@dragonfly87 - I had 2 mmcs this year at 10 weeks. I beat myself over everything I did - the glass of wine I had during the TWW, I drink too much caffeine, I exercised too much, I didn't exercise enough... Then come to find out that I am one of the rare ones that has a blood clotting disorder so that was what was causing both of my mmcs and really nothing I did or could have done would have prevented it. So please don't beat yourself up over this nothing you did caused your CP.
Hey guys! 5 days until AF is due & I'm holding off any testing until then. It's so hard! This was the second month since we were cleared to start trying again.
3.) Rants/ Raves - I'm just stressed for the holidays. My mother is demanding that we spend Christmas day with her & we've decided to drive up to my MIL since we only see her a couple of times a year. My mother's house is not at all pleasant. She whines, is passive aggressive, criticizes my parenting skills & bitches that we don't spend enough time with her when we see her a couple of times a week. After the fiasco of a Thanksgiving dinner, (where she accused me of not really being pregnant & just going through a D&C for attention) I'm not eager to repeat a holiday with her. My brother & his family will be there so she won't be alone.
4.) GTKY - Do you DIY? What is your latest project or disaster? Feel free to share!-My wedding planning! 3 months away and OMG the to do list keeps growing! It will get done but I'm really stressing out.
****TW Signature****
DD born 04/28/2002 Married DH 03/25/2017 1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017 BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018
amberruka and @TScalei Thanks for the kind responses. I know there is no point in trying to figure out why it happened. I pray it does not happen again, but I guess if it does, we can start to look into more tests to get answers.
@dragonfly87 I have not been diagnosed with a blood clotting disorder and with my next pg I will be taking a low dose aspirin. I have had 2 early losses since January of this year. After the first loss (blighted ovum) I had to do progesterone suppositories with the next pg. Well then I had a mmc. So now I have to do progesterone suppositories and an aspirin starting the day of a bfp. Basically this is operating on the premise of "it couldn't hurt". And should I have another mc or I hit another 6 months without a pg then insurance will finally cover testing.
*** TW *** Me 31, DH 30
Married: 07/2014, TTC since 12/2015
BFP #1: 1/1/16, MC 1/14/16 (6 weeks), D&C 2/5/16 (9 weeks) BFP #2: 5/25/16, MC 6/23/16 (8 weeks), D&C 6/24/16, 2nd D&C for retained tissue and fibroid removal 9/1/16 BFP #3: 12/24/16 EDD 09/04/2017
Obviously I don't know the full story, but I'm appalled @rainafire77 that your mother accused you of faking it. You are such a bigger person than I am, because I'm not sure I'd even be speaking to my mother if she did that. I'm sorry!
** December BMB Siggy Challenge - Animals in Pools **
Me: 31+ H: 32 TTC Since 11/2015 #1 - MMC 6.5 weeks (2/16); #2 - MC due to cystic hygroma at 20 weeks (10/16); #3 CP (2/17); #4 - Due 12.16.17
I just wanted to ask for those who are comfortable answering: when did it start feeling "normal" again for you? Like you felt more happiness or less sadness? What it a few days, weeks, months?
@Tennis11785 If my mother wasn't in her late 70s with Parkinsons I wouldn't be speaking to her at all but my dad guilts me into maintaining what little relationship I have with her.
****TW Signature****
DD born 04/28/2002 Married DH 03/25/2017 1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017 BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018
@dragonfly87 Months. D&c in August, I wasn't really ok until October. I still have moments. I still haven't been able to visit my friend & his wife's newborn baby girl. I'm so glad they understand why it's hard.
****TW Signature****
DD born 04/28/2002 Married DH 03/25/2017 1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017 BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018
@dragonfly87 Approximately 3 weeks or so. I still have my moments that can come out of nowhere. However, the "normal" moments outnumber the abnormal ones.
***TW*** Me: 36 DH:35 Married: 7/10/2016 TTC#1 - May 2016 BFP 9/6/2016 - Missed MC 10/20/2016 BFP 5/5/2017 - CP IVF #1 - June 2017 - Transferred 1 fresh 4 AA embryo. 7/9 Beta #1 - 161 Adam Born on 3/18/18
well H found his ring yesterday afters days of searching outside! I still can't believe he was able to see it -- blended right in with the grass!
@allowachick Pecan pie is my favorite! I was so sad, no one made it this year for thanksgiving. I think I'll have to make one myself for Christmas
@KariAnn323 When I got pregnant, one of the hardest things for me was deciding who to tell and when to tell them. It's a stressful decision and I'm sorry your friends had the reaction that they did. If someone decides to tell me early on about their pregnancy, I feel honored that I'm that important to them! As you mentioned, it's a hard choice because you don't want to tell too many people too early in case something happens but you also want the support if something does happen. I am glad your boss is so supportive and understanding, mine was as well and it was so helpful during our m/c to not have to stress about work.
