When will you tell family you're in labor?

AmyKDuffy · December 2016

I lost my mucus plug yesterday which really lit a fire under me to start planning for the birth! Eeek! I was curious to see when you guys were planning on telling your family that you were in labor. I am not one to want a ton of people loitering around the delivery room so we are thinking of waiting until he is born to break the news. I don't want anyone in the family to get offended by this but I feel it's a very personal choice. I think having too many people waiting around would put too much pressure on my mind and I'm hoping for an unmedicated birth so less stress is always better. Pretty much anyone we would want to meet baby right away lives within 40 minutes of the hospital so they could get there pretty quickly. My only exception would be texting my mom & dad as they live out of state and will need to arrange their flight plans to come up and meet the first grand-baby. Thoughts? What are your plans?

MaryNog · December 2016

I've been thinking about this too. There is a chance that we will have no family nearby (my parents are coming shortly after my due date) so there isn't a huge risk of people loitering around, but I wouldn't even want the constant "is baby here yet" texts that would inevitably come if we tell people during the early stages of labor. I'm sure they'd want to know though, and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so we're still pondering the best solution. Maybe just a simple email/text to everyone saying "heading off to hospital, don't expect constant updates, we'll let you know when baby is here."

Kimberlyh90 · December 2016

@MaryNog I like your idea! I would send out a mass text and just say "Headed to hospital, I will text after she is here. Turning off phone now!" that gives them an idea it could be soon, but also tells them to.politely leave you alone. My mother in law lives 2.5 hours away, and that is our closest family, so I will tell her to head over (she will help with the house, cooking, pets), but everyone else is much farther, so I'm not in a huge rush to call everyone

ceclarlinetlo · December 2016

We are telling people when we get admitted but we live 3 hours away. We've told people they are welcome to be in the waiting room if they want but no one is coming in the labor and delivery room until baby is here and we have had an hour to ourselves and I feel ready for visitors. My mom is the only one who can come in besides DH and she isn't afraid to be the "bad guy" so I'm not worried about other people trying to come in.

SunsetSky · December 2016

We will turn off our phones and not turn them back on until we leave the hospital. I feel like the constant questions will distract me during labor. And afterwards I want that time for my husband and I to enjoy our first few moments with baby.

Kurtni · December 2016

I'm in a bind of needing someone to care for my dogs and not wanting anyone except husband there until after the baby is born. And if they know I'm in labor, they will pester the shit out of me. I'm hoping I can labor at home for awhile so we won't have to worry about the dogs until after the baby is born, but if it's prolonged I'll probably tell my sister I'm in labor and beg her to play dumb with my mom and keep her mouth shut.

christac1010 · December 2016

After two false alarms, we were glad we agreed not to text anyone until I'm admitted to a room in active labor. At that point (if it ever comes), we'll be texting immediate family. DH's parents are 6 hours away and his BIL is watching our dog so it's mostly a need to know basis. We'll text our best friends after he's here and we'll announce on FB once we're home for a day or two.

shlecks · December 2016

I think I'll tell my parents right away because they will be driving from 6 hrs away. My in laws are another story. I don't want anyone in there when I'm laboring really hard and like a lot of you have said I don't want them just waiting around in the hospital. Plus I plan to do skin to skin for a good hour or 2 by ourselves. Hopefully if we tell everyone this, they will understand and figure out their own timing.

hayhay2501 · December 2016

As I live abroad and H's family is a three hour drive away and they sort of suck there's not a risk of people showing up, but i know one of my sisters will absolutely drive H and I nuts if we tell her (she's 22 and doesn't really realize these things take time and she'll want constant updates...). I would tell my other sister but as my sisters live together I don't think she could keep it quiet. I think I'll probably keep my dad in the loop from
the beginning as long as he doesn't say anything to my sister and then have H loop the rest of my family in along with his when we're at the hospital and everything is progressing.

moosette113 · December 2016

I consider myself lucky that our nearest family is 4000 miles away so we don't have to worry about people hanging out in the waiting room, but we still won't be messaging anyone (except maybe my best friend) until it's almost time to push, or maybe not even until LO is out. My SIL had 10 people pacing around the waiting room during her planned CS. She was apparently fine with it, but that would have driven me absolutely crazy. I know for a fact my MIL (who was 1 of the 10) kept texting her son to see what was going on. No way is that happening with us.

