Wow I leave for a few hours and come back to a novel.
On the hospital vs home birth debate I'm firmly in the hospital camp. A blogger I read had a very easy complication free pregnancy with her daughter. At the hospital everything went from great to a super emergency we have seconds to deliver this baby situation. Turns out she experienced both a placental abrubtion and cord prolapse. Individually they are rare happening together even more rare and yet they happened and chances are neither mom or baby would have survived if they were outside a hospital. My son was born with the cord wrapped around his neck 3 times. Fortunately I was able to push him out and there were no complications but had I not been able to continue pushing without contractions and get him out it would have become an emergency situation where a hospital was necessary. Moral of the story is you never know when sh!t is going south and I would way rather be in the place equipped to fix it than an ambulance ride away.
also, I had a dream epidural experience. All the power to you if you want a med-free birth but I wouldn't do it just because you are afraid of the epidural. I HATE needles of all kinds but the epidural was simple, I didn't feel a thing and it allowed me to get rest during labour which enabled me (according to doctors) to avoid a bunch of interventions to get my son out in time. I had the energy and strength to do what I needed to do.
I'm not afraid of the needle. I think it's the fact that it's going into the spine, that it numbs you and that you can't move after. Plus I know it might take longer to dilate and recovery may be harder. I am probably super lucky though because apparently I had a quick birth. Total labor was 22 hours but went from 1cm to 10cm in about 5 hours. I pushed for an hour. So it's really different for everyone, and I was a classic case of someone who could get away without pain medication. I might request some general pain management just to take the edge off. At the end it was getting intense.
Maybe it's the baby amnesia, but I don't remember being completely numb nor being unable to move. Is it just me?
I was completely numb waist-down, and unable to move my legs for several hours after the birth.
@glitterfish I see you! @mj8215 I think I might have a girl crush on you (in the least creepy way possible). Thank you for putting this into words so eloquently.
Re: the private group thing - it's here on TB - you can create a private group and it isn't moderated. The group selects mods, and then people "apply" to join, at which point the mods approve or deny each request. But it's all still bump format.
I got a warning today because the ticker in my signature was from another website. I wonder if they temporarily blocked my posts or something because of that.
Someone let me know if you see this... LOL am I just over here talking to myself?
@glitterfish I see you! @mj8215 I think I might have a girl crush on you (in the least creepy way possible). Thank you for putting this into words so eloquently.
Re: the private group thing - it's here on TB - you can create a private group and it isn't moderated. The group selects mods, and then people "apply" to join, at which point the mods approve or deny each request. But it's all still bump format.
I am a proponent of the private group over the FB group idea for now. My last BMB waited until the babies were here before migrating to FB and honestly, we haven't gotten the crazies weeded out yet. I know I'm still fairly new to the board so I'm sure my say isn't that high up there yet, but that's my thoughts on it.
Did any of you see "My big fat Greek wedding 2"? It was nowhere near as good as the original, but it did have some funny moments. Most notably, when the older ladies go to take a picture together and yell "hold my neck!" at each other so they pull each other's neck fat to appear younger and thinner in the picture. It's a huge ongoing joke with me and my friends. I almost died laughing in the theater when I saw that part!
Sorry to hear these horrible epidural stories, I huged my anesthesiologists. I was 7cm and in back labor when I decided to get one, it was like a warm hug within a few minutes. It's also important to know if you go without it, there is a chance you will be put under general anesthesia if you need an emergency c -section.
Took me over 90min to read all this... I agree medicated, un-medicated, vaginal or c-section the goal is a healthy baby and mama.
I will say I know someone who had a home birth with complications that resulted in her child having permanent brain damage, it was devastating and possibly preventable. So I do think it's a risk not worth taking, but that is just my opinion.
I'm only posting so people who have no idea that this is possible can now be in the know. My body rejects epidurals, something I had no idea could even happen. My first experience it took a half hour and five attempts to get my epidural in. They left me for 5 minutes for it to take effect and then came back to give me my catheter (shudder) the nurse couldn't figure out why I was in so much pain as she was doing it and quickly called the anesthesiologist to come back as soon as possible because my epidural was not working. They sent up the head anesthesiologist and he spent another ten minutes working on my back before telling me that my body was rejecting it and sorry about my luck. The worst part wasn't even all that, it's that the medicine was still administered to me and caused my son to flip to a posterior position (way more painful!) something again I was uneducated about and found out is common with epidurals after the fact. My last complaint about that specific epidural was I had sever back pain in the spot it was administered for 6 months after the birth, I saw two different doctors that assured me it would go away but there wasn't anything wrong.
My second birth I was induced, and I had the bright idea that maybe my first birth was a fluke and to give a epidural a second try. They only spent about ten minutes getting it in which was a relief from the 30 minutes with the first birth. Come to find out the first births anesthesiologist was indeed right and my body rejects them and it was pointless to go through the needle stick.
