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December 2016 Moms
Christinaruth74
member
Family Thread 12/19
Christinaruth74
member
i haven't seen one of these in a while... with the holidays upon us I'm sure there's lots to divulge.
Re: Family Thread 12/19
The other SIL is currently living on the streets addicted to heroin and selling herself to support the habit. We don't hear from her often.. she lost rights to her son a while back sometime after his father overdosed next to her in a hotel room and died. She's been an addict for a really long time.. well over a decade at this point. We've helped her in and out of detoxes and programs, but she just doesn't follow through long term. H finally heard from her yesterday because she thought we had the baby. They texted back and forth for a bit and she told him she might be pregnant. He went out to find her and get her breakfast this morning. Our hearts are so heavy...
sorry for the novel.. these things are just circling my mind and it's nice to get them out.
My brother finally decided to go to therapy back in November, he lived in a rural area so the therapist isn't in his town often. He's doing much better and was suppose to go back this week but has decided not to. My Dad and I are so happy with the progress he has made but I don't think one session and a bunch of reading is going to fix things. He's also decided to move to Wyoming, which isn't surprising since he's toyed with the idea for years. I just hope things work out.
My family is more of a petty problem after these stories. Both my brothers are in state for the holidays and are being super supportive of the fact that nothing is known regarding my involvement in activities due to having absolutely no idea when this baby will come. I live 2 hours away from my mom's house and both bros are over in her area during their time here, so everything is just being played by ear. They were both at my mom's yesterday and one made the comment that they were going to make the trip over to me at some point this week to hang out, so she is now trying to dictate gatherings to make it into something larger than it needs to be. Instead of just being able to hang out with my siblings, she has to make it into a big family thing. When I told her that not every get together between us kids (adults) needs to involve a parent, she goes into a guilt trip about "when you're a parent to adult children, you will understand the need and desire to spend as much time with them as possible" - yeah, that's great and we can try to plan something, but us siblings actually like each other and would like to spend some time together without having to have mom or dad around. She uses emotional manipulation to take control of all of the visits when we are all in the same state/country.
it breaks my heart for those children especially. With my brother our boundary is we'll meet up in public places, so like a get together at a restaurant. Not sure if something like that would provide a bridge? Your BIL sounds like someone You wouldn't necessarily want to be around regardless so maybe not but thought I'd throw that out there
My problem is more of a bitchfest but here it is. It is not widely known that we used a sperm donor amongst our friends and family. It's just something personal that we feel doesn't need to be shared. DHs grandma posted on a Facebook picture Saturday how much DD looks like DH. That's great! Thats the whole point of picking a donor with similar features. SIL felt the need to post under it, 'that's impossible. You know they used a sperm donor!' LIKE REALLY?! Why would you post such personal information online. She posted it in the middle of the night, and I caught it like an hour later and deleted it so I don't think anyone saw it. But it really hurt DHs feeling that she would do that, she doesn't think she did anything wrong.
Me:27 H:30
Till death do us part: 7.2.2011
Trying to conceive since 01.2014
Low AFC and azoospermia
IVF #1 03.2016 - BFP 03.28.2016
Due: 12.05.2016
And yes... the kids... ugh. I spoke to MIL a few months before he was released and we had thrown around having an intervention of sorts for her. I wanted to give her a hard ultimatum and say something along the lines of you can choose to stay with him, but don't make that choice for your kids and essentially get CPS involved.. I'd be open to taking the kids in before letting them fall into the system. The thing that's infuriating is that the rest of the family is so indifferent. But god forbid he hurts them or worse and we are all sitting around saying we wish we'd stepped in sooner. Idk. Blah.
@AbriannaO I know all about emotional manipulation! In those cases you just have to call it like you see it. She will play the victim and guilt trip away, but like you said, you guys are adults. If she had a healthy mind set she'd be nurturing and encouraging the fact that her kids want to spend time together.
@ErikandAfton agreed... one session and some reading won't fix the root of anything. But FX he makes some positive changes moving forward. Do you think the move would be good for him?
