I think things have gotten out of hand on our board (and maybe others) lately and I hope everyone comes back from the holidays feeling a little kinder. I hope this can be a place where mamas feel safe discussing whatever they need to without fear of being bullied or mocked. I hope this board can be an example of the kind of world we want to raise our babies in. Also, I really hope this is a POPular opinion, but maybe not.
I think things have gotten out of hand on our board (and maybe others) lately and I hope everyone comes back from the holidays feeling a little kinder. I hope this can be a place where mamas feel safe discussing whatever they need to without fear of being bullied or mocked. I hope this board can be an example of the kind of world we want to raise our babies in. Also, I really hope this is a POPular opinion, but maybe not.
I do appreciate this sentiment (without snark). I also can't read it without seeing this in my mind.
I hate to break up the love fest, but I'd really like to talk about penises again.
Just kidding. I'd like to talk about FB groups. I had a really horrible experience with my birth group with DD (which was not through TB). I want to trust again, but I'm so wary. It had like 200 women in it, and I barely got to know anyone because there was dramaaaaa every day and break offs and more dramaaaaa. And the mods were the worst offenders, it seemed.
The thing that made me check out was after DD was born, the mods were being bitches to me because I was struggling to produce milk. I was on max herbs, getting fat from those damn cookies, and my doctor wouldn't allow me to take that pill because I had to be induced for high blood pressure (heart problems, you see). So the group was like, "Oh, well, that's too bad, you're not trying hard enough," and I found myself crying at 2 am because I was reading FB posts, like, get a grip, self.
I ended up leaving, though, because someone felt it appropriate to post a picture of a severed deer head from her last hunting trip, and then she got told off, and then the gals that told her off got warnings from the mods because we need to welcome all opinions and beliefs around here. Say whaaaaat?
Anyway. I want to trust, to love again--er, is this a scene in a romantic comedy? Sorry--but after investing a year in a group, I'm like... Yeah. That was a waste of time, everyone on the internet is cray.
But obviously not because here I am.
Me: 35 | DH: 46 MMC: 09/13 (9 weeks) DD: Born 8/22/14 Babies #2 & 3: Due dates 6/9/17 And my other love: writing
Looks like Im an asshole and so is everyone I know. Also my feminism card is probably going to have to be revoked since I associate with my FIL who works at Fox News.
I think things have gotten out of hand on our board (and maybe others) lately and I hope everyone comes back from the holidays feeling a little kinder. I hope this can be a place where mamas feel safe discussing whatever they need to without fear of being bullied or mocked. I hope this board can be an example of the kind of world we want to raise our babies in. Also, I really hope this is a POPular opinion, but maybe not.
I also appreciate the sentiment, but I think we need to be careful of calling the things that go on on this board bullying. Bullying is extremely serious, and I truly haven't seen anything like that here. Mocking? Yes. Sarcasm and snark? Absolutely. But bullying is not happening, and I feel like throwing that word around as if it has the same meaning as "mocking or general disagreement" makes light of a rather serious issue.
@hjphillips I don't get people who have fake trees (unless you have allergies). We always get real ones. LOVE.
Me: 34 DH: 35 Married: July 2009 BFP: November 2012 after 2 years of TTC DS born August 2013 Diagnosed with PCOS April 2016 3 months of trigger shot with timed intercourse BFN x3 First IUI: 9/17/16 BFP: 9/30/16 EDD: 6/11/17
@lovesclimbing I just don't like the look of fake trees and real ones smell so good. Our real one lasted from Thanksgiving to Valentine's Day. My father was a little psycho about not letting Christmas go.
Me: 34 DH: 35 Married: July 2009 BFP: November 2012 after 2 years of TTC DS born August 2013 Diagnosed with PCOS April 2016 3 months of trigger shot with timed intercourse BFN x3 First IUI: 9/17/16 BFP: 9/30/16 EDD: 6/11/17
@kahlan82 I guess I'm the kind of person you'd understand getting a fake tree, then. I agree that real trees are great, I'm just a little defensive because I've encountered people who say that they think fake trees shouldn't exist and anyone who can't have a real tree should just suck it up.
@hjphillips. No you're legit. I don't understand people who choose fake trees and have no valid excuse. They just prefer fake. I mean something is seriously wrong with them.