Third birth I finally sucked it up and just flat out went into it knowing I'd have a med- free birth and I'd have to suck it up. And although the pain was just as bad all three times, I found that recovery was in fact so much easier and I felt so much better after the med-free birth
Plus one for the private group because the randoms are getting out of control.
I tried to read all posts in this but I'm sure I missed some so here's my take
-both my epidurals were pretty quick. My first was the longest and they actually had to pull it out and try again but it wasn't as bad as it sounds.
-add me to the c-section or die group as well
-I try to make a conscious decision to eat better when pregnant but some days it just doesn't happen and I don't think that's a big deal. You do you and I'll do me
Married: 05/26/2012
DS Born Happy and Healthy via C-section: 10/04/2013
Natural M/C: 07/08/2014
DD Born Happy and Healthy via Emergency C-section: 06/30/2015
Wow I leave for a few hours and come back to a novel.
On the hospital vs home birth debate I'm firmly in the hospital camp. A blogger I read had a very easy complication free pregnancy with her daughter. At the hospital everything went from great to a super emergency we have seconds to deliver this baby situation. Turns out she experienced both a placental abrubtion and cord prolapse. Individually they are rare happening together even more rare and yet they happened and chances are neither mom or baby would have survived if they were outside a hospital. My son was born with the cord wrapped around his neck 3 times. Fortunately I was able to push him out and there were no complications but had I not been able to continue pushing without contractions and get him out it would have become an emergency situation where a hospital was necessary. Moral of the story is you never know when sh!t is going south and I would way rather be in the place equipped to fix it than an ambulance ride away.
also, I had a dream epidural experience. All the power to you if you want a med-free birth but I wouldn't do it just because you are afraid of the epidural. I HATE needles of all kinds but the epidural was simple, I didn't feel a thing and it allowed me to get rest during labour which enabled me (according to doctors) to avoid a bunch of interventions to get my son out in time. I had the energy and strength to do what I needed to do.
I'm not afraid of the needle. I think it's the fact that it's going into the spine, that it numbs you and that you can't move after. Plus I know it might take longer to dilate and recovery may be harder. I am probably super lucky though because apparently I had a quick birth. Total labor was 22 hours but went from 1cm to 10cm in about 5 hours. I pushed for an hour. So it's really different for everyone, and I was a classic case of someone who could get away without pain medication. I might request some general pain management just to take the edge off. At the end it was getting intense.
Maybe it's the baby amnesia, but I don't remember being completely numb nor being unable to move. Is it just me?
I was completely numb waist-down, and unable to move my legs for several hours after the birth.
I was numb from the waist down for about two hours, during pushing and everything! But that was only because I waited to the absolute last minute to get the epi, so the medicine hadn't worn off at all yet when it came time to push. 3 pushes and she was out, so that was no issue. But yeah, I was stuck in bed with numb legs for a few hours haha.
My UO for today...I think it's possible (in many cases) to prevent stretch marks, and that's not well received on any BMBs lol.
I also wanted to say this thread rocked today! Everyone has so many different opinions on big topics and sharing them with strangers without wanting to kill each other is pretty freaking cool.
This group is growing on me
ETA: I don't think stretch marks are a big deal, I don't think preventing them should be a priority in pregnancy, I don't think they are ALWAYS preventable...I just think that a lot of times, there are measures you can take to prevent the skin from tearing, regardless of genetics, or at least limit excessive marks. And it's not a crime to try to limit or prevent them.
Please share your tips! I would love to know what I could try to prevent or minimize them Excited to see what they are and try them. Never hurts to try right?
Just snipped this from my previous post on page 4 of this thread. I hope it helps a little!!
For what it's worth, this is what I did with pregnancy # 1 and didn't get any stretch marks: lukewarm or cool showers only, coconut oil all over back and belly at least twice a day, stay super hydrated, gain weight slow and steady.
@yellow1daisy hey I'm sorry if my last comment came across as judgy - I was mostly trying to be funny by classifying the unmedicated birth as "natural woman" (as an ironic summary of some of the comments previously made, and as opposed to "give me my drugs woman", again kidding). Don't mean to disrespect anyone! It's tough to convey humor over text :I @RunRestRepeat aw stahp it girl! You're too kind! I don't feel very coherent at all but it's really interesting to have these conversations! @ everyone - I'm not sure why June and May think of us as the drama board, I feel like for the most part we have had a pretty civilized discussion on here today (except for the 100 random trolls and exhibitionists who joined the party I guess)
Please share your tips! I would love to know what I could try to prevent or minimize them Excited to see what they are and try them. Never hurts to try right?
Just snipped this from my previous post on page 4 of this thread. I hope it helps a little!!