That said, I think if we had zero support here, H would feel the need to talk to some family during most of labor to keep him calm. But our doula is an incredibly reassuring person, so I think her presence will go a long way to keeping him grounded.

kaytastic25 · December 2016

We need my MIL and grandma in-law to watch DS so they will be notified immediately. SIL is acting as my doula. From previous experience the whole family will know before I get to the hospital. And visitors (uninvited) show up hours after birth. the good news is I don't have to let them in my room! I made tons of people wait outside for hours and tons more were sent home without seeing baby. This is where nurses are your best friends AKA security guards.

canavara · December 2016

We're going to try to delay notifying family until we're in active labor at the hospital but with a due date exactly 1 week after Christmas, we also had to come up with a game plan for what we'd do if I went into labor while our parents were visiting us at Christmas since I really want to labor at home for as long as possible and don't want family hanging around being awkward and saying dumb things. I

my MIL but I can just picture her making some comment like, "Boy it looks like you're in a lot of pain!" or FIL making jokes about lamaze breathing. So we've decided if it starts to go down, that I'll tell OH "it's time" and he'll find a way to politely send my mom and great aunt (who live about 30 minutes out of town) home and ILs to a hotel (which is what they're planning to do when the baby comes anyway). Maybe a little weird but given how close the holiday is to due date, I don't really want to mess around.

MamaandNurse · December 2016

We're only telling my parents because they will be watching DD while we're in the hospital. Everyone else will get a text after the baby is here and after I've started recovering in our mother/baby room.
The last time, I had a circus in my delivery room and had way too many people watching the business end of birth. I hated every second of it and refuse to have it happen again.

MaryNog · December 2016

@canavara we've also been thinking of scenarios like that, in case the baby is late and arrives after my parents are here. Like you, I also want to labor at home for a while, with just my husband there for support. If it's daytime I can easily ask my parents to leave us and go on an outing or something. Not sure what we'll do if I go into labor at night while they're asleep, wait for them to wake up, I guess??

@MamaandNurse goodness, you poor thing, I can't imagine having a delivery room full of unwanted visitors. Why are people so clueless sometimes????

mudderbear · December 2016

I suggest posting something like this to Facebook so assholes don't ruin it for you! I didn't get the chance to be the first to announce my own child because MIL told someone and they took it upon themselves to announce. Pissed me right off.

I also had about 6 people waiting outside the delivery room which was annoying. This time around just MIL and SIL will know since they need to watch the kid. So hopefully it will just be me and my husband in the delivery room. We won't be turning phones off but will definitely be ignoring phone calls

laufisch · December 2016

We'll tell people once I'm admitted. My mom will be there with me and my husband and her job is to not let anyone in at any point during my labor.

My hospital also does a one hour skin to skin where only you and one other person is allowed in the room after you give birth. I plan on taking full advantage of that.

I've already told people they can sit in the waiting room if they want but they're not seeing the baby until we're ready.

LoneStar21416 · December 2016

We have no risk of people showing up because we don't live near either set of family. I wouldn't like the idea of people hanging around in the waiting area. I feel like that would cause me anxiety and make me feel some obligation to address them or let them come in sooner than I would like. For the same reason, I am not sure I will tell anyone when we are admitted. I don't want to feel some obligation to update anyone during labor. Or, knowing my mother, assume she is worried that we haven't updated her in X number of hours, etc. I feel like for all parties involved, it's probably best if they know after the fact. I haven't totally decided yet though because I also don't like the idea of going radio silent on my family if they text or call (just randomly or to check in) and they can't get in touch with either of us.

hjmorgan-2 · December 2016

We don't have to worry too much about this since we're going to a birthing center. Most people just wait until you go home to visit at that point. So my parents will know since my Mom will be there during labor and DH's parents will know. I'm fine with them telling the siblings. But I don't really want to notify any other family until he's actually born (I have a lot of uncle, aunts, and cousins that live really close). My phone will be off or on airplane mode, I'm going to ask my mom to handle notifying people/replying to texts.

momof2girls+? · December 2016

I don't think we will be telling anyone until baby is born. Most of our family is only half hour away. I don't like to have anyone other than hubby in l&d. Also I don't want people in the waiting room ready to pounce as soon as baby is born.

lindsladle15 · December 2016

I definitely see the merit in not notifying people about being in labor, etc, but here's a DH perspective to consider: with our first, my DH was sooo nervous, anxious, worried about me, clueless as to what was going on and if certain things that were happening were normal (even though we'd been to birthing classes). He was a wreck. He needed someone there to distract him, reassure, stay with me for a break, and moral support.
It's just something to think about; I didn't think he'd be like that! Maybe one of his guy friends who is a dad or someone who has been through it before could be helpful to have on standby.

katesmama0706 · December 2016

We texted pretty much constantly through my last labor, DH had actually sent a text taking guesses on when DD would arrive then texted that she was here less than 20 minutes later. However, we don't have family that would make the effort to show up at the hospital and we had settled in for what they had estimated would be a 20 hour labor and it ended up being 5. If I thought anyone would show up at the hospital I'd totally keep it quiet until baby was actually here

gapeachrn · December 2016

This turned into a huge debate with my family. We're going to tell everyone when we get admitted but they will have to wait in the waiting room for the most part.

