for four feedings, much of which had to be thrown out because it was thawed. She tried to tell us that developmentally he should be awake longer, and used that as her excuse for keeping him up. We've been visiting with them for four days and every time I say it's time for him to nap or eat her answer is "no he just wants another type of toy", and insists on having people over to spend time with him all the time. She has no concept of overstimulation no matter how many times my husband or I try to explain it to her.
To top it off, she was a nurse. You'd think she'd understand that babies need sleep.

bankssl1 · October 2016

My MIL(Grandma Shower Lady) is actually a little less crazy than I thought she would be.. HOWEVER.. She told us when Jack was 1 week old that he needed an IPad.. NOPE!!!

splsmama2016 · October 2016

bankssl1 said:

My MIL(Grandma Shower Lady) is actually a little less crazy than I thought she would be.. HOWEVER.. She told us when Jack was 1 week old that he needed an IPad.. NOPE!!!

Pahahahahahah!!!!! Is she trying to make him a tablet/computer/tv baby already?! Yeah no.

Tawny87 · October 2016

bankssl1 said:

My MIL(Grandma Shower Lady) is actually a little less crazy than I thought she would be.. HOWEVER.. She told us when Jack was 1 week old that he needed an IPad.. NOPE!!!

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

bankssl1 · October 2016

I know y'all, its insane. If he gets one for Christmas from her I'm going to LOSE IT!!!

jmohio · October 2016

I actually just got into it with my MIL a few days ago. She hasn't called to check on the baby except for maybe 3 times since she was born (and we have been in and out of the children's hospital a few times now). I ASKED her the other day what she thought about the baby calling her grandmaw instead of mawmaw (which when they say it it sounds like mama). She flipped her shit on me telling me I have no say in what my child calls her and it was not debatable. That comment didn't go well with the husband he said we have a say in EVERYTHING that has to do with little one, which I tend to agree with him. She then said she didn't want anything to do with the baby unless she calls her mawmaw. Literally said "her mawmaw loves her but I don't know what to say about a grandmaw". Told me I was stupid to think my mother (who calls DAILY to check on the baby) had enough love for the baby. I have no idea what to do now.

vintagevix2016 · October 2016

jmohio said:

I actually just got into it with my MIL a few days ago. She hasn't called to check on the baby except for maybe 3 times since she was born (and we have been in and out of the children's hospital a few times now). I ASKED her the other day what she thought about the baby calling her grandmaw instead of mawmaw (which when they say it it sounds like mama). She flipped her shit on me telling me I have no say in what my child calls her and it was not debatable. That comment didn't go well with the husband he said we have a say in EVERYTHING that has to do with little one, which I tend to agree with him. She then said she didn't want anything to do with the baby unless she calls her mawmaw. Literally said "her mawmaw loves her but I don't know what to say about a grandmaw". Told me I was stupid to think my mother (who calls DAILY to check on the baby) had enough love for the baby. I have no idea what to do now.

She sounds like a real piece of work! I can't believe she'd say that about your Mom...and that mawmaw vs grandmaw comment...I mean dang.

jmohio · October 2016

She has been awful to me since my husband and I started dating.

rmmorris · October 2016

I totally agree that she shouldn't have a name that sounds too similar to mama! My MIL wanted to be "Marmee" (the mothers nickname in little women...) and we said it was too similar to mommy. In general I don't understand this trend for grandparents to have unique names...whatever happened to grandma and grandpa?

lac1252 · October 2016

Also, I hate to break it to her but your LO is the one who will decide what she's called. My parents planned on being grandma and grandpa but my nephews ends up calling them Mema and Bop Bop. Yep, 10 years later and my dad is still bop bop and that's what our little one will call him too. It's gonna be great when they're all in their 20s calling him bop bop.

bankssl1 · October 2016

My MIL is Mam. I HATE it, she finally admitted a few days ago that it sounded just like Mom. DUHHHHHH.

meggyme · October 2016

rmmorris said:

I totally agree that she shouldn't have a name that sounds too similar to mama! My MIL wanted to be "Marmee" (the mothers nickname in little women...) and we said it was too similar to mommy. In general I don't understand this trend for grandparents to have unique names...whatever happened to grandma and grandpa?

Right? My mom wants to be called Gammy and my MiL wants to be called Gma. What's wrong with normal ones like Nana or Grammy.

vintagevix2016 · October 2016

My inlaws are Mémère and Pépère, which to some folks in some regions is derogatory but that's what they wanted to be called sooo....we shall see if Damien actually calls them that tho. My Mom wants to be Abuelita, which is what we call her Mom (Spanish on that side of the family) and my Dad wants to be Grandad or Grandaddy. That's what we called his Dad.

Tawny87 · October 2016

Wow! Some of those potential grandparent names make me gag!!! My parents and my hubby's parents thankfully don't care what they are called. My girls somehow started calling my dad "Ba" when they started talking so he is Ba now.

vintagevix2016 · October 2016

Tawny87 said:

Wow! Some of those potential grandparent names make me gag!!! My parents and my hubby's parents thankfully don't care what they are called. My girls somehow started calling my dad "Ba" when they started talking so he is Ba now.