For what it's worth, this is what I did with pregnancy # 1 and didn't get any stretch marks: lukewarm or cool showers only, coconut oil all over back and belly at least twice a day, stay super hydrated, gain weight slow and steady.
@LoveLee85 It's not about watching the needle, it's about knowing what's happening. My brain can conjure up enough horrible images that seeing the real thing or not wouldn't matter. And maybe you were lucky, FTM so I don't have any real world experience, but from what I've read epidurals are supposed to numb you from the waist down, and therefore they don't let you out of bed. Reading that is enough to make me not want it. Plus, I tend to avoid pain meds anyways, and I'm not a fan of taking medicine I don't absolutely need in general. I'll take antibiotics for a UTI, but I don't take tylenol just for a headache. If I can deal with it and just get through it, I do. Just the way I like to be, no judgement either way.
Hubby and Me Friends since 2008 Started dating: July 1st, 2013 Engaged: July 1st, 2014 Married: July 1st, 2016 R born: July 8th, 2017 N born: June 30th, 2019 Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022 (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
For what it's worth, this is what I did with pregnancy # 1 and didn't get any stretch marks: lukewarm or cool showers only, coconut oil all over back and belly at least twice a day, stay super hydrated, gain weight slow and steady.
FTM here so I am a bit clueless but what is the rational behind cold or lukewarm showers? Also any recommendations on brands of coconut oil?
I'm in the scared of epidurals group. I really didn't have too much pain with contractions up to 5cm but got the epidural since the nurse recommended i get it if I wanted it before things got painful... I was scared at the thought of the whole procedure and picturing them putting a needle and tube into my spine and cried as soon as they cleaned the spot off. Still gives me shivers. Mine took around 10-15 min since apparently I have a slight curve in my spine and he had to try a few times. But sign me up again when I have this baby. I'll probably cry again, but it was worth it to me.
UO: It's hard for me to keep up in this group! I feel bad I'm not more active.. I'm by no means super busy, but I only use the app and am not on my phone a lot. I am one of those people who might not text you back for a day or so. Sorry I'm a slacker, but trying to participate more so I'm not a creepy rando.
@LoveLee85 It's not about watching the needle, it's about knowing what's happening. My brain can conjure up enough horrible images that seeing the real thing or not wouldn't matter. And maybe you were lucky, FTM so I don't have any real world experience, but from what I've read epidurals are supposed to numb you from the waist down, and therefore they don't let you out of bed. Reading that is enough to make me not want it. Plus, I tend to avoid pain meds anyways, and I'm not a fan of taking medicine I don't absolutely need in general. I'll take antibiotics for a UTI, but I don't take tylenol just for a headache. If I can deal with it and just get through it, I do. Just the way I like to be, no judgement either way.
I'm not in any way trying to say you can't or won't go med free because millions of women do it every day and that's awesome and I'm sure I wrote a post almost identical to yours during my last pregnancy...but two things: labour pains and a headache are in no way comparable. That's like comparing a hangnail and a broken leg.
It's true that you can't get out of bed which also concerned me before my first but in truth after the epidural I didn't want to. I was relaxed, chatted with DH, had a nap and did some reading. Also there are several other factors that could keep you in bed. DS had major HR decelerations that required me to be hooked up to monitors and laying in a specific position almost the entire labour. Epidural or not I wasn't getting out of that bed.
UO: It's hard for me to keep up in this group! I feel bad I'm not more active.. I'm by no means super busy, but I only use the app and am not on my phone a lot. I am one of those people who might not text you back for a day or so. Sorry I'm a slacker, but trying to participate more so I'm not a creepy rando.
Me too girl. I'm not super busy, I just forget to check this board. I mainly stay in a private group from my first bmb.
UO: It's hard for me to keep up in this group! I feel bad I'm not more active.. I'm by no means super busy, but I only use the app and am not on my phone a lot. I am one of those people who might not text you back for a day or so. Sorry I'm a slacker, but trying to participate more so I'm not a creepy rando.
Me too girl. I'm not super busy, I just forget to check this board. I mainly stay in a private group from my first bmb.
I hear you. I mainly stay in a private group that I'm a member of as well. I try to post in the ticker changes and symptoms threads every week, and comment here and there, but I don't feel very active here yet. It's hard when you're used to a certain group and then jump into another... takes a bit to learn about everyone and get acclimated.
*I do recommend the private group alternative at some point, if the majority is interested. Same format, no mods, and not FB.
For what it's worth, this is what I did with pregnancy # 1 and didn't get any stretch marks: lukewarm or cool showers only, coconut oil all over back and belly at least twice a day, stay super hydrated, gain weight slow and steady.
FTM here so I am a bit clueless but what is the rational behind cold or lukewarm showers? Also any recommendations on brands of coconut oil?