Me: 34 DH: 35 Married: July 2009 BFP: November 2012 after 2 years of TTC DS born August 2013 Diagnosed with PCOS April 2016 3 months of trigger shot with timed intercourse BFN x3 First IUI: 9/17/16 BFP: 9/30/16 EDD: 6/11/17
I had a fake tree growing up bc my dog would eat the needles off of real ones and then vomit everywhere. I started getting real ones when we bought our house two years ago. I love it. I love how it looks and smells and it's awesome...but I also feel super guilty that a tree was cut down just so my house can smell nice for 4-6 weeks.
I wish we had room in our yard to get the kind you can plant afterwards, but we don't.
@delujm0 Don't feel bad. Most tree farms plant 2-3 trees for every tree that got cut down this year. It's actually fairly sustainable for the most part, because now most farmers are actually planting more trees than they're cutting down every year.
@hjphillips I don't get people who have fake trees (unless you have allergies). We always get real ones. LOVE.
growing up we had a fake tree, it was sad and my sister and i were always sad b/c everyone else had a real one. i think b/c my mom didn't want to care for it but now as an adult i have a fake tree. my cat eats the needles on the fake one i can only imagine what she would do to a real one and then my dog....he is a whole other story...im pretty sure he is going to pee on it b/c it smells like the outdoors....however i also think my dog is going to pee on my baby, or hump it....that boy is a trip lol
We always had real trees growing up. My parents never could pick out a tree that had a straight trunk. Or put it in the stand correctly. We had multiple Christmas that the tree fell over and smashed gifts, lights, and ornaments. And sometimes the same tree would fall over multiple times in a Christmas season. Huge mess. My dad took to bolting trees to the wall and putting weights on the bottom so it wouldn't fall. It really ruined it for me so I'll never have a real tree as an adult.
@rmarble23 growing up my sister's male cat would spray our tree. He was always banished to her bedroom for all of Christmas after that.
Me: 34 DH: 35 Married: July 2009 BFP: November 2012 after 2 years of TTC DS born August 2013 Diagnosed with PCOS April 2016 3 months of trigger shot with timed intercourse BFN x3 First IUI: 9/17/16 BFP: 9/30/16 EDD: 6/11/17
I'm also ready and excited for a FB group. Sure, there was drama. A schism. Mods who instigated. GBCB's, etc. A few years to really settle in.
But we are down to a core group now. The 62 women left on my D12 FB saved me when my son was stillborn, last year. They found a stillbirth photographer and sent her to the hospital, had build a bear dolls sent to the hospital, sent me frequent care packages, and even sent me money for bills to help while I was out of work grieving. They did everything without expectation or me asking...they just did everything unprompted.
Every time I received something it was unexpected. And I cried and cried and cried.
Other moms suffered birth traumas and we sent care packages. We support each other through bad jobs, broken marriages, and the terrible fours that our kids are entering.
I would do almost anything for these women, and I have only ever met one in person.
I hope we migrate, weed out the crazies, and find a sense of community. It helped me so much that I hope to help create community for others.
I know I sound like an idealistic sap, which doesn't translate well online, but...I'm also an idealistic sap in person.
I'm team fake tree all the way. I grew up with a fake tree and I was so excited when I became an adult to see that they make prelit trees so I can avoid my least favorite part of Christmas decorating (untangling the effing lights). I'm too lazy to water and vacuum up needles every day. Fake trees 4 life.
It's not very PC to call those who have their boys circumcised for religious reasons assholes, just saying.
Yeah, everyone of my religious faith is an asshole. The cool part is we are also not interested in hearing her reasoning or even having the conversation, so it goes in both directions.
I'm also ready and excited for a FB group. Sure, there was drama. A schism. Mods who instigated. GBCB's, etc. A few years to really settle in.
But we are down to a core group now. The 62 women left on my D12 FB saved me when my son was stillborn, last year. They found a stillbirth photographer and sent her to the hospital, had build a bear dolls sent to the hospital, sent me frequent care packages, and even sent me money for bills to help while I was out of work grieving. They did everything without expectation or me asking...they just did everything unprompted.
Every time I received something it was unexpected. And I cried and cried and cried.
Other moms suffered birth traumas and we sent care packages. We support each other through bad jobs, broken marriages, and the terrible fours that our kids are entering.
I would do almost anything for these women, and I have only ever met one in person.