My parents at least understand that at the end of the day, Damien will call them whatever he wants and they're cool with that (though they have their wishful thinking). It's my inlaws that won't budge. I jokingly reminded them that Damien might call them something else and they got very serious and adamant that they would only be Mémère and Pépère.

adiaz132003 · October 2016

vintagevix2016 said:

My inlaws are Mémère and Pépère, which to some folks in some regions is derogatory but that's what they wanted to be called sooo....we shall see if Damien actually calls them that tho. My Mom wants to be Abuelita, which is what we call her Mom (Spanish on that side of the family) and my Dad wants to be Grandad or Grandaddy. That's what we called his Dad.

Yeah my dad will be Abuelo (Cuban) and my mom is Baba (which is Croatian but as my dad pointed out it is also Spanish for drool lol). DHs parents will be Grammie, Grandpa Sully and Grandpa.

vintagevix2016 · October 2016

adiaz132003 said:

vintagevix2016 said:

My inlaws are Mémère and Pépère, which to some folks in some regions is derogatory but that's what they wanted to be called sooo....we shall see if Damien actually calls them that tho. My Mom wants to be Abuelita, which is what we call her Mom (Spanish on that side of the family) and my Dad wants to be Grandad or Grandaddy. That's what we called his Dad.

Yeah my dad will be Abuelo (Cuban) and my mom is Baba (which is Croatian but as my dad pointed out it is also Spanish for drool lol). DHs parents will be Grammie, Grandpa Sully and Grandpa.

I remember for years I couldn't pronounce "abuelita" so she was "abaleeda."

cy&damonsmommy · October 2016

Damon doesnt talk yet of course but my older son, cy calls his great grandma gma, and he calles his grandparents pap and kelly.

jmohio · October 2016

My parents are easy my mum is Nana and my dad is papa. We are from England so those are names we have always called our grandparents too. In laws are the ones who want stupid ass names.

laurendiaz02 · October 2016

Maybe it'll change, but I just refer to them as grandma and grandpa when it comes to my son. I refer to my husband's mom as Lola since they are Filipino and that's the traditional name for grandma.

lm45678 · October 2016

vintagevix2016 said:

My inlaws are Mémère and Pépère, which to some folks in some regions is derogatory but that's what they wanted to be called sooo....we shall see if Damien actually calls them that tho. My Mom wants to be Abuelita, which is what we call her Mom (Spanish on that side of the family) and my Dad wants to be Grandad or Grandaddy. That's what we called his Dad.

All I see is "mammary". I'm sure that's not even close to correct though. I spend WAY too much time breastfeeding/thinking about breast feeding.

splsmama2016 · October 2016

We have grandma and gramps (my in-laws) and Grammy and papa (my parents)

JuneBaby1984 · January 2017

More mil venting. wonder if if others have similar issues. Mil has been very needy and driving me nuts since we had the baby. She has always irritated me and I expected it to get worse when we had the baby. We used to live about 3 hours away and when we first moved within walking distance of her she really took advantage dropping in all the time..even peeking in the windows one day without knocking (super wierd still don't know what she was doing) so I decided we had to lay down the law in this area when the baby came so I said to please text or call to see if visit are ok..and if I don't want one I say so (I feel like if I wasn't honest ide go insane). Well she seems to have an intense desire to drop by whenever she wants (No one likes a drop in I don't know why she thinks it's ok) and has even said to boyfriends brother "you need to have a baby because you'll let me come over whenever I want": ugh. I make sure that I bring the baby for a visit once a week and that SO does another time..so two visits a week pretty much since he was born (me seeing her more than that would drive me nuts but I realize it's good for the baby to know both grand parents). Is this good enough visit wise? I think it's great myself. I even let her babysit sometimes despite the fact that she lets her dog crawl and jump all over him and doesn't seem to be able to settle him when he's upset as I've shown up twice to him crying uncontrollably. This is apparently not good enough for her. How much do others see the in laws? Admittedly we spend a lot of time with my parents but I have always spent a lot of time with them and it's not a chore to me..and my mom is amazing with the baby..SO doesn't even enjoy visiting his mom so that's why there is a difference in visit number..I can't really say "it's because I like my mom and enjoy spending time with her and not you" haha. Oh also she has invited herself to come visit my family in Florida..they got a house an hour away (ugh half the draw was not having to see them for a few weeks). Am I wrong to be annoyed with the self invite? She also won't give us a day or time and just wants to text when they are in he neighbourhood. So annoying! We could be on a day trip out of the city for all they know. Sorry for the huge vent had to get it out of the system

meggyme · January 2017

Totally understandable! She just invited herself on someone else's vacation? Not cool. We've never lived walking distance to family, but we see them less often for longer periods (they'll come for a week and a half every 3-4 months). Sounds like you, and especially your SO since it's his mother, need to double down on the boundaries you started setting.