Hot showers and baths dry out your skin. I also just avoid hot showers because I hate how itchy it makes my skin in the dryer seasons! Lukewarm showers just soothe my skin...and I use better body organic, unrefined, extra virgin coconut oil.
LoveLee85 how many appointments do you have? I'm in NZ so it's totally different (also I'm IVF so I have extra scans). Aside from 12 and 20 week scans I meet my midwife once a month till 7 months, then once a fortnight till 8 months, then once a week. Once a month seems kind of reasonable, at least as a ftm. Maybe next time I'll be over it!
Oh I have been 3 times already and I'm not quite 14 weeks. I'm a STM now with zero complications. I was over it half way with my DS. I just think if things are going good, why the mandatory two second, expensive as hell appointments?! lol I'm honeslty just bitching. I think I would be good with first initial visit, 20 week anatomy scan and check up, then toward the end 33 weeks + going more often, but it's so expensive and annoying when I have uncomplicated pregnancies. And don't get me started on waiting forever in the office just to get my weight and weather update from doc, since I never have issues. LOL
Lol, that does sound a bit of a pain! My lead carer is a nurse-midwife and appointments are all free with her so I'm very lucky. As a FTM pregnant after 3 years of trying/fertility treatments I'd be happy if I could have a scan once a week! :P
No way am I adding any of you lovelies on FB right now. Sorrynotsorry. I am FB friends with ~20 women from my first BMB, which happened after 1.5 years of posting together. Then we started a private group thinking we had weeded out all the crazies (about 35 of us). Then there was still a catfish/creepy rando who had made it in. After a few months of testing the waters on the private group, we started adding each other on FB.
I am really not even much of a "fear the Internet" person, but my Facebook is on lockdown because I have family pics and whatnot there. It's like inviting you into my living room.
Community --> Groups, then you create your own. I still think it's too early, and people need to just chill and enjoy the randoms like good-bad reality TV. But if the group forms, I'll join if allowed.
2) Epidurals:
LMAO at the headaches = labor pain. I can count on one hand how many times I have used OTC medicine in the past 5 years - same with antibiotics and going to the doctor for illness. I didn't think I would get an epidural. During labor, I decided that the kind of pain that I was experiencing wasn't something I could/wanted to endure. I will try again not to have one, and am hiring a midwife to help make that more likely. If I need an epidural, I will get it.
I do not feel strongly one way or the other about epidurals. Here is what I feel very strongly about:
Birth plans, parenting plans, and all things related: have an idea of your ideal in mind, but be willing to let it go the second that stops working for you. This shit is hard. Harder than you can imagine. (And amazing and worth it.) No one f'ing cares how your baby came into this world but you. Seriously. So the more flexible you are, the more you can roll with the punches and appreciate the baby in your arms. (This includes breastfeeding, screentime, how you feed your child, how they sleep. Everything.)
One thing I have very little sympathy for (UO warning) is women who had all these specific birth plans and then have all these weird hang ups about how their birth wasn't their dream experience. You know what? If your birth plan is to "try it this way but mostly just want a baby at the end" then you are 99% likely to "succeed." (I get that hormones can affect perspective, and that's different than just not getting your way during labor.)
You do you. Decide what you want. Plan on it. Then imagine and prepare for scenarios B, C, D, and E. Be normal about it, but just get yourself mentally prepared and strong.
You do you, mamas. The obsessing right now is normal and fun and healthy. Just keep yourselves in check, for your own sanity.
I finally thought of a UO and if I hold onto it until next week, it will be gone along with everything else km forgetting these days.
I think fancy birthing gowns are dumb. Why would I pay $60 to look fancy in something I will likely poop on? No paparazzi in my room, so I'm good. Plus. I wanted the ladies out last time because it was so darn hot. I would hate to be messing with fancy frillies.
I was naked for most of my last labor...and didn't care who saw me. I may get a robe for postpartum though because I didn't pack a hospital bag (by accident) and just wore the gown the whole time and it sucked.
TTC: 1/2014
BFP: 9/24
EDD: 6/8/2015
Sorry for the poor man's siggy...ticker won't load regardless of how many tips I read.
UO: It's hard for me to keep up in this group! I feel bad I'm not more active.. I'm by no means super busy, but I only use the app and am not on my phone a lot. I am one of those people who might not text you back for a day or so. Sorry I'm a slacker, but trying to participate more so I'm not a creepy rando.
+1
Also, as a FTM who was leaning toward an epidural but was trying not to think too much yet about the fact that I have to give birth at the end of this, this thread is going to give me nightmares. Maybe that's my UO: I'd like a couple more months of denial.