@justsuzie I'm so sorry it's taking your cycle so long to regulate. I hope the naturopath is helpful! I would love to have my own Etsy shop but I don't even know what I'd make/sell, haha. I did a lot of DIY for my wedding too with my mom's help, it was nice adding that personal touch to our day!
@sp128 and anyone else who wants it- here are my cookie recipes I promised from before. Sorry so late, but half price apps at happy hr were calling my name
@oliveoil - even with the circle, you can barely see it! I'm so glad you guys found it!! #eagleeyes
@rainafire77 -Oh I'm so sorry to hear that. While that comment is still incredibly unfair to you, I understand trying to maintain the relationship and giving her some leeway. Still, it makes you an incredible person to have the strength to be able to give her that leeway.
** December BMB Siggy Challenge - Animals in Pools **
Me: 31+ H: 32 TTC Since 11/2015 #1 - MMC 6.5 weeks (2/16); #2 - MC due to cystic hygroma at 20 weeks (10/16); #3 CP (2/17); #4 - Due 12.16.17
Just a rant: I love my mother dearly and she is trying to be supportive, but sometimes just doesn't realize what she is saying. DH is leaving town next weekend for 4 days (of course during my FW-oh well) and she said she doesn't want me to spend it alone. So she suggested I visit my cousin. I love my cousin and she is great. But she has a 5 month baby, who I adore, but I am just not feeling ready to be around a baby for a whole weekend.
I told my mom, "Well, I don't exactly want to spend my weekend around a 5 month old baby." Her response was, "why, what's wrong with that?"
@dragonfly87 Months, and it still takes work. My MC happened in late July. I think by early November I started to feel like the cloud had lifted and the sadness was less crushing. Now it's still something I think about every day, but it's livable and I feel hopeful about the future again. I started seeing a baby loss therapist in October and that has helped -- she gave me the analogy that baby loss grief is like a giant boulder that you carry with you everywhere, but time erodes that boulder and someday it'll just be a pebble in your pocket. It'll always be with you but it won't feel like such a struggle forever. I found it a comforting analogy and in my experience it is proving accurate.
@dragonfly87 I'd say a couple months for my first loss. It didn't help that my body went crazy after the loss and my cycle was out of whack for months so it was a constant reminder. Like migdala said, I think of it everyday but after a couple months it wasn't all-consuming. With my CP/2nd loss, I dealt with that one more easily, but I still do think of what might have been and some days, it still is too much. I do like @migdala's therapist's analogy - that is accurate for me too.
@dragonfly87 - I think everyone is different. It took us close to a year to get pg the first time so I was already pretty depressed to begin with. Finding out I was going to miscarry at my u/s at 10 weeks was devastating. It threw me into a deeper depression that really took me months to get out of. I was just beginning to feel a bit better when I got pg again a few months later and miscarried the exact same way . The second mc I handled much better and I am doing a lot better right now probably the best I have been in a close to a year. But I still have triggers each months - holidays, getting AF, EDD anniversaries and random things I don't even expect. I think the difference now is that I know I am going to have setbacks and bad days but I also know I can get through them. You will get through this and it will get easier, I promise.
I agree with migdala, laeberg3 and TScalei. The analogy is perfect. My MC was in august and I can now talk about it with crying or tearing up. There bad days but it is easier now. Each person is different but I do believe that time heals
@migdala That analogy is a good one. Another line that helped me was hearing that grief is something you go through, not something you "get over". It helped to realize that I needed to accept my feelings as valid, whatever they were, acknowledge them, and find a way to work through them. I couldn't just avoid them (like the phrase "get over" implies to me). Grief is an experience, not an obstacle.
For me, I felt I need to get pregnant ASAP after my first MC. I was pretty ready to try at that point, and was feeling less sad about my first MC. But when I had my second MC 3 months after my first, that really knocked me on my ass. The depth of grief I felt over those two MCs was similar to what I felt when my grandmother died. It took me 7 months to feel "normalish" again and to start TTC again. It's different for everyone though. There are no "shoulds" in grief.
Thank you for these responses. I think the perspective is really helpful. I am not usually an emotional person and I tend to just try to move on with things when they do not go as planned. But I have never truly experienced this kind of grief before. I have been fortunate to not have experienced very many losses in my life thus far and I didn't realize how deep this feeling of sadness would be for me. But the analogies provided are helpful. The emotions are pretty raw right now, but I think as each day passes, I can find ways to appreciate what I have and look forward to what might be.
@dragonfly87 I'm so sorry you are now part of this group that no one wants to be in I agree with everything everybody has already said, and I hope you are able to make it through (not "get over" like @RiverSong15 mentioned, love that!) this difficult time. Everybody is so different and time will only tell. After two mmc's I can still remember every detail of everything we've been through...down to every date, every detail, everything related, etc...those memories are just part of our normal now, and it sucks, but it gets easier. Hugs.
