the more i think about this the more strongly i feel that you should just use the name! if she were someone already pregnant, knew she was having a boy, and already announced this name, then it might be a different situation. it would just be such a shame if you agreed to not name your kid charlie and then she either changed her mind or never wound up having a boy, both of which are total possibilities! we aren't finalizing our name choices until our twins are actually born and we see if we still think the names "fit," but if you look down at your sweet baby and you see a charlie, i think that's what you should go with.
also -- this happened in my husband's family. my husband's name was "stolen" by his parents from his aunt and uncle, who wanted to use it if they ever had a boy. they did end up having a boy. they picked another name. it's like a family joke now.
Thank you for your reply. I just get so upset thinking of our new baby being called something else. I want to be excited and love our sweet boy/girl but feel so disappointed. I know they will be upset. I just dont know for how long and how it will impact of future relationship.
Late to the party but I just want to say I feel so bad for you. This is a really crappy position to be putting you in. It's not her place to tell you what you can and can't name your baby, especially when you are really putting her feelings into consideration. I have seen so many people say "when I have a baby I will name it ____" and when the time comes they change their mind. Charlie is becoming popular, who's to say she doesn't change her mind before she gets pregnant. You don't even know how long that will be. So if you change what you want there is a part of you that will always resent that.
I am sorry you are going through this! FWIW, if you do have a girl, I would absolute keep Charlotte /Charlie. It's a gorgeous name and I feel that it's far enough from Charlie for a boy for your SIL. Also, your LO may not like the NN Charlie as she gets older and may prefer her full name. My sister went by DJ for the longest time, but decided to go by her full name (Danielle) when she was older. Just something else to consider
Thanks for your response and input. I feel that I could live with the guilt of naming our baby Charlie over the guilt of not. It's just so hard and if we could find a new name we love just as much that would be great. Best case scenario. But I'm afraid we won't because we've been trying since September.
We thought about nick names and felt the same -that maybe one day she would prefer her full name instead. My husband is 100% set on Charlotte for a girl so unfortunately that may hurt my SIL but you just can't have it all.
I texted my brother saying I hope their are no hard feelings and that we will try and pick a different name and that I loved him. He wrote back saying no hard feelings, it's complicated. Love you too. My SIL in great we love her and all get along the problem is that she has control issues and my brother pretty much never had a say. So we are not surprised this was her response. I don't think my brother has tried to talk with her or rationalize this for her. What she says goes.
Like everyone else said, your SIL is totally wrong--its inappropriate of her to dictate what names you can't use. Still, I think you made the right choice to walk away from the name. Its a lot easier to control our own heart-brokenness and anger than someone else's. For me personally, the name would not be worth the family drama, and I know I could trust myself to mourn the loss of the name and move on if I have to. It sounds like you are approaching the situation very honestly and maturely. Good luck.
This reminds me of the YEARS that my SIL swore she would never have babies and adopt Asian children instead. Now she wants to have boatloads of babies. I can't take anything she does seriously & would not even entertain a name discussion.
Thanks for your response. I appreciate your perspective. The kids would have different middle names and last names. We both love Charlie. We decided to go with Charles formally where they would go with Charlie as his full name. I hope she gets pregnant soon. I feel this situation is so hard for both of us
Late to the party, but wanted to say sorry you're going through this. I don't know what I would do if I were in your situation, but just having read through the responses, I'm in agreement with those who say SIL will just have to deal. Finding a name that you and your husband agree on can be SOOO hard and I think it's completely unfair of anyone to expect or even put the idea in your mind that you should change it for a possible future baby that hasn't been conceived yet.
I know it totally sucks knowing that there might be hard feelings among your family members, but if you are set on the name you should absolutely use it.
Thanks for taking the time to reply. Normally, I would concede and let this blow over and I would be the one hurt. But the more support I get, the stronger I feel and I hate that. But I feel we could live with the guilt of hurting their feelings over a baby name vs. regretting the chance to name our baby something we really loved. Their are so many "what if's" in this situation that I can't put somebody else's feelings before our own. Just so disappointing.