@virginiaunicorn11 I think the push toward groups has less to do with the randoms and more to do with avoiding warnings/bans for dumb reasons. Or at least those were my thoughts on it
TTC history in spoiler
Me: 31 Him: 37 Married: Oct 2015 Baby G born June 2017 TTC#2: July 2018 BFP #2: 2/6/19 MC 3/14/19 BFP#3 from IUI #2: 6/30/20 EDD 3/9/21
@virginiaunicorn11 I think the push toward groups has less to do with the randoms and more to do with avoiding warnings/bans for dumb reasons. Or at least those were my thoughts on it
Same here. I don't mind the randoms. They can be kind of entertaining. But I hate having to watch what I say because I'm scared to get banned. I think we should stay here for a while longer because there are probably some people who will still find us, or some people who have been lurking but haven't participated much. I know I haven't been participating a lot on the pregnancy-related threads because I just don't have much to say about it. But once we start shopping, naming the babies, planning nurseries, hiring childcare, getting ready for delivery, I think more people will jump in the conversations.
@virginiaunicorn11 I think the push toward groups has less to do with the randoms and more to do with avoiding warnings/bans for dumb reasons. Or at least those were my thoughts on it
Same here. I don't mind the randoms. They can be kind of entertaining. But I hate having to watch what I say because I'm scared to get banned. I think we should stay here for a while longer because there are probably some people who will still find us, or some people who have been lurking but haven't participated much. I know I haven't been participating a lot on the pregnancy-related threads because I just don't have much to say about it. But once we start shopping, naming the babies, planning nurseries, hiring childcare, getting ready for delivery, I think more people will jump in the conversations.
All of this. It took me some time to join in with my last BMB and had they left early I would have missed out on some amazing friends. I think the BG get warning happy at the beginning of the year and then calm down. Same thing happened in 2015 with the mass exodus but after all that mess there were rarely warnings...and my BMB was known as the mean girls, if warnings and bans were happening a ton they probably would have hit us.
@virginiaunicorn11 I think the push toward groups has less to do with the randoms and more to do with avoiding warnings/bans for dumb reasons. Or at least those were my thoughts on it
Same here. I don't mind the randoms. They can be kind of entertaining. But I hate having to watch what I say because I'm scared to get banned. I think we should stay here for a while longer because there are probably some people who will still find us, or some people who have been lurking but haven't participated much. I know I haven't been participating a lot on the pregnancy-related threads because I just don't have much to say about it. But once we start shopping, naming the babies, planning nurseries, hiring childcare, getting ready for delivery, I think more people will jump in the conversations.
This is why I'm so against randoms, because some of our regs end up getting screwed and get warnings when we call them out.
Married: 05/26/2012
DS Born Happy and Healthy via C-section: 10/04/2013
Natural M/C: 07/08/2014
DD Born Happy and Healthy via Emergency C-section: 06/30/2015
I agree with @virginiaunicorn11 - I think it's too early for a private group. Until we're weeded down to mainly regs, it'll be too hard to figure out who joins and who doesn't. I agree that it sucks having to be careful of what we say, but I'd rather wait until we're sure of no catfish, etc. before going private. Just my $.02.
@virginiaunicorn11 I think the push toward groups has less to do with the randoms and more to do with avoiding warnings/bans for dumb reasons. Or at least those were my thoughts on it
Same here. I don't mind the randoms. They can be kind of entertaining. But I hate having to watch what I say because I'm scared to get banned. I think we should stay here for a while longer because there are probably some people who will still find us, or some people who have been lurking but haven't participated much. I know I haven't been participating a lot on the pregnancy-related threads because I just don't have much to say about it. But once we start shopping, naming the babies, planning nurseries, hiring childcare, getting ready for delivery, I think more people will jump in the conversations.
Yes, the end result of the randoms is the watching what you say to avoid getting banned. I don't mind staying here a while longer. I'm not on Facebook much and have a total of 10 friends -all from my neighborhood just to keep up with subdivision stuff and toddler play dates. I'm not even 'friends'with my husband and family on Facebook lol.
But please don't you all go disappearing on me. From the day it opened, I was a filthy lurker on the June15 boards (before the mass exodus). I still remember the day I logged in and it was a scene from the Red Wedding. Same level of shock and chills. Like WTF!
@virginiaunicorn11 I think the push toward groups has less to do with the randoms and more to do with avoiding warnings/bans for dumb reasons. Or at least those were my thoughts on it
Same here. I don't mind the randoms. They can be kind of entertaining. But I hate having to watch what I say because I'm scared to get banned. I think we should stay here for a while longer because there are probably some people who will still find us, or some people who have been lurking but haven't participated much. I know I haven't been participating a lot on the pregnancy-related threads because I just don't have much to say about it. But once we start shopping, naming the babies, planning nurseries, hiring childcare, getting ready for delivery, I think more people will jump in the conversations.
