SO Rants & Raves

kns1988

I went back to the posts from October and didn't see one of these, and I always think they're fun to read. Hope no one minds that I started one.

I have an SO rave this week: I'm usually a huge clean freak and never have dishes in the sink, but I've been so lazy with bringing in my lunch tupperware from the car lately. I had about 8 dirty things of tupperware that I finally brought in, and some of them were moldy (gross, I know). I left them and a full sink of dirty dishes the other day when I went to work, and left a note for DH saying "please do the dishes." He took care of it like a champ and wasn't even annoyed with me! He actually thought it was funny that I'm being a shitbag lately.

MollyandD

My husband is doing the dishes now, while I'm dealing with a headache. I also appreciate how he made a big deal about a dessert I made last night, which was basically just pudding, cream cheese, and cool whip. It made me feel good that he talked it up like I baked a 4 tier cake. 

emilyalso

The baby had two dirty diapers in about an hour this morning, and I asked my husband to change both of them. When asked the second time, he said "Why can't you help?"   *cue blank stare*

I'm sorry. Do you not realize this is what I do ALL DAY. EVERY DAY.????? You do NOT want to get into a 'who has changed more diapers' contest. You may be winning this morning, but I've got you beat a hundred fold if we roll the calendar back. 

OmegaRose3

Rave: Took DD to a Christmas event last night with some of my close friends and didn't eND up getting to do a picture with Santa. When DH asked me about it after work without any prompting he suggested we take her to the mall this weekend to get them done. Keeping in mind that DH has a hard time with the holidays because of some very bad childhood memories, this meant a lot to me.

Rant: 
Dear DH,
Put your f*ing cup in the kitchen when your done with it so help me god I will cut you if I have to stop DD from almost drinking rum again...

Hansolosparka

Rave- I have been such a cranky bitch for the last few weeks and DH has been so sweet to me and tried to get me to relax a little.  

Rant- whenever all hell is breaking loose on our main level I hear him in the basement playing the piano- get back up here please!

MrsFox2008

Rant:DH keeps throwing his dirty clothes right in front of them hamper, is it that hard to throw them into the basket!!! Ugh

Rave: DH has been helping with DD during night time routine and it's been super helpful!!! 

ShadeofGreen816

Rant: MH seems to be unable to put anything away - dishes, laundry, bags of chips he snacks on etc. And honestly, I don't have the time to GAF. 

Rave: I just totally lost my shit and kinda went off on him. About nothing at all. Just like PMS, I can tell I'm crazy, but can't seem to stop the crazy train. I went to run a quick errand to cool off and when I got home and apologized he quickly accepted, told me I was ok and that he's just happy I'm carrying our baby. He's pretty ok, I guess

 

megchelle

@MrsFox2008 @ShadeofGreen816 MH has a hard time picking up after himself and putting his laundry in the hamper every single day.  I try so hard to not let it bother me but eventually I just get pissed about it!

Rave:  Our furnace stopped working yesterday and he's been working non-stop to try to figure the darn thing out, although we did have someone come look at it as well.  He's also been fetching firewoood from the backyard, chopping it, and keeping a fire in our fireplace to keep us warm.  Can't complain about that!

museic-2

Rave: Husband knew I was stressed from work and had no time to do things at home, so while I was at work today (on a Sunday >_<) he did all the floors, changed the sheets and finished the laundry!! Even though he had to study for a test for grad school he decided this was more important for my sanity. And he bought and installed all new blinds with his bonus this week! I am beyond blessed and in love. He's been super proactive and excited about painting and decorating baby's room, has been patient every step of the way, talks to my baby belly every day, and didn't get upset when I wanted to stay in instead of going to the movies. He really is a keeper! ❤

achays11

MH helped my mom put up all of her Christmas decorations today while I took a nap. I had a really bad headache and he didn't complain once. He has also been super helpful with DD since I'be been useless today. 

kat81

I just have a rave. tldr: DH supported me after the fact when someone insulted my parenting while I was on my own with both kiddos. 

Story -- I took the kids for a few hours yesterday because DH had a lot of work. Actually the reason he had a lot of work was because he was taking the kids a lot recently because I was in a dance performance that finished up this weekend. So I guess that is part 1 of the rave -- he also supported me and took the kids to see the show! The rest of the rave is that when I was out solo with the kids I took them out to eat at a fast food place in order to stay out of the house longer. Well, it wasn't my best moment parenting. At one point I had to get back into line to get milkshakes that the kids had "earned" and left the kids at the table (though I could see them very well--the place was quite small.) They started making a bit mess, putting salt, pepper, ketchup and mustard into a giant water cup. Some of the salt also ended up on the table and floor. I almost got out of the line and cancelled the milkshakes but figured I could save them for later when they did better and if they cleaned up the mess. In the end they did actually help clean up, but by the time the milkshakes came to us my 3 yr old was kind of screaming and standing on the booth seat, etc. She was tired. I took the shakes and left. On the way out, a middle-aged woman said, "I can't believe you're rewarding them for that behavior." I didn't fully process what she said because I just wanted to get out of there. I wish I had because I would have said something to shoot her down. Anyway, I smoothed over my potentially crappy decision-making (cancelling the shakes earlier would have been better, obviously) by talking about it with the kids and making them do more to actually earn the shakes, which I held on to during the drive. They were well-behaved the rest of the day. However, the lady's comment got to me because I was also feeling guilty about not being a great mom. I ended up crying over it at home. I usually don't get mom guilt and rarely cry about things at all, but I really did yesterday...like I felt irresponsible to be adding a 3rd (planned!) child when I can't properly parent the ones I have. Anyway, I told DH about it and he went off about the lady! He said stuff like, "describe her, so I can find her and give her my opinion! She did not have the right to talk to you that way!!!" It was sweet of him. He's usually more strict (i.e. he would not have made the same mistake I made at the restaurant) so it was very nice hearing him defend me in this situation.