I agree there are too many what-ifs. I actually described this situation to hubs last night to get a male perspective. As a father of 2 girls (and team green for #3) he is keenly aware of the inability to control gender. There is no telling if we (or your SIL) will ever have a boy.
It also kind of sounds like she is hurting because of fertility challenges and is kind of punishing you by saying, "If I can't have my Charlie baby, you can't have yours either" and it doesn't jive well with me. Your pregnancy is not causing her struggles with fertility. She really can't blame you and shouldn't be taking it out on you.
For what it's worth, I think you made the right decision to go with your heart with Charles or charlotte. We have two Michelle's in my family, and it's fine. They even have the same middle name. Sorry you're in this crappy situation! Hope your SIL is more understanding in the future.
Thank you both for your reply and a male perspective. It's very much appreciated. I think cbeanz nailed it on the head with that analysis. The part that stinks is telling her now how I feel. I really do want to give it a try (finding 2 new names) but I'm thinking if we can't agree on one I'll have to tell her soon.
Thanks cbeanz! Nothing yet.....my SIL and I have been in touch since "the talk" and we are both trying to not make it weird. I think we are going to really try to come up with another name but have decided if we can't we will just have to tell them. Thinking the closer to the birth the better. Appreciate your thoughts and positive vibes.
Update: my hubs and I still haven't found a name we both love or even agree on but my brother and SIL asked us last week when my scheduled section would be. I've been telling them since the beginning that I'm due in April but will go end of March bc my OB wants to take the baby at 38 weeks (3rd section in 4 years) so, although I don't have an official date we are looking at 3/28-3/31.
Turns out they want to go on vacation with friends and the last week in March works best for them. I told them to book it and that they could meet the baby when they got back because well, that's the rational thing to say. I finally scheduled my section for the 3/28 and called my brother to let him know. He said great and that they did book it but would be back in time to meet the baby and help out with the kids. He texts me an hour later and says sorry I was mistaken we actually come back on 3/30. So, of course I'm bummed they won't be there but understood this was the only time that worked for them but I'm finding this situation a bit hypocritical. Are my feelings validated?
It sounds to me like they may be struggling with the fact that you are pregnant and they are not. I would let this one go regarding their vacation - but not the name
I think the vacation thing isn't something to make a big deal out of, though I am glad you stuck your guns on the name issue. I mean, you did tell them to book it. They are just taking you at your word. Maybe try to focus on how nice it will be to have their help at the beginning of April?
Thanks for your reply. I agree. Of course we want them here but if we decide to stick with the name maybe it's best they aren't here
I just feel like they made choice not knowing what the future holds and we happen to be in a similar situation with this name debate but are willing to change bc of their future plans. I just find it a bit ironic.
Update: hubbs and I have thought if a few new names for baby #3 but yet again still can't agree on one we both like
my SIL told me a few weeks ago they will miss the birth bc they are planning a trip to Disney. Long story short they want to get the baby and my kiddies a souvenir (embroidered Mickey hat) she wants to know the name of the baby so they can have it done while there. Why is this so uncomfortable? I told her we still didn't have a name and that we are hoping to by the time baby arrives. Awkward
Sounds like a poorly-disguised attempt to ask you again if you plan to use your original name. You still aren't sure of the gender right? So how could you have a name finalized yet?
Seriously just tell her it's Charlie. I'd be so over this passive aggressive stuff. At first my advice was to protect the relationship you have with her, but it seems like she's already taken it to a level of discomfort that is hard to come back from.
Thanks for following and responding to this post. I appreciate you guys taking the time. She offered to get two hats embroidered. however, it's the same name bc we like it for a girl and a boy. We are really trying to come up with 2 new names but still haven't agreed. I was hoping to tell her the news (if we don't find a name) closer to D-Day.