Yes, the end result of the randoms is the watching what you say to avoid getting banned. I don't mind staying here a while longer. I'm not on Facebook much and have a total of 10 friends -all from my neighborhood just to keep up with subdivision stuff and toddler play dates. I'm not even 'friends'with my husband and family on Facebook lol.
But please don't you all go disappearing on me. From the day it opened, I was a filthy lurker on the June15 boards (before the mass exodus). I still remember the day I logged in and it was a scene from the Red Wedding. Same level of shock and chills. Like WTF!
You were June 15?! Did you stay active after the exodus? I don't remember you
My UO: I hate pedis/manis. I don't like someone else trimming my nails and I don't like the rubbing. I also like my nails kept short and I don't paint them. I paint my toenails throughout summer.
I promise my feet aren't crusty. I file and lotion them daily. I just hate someone else doing it and I think it's a gigantic waste of money if people are doing it on a regular basis (like every other week or whatever).
@yellow1daisy hey I'm sorry if my last comment came across as judgy - I was mostly trying to be funny by classifying the unmedicated birth as "natural woman" (as an ironic summary of some of the comments previously made, and as opposed to "give me my drugs woman", again kidding). Don't mean to disrespect anyone! It's tough to convey humor over text :I @RunRestRepeat aw stahp it girl! You're too kind! I don't feel very coherent at all but it's really interesting to have these conversations! @ everyone - I'm not sure why June and May think of us as the drama board, I feel like for the most part we have had a pretty civilized discussion on here today (except for the 100 random trolls and exhibitionists who joined the party I guess)
@mj8215 Thanks for clarifying. I had the same initial take as @yellow1daisy. It irks me to read the comments that imply that going natural is some attempt to be some kind of hero or Amazon woman. There are a lot of FTMs reading the threads and I don't want them to be discouraged from even trying or considering that option. Now don't get me wrong that shit hurts - so each woman will have to decide her path based on the labor she is handed and how she feels and to some extent her level of preparation . That being said, for those considering it, I highly recommend a doula and a midwife if you want to try for a low intervention/natural birth.
Also, full disclosure: 1) I had a freaky fast labor and delivery. I went with a certified midwife in a hospital that is overseen by the OBs. 2) On my birth wish list, I wanted my husband to cut the cord and everyone on staff knew it. I also wanted immediate skin to skin. The midwives post your wish list on the board and they all read it beforehand. When the baby came out he didn't cry. My midwife cut the cord, called for the emergency team, and whisked baby to the table without handing him to me in less than 5 seconds flat! Turns out baby was just a bit stunned by the quick acceleration and steep descent, and was crying by the time they got him to the table. So they called off the emergency team who were already at the door. I am very grateful for my midwife's cat like reflexes and I am very happy that we were in a hospital nationally ranked in the top 10 for a host of specialties. Desiring a natural labor and delivery birth process is not incongruent with the trappings of modern medicine.
I agree with @virginiaunicorn11 - I think it's too early for a private group. Until we're weeded down to mainly regs, it'll be too hard to figure out who joins and who doesn't. I agree that it sucks having to be careful of what we say, but I'd rather wait until we're sure of no catfish, etc. before going private. Just my $.02.
100% agree. I am all about a FB group/private group eventually...but when we do make one, I want it to be a solid (smaller) group. There are too many people right now to do that without arbitrarily excluding people. Plus it's still relatively early in our pregnancies, we might still get people joining who become regs. I say we suck it up and hold off. If any regs already have multiple warnings, they could just make a second account and send that user name to another reg they trust, just in case
Re: Unpopular Opinion (UO) Thursday
@mj8215 I think I might have a girl crush on you (in the least creepy way possible). Thank you for putting this into words so eloquently.
Re: the private group thing - it's here on TB - you can create a private group and it isn't moderated. The group selects mods, and then people "apply" to join, at which point the mods approve or deny each request. But it's all still bump format.
Dating: 12/21/2001
Married: 09/08/2012
BFP: 11/16/2016 EDD: 07/27/2017
Baby Fish born: 08/01/2017
@AdaByron - I can see your posts
Married: 06-2024
TTC #1: Since November 2015
Restarted TTC "count" Oct. 2016
due to previous issues.
***TW***
BFP: 11/4/2016
BFP: 07/17/2024
I saw it! I agree it wasn't the best but still funny
Married: 06-2024
TTC #1: Since November 2015
Restarted TTC "count" Oct. 2016
due to previous issues.
***TW***
BFP: 11/4/2016
BFP: 07/17/2024
Took me over 90min to read all this... I agree medicated, un-medicated, vaginal or c-section the goal is a healthy baby and mama.
I will say I know someone who had a home birth with complications that resulted in her child having permanent brain damage, it was devastating and possibly preventable. So I do think it's a risk not worth taking, but that is just my opinion.