I hope we migrate, weed out the crazies, and find a sense of community. It helped me so much that I hope to help create community for others.
I know I sound like an idealistic sap, which doesn't translate well online, but...I'm also an idealistic sap in person.
I feel the same way. We have been through all the chaos of life together including one of our O13 babies battling cancer, emergencies with our spouses, emergencies with our kids, and celebrations as well
@semicolon and @teacher_mom, those have been my experiences with FB group (M14) as well. Started out with something like 125 and are down to 70-something, but our core group now is good.
I'm friends with most, but not all. I've met three women from my group IRL.
The support is so amazing. We've had a baby with cancer, heart conditions, premature birth, and I'm always amazed at the love and support for one another and we're all essentially internet strangers.
That said, we had s rough go in the beginning. From a beloved mod stealing our money, to another member faking cancer, several mod changes, spin-offs, etc. and our group started in second tri.
Some of the women though are my favorite people and I tell them more than I do my IRL BFF. So I agree with you.
@semicolon and @teacher_mom, those have been my experiences with FB group (M14) as well. Started out with something like 125 and are down to 70-something, but our core group now is good.
I'm friends with most, but not all. I've met three women from my group IRL.
The support is so amazing. We've had a baby with cancer, heart conditions, premature birth, and I'm always amazed at the love and support for one another and we're all essentially internet strangers.
That said, we had s rough go in the beginning. From a beloved mod stealing our money, to another member faking cancer, several mod changes, spin-offs, etc. and our group started in second tri.
Some of the women though are my favorite people and I tell them more than I do my IRL BFF. So I agree with you.
Oh we have had our craziness too, but those who are still there now are, like you said, some of my best friends now. We meet up regularly with the ones in my state and once a year there is a NYC meet-up that people have even flown in for now. We started ours once the babies were born though
I love the A15 fb group I'm in. Of course there were ups and downs and drama/etc but there are a handful of ladies that I'm close to. I text and talk to a few daily. They were the most amazing support during such an unsure time (navigating being a ftm is crazy sometimes, yo!).
My husband was skeptical at first but even he was grateful I had a wonderful support net of mom's.
Growing up we had real trees and we had fake trees, some years we had both. Since getting trees of our own DH and I have also had both, we are on the real tree wagon now but a Christmas Tree is a Christmas Tree in my book as long as you feel the Christmas joy it brings!
I love my J14 (January) group. I have met up with a 3 of them at the zoo and love the support that I find their. That is a big reason I came back here even after the big exodus. I was hoping to find more people like them.
Married 12/17/2011 K born 8/31/12 C born 1/11/14 BFP #3 Nov 2014: D&C January 2015 BFP #4 Sept 2016: Due May 31 2017
I like our board the best. 2nd trimester group is really different than this group . Name group is a tad snooty. I feel like everyone in this June group is supportive and respectful to each other. Hell, a bunch of you said you've been drinking occasionally during pregnancy and no one freaked out. this group of women
I hate Christmas gifts. I hate buying them and hate getting them. I believe it's more about what's around the tree and activities than it is gifts. I get downright pissy about gifts.
I was totally team real tree over fake, until this year. We bought the most perfect tree I have ever seen, I'm totally in love with it... but it started dying two weeks ago and the whole bottom of the front is completely bare, we are going to turn it tonight before we take pictures tomorrow but it's still a major let down.
@Mother0fDragons is your son April or august? DD is an April 15 baby and I don't remember your sn. Of course, once we all migrated to FB after the exodus, I lost all association of sn's.
@itsfine April 15. It was a a small private fb group started prior to the exodus. Snegde (not sure if you remember our mods) is actually one of my close friends and we text daily. I was Tyrion.
Re: Opinions of the Unpopular Variety
DS1 - 7/2011, DD 12/2012, DS2 - 4/2014, MMC - 12/2015
Just kidding. I'd like to talk about FB groups. I had a really horrible experience with my birth group with DD (which was not through TB). I want to trust again, but I'm so wary. It had like 200 women in it, and I barely got to know anyone because there was dramaaaaa every day and break offs and more dramaaaaa. And the mods were the worst offenders, it seemed.
