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December 2016 Moms
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Spouses/partners with a mental illness

brittnic86brittnic86 member
in December 2016 Moms
I'm wondering if any of you ladies have a spouse or partner who has either a treated, or untreated mental illness? I'm fairly certain that my husband has bipolar II disorder, and after a recent what I take to be hypomania episode, I'm trying to get him to get help. I feel like it's taken me 10 years, to notice the patterns in his behavior, and see that maybe he's not just an asshole, but that there is truly something messed up in his head. He'll be 27 in April, and I feel like this has all really peaked in the last three years. It's been particularly bad the last year. It's hard for others who don't understand what is more than likely going on with him, why I still stick around. Honestly, I wonder why I stick around at times. But now we have 6 week old babies...and while I thought things were going great, he really was in the throws of a hypomania episode.

I guess I'm just looking for anyone who can relate....
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Re: Spouses/partners with a mental illness

  • maamawaabangimaamawaabangi member
    I can't relate in being a mate ... my cousins (ex) wife (he's like a brother to me) is bipolar and I've witnessed a lot of stuff.
    It's a hard road, I know. Please take care of you and your babies first... is he open to discussion about what he's going through? Does he acknowledge his condition? 

    Due December 27th with baby #7




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  • brittnic86brittnic86 member
    @maamawaabangi I think he's starting to finally acknowledge it. I don't want judgement, because believe me, I KNOW, I know I know I know....but besides heavy drinking binges, massive depressive episodes...he cheats. And really all of this has come out in the last two years. It started when 6 months after we got married he told me he was unhappy, had been for years, and he was leaving me. He immediately started up a relationship with a girl he worked with. It was a crazy, dramatic, alcohol fueled, short lived affair, and the whole time he would still come back to me...like he was torn about this choice he made. It was also at this time that I found out he had cheated on me two years before this, another girl at another job he had...I never knew...and shortly after he ended that short lived relationship, he proposed to me and we got married. He eventually came back, and we worked through our issues. Or so I thought. When we first got back together, in November of last year, the first few months...I thought something was off...but he insisted there was nothing wrong...and went so far as to call me paranoid. Then things got drastically better. In April, right after I found out I was pregnant, I got a message from a girl saying she'd had a relationship with him for the last few months. He told me she was crazy, and lying, and it wasn't true. Again, another person who didn't work at his place of work, but in the same building. I believed him. We were doing great, happy.  The last few months, I wondering if something was going on...he was on his phone a lot...he took my fingerprint access off his phone...I thought I saw glimpses of things in texts...he was always hanging out with this one friend, and never answered his phone when he did. There were several times when he told me he'd drank too much to drive home, and stayed the night at this friend's. Any time I questioned anything, he'd tell me that he'd made his mistakes in the past, he'd learned what he wanted, and that he wouldn't spend the rest of his life being accused. Tuesday night, while drunk, he told me he didn't love me...he was unhappy....had been for years...should've never came back....having kids was a mistake. It was like deja vu. I begged him not to do this again. After a long drawn out fight, he admitted that girl who messaged me in April...that was true. And after asking again and again, he finally admitted that there was something else again...for the last three months...from his work...again...he was so in love...again...and so happy...again. Just this ridiculous pattern that I can now see. In the morning he was apologetic, and agreed when I pointed out this pattern to him, and started sending him things on bipolar disorder. He says he will get help, and that clearly there is something wrong in his head, because he does want me and our girls.

    There is a difference between chronic cheaters, who do it with no remorse, who do it for attention, or to hurt others...and someone with hyper-sexuality as a symptom of bipolar disorder. It's the pattern of it...the depression, the affair with someone he works with, the short lived super charged nature of the affair, the realizing he's made a mistake and coming home, followed by some big happy event (marriage, reconciliation, pregnancy).


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  • maamawaabangimaamawaabangi member
    This is very similar to my cousins wife... minus substance addiction/abuse.  I know the road they went down involved counseling and in some ways that helped her over all to be told by a third party truth about herself... in the end she didn't want to cooperate with it. But, that might be different in your situation. Seeking counsel and even perspective from someone who knows how to process this might be a huge help for you during this season. 
    Im sure you feel very raw and like you have a lot on your shoulders. I'm sorry. 
    Please keep talking to someone. Do you have friends in "real" life who are aware and you can talk to? 


    Due December 27th with baby #7




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  • brittnic86brittnic86 member
    @maamawaabangi I have friends, but I've only told two about this. I'm embarrassed...I got so much shit for taking him back last year...and then he just did it all over again. I did call his mother though, and told her EVERYTHING. His parents are on my side, they see the patterns too, and will make him get help. If we didn't have 6 week old twins, I probably would be ready to give up and leave him at this point. But those babies....and this time around it took him all of 12 hours to realize what he'd done, rather than 4 months.
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  • fauxpa-2fauxpa-2 member
    Like @maamawaabangi I don't have direct experience but my sister's husband is bipolar and cheats as part of his manic episodes.  I think your best bet is to seek couples counseling but also to see a counselor on your own. My sister said the biggest help was just having a professional to talk to to work through things during the downs of the journey, when he resisted any help or had setbacks.  I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this.  Remember that whatever happens you need to take care of you and the girls first!
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  • brittnic86brittnic86 member
    @fauxpa I did make an appointment with my therapist today. I made it very clear to him that this is his very last pass....that I've given him more passes than any self respecting person should. I told him if it happens again, I'm gone. I told him he had to end it with that girl yesterday, and he did, and he said he wanted to change his phone number.
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