I'm only posting so people who have no idea that this is possible can now be in the know. My body rejects epidurals, something I had no idea could even happen. My first experience it took a half hour and five attempts to get my epidural in. They left me for 5 minutes for it to take effect and then came back to give me my catheter (shudder) the nurse couldn't figure out why I was in so much pain as she was doing it and quickly called the anesthesiologist to come back as soon as possible because my epidural was not working. They sent up the head anesthesiologist and he spent another ten minutes working on my back before telling me that my body was rejecting it and sorry about my luck. The worst part wasn't even all that, it's that the medicine was still administered to me and caused my son to flip to a posterior position (way more painful!) something again I was uneducated about and found out is common with epidurals after the fact. My last complaint about that specific epidural was I had sever back pain in the spot it was administered for 6 months after the birth, I saw two different doctors that assured me it would go away but there wasn't anything wrong.
My second birth I was induced, and I had the bright idea that maybe my first birth was a fluke and to give a epidural a second try. They only spent about ten minutes getting it in which was a relief from the 30 minutes with the first birth. Come to find out the first births anesthesiologist was indeed right and my body rejects them and it was pointless to go through the needle stick.
Third birth I finally sucked it up and just flat out went into it knowing I'd have a med- free birth and I'd have to suck it up. And although the pain was just as bad all three times, I found that recovery was in fact so much easier and I felt so much better after the med-free birth
I tried to read all posts in this but I'm sure I missed some so here's my take
-both my epidurals were pretty quick. My first was the longest and they actually had to pull it out and try again but it wasn't as bad as it sounds.
-add me to the c-section or die group as well
-I try to make a conscious decision to eat better when pregnant but some days it just doesn't happen and I don't think that's a big deal. You do you and I'll do me
Married: 05/26/2012
DS Born Happy and Healthy via C-section: 10/04/2013
Natural M/C: 07/08/2014
DD Born Happy and Healthy via Emergency C-section: 06/30/2015
BFP #4: 11/15/2016
EDD: 7/27/2017
For what it's worth, this is what I did with pregnancy # 1 and didn't get any stretch marks: lukewarm or cool showers only, coconut oil all over back and belly at least twice a day, stay super hydrated, gain weight slow and steady.
@RunRestRepeat aw stahp it girl! You're too kind! I don't feel very coherent at all but it's really interesting to have these conversations!
@ everyone - I'm not sure why June and May think of us as the drama board, I feel like for the most part we have had a pretty civilized discussion on here today (except for the 100 random trolls and exhibitionists who joined the party I guess)
I must have missed that post but thanks for sharing it again!
Married: 06-2024
TTC #1: Since November 2015
Restarted TTC "count" Oct. 2016
due to previous issues.
***TW***
BFP: 11/4/2016
BFP: 07/17/2024
It's not about watching the needle, it's about knowing what's happening. My brain can conjure up enough horrible images that seeing the real thing or not wouldn't matter. And maybe you were lucky, FTM so I don't have any real world experience, but from what I've read epidurals are supposed to numb you from the waist down, and therefore they don't let you out of bed. Reading that is enough to make me not want it. Plus, I tend to avoid pain meds anyways, and I'm not a fan of taking medicine I don't absolutely need in general. I'll take antibiotics for a UTI, but I don't take tylenol just for a headache. If I can deal with it and just get through it, I do. Just the way I like to be, no judgement either way.
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
UO: It's hard for me to keep up in this group! I feel bad I'm not more active.. I'm by no means super busy, but I only use the app and am not on my phone a lot. I am one of those people who might not text you back for a day or so. Sorry I'm a slacker, but trying to participate more so I'm not a creepy rando.
labour pains and a headache are in no way comparable. That's like comparing a hangnail and a broken leg.
It's true that you can't get out of bed which also concerned me before my first but in truth after the epidural I didn't want to. I was relaxed, chatted with DH, had a nap and did some reading.
Also there are several other factors that could keep you in bed. DS had major HR decelerations that required me to be hooked up to monitors and laying in a specific position almost the entire labour. Epidural or not I wasn't getting out of that bed.
*I do recommend the private group alternative at some point, if the majority is interested. Same format, no mods, and not FB.
As a FTM pregnant after 3 years of trying/fertility treatments I'd be happy if I could have a scan once a week! :P
Edited because TB duplicated my quote.
No way am I adding any of you lovelies on FB right now. Sorrynotsorry. I am FB friends with ~20 women from my first BMB, which happened after 1.5 years of posting together. Then we started a private group thinking we had weeded out all the crazies (about 35 of us). Then there was still a catfish/creepy rando who had made it in. After a few months of testing the waters on the private group, we started adding each other on FB.