Tawny87 · January 2017

JuneBaby1984 said:

More mil venting. wonder if if others have similar issues. Mil has been very needy and driving me nuts since we had the baby. She has always irritated me and I expected it to get worse when we had the baby. We used to live about 3 hours away and when we first moved within walking distance of her she really took advantage dropping in all the time..even peeking in the windows one day without knocking (super wierd still don't know what she was doing) so I decided we had to lay down the law in this area when the baby came so I said to please text or call to see if visit are ok..and if I don't want one I say so (I feel like if I wasn't honest ide go insane). Well she seems to have an intense desire to drop by whenever she wants (No one likes a drop in I don't know why she thinks it's ok) and has even said to boyfriends brother "you need to have a baby because you'll let me come over whenever I want": ugh. I make sure that I bring the baby for a visit once a week and that SO does another time..so two visits a week pretty much since he was born (me seeing her more than that would drive me nuts but I realize it's good for the baby to know both grand parents). Is this good enough visit wise? I think it's great myself. I even let her babysit sometimes despite the fact that she lets her dog crawl and jump all over him and doesn't seem to be able to settle him when he's upset as I've shown up twice to him crying uncontrollably. This is apparently not good enough for her. How much do others see the in laws? Admittedly we spend a lot of time with my parents but I have always spent a lot of time with them and it's not a chore to me..and my mom is amazing with the baby..SO doesn't even enjoy visiting his mom so that's why there is a difference in visit number..I can't really say "it's because I like my mom and enjoy spending time with her and not you" haha. Oh also she has invited herself to come visit my family in Florida..they got a house an hour away (ugh half the draw was not having to see them for a few weeks). Am I wrong to be annoyed with the self invite? She also won't give us a day or time and just wants to text when they are in he neighbourhood. So annoying! We could be on a day trip out of the city for all they know. Sorry for the huge vent had to get it out of the system

I would say that your boyfriend needs to lay down the law. Her behavior is inappropriate all around. Inviting herself to your family's house, uhhhh isn't she embarrassed to act like that?!?!

vintagevix2016 · January 2017

Ditto what the other folks have said. That's unreal that she invited herself on your family vacation! We only see my in-laws every few months. They just visited this past weekend (arrived on Friday and left on Monday). They still drive me crazy but at least it's spaced out. I would love to see my parents more often. We only get to see them maybe once or twice a year.

Lizbeth86 · January 2017

@Junebaby1984 I am so sorry, it sounds like your mil doesn't have enough to do! And it's so hard to create boundaries and not hurt your boyfriend's feelings.
We live near my parents, not my in-laws, and my mom watches her up to twice a week. I'd love to have her over more to help, but DH wants some of our own family time.

Knottie13257900 · January 2017

Both my mom and MIL are fine but they are around too much and i blame that on no one but my husband. My mom has been living with us for the 7 months since the baby was born and she is shopping for a condo but my husband would prefer that she stay forever to watch the baby. when my mom goes on vacation, my MIL moves in (literally). I've spoken to my husband a lot about having out own family time, but he doesn't seem to care.

Knottie13257900 · January 2017

Both my mom and MIL are fine but they are around too much and i blame that on no one but my husband. My mom has been living with us for the 7 months since the baby was born and she is shopping for a condo but my husband would prefer that she stay forever to watch the baby. when my mom goes on vacation, my MIL moves in (literally). I've spoken to my husband a lot about having out own family time, but he doesn't seem to care.

celticlor · January 2017

ooo. yay! I came back at the right time.. my MIL gave me a WTF moment this weekend right before my DH and I were going to the movies for the first time since LO was born. She gave me this long winded text about how I should sell my house to come back to VT and buy her mother's h#$%hole. Her mother passed away 2 1/2 years ago. This place, I kid you not has black mold, has cockroaches, septic system failure, foundation and roof problems and MIL and Aunt-in-law are hoarders, so just imagine what this dump has to be. (it should be condemned). She also said that she can't ask her niece or nephew to take it, cause THEY have houses (WTF!) and DH's siblings have no interest in it. (I wonder why) I told DH that I can't reply to that amount of crazy and that he needs to talk to his mom. So he responds that we will not be selling our house and moving back to VT because that house is infested. She replies "but you have connections in the family to help with the house and you won't have to pay for daycare.."

Problems with that thought process:

I have a very specific job skill that is not available in Southern VT and I have student debt so I cannot not work

My husband and I love our family but from a distance (we live in Idaho) and she wants her whole family 5 minutes away so she can pop in

If the family has connections, why hasn't she used them?

She works 2 jobs so who is expected to watch my child, the only person who doesn't have a full time job in that family is DH's older sister who plops her own child in front of the tv for at least 12-13 hrs straight when he isn't in school (so that's SO not happening)

This house needs to be bulldozed and she wants it for "sentimental reasons"-basically we are hoarding a house.

Woohoo, that feels so good to be off my chest!

JuneBaby1984 · January 2017

Oh no! I couldn't do the living together thing..I'm such a private person..that's why I hate the drop in visits too! You must be so patient! Although I am going to my parents house in Florida for 3 weeks and pretty excited be I think my mom will be a bigger help than so haha

celticlor · January 2017

Yeah, we lived together for 5 months, 2 years ago (pre-baby) and that was all I could handle.

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