And I guess a PSA -- if you see bad parenting in action, hold your comments, unless it's flat out abuse. You don't know their situation -- what happened before or what's happening next. You don't know the children or what's best for them. You don't know how the parent will take it and whether that kind of thing will end up doing more harm than good. If you think you're so good at this, then join a child-oriented career such as caregiving, mental health providing, social work, teaching, etc. If my kid's psychologist tells me what I'm doing right or wrong, I will listen! But typically advice from strangers is either outright WRONG (i.e. just the opposite of what my kid needs because they don't know my kid) or it's "right" but painfully obvious and not helpful in the situation (I'd say what happened this weekend fell into that category--we understand behavior/rewards extremely well, even I don't always implement this correctly. If she had said, "your 3 yr old needs a nap!" that would have been an equally obtuse/useless thing to say. Yes, she needed a nap. But she also ate extremely slowly and service was extremely slow, so I didn't realize we'd be here this long.)

RainyDays86

I'm sorry @kat81.  I completely agree that unless it is a case of serious neglect or abuse no one has the right to comment on your parenting in public.  I'm a special ed teacher by trade and have a focus in emotional disabilities.  I fully understand the importance of structure, consistency, and appropriate rewards and consequences  for kids.  But parenting is a 24/7 job and ALL of us - no matter how knowledgeable we are or how easy it is to say what we'd do in a situation where we're watching someone else's kid misbehave - have moments where we let something go we shouldn't, handle a situation the wrong way, or do something that may not make sense to an observer.  Offhand comments do nothing to help the situation and only serve to make parent feel shitty.  I'm sorry you had to deal with that.  I am sure you are an excellent mom!

ChristinaWild

Oh @kat81, that is awful! I'm sorry someone did that to you. I vented about strangers to a friend last week after someone made a comment to me at Walgreens. I don't understand people. What makes anyone think we need, much less want, their opinions!

I don't care if you judge my parenting, but keep
your opinions to yourself!

kat81

RainyDays86 said:

I'm sorry @kat81.  I completely agree that unless it is a case of serious neglect or abuse no one has the right to comment on your parenting in public.  I'm a special ed teacher by trade and have a focus in emotional disabilities.  I fully understand the importance of structure, consistency, and appropriate rewards and consequences  for kids.  But parenting is a 24/7 job and ALL of us - no matter how knowledgeable we are or how easy it is to say what we'd do in a situation where we're watching someone else's kid misbehave - have moments where we let something go we shouldn't, handle a situation the wrong way, or do something that may not make sense to an observer.  Offhand comments do nothing to help the situation and only serve to make parent feel shitty.  I'm sorry you had to deal with that.  I am sure you are an excellent mom!

@RainyDays86 I should talk to you sometime! My soon-to-be 6 yr old isn't diagnosed with anything yet, but he has been receiving services/special ed/psychologists etc for the past couple of years due to a variety of things that are mostly surrounding lack of emotional regulation (the rest of it is run-of-the-mill frontal lobe stuff, like impulsivity, etc...at least he is insanely creative, probably as a result!) So it sounds like your specialty is squarely where his main difficulty is.

And thanks for your comment. I understand all of those things very well too but understanding =/= implementation. I'd argue, though, that as a mom of a "challenging" or "special needs" kid, I have been tested and trained to the max in this regard. Again, I'm not perfect, but probably better than average with that experience! And my husband is a total pro! What both of us have mastered is patience and the ability to enforce things while being CALM. People will think we're being easy on my son but their method of yelling at the him causes massive escalation. So the advice they give us about him falls in the "completely wrong" category. As for my daughter, she has been our vindication that we are not bad parents, because the same parenting has produced a completely different result and she is typically quite easy and well-behaved (even though in this anecdote she was the one who ended up acting worse). Kids are just different!

starphish18

@kat81 I'm so sorry, you didn't deserve that comment. 

OmegaRose3

@kat81 I'm not overly emotional, but I feel for you, I probably would've broken down at home too. The whole thing sounds overwhelming and props to your DH for being so awesome! It's exactly what you said, you don't know a person's situation and it's not your place to comment on their parenting with few exceptions.
You know your kids and how you want to raise them. Some days are easier than others and people, especially other parents ought to respect that.

chailife34

I have the stupidest rant ever. My spouse is peer pressuring me to indulge in ice cream and frankly not-so-good-for-us eats lately. The second the Ben and Jerry's comes out, I'm done for but I'm never the one who buys it our serves it. I could say no but... I don't wanna! I gotta work on my self control.