I am really not even much of a "fear the Internet" person, but my Facebook is on lockdown because I have family pics and whatnot there. It's like inviting you into my living room.
Community --> Groups, then you create your own. I still think it's too early, and people need to just chill and enjoy the randoms like good-bad reality TV. But if the group forms, I'll join if allowed.
2) Epidurals:
LMAO at the headaches = labor pain. I can count on one hand how many times I have used OTC medicine in the past 5 years - same with antibiotics and going to the doctor for illness. I didn't think I would get an epidural. During labor, I decided that the kind of pain that I was experiencing wasn't something I could/wanted to endure. I will try again not to have one, and am hiring a midwife to help make that more likely. If I need an epidural, I will get it.
I do not feel strongly one way or the other about epidurals. Here is what I feel very strongly about:
Birth plans, parenting plans, and all things related: have an idea of your ideal in mind, but be willing to let it go the second that stops working for you. This shit is hard. Harder than you can imagine. (And amazing and worth it.) No one f'ing cares how your baby came into this world but you. Seriously. So the more flexible you are, the more you can roll with the punches and appreciate the baby in your arms. (This includes breastfeeding, screentime, how you feed your child, how they sleep. Everything.)
One thing I have very little sympathy for (UO warning) is women who had all these specific birth plans and then have all these weird hang ups about how their birth wasn't their dream experience. You know what? If your birth plan is to "try it this way but mostly just want a baby at the end" then you are 99% likely to "succeed." (I get that hormones can affect perspective, and that's different than just not getting your way during labor.)
You do you. Decide what you want. Plan on it. Then imagine and prepare for scenarios B, C, D, and E. Be normal about it, but just get yourself mentally prepared and strong.
You do you, mamas. The obsessing right now is normal and fun and healthy. Just keep yourselves in check, for your own sanity.
I think fancy birthing gowns are dumb. Why would I pay $60 to look fancy in something I will likely poop on? No paparazzi in my room, so I'm good. Plus. I wanted the ladies out last time because it was so darn hot. I would hate to be messing with fancy frillies.
Also, as a FTM who was leaning toward an epidural but was trying not to think too much yet about the fact that I have to give birth at the end of this, this thread is going to give me nightmares. Maybe that's my UO: I'd like a couple more months of denial.
Married: Oct 2015
Baby G born June 2017
TTC#2: July 2018
BFP #2: 2/6/19 MC 3/14/19
BFP#3 from IUI #2: 6/30/20 EDD 3/9/21
Married: 05/26/2012
DS Born Happy and Healthy via C-section: 10/04/2013
Natural M/C: 07/08/2014
DD Born Happy and Healthy via Emergency C-section: 06/30/2015
BFP #4: 11/15/2016
EDD: 7/27/2017
Dating: 12/21/2001
Married: 09/08/2012
BFP: 11/16/2016 EDD: 07/27/2017
Baby Fish born: 08/01/2017
But please don't you all go disappearing on me. From the day it opened, I was a filthy lurker on the June15 boards (before the mass exodus). I still remember the day I logged in and it was a scene from the Red Wedding. Same level of shock and chills. Like WTF!
(That's my life strategy. Everything is a "game." Learn the rules, be savvy, and "win." Or fight it and make your life needlessly harder, whatever.)
I promise my feet aren't crusty. I file and lotion them daily. I just hate someone else doing it and I think it's a gigantic waste of money if people are doing it on a regular basis (like every other week or whatever).
@mj8215 Thanks for clarifying. I had the same initial take as @yellow1daisy. It irks me to read the comments that imply that going natural is some attempt to be some kind of hero or Amazon woman. There are a lot of FTMs reading the threads and I don't want them to be discouraged from even trying or considering that option. Now don't get me wrong that shit hurts - so each woman will have to decide her path based on the labor she is handed and how she feels and to some extent her level of preparation . That being said, for those considering it, I highly recommend a doula and a midwife if you want to try for a low intervention/natural birth.
Also, full disclosure: 1) I had a freaky fast labor and delivery. I went with a certified midwife in a hospital that is overseen by the OBs. 2) On my birth wish list, I wanted my husband to cut the cord and everyone on staff knew it. I also wanted immediate skin to skin. The midwives post your wish list on the board and they all read it beforehand. When the baby came out he didn't cry. My midwife cut the cord, called for the emergency team, and whisked baby to the table without handing him to me in less than 5 seconds flat! Turns out baby was just a bit stunned by the quick acceleration and steep descent, and was crying by the time they got him to the table. So they called off the emergency team who were already at the door. I am very grateful for my midwife's cat like reflexes and I am very happy that we were in a hospital nationally ranked in the top 10 for a host of specialties. Desiring a natural labor and delivery birth process is not incongruent with the trappings of modern medicine.