My sister knows the story as well and has told me on multiple occasions to stick with the name and how unfair the whole thing is. She told me a few weeks ago my SIL asked her if we picked a name yet. So, I think she's really curious or maybe praying we find one. I think the right thing to do would be to call me and say "hey if you guys can't agree on another name and still want to use Charlie please do". I'm still waiting for that phone call....
Thanks for following and responding to this post. I appreciate you guys taking the time. She offered to get two hats embroidered. however, it's the same name bc we like it for a girl and a boy. We are really trying to come up with 2 new names but still haven't agreed. I was hoping to tell her the news (if we don't find a name) closer to D-Day.
My sister knows the story as well and has told me on multiple occasions to stick with the name and how unfair the whole thing is. She told me a few weeks ago my SIL asked her if we picked a name yet. So, I think she's really curious or maybe praying we find one. I think the right thing to do would be to call me and say "hey if you guys can't agree on another name and still want to use Charlie please do". I'm still waiting for that phone call....
Your sister is right. Stop looking for a new name. SIL is being beyond ridiculous at this point.
I don't think your SIL is going to suddenly change her mind/actions after months of the same from her. She's not going to make this easier on you, so don't expect it or wait for it.
Re: Name conflict
also -- this happened in my husband's family. my husband's name was "stolen" by his parents from his aunt and uncle, who wanted to use it if they ever had a boy. they did end up having a boy. they picked another name. it's like a family joke now.
This is a really crappy position to be putting you in. It's not her place to tell you what you can and can't name your baby, especially when you are really putting her feelings into consideration.
I have seen so many people say "when I have a baby I will name it ____" and when the time comes they change their mind.
Charlie is becoming popular, who's to say she doesn't change her mind before she gets pregnant. You don't even know how long that will be.
So if you change what you want there is a part of you that will always resent that.
I am sorry you are going through this! FWIW, if you do have a girl, I would absolute keep Charlotte /Charlie. It's a gorgeous name and I feel that it's far enough from Charlie for a boy for your SIL. Also, your LO may not like the NN Charlie as she gets older and may prefer her full name. My sister went by DJ for the longest time, but decided to go by her full name (Danielle) when she was older. Just something else to consider
So sorry you guys are in this situation.
Right but their BOY would be Charlie to family
Your Girl would be Charlotte at home
What would the middle name be? Is there any way to make either kid a nickname out of their initials?
I know it totally sucks knowing that there might be hard feelings among your family members, but if you are set on the name you should absolutely use it.
Baby Boy: coming March 2017
It also kind of sounds like she is hurting because of fertility challenges and is kind of punishing you by saying, "If I can't have my Charlie baby, you can't have yours either" and it doesn't jive well with me. Your pregnancy is not causing her struggles with fertility. She really can't blame you and shouldn't be taking it out on you.
Turns out they want to go on vacation with friends and the last week in March works best for them. I told them to book it and that they could meet the baby when they got back because well, that's the rational thing to say. I finally scheduled my section for the 3/28 and called my brother to let him know. He said great and that they did book it but would be back in time to meet the baby and help out with the kids. He texts me an hour later and says sorry I was mistaken we actually come back on 3/30. So, of course I'm bummed they won't be there but understood this was the only time that worked for them but I'm finding this situation a bit hypocritical. Are my feelings validated?
I just feel like they made choice not knowing what the future holds and we happen to be in a similar situation with this name debate but are willing to change bc of their future plans. I just find it a bit ironic.
my SIL told me a few weeks ago they will miss the birth bc they are planning a trip to Disney. Long story short they want to get the baby and my kiddies a souvenir (embroidered Mickey hat) she wants to know the name of the baby so they can have it done while there. Why is this so uncomfortable? I told her we still didn't have a name and that we are hoping to by the time baby arrives. Awkward
My sister knows the story as well and has told me on multiple occasions to stick with the name and how unfair the whole thing is. She told me a few weeks ago my SIL asked her if we picked a name yet. So, I think she's really curious or maybe praying we find one. I think the right thing to do would be to call me and say "hey if you guys can't agree on another name and still want to use Charlie please do". I'm still waiting for that phone call....
Samantha - 4/5/2017