Thanks @virginiaunicorn11 . @ginger1228 I am entitled to 12 and while we do travel a lot I can do my job the months I can't fly.....Like that's not an issue except or being or flying somewhere. I'm not sure how the five to six months came out from her..Esp as I only plan to take 8 weeks. It's just weird. I think she's assuming I won't be at full speed or something at the end? Advice?
@nktrodden826 ok, so what kind of ultrasound was it? Cause I will be 12 weeks and starting to get super excited/hopeful
It was our NT scan! We're in Va and at a new hospital who's machines were recently updated and she said with 100% certainty it's a girl and showed us with the legs up that there was no...erm, peepee. The tech said the new machines are so incredible she could have seen that 2 weeks ago even!
I'm sorry but I can't help but get out of my FTM mode and into work mode for a moment and politely disagree - it's not a matter of the quality of the ultrasound machine, it's a matter of practicing good evidence based medicine. The 12 week nuchal translucency ultrasound is not the appropriate time to assess fetal sex. Theoretically I could conceive of a situation where the images may suggest a boy. But no way can the ultrasound determine with certainty that the fetus is a girl. Source - ACOG- ACR - AIUM practice guideline for the performance of obstetrical ultrasound. so, in summary: it's entirely possible that it's a girl, but I wouldn't rely on these results! More importantly, congratulations!!!
I am seriously shocked that there are so many u/s techs out there that are able to determine the sex of the 12 week fetuses (feti? fetusi? errr). I remember a lot of people being flamed for even trying to guess the sex at 12 weeks back in the day, so with all these sex guesses, for a second I thought it was just me being old or something. All I'm saying is: maybe don't paint the nursery pink just yet and keep the tags on your little pink clothes - if your u/s tech said girl, there's still a possibility you could see a penis at your anatomy scan rather than those three little lines.
Or maybe I'm just outdated, lol
I agree with you @satsumasandlemons . At 12 weeks pregnant the genitalia on both would look exactly alike. 2 weeks later you could if you get prime position with baby and can also see umbilical cord. This explains it.
I am so çlose to leaving my husband and heading back to san diego with our son. I don't think he even knows how close I am.
@CarsonsMommy what's going on? You sound extremely frustrated. Did you try to talk him about postpartum leave? This sounds like things have escalated for you. <<<<Hugs>>>>
@Katie______ I flew at 8 months no problem but some swelling in the feet. I'm not sure I follow your concern with your boss though. Is it her presumption that you would be unavailable or partially out for 5-6 months?
@CarsonsMommy Is everything alright? We're all here if you want to talk it out
Hubby and Me Friends since 2008 Started dating: July 1st, 2013 Engaged: July 1st, 2014 Married: July 1st, 2016 R born: July 8th, 2017 N born: June 30th, 2019 Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022 (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
I second everyone else that's asked - @CarsonsMommy, if you need to vent, we're all here for you.
Married 25 May, 2013 William Alexander born 18 September, 2015 Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017 Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017 Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
Thank you guys for all your input. I'm only going based on what this woman who was an US tech for 18 years told us. It looks like we've got the three lines... Do you guys see the 3 lines too?
@CarsonsMommy you know if anything happens or you need anyone you have A LOT of support and love from us. Come on out to D.C.!
Thank you guys for all your input. I'm only going based on what this woman who was an US tech for 18 years told us. It looks like we've got the three lines... Do you guys see the 3 lines too?
@CarsonsMommy you know if anything happens or you need anyone you have A LOT of support and love from us. Come on out to D.C.!
ETA words are hard
I don't see 3 lines. But I don't have 18 years of US experience so I'm not sure why you're asking.
@nktrodden826 I'm no u/s tech but I'm pretty sure the three lines people refer to are visible with a potty shot, not a side profile of an NT scan like this. Maybe she did see a potty shot - I think someone here had posted one of a previous kid at 12 weeks or so - but this is not it. I can see how based on that nub theory/angle of the dangle thing @michelle04us posted it that thing at the end may be a nub and it may be angled like the girl examples... but that's where I remember seeing a lot of people get flamed for even considering that as a way to determine sex back when I was first pg
Sorry guys, it's partially hormones making me more sensitive to his rude flippant attitude that he has had recently. But it is also history that is posted on another thread, but I will not go into here. And he say that sex will fix any arguement. Like how the heck does that make any sense? I dgaf about your dick if I am pissed at you. How about talking it out like an ADULT. Lately if I say ANYTHING, even "hey, I am going to go take a shower" or "do you want a cupcake?" he throws his hands up slightly, rolls his eyes and makes an ugly face and goes "what" and I repeat myself, with attitude because that is so uncalled for and it starts another night of tension. You know, because his annoying wife interrupted some really important article he was reading on his phone AGAIN. And then I am being a bitch because I have attitude. I dont even think he knows he is doing it. But I am not going to let it slide, it has turned into a habit. I am just going to quit speaking to him and communicate only in text. Yep, that is my solution. Screw him. Guys, when it is good, it is usually really good, but since he is an introvert, it is hard to talk to him when he is having issues. And GUYS, San Diego sounds so good right now, the beach, the bay, no snow, no cold, no penis.