Re: TTCAL Check-In Week of 12-5
3.) Rants/ Raves - I'm just stressed for the holidays. My mother is demanding that we spend Christmas day with her & we've decided to drive up to my MIL since we only see her a couple of times a year. My mother's house is not at all pleasant. She whines, is passive aggressive, criticizes my parenting skills & bitches that we don't spend enough time with her when we see her a couple of times a week. After the fiasco of a Thanksgiving dinner, (where she accused me of not really being pregnant & just going through a D&C for attention) I'm not eager to repeat a holiday with her. My brother & his family will be there so she won't be alone.
4.) GTKY - Do you DIY? What is your latest project or disaster? Feel free to share!-My wedding planning! 3 months away and OMG the to do list keeps growing! It will get done but I'm really stressing out.
DD born 04/28/2002
Married DH 03/25/2017
1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017
BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018
Thanks for the kind responses. I know there is no point in trying to figure out why it happened. I pray it does not happen again, but I guess if it does, we can start to look into more tests to get answers.
Me 31, DH 30
BFP #2: 5/25/16, MC 6/23/16 (8 weeks), D&C 6/24/16, 2nd D&C for retained tissue and fibroid removal 9/1/16
BFP #3: 12/24/16 EDD 09/04/2017
Well, I might just try it if there is no suspected harm. Might pick up a bottle tonight.
Me: 36 DH:35
Married: 7/10/2016
TTC#1 - May 2016
BFP 9/6/2016 - Missed MC 10/20/2016
BFP 5/5/2017 - CP
IVF #1 - June 2017 - Transferred 1 fresh 4 AA embryo. 7/9 Beta #1 - 161
** December BMB Siggy Challenge - Animals in Pools **
Me: 31+ H: 32
TTC Since 11/2015
#1 - MMC 6.5 weeks (2/16); #2 - MC due to cystic hygroma at 20 weeks (10/16); #3 CP (2/17); #4 - Due 12.16.17
DD born 04/28/2002
Married DH 03/25/2017
1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017
BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018
DD born 04/28/2002
Married DH 03/25/2017
1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017
BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018
Me: 36 DH:35
Married: 7/10/2016
TTC#1 - May 2016
BFP 9/6/2016 - Missed MC 10/20/2016
BFP 5/5/2017 - CP
IVF #1 - June 2017 - Transferred 1 fresh 4 AA embryo. 7/9 Beta #1 - 161
@allowachick Pecan pie is my favorite! I was so sad, no one made it this year for thanksgiving. I think I'll have to make one myself for Christmas
@KariAnn323 When I got pregnant, one of the hardest things for me was deciding who to tell and when to tell them. It's a stressful decision and I'm sorry your friends had the reaction that they did. If someone decides to tell me early on about their pregnancy, I feel honored that I'm that important to them! As you mentioned, it's a hard choice because you don't want to tell too many people too early in case something happens but you also want the support if something does happen. I am glad your boss is so supportive and understanding, mine was as well and it was so helpful during our m/c to not have to stress about work.
@justsuzie I'm so sorry it's taking your cycle so long to regulate. I hope the naturopath is helpful! I would love to have my own Etsy shop but I don't even know what I'd make/sell, haha. I did a lot of DIY for my wedding too with my mom's help, it was nice adding that personal touch to our day!
BFP #2 12/17/16, EDD 8/26/17
L born at 35+6 on 7/28/17
@rainafire77 -Oh I'm so sorry to hear that. While that comment is still incredibly unfair to you, I understand trying to maintain the relationship and giving her some leeway. Still, it makes you an incredible person to have the strength to be able to give her that leeway.
** December BMB Siggy Challenge - Animals in Pools **
Me: 31+ H: 32
TTC Since 11/2015
#1 - MMC 6.5 weeks (2/16); #2 - MC due to cystic hygroma at 20 weeks (10/16); #3 CP (2/17); #4 - Due 12.16.17
Just a rant: I love my mother dearly and she is trying to be supportive, but sometimes just doesn't realize what she is saying. DH is leaving town next weekend for 4 days (of course during my FW-oh well) and she said she doesn't want me to spend it alone. So she suggested I visit my cousin. I love my cousin and she is great. But she has a 5 month baby, who I adore, but I am just not feeling ready to be around a baby for a whole weekend.
I told my mom, "Well, I don't exactly want to spend my weekend around a 5 month old baby." Her response was, "why, what's wrong with that?"
Ugh.
BFP: 10.3.16 | CP: 10.11.16
BFP: 12.14.16 | CP: 12.14.16
BFP: 1.23.17 | EDD 10.6.17 -- DS born 10.7.17
BFP: 9.9.18 | EDD 5.23.19 -- DD born 5.24.19
BFP: 9.1.21 | MC 10.1.21
@migdala - I love that analogy.
For me, I felt I need to get pregnant ASAP after my first MC. I was pretty ready to try at that point, and was feeling less sad about my first MC. But when I had my second MC 3 months after my first, that really knocked me on my ass. The depth of grief I felt over those two MCs was similar to what I felt when my grandmother died. It took me 7 months to feel "normalish" again and to start TTC again. It's different for everyone though. There are no "shoulds" in grief.
Me.30 DH.31
BFP 2/3/17...edd 10/13/17