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May 2017 Moms
kns1988
member
SO Rants & Raves
kns1988
member
I went back to the posts from October and didn't see one of these, and I always think they're fun to read. Hope no one minds that I started one.
I have an SO rave this week: I'm usually a huge clean freak and never have dishes in the sink, but I've been so lazy with bringing in my lunch tupperware from the car lately. I had about 8 dirty things of tupperware that I finally brought in, and some of them were moldy (gross, I know). I left them and a full sink of dirty dishes the other day when I went to work, and left a note for DH saying "please do the dishes." He took care of it like a champ and wasn't even annoyed with me! He actually thought it was funny that I'm being a shitbag lately.
I have an SO rave this week: I'm usually a huge clean freak and never have dishes in the sink, but I've been so lazy with bringing in my lunch tupperware from the car lately. I had about 8 dirty things of tupperware that I finally brought in, and some of them were moldy (gross, I know). I left them and a full sink of dirty dishes the other day when I went to work, and left a note for DH saying "please do the dishes." He took care of it like a champ and wasn't even annoyed with me! He actually thought it was funny that I'm being a shitbag lately.
Me: 29, DH: 31
Married: October 2014
Began TTC: April 2015
BFP #1: 9/18/15. EDD 5/18/16. MC 10/26/15. (9w)
BFP #2: 2/27/16. EDD 11/7/16. MC/D&E 4/20/16 (11w)
BFP #3: 9/22/16. EDD 5/29/17. DS born 4/24/17
BFP #4: 5/20/18. EDD 1/23/19.
Married: October 2014
Began TTC: April 2015
BFP #1: 9/18/15. EDD 5/18/16. MC 10/26/15. (9w)
BFP #2: 2/27/16. EDD 11/7/16. MC/D&E 4/20/16 (11w)
BFP #3: 9/22/16. EDD 5/29/17. DS born 4/24/17
BFP #4: 5/20/18. EDD 1/23/19.
Re: SO Rants &amp; Raves
I'm sorry. Do you not realize this is what I do ALL DAY. EVERY DAY.????? You do NOT want to get into a 'who has changed more diapers' contest. You may be winning this morning, but I've got you beat a hundred fold if we roll the calendar back.
Rant:
Dear DH,
Put your f*ing cup in the kitchen when your done with it so help me god I will cut you if I have to stop DD from almost drinking rum again...
Rant- whenever all hell is breaking loose on our main level I hear him in the basement playing the piano- get back up here please!
Rave: DH has been helping with DD during night time routine and it's been super helpful!!!
#1 DD Aug 2014 @39weeks via CS
#2 Due May 2,2017 hopeful VBAC
Rave: I just totally lost my shit and kinda went off on him. About nothing at all. Just like PMS, I can tell I'm crazy, but can't seem to stop the crazy train. I went to run a quick errand to cool off and when I got home and apologized he quickly accepted, told me I was ok and that he's just happy I'm carrying our baby. He's pretty ok, I guess
Rave: Our furnace stopped working yesterday and he's been working non-stop to try to figure the darn thing out, although we did have someone come look at it as well. He's also been fetching firewoood from the backyard, chopping it, and keeping a fire in our fireplace to keep us warm. Can't complain about that!
Story -- I took the kids for a few hours yesterday because DH had a lot of work. Actually the reason he had a lot of work was because he was taking the kids a lot recently because I was in a dance performance that finished up this weekend. So I guess that is part 1 of the rave -- he also supported me and took the kids to see the show! The rest of the rave is that when I was out solo with the kids I took them out to eat at a fast food place in order to stay out of the house longer. Well, it wasn't my best moment parenting. At one point I had to get back into line to get milkshakes that the kids had "earned" and left the kids at the table (though I could see them very well--the place was quite small.) They started making a bit mess, putting salt, pepper, ketchup and mustard into a giant water cup. Some of the salt also ended up on the table and floor. I almost got out of the line and cancelled the milkshakes but figured I could save them for later when they did better and if they cleaned up the mess. In the end they did actually help clean up, but by the time the milkshakes came to us my 3 yr old was kind of screaming and standing on the booth seat, etc. She was tired. I took the shakes and left. On the way out, a middle-aged woman said, "I can't believe you're rewarding them for that behavior." I didn't fully process what she said because I just wanted to get out of there. I wish I had because I would have said something to shoot her down. Anyway, I smoothed over my potentially crappy decision-making (cancelling the shakes earlier would have been better, obviously) by talking about it with the kids and making them do more to actually earn the shakes, which I held on to during the drive. They were well-behaved the rest of the day. However, the lady's comment got to me because I was also feeling guilty about not being a great mom. I ended up crying over it at home. I usually don't get mom guilt and rarely cry about things at all, but I really did yesterday...like I felt irresponsible to be adding a 3rd (planned!) child when I can't properly parent the ones I have. Anyway, I told DH about it and he went off about the lady! He said stuff like, "describe her, so I can find her and give her my opinion! She did not have the right to talk to you that way!!!" It was sweet of him. He's usually more strict (i.e. he would not have made the same mistake I made at the restaurant) so it was very nice hearing him defend me in this situation.
And I guess a PSA -- if you see bad parenting in action, hold your comments, unless it's flat out abuse. You don't know their situation -- what happened before or what's happening next. You don't know the children or what's best for them. You don't know how the parent will take it and whether that kind of thing will end up doing more harm than good. If you think you're so good at this, then join a child-oriented career such as caregiving, mental health providing, social work, teaching, etc. If my kid's psychologist tells me what I'm doing right or wrong, I will listen! But typically advice from strangers is either outright WRONG (i.e. just the opposite of what my kid needs because they don't know my kid) or it's "right" but painfully obvious and not helpful in the situation (I'd say what happened this weekend fell into that category--we understand behavior/rewards extremely well, even I don't always implement this correctly. If she had said, "your 3 yr old needs a nap!" that would have been an equally obtuse/useless thing to say. Yes, she needed a nap. But she also ate extremely slowly and service was extremely slow, so I didn't realize we'd be here this long.)
I don't care if you judge my parenting, but keep
your opinions to yourself!
Married:09/14/13
Baby 2 - Due: 5/4/17
And thanks for your comment. I understand all of those things very well too but understanding =/= implementation. I'd argue, though, that as a mom of a "challenging" or "special needs" kid, I have been tested and trained to the max in this regard. Again, I'm not perfect, but probably better than average with that experience! And my husband is a total pro! What both of us have mastered is patience and the ability to enforce things while being CALM. People will think we're being easy on my son but their method of yelling at the him causes massive escalation. So the advice they give us about him falls in the "completely wrong" category. As for my daughter, she has been our vindication that we are not bad parents, because the same parenting has produced a completely different result and she is typically quite easy and well-behaved (even though in this anecdote she was the one who ended up acting worse). Kids are just different!
You know your kids and how you want to raise them. Some days are easier than others and people, especially other parents ought to respect that.