THANK YOU for your support ladies. Sometimes need to vent, and I have nowhere else to do that.
ETA- I think some men just never grow up, and he wasn't brought up by a married couple, so I don't think he had a healthy model to base his relationship on, and it can be a struggle. But I stay because I have never met a more honest man in my life, and things are better when we live alone.
@nktrodden826 ok, so what kind of ultrasound was it? Cause I will be 12 weeks and starting to get super excited/hopeful
It was our NT scan! We're in Va and at a new hospital who's machines were recently updated and she said with 100% certainty it's a girl and showed us with the legs up that there was no...erm, peepee. The tech said the new machines are so incredible she could have seen that 2 weeks ago even!
I'm sorry but I can't help but get out of my FTM mode and into work mode for a moment and politely disagree - it's not a matter of the quality of the ultrasound machine, it's a matter of practicing good evidence based medicine. The 12 week nuchal translucency ultrasound is not the appropriate time to assess fetal sex. Theoretically I could conceive of a situation where the images may suggest a boy. But no way can the ultrasound determine with certainty that the fetus is a girl. Source - ACOG- ACR - AIUM practice guideline for the performance of obstetrical ultrasound. so, in summary: it's entirely possible that it's a girl, but I wouldn't rely on these results! More importantly, congratulations!!!
Wait let me just say I'm Certainly not trying to start the "what's the gender of my baby" shit storm!! Haha I was just showing the results because we obviously have some medical professionals and was posting to show what my U/S tech printed out for us to prove the gender all though she did show a both legs up view but didn't print that one out. Lol
@CarsonsMommy I'm so sorry, lady. I cannot recommend marriage counseling enough. We had to pay out of pocket for it at a time when DH didn't have a job, and it was still worth every penny. I was seriously considering divorce, had suggested it, and counseling got us back on track. It took about 4-5 months and the beginning wasn't easy, but marriage is worth fighting for.
@CarsonsMommy I'm so sorry you're going through this. It can be hard to get my husband to talk to. He says stuff that bothers me, and as soon as I talk to him about it he realizes how much he upset me and apologizes. But we also worked really hard to have that kind of communication and trust. Marriage therapy might help, I've never done it personally, but I hear it can really be good for couples. My DH and I, when one of us isn't talking, normally try to do something with the other one to get them to talk. Cuddling in bed is a good one, or just hanging out with a favorite movie or game. Also, if I start to open up and tell him how I'm feeling calmly, he normally starts to open up to me too. I don't know if that will help you at all, it's just how we work it out. We were fighting a lot about two years ago, and we decided that our relationship was more important than our issues, and since then we've both worked insanely hard to open up and be honest about how we're feeling and work it out. I'm probably making it sound hard, but it isn't once you get into it. Plus, our relationship is awesome 99% of the time, so it's totally worth it. It's probably also worth mentioning that a lot of what we fought about was stuff around the house. I worked full time and he was home. He is NOT a housework person, and I'm not a fan of working, but it's how our finances worked at the time. When I got pregnant and we reversed roles, Bam. I think we've had one real fight, and that was me being hormonal. I'm not upset with him about any of that anymore because my expectations are different now. I'm fine doing all the stuff around the house since he works, and he's much happier being the breadwinner. That said, I was with the wrong guy for 6 years with the philosophy of "when it's good it's great". I don't know you well enough to know what kind of relationship you're in, but I know it took me a lot to get out of that relationship and into the amazing one I am in. If it's that bad, I would take a little bit of time and figure out what you need and want in life and in a partner. If you're DH isn't giving it to you, then maybe you need to consider ending it. And asking him if he can give you what you want. I wasn't married to my sometimes awesome guy, so it was easier to end it, but the truth is that if you aren't happy and it isn't working that you should do something about it. I'm all for saving marriages, especially with kids, but know that there is an out if you just aren't happy and can't get there. I would consider the following things before you just up and leave though: Does he support you most of the time and just get into funks? If that's the case, it's possible he actually has some sort of mental issue going on. No shame in that at all, but it can make a big difference if he gets treatment for it. How long have you been feeling this way, and have you talked to him about it before? Did it only change for a short amount of time and go right back, or were there some lasting changes? If it's been years and you still feel this way and no talking has ever fixed it, it might be un-fixable. If it's relatively new, or you haven't brought it up much, then it's probably still worth working together to get what you both want. Also, people change slowly. Sometimes really slowly. Try to pay attention to even the small efforts.