Good luck with it all. It's so hard to know anyone is providing unhealthy homes for kids - let alone your nephew's father and mother
@cayaylonglegs - WTF?! That is so wrong of her! SO not her place.
I've stop responding to family for the moment. They aren't doing anything wrong or anything, but I'm in my waiting for baby and I feel awkward and so I'm just disappearing for now. I know they all understand. I have one friend who is due (and now 'overdue') the same day as me and we're chatting but otherwise... I don't want to deal with everyone staring at my crotch expecting my water to break.
One thing that's come up... SIL has decided they won't do Santa in their family. She has a lot of sound reasoning and I don't particularly care... but it could be hard to manage if we get together in the future for christmas...
@slartybartfast I don't blame you for not responding. That's part of the reason I deactivated my Facebook.. I knew there would be an onslaught of messages and comments and I get way to snarky late in 3rd tri.
We decided we aren't doing Santa. I mean, we will do pictures with him, we read stories about him and all that, but gifts will be from us. That being said,I'd hope they would teach their kids not to be aholes about it toward other kids who do believe! Maybe have a conversation with her about not bringing it up at future gatherings? My sisters kids believe, so even though we aren't doing Santa, we still won't rain on their parade.
Shortly after I posted my momma issue, I got a text from one of my brothers telling me that my mom had asked him and my other brother to commit to a time and date that they could come to my house. He said that he is not interested in being involved in the split Christmases and that if DH and I are up for it, he will take full control and do the "this is where all of us kids will be, if you want to join, then join, otherwise we are not going to two different events this year." Goodness I love my brothers. And then he agreed that he will coordinate with my other brother for them and their ladies to come down the evening of Christmas (baby depending) to just relax and hang out with DH, LO, and me with no parents.
"Where is SIL? I could have swore she was coming to Christmas dinner?"
"Well she's dead for being a moron, so carve that turkey, Grams!"
@cayaylonglegs I agree with PP I'd kill her. That's not her business to share. And you'd think she'd be more sensitive to her brothers feelings.
To top it all off, he's been dating someone for 6 weeks and told MY MOM that he's bringing her to our house next weekend for CHristmas. Hasn't mentioned it to me yet. Again... we have two newborns here, not sure I want some random to come over for Christmas. I love my brother but my God this guy can be so uneblivably selfish. Since when do you invite a stranger to someone else's home without asking if it's okay? And a chick you've been dating a month? No.... just, no.
I'm sorry to all of you who are dealing with crazy family members. People are just astounding sometimes.
ETA - my love tits are hugs on this thread.
When we had Rhett, we had been very communicative of the fact that we would let family know when we wanted visitors and that we only wanted family at the hospital. And of course those wishes weren't respected. My grandmother, FIL, and SIL were in the waiting room before my c section even started and snuck into the NICU to see Rhett before I even got to see him. And SIL brought one of her friends to the hospital to see Rhett. Totally not cool.
FI's grandparents had been sick but FI wanted to take Rhett to see them and they said they weren't sick anymore, so we went to visit them. This did not go well for any involved parties. His grandmother (not sure the appropriate abbreviation but I will just use GM) was mad that Rhett was sleeping and kept sticking her fingers in his mouth to wake him up. Seriously, first of all, yes, my child is sleeping. Newborns sleep, it is literally all they're good for and when this particular newborn is not asleep, he is crying. Please for the love of God let him sleep. Second of all, you were just sick! I don't care if you've never been sick in your life, don't stick your fingers in my baby's mouth. And as we were leaving FI went to hug GM and she said, "Don't touch me, I'm contaminated." WHY DID YOU LET ME BRING MY NEWBORN TO YOUR HOUSE IF YOU ARE SICK?!?
She also made a point about wanting to "watch" me breastfeed. She does not subscribe to the rule of watching being "look with your eyes, not with your hands." She kept touching Rhett while I was trying to feed him and distracting him, so he essentially could not eat til we left. I was so weirded out!