The thing that made me check out was after DD was born, the mods were being bitches to me because I was struggling to produce milk. I was on max herbs, getting fat from those damn cookies, and my doctor wouldn't allow me to take that pill because I had to be induced for high blood pressure (heart problems, you see). So the group was like, "Oh, well, that's too bad, you're not trying hard enough," and I found myself crying at 2 am because I was reading FB posts, like, get a grip, self.
I ended up leaving, though, because someone felt it appropriate to post a picture of a severed deer head from her last hunting trip, and then she got told off, and then the gals that told her off got warnings from the mods because we need to welcome all opinions and beliefs around here. Say whaaaaat?
Anyway. I want to trust, to love again--er, is this a scene in a romantic comedy? Sorry--but after investing a year in a group, I'm like... Yeah. That was a waste of time, everyone on the internet is cray.
But obviously not because here I am.
MMC: 09/13 (9 weeks)
DD: Born 8/22/14
Babies #2 & 3: Due dates 6/9/17
And my other love: writing
K born 8/31/12
C born 1/11/14
BFP #3 Nov 2014: D&C January 2015
BFP #4 Sept 2016: Due May 31 2017
DS1 - 7/2011, DD 12/2012, DS2 - 4/2014, MMC - 12/2015
Me: 34 DH: 35
Married: July 2009
BFP: November 2012 after 2 years of TTC DS born August 2013
Diagnosed with PCOS April 2016
3 months of trigger shot with timed intercourse BFN x3
First IUI: 9/17/16 BFP: 9/30/16 EDD: 6/11/17
Me: 34 DH: 35
Married: July 2009
BFP: November 2012 after 2 years of TTC DS born August 2013
Diagnosed with PCOS April 2016
3 months of trigger shot with timed intercourse BFN x3
First IUI: 9/17/16 BFP: 9/30/16 EDD: 6/11/17
Me: 34 DH: 35
Married: July 2009
BFP: November 2012 after 2 years of TTC DS born August 2013
Diagnosed with PCOS April 2016
3 months of trigger shot with timed intercourse BFN x3
First IUI: 9/17/16 BFP: 9/30/16 EDD: 6/11/17
I wish we had room in our yard to get the kind you can plant afterwards, but we don't.
Thank you. This same thought was running through my head earlier.
Me: 34 DH: 35
Married: July 2009
BFP: November 2012 after 2 years of TTC DS born August 2013
Diagnosed with PCOS April 2016
3 months of trigger shot with timed intercourse BFN x3
First IUI: 9/17/16 BFP: 9/30/16 EDD: 6/11/17
But we are down to a core group now. The 62 women left on my D12 FB saved me when my son was stillborn, last year. They found a stillbirth photographer and sent her to the hospital, had build a bear dolls sent to the hospital, sent me frequent care packages, and even sent me money for bills to help while I was out of work grieving. They did everything without expectation or me asking...they just did everything unprompted.
Every time I received something it was unexpected. And I cried and cried and cried.
Other moms suffered birth traumas and we sent care packages. We support each other through bad jobs, broken marriages, and the terrible fours that our kids are entering.
I would do almost anything for these women, and I have only ever met one in person.
I hope we migrate, weed out the crazies, and find a sense of community. It helped me so much that I hope to help create community for others.
I know I sound like an idealistic sap, which doesn't translate well online, but...I'm also an idealistic sap in person.
I'm team fake tree all the way. I grew up with a fake tree and I was so excited when I became an adult to see that they make prelit trees so I can avoid my least favorite part of Christmas decorating (untangling the effing lights). I'm too lazy to water and vacuum up needles every day. Fake trees 4 life.
DS1 - 7/2011, DD 12/2012, DS2 - 4/2014, MMC - 12/2015
I'm friends with most, but not all. I've met three women from my group IRL.
The support is so amazing. We've had a baby with cancer, heart conditions, premature birth, and I'm always amazed at the love and support for one another and we're all essentially internet strangers.
That said, we had s rough go in the beginning. From a beloved mod stealing our money, to another member faking cancer, several mod changes, spin-offs, etc. and our group started in second tri.
Some of the women though are my favorite people and I tell them more than I do my IRL BFF. So I agree with you.
My husband was skeptical at first but even he was grateful I had a wonderful support net of mom's.
Which is what brought me here.
K born 8/31/12
C born 1/11/14
BFP #3 Nov 2014: D&C January 2015
BFP #4 Sept 2016: Due May 31 2017
Edit: autocorrect getting creative