That's my small amount of advice. I hope I didn't ramble too much and that maybe this will help in some way.
Hubby and Me Friends since 2008 Started dating: July 1st, 2013 Engaged: July 1st, 2014 Married: July 1st, 2016 R born: July 8th, 2017 N born: June 30th, 2019 Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022 (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
I went for my NT scan today and am 12+5 and measured around 13+1, but the U/S tech made a guess. I personally feel it's too early, but it was fun for her to guess and I didn't mind it. I'm not putting stock into because again it could be off this early. We will get a clearer answer at the anatomy scan in another 8 weeks!
Hubby and Me Friends since 2008 Started dating: July 1st, 2013 Engaged: July 1st, 2014 Married: July 1st, 2016 R born: July 8th, 2017 N born: June 30th, 2019 Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022 (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
Hey @CarsonsMommy I don't have much advice to offer (although I thought the above posters made some really great points) but just wanted to say I'm very sorry you're going through this and I'm hoping that things will work out for you.
@nktrodden826 hope my response to you didn't come across as a shitstorm! Just wanted to throw out some data/ science because data is beautiful.
@CarsonsMommy So sorry things are rough. It certainly sounds like there are several stressors in addition to the communication issue, which just makes it tougher. I second the marriage counseling suggestion. I know you mentioned finances aren't great so if that isn't an immediate option you could try to go through church if you belong to one.
Marriage can be tough under stress. Just know that you are not alone. Our marriage took a hit after our first baby - he was a high needs, fussy baby with a couple developmental issues who wouldn't sleep more than 20 minutes at a time for the first year. I was pumping and trying to work from home while nursing every two hours and hubby would come home and grump around about there being dishes in the sink all the while he got to sleep through the night whereas I was up every hour and a half. I was exhausted and sleep deprived and we just weren't on the same page about the division of labor. We should have gone to counseling and still plan to do so. Things are a lot better now (not perfect) as he just didn't understand how difficult our son was to deal with.
I'm sorry I don't have specific suggestions about improving the interaction but do agree that your husband has to be more understanding. He can be disappointed that you aren't able to help out more in the way he envisioned (that's his feeling) but he shouldn't be mad at you and call you inappropriate names. You mentioned a couple times that you're not sure he knows how close you are to wanting to leave. I think you certainly should share your feelings openly - that way there is the opportunity to make things better. I hate to generalize but it seems like many men are not very good at anticipating needs and do well with more specific feedback. Hope the tension wanes soon so you can have the 'come to Jesus talk'.
@CarsonsMommy I am so sorry!! Happy to talk as others said. And that does sound stressful. My husband and I fought after we moved and it was tough. I did do some days away with girlfriends and serious talking---I think time away from him helped too...but we needed to talk through steps to feel better too. We looked at counseling weekends too---so there are lots of options, but its tough because you have to talk about what means change and he has to want to. I know moment happen too or things that just are super stressful---and some long days away like a couple hours away with girlfriends (no phones, we had done hiking) did help too for my sanity.
@caribbeanmama Yes, she just feels like I won't be at 100% for 5-6 months (I am guessing) but that seems like a really long long time. It was just such a weird comment to me.....that's kind of why I am asking or maybe even anything you said about how to say, hey, I am here and will still be working hard at x months (near delivery). I mean I did, but kind of the how....I guess. And maybe it's about how I tell my coworkers later once I am ready, if that makes sense to emphasize things. I did say I've been sick which made her more comfy not telling people, but might also be why she thinks I won't be at 100% close to time. We're a really small staff (kind of within a big one---this isn't true for them) but within our small team so no ones ever been pregnant before nor a mom of small kiddos.
Hey @CarsonsMommy I don't have much advice to offer (although I thought the above posters made some really great points) but just wanted to say I'm very sorry you're going through this and I'm hoping that things will work out for you.
@nktrodden826 hope my response to you didn't come across as a shitstorm! Just wanted to throw out some data/ science because data is beautiful.
No, not at all! I appreciate it but when I got 3 or 4 "we're not ultrasound techs why are you asking us?" Responses I wanted to be clear that I wasn't one of those posting a picture of a baby squirrel asking the gender!
@CarsonsMommy I'm so sorry, lady. I cannot recommend marriage counseling enough. We had to pay out of pocket for it at a time when DH didn't have a job, and it was still worth every penny. I was seriously considering divorce, had suggested it, and counseling got us back on track. It took about 4-5 months and the beginning wasn't easy, but marriage is worth fighting for.