She also weirded me out by raising up commenting on how skinny I am PP and raised up my shirt. Totally not appropriate and definitely grossed me out. My body is already not my own in regards to pregnancy, PP stuff, and having a newborn. It was just unnecessary and uncalled for and made me feel weird.
We went to MIL's house not long after and told her what happened. SIL lives with her and I guess GM had told SIL what happened. I will admit that she was trying to give me newborn baby advice and it wasn't bad advice, but this was at the end of our visit and I was so fed up with the whole visit that I got snappy at her because I was so uncomfortable. So SIL says to me "I heard what happened and I don't think you should go over there if you can't respect her because she's your elder. I was very concerned for her when she told me what happened." I'm guessing GM didn't tell her about lifting my shirt up or the fingers in the mouth though, so I made very clear to SIL what happened on our side of things and that I had no problem with not going over there if she was going to violate my personal space and endanger Rhett's health. I was so ticked off because I would have expected SIL to have gotten our side of the story before just making a judgment. I will respect GM because she's a person, but only if she can show some respect for my son and I. My intention wasn't to disrespect her, but she disrespected me my whole pregnancy. I'm not going to tolerate her total lack of regard for Rhett's safety or my personal space.
None of that will be an issue anymore because Rhett and I are moving 5 hours away. FI works nights and wants me to be where I have more help with Rhett. His family still does not respect us given their behavior at the hospital and the incident with GM and then with SIL afterwards, so I need to go where my village is and unfortunately that isn't here. FI is working nights finishing up a job and when it's done he will be free to join us. We'll miss him but our priority has to be making sure Rhett is taken care of, so I need to be in a place where I can do that.
props to whoever reads this novel, you deserve a cookie.
My dad looked at me and said loudly, "You know, whenever *I* make babies, they aren't born premature."
Yeah, fuck that guy. And those shitty onesies are going to Goodwill.
@dmontgo your dad literally never ceases to amaze. You should start gifting him tee-shirts with his ridiculous self-righteous, narcissistic one liners because I feel like he'd love an opportunity to let everyone know just how awesome he is.
thank you ladies, for a moment I thought maybe I was being too sensitive.
Me:27 H:30
Till death do us part: 7.2.2011
Trying to conceive since 01.2014
Low AFC and azoospermia
IVF #1 03.2016 - BFP 03.28.2016
Due: 12.05.2016
Now my problem of in-laws continuously asking how I'm feeling and if baby is born yet seems suuuuuper petty (sits down and shuts up).
@dmontgo how do you even respond to something like that!? I wouldn't have done well that's for sure
But, he did inform me later that his cholestrol level is over 3,000 (it's not supposed to be more than 1,000). He seemed to want sympathy via text. I simply said, "Well I'm sure glad you have life insurance!"
As for me I'm playing the waiting game with the kid's dad and his bio dad to see when they'll ask to have them during Christmas. Of course they'll pick a day and time to celebrate when one of my family Christmases is scheduled so I'll have to say no and be the bad guy.
I was just in shock. I told her she didn't have to like me but that she won't talk to me like that in front of my son and I left. MIL, SIL, FI's grandfather, and FI were trying to defend me and calm her down but she was still screaming after I left. FI's grandfather was trying to tell her to watch how she talks to me or I won't want to bring Rhett back, and she said "She can't keep my great grandson from me, I'll get the lawyers involved." And SIL was trying to explain that she literally has no legal rights to Rhett if we don't want her to see him, but she was not having it. I learned all of that from FI after the fact because I was out in the car waiting on him.
SIL and MIL apologized several times for what happened... I don't know why FI's grandmother doesn't like me but I wish this hadn't happened on Christmas of all days and I just feel bad for FI and Rhett. I know it hurts them more than it hurts me, FI especially. In theory Rhett will be fine if he doesn't see her again because he's too little to know any different. FI will still go see her but I know it puts him in a tough position, especially not being able to take Rhett to see her. Maybe I'm in the wrong for that but that's too hostile of an environment for me to be comfortable sending Rhett to especially without me, and I'm not going to go over there knowing what I would be walking into.
DD- 11/2016