I second this. I know many people that have gone through things that seemed worthy of divorce, but they opted for counseling and second chances and it helped them tremendously. Have you recommended counseling to him? @CarsonsMommy Hang in there mama!
Re: Randoms/Chatter week of 1.9.17
@Katie______ I flew at 8 months no problem but some swelling in the feet. I'm not sure I follow your concern with your boss though. Is it her presumption that you would be unavailable or partially out for 5-6 months?
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
William Alexander born 18 September, 2015
Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017
Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017
Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
@CarsonsMommy you know if anything happens or you need anyone you have A LOT of support and love from us. Come on out to D.C.!
ETA words are hard
I can see how based on that nub theory/angle of the dangle thing @michelle04us posted it that thing at the end may be a nub and it may be angled like the girl examples... but that's where I remember seeing a lot of people get flamed for even considering that as a way to determine sex back when I was first pg
THANK YOU for your support ladies. Sometimes need to vent, and I have nowhere else to do that.
ETA- I think some men just never grow up, and he wasn't brought up by a married couple, so I don't think he had a healthy model to base his relationship on, and it can be a struggle. But I stay because I have never met a more honest man in my life, and things are better when we live alone.
ETA: too many pronouns
That said, I was with the wrong guy for 6 years with the philosophy of "when it's good it's great". I don't know you well enough to know what kind of relationship you're in, but I know it took me a lot to get out of that relationship and into the amazing one I am in. If it's that bad, I would take a little bit of time and figure out what you need and want in life and in a partner. If you're DH isn't giving it to you, then maybe you need to consider ending it. And asking him if he can give you what you want. I wasn't married to my sometimes awesome guy, so it was easier to end it, but the truth is that if you aren't happy and it isn't working that you should do something about it. I'm all for saving marriages, especially with kids, but know that there is an out if you just aren't happy and can't get there. I would consider the following things before you just up and leave though:
Does he support you most of the time and just get into funks? If that's the case, it's possible he actually has some sort of mental issue going on. No shame in that at all, but it can make a big difference if he gets treatment for it. How long have you been feeling this way, and have you talked to him about it before? Did it only change for a short amount of time and go right back, or were there some lasting changes? If it's been years and you still feel this way and no talking has ever fixed it, it might be un-fixable. If it's relatively new, or you haven't brought it up much, then it's probably still worth working together to get what you both want. Also, people change slowly. Sometimes really slowly. Try to pay attention to even the small efforts.
That's my small amount of advice. I hope I didn't ramble too much and that maybe this will help in some way.
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
@satsumasandlemons angle of the dangle made me laugh.
Me: 26 Him: 27
Dating: 5/2011 Married: 6/2014
Mirena out/TTC: 02/2016
BFP #1: 12/01/2016
EDD: 07/24/2017
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
@nktrodden826 hope my response to you didn't come across as a shitstorm! Just wanted to throw out some data/ science because data is beautiful.
Marriage can be tough under stress. Just know that you are not alone. Our marriage took a hit after our first baby - he was a high needs, fussy baby with a couple developmental issues who wouldn't sleep more than 20 minutes at a time for the first year. I was pumping and trying to work from home while nursing every two hours and hubby would come home and grump around about there being dishes in the sink all the while he got to sleep through the night whereas I was up every hour and a half. I was exhausted and sleep deprived and we just weren't on the same page about the division of labor. We should have gone to counseling and still plan to do so. Things are a lot better now (not perfect) as he just didn't understand how difficult our son was to deal with.
I'm sorry I don't have specific suggestions about improving the interaction but do agree that your husband has to be more understanding. He can be disappointed that you aren't able to help out more in the way he envisioned (that's his feeling) but he shouldn't be mad at you and call you inappropriate names. You mentioned a couple times that you're not sure he knows how close you are to wanting to leave. I think you certainly should share your feelings openly - that way there is the opportunity to make things better. I hate to generalize but it seems like many men are not very good at anticipating needs and do well with more specific feedback. Hope the tension wanes soon so you can have the 'come to Jesus talk'.
Edit: words
@caribbeanmama Yes, she just feels like I won't be at 100% for 5-6 months (I am guessing) but that seems like a really long long time. It was just such a weird comment to me.....that's kind of why I am asking or maybe even anything you said about how to say, hey, I am here and will still be working hard at x months (near delivery). I mean I did, but kind of the how....I guess. And maybe it's about how I tell my coworkers later once I am ready, if that makes sense to emphasize things. I did say I've been sick which made her more comfy not telling people, but might also be why she thinks I won't be at 100% close to time. We're a really small staff (kind of within a big one---this isn't true for them) but within our small team so no ones ever been pregnant before nor a mom of small kiddos.