We decided a while ago that we just wanted us two in the room and that we would spend atleast 2 hours with just the three of us afterwards. The look on my sisters and nieces face was of pure shock. I'm standing my ground though. I'm not pushing out this baby to just hand him over to everyone else.

LoneStar21416 · December 2016

@lindsladle15 that is one of the reasons we hired a doula

mommy2ane · December 2016

My parents, in-laws and our sisters will know immediately (especially since someone will need to watch our son). But only my husband will be allowed in the delivery room. With our son, we had it the same way. Our parents and my youngest sister were in the waiting room all night though, even though we told them that they wouldn't be allowed in for a while because we had an hour to just bond with the baby. They had arrived around 7 pm, he was born at 1:53 am and by the time our moms came in it was almost 4 am. We didn't even let anyone into the delivery room to say hi, which helped keep people out.

It's going to be the same, except we want to get our son into the room first so he can see his sister and bond with her before everyone else comes in. The only thing is my mom wants to be in the waiting room for most of it with him staying with them there. I'm telling her that'll be too much for him and I'd rather they stay at home until she's born so he can be comfortable and just play. If she puts up a fight, I may just threaten her with leaving him with my in-laws instead. They'll actually do as I ask.

kaytastic25 · December 2016

@vgempis goodness that would be horrible for a kid to be waiting in the waiting room. My son is 2 and I hope MIL knows better than to do that...I'll have to make it clear now! lol

stumptownmama · December 2016

Last time, my parents, sister and her husband came to the hospital when I was admitted not knowing how long it would be. Luckily for them it was fast, but we made them wait about 2 hours before coming in to meet the baby. My in laws came then too. I was fine with that. This time, one set of our parents will have to watch DD so we may not have visitors until a reasonable hour after baby comes but will have to notify them right away once labor starts.

adorebella · December 2016

This time is a scheduled c-section and literally everyone knows the date he'll be born. I'll tell everyone the day before what time our surgery is and they'll come to the hospital 3-4 hours after that to see us.

Last time I was induced on a Friday and our parents were all at the hospital waiting for his arrival Saturday, and Sunday, and Monday. None of us knew it was going to take that long and I think if they could re-do they would have just waited to come after he was born. I didn't mind them being there because I was completely unaware of anything other than laboring. Only H was in the room with me.

nolemomma14 · December 2016

The grandparents will know when we head to the hospital, because MIL and FIL will watch our son, and my mom will be with us for the delivery like she was with our first. I will probably tell my brothers and SIL (she loves 10hra away) when I'm officially admitted to the hospital. Last time we had a bunch of people in the waiting room, and I felt pressured to let them in so soon after DS was born to meet him. I've already told them that no one will meet him for at least a few hours after he's born and definitely not until we're in our recovery room and my son has had a chance to meet his new brother.

Thankfully everyone was respectful last time about allowing us to share about the birth on fb, but they will again be warned that I will have someone's head if anything is posted about labor or our baby before we get the chance to decide when or how we want to share the news that he's arrived.

mommy2ane · December 2016

@kaytastic25 Exactly!!! My son is also 2. That'll just be torture for him, for my dad (who would be the one actually taking care of him) and me! Luckily I'll find out my induction date this week and we can settle this once and for all.

ThePax89 · December 2016

The second I know I'm in labor/when my water breaks. I have a 2 year old and need someone to watch her.

myriamc96 · December 2016

Maybe I'm just the oddball, but when I had my son we told my mom, my sister and my dad when I went into labor. I wanted my mom there and two of my sisters showed up, which made my 20 hour labor go by quickly and i loved having them there to encourage me. I'm hoping it goes the same way this time around, except it will probably be just me, hubby, mom and my older sister this time around, so my little sister can watch DS.

lindsladle15 · December 2016

myriamc96 said:

Maybe I'm just the oddball, but when I had my son we told my mom, my sister and my dad when I went into labor. I wanted my mom there and two of my sisters showed up, which made my 20 hour labor go by quickly and i loved having them there to encourage me. I'm hoping it goes the same way this time around, except it will probably be just me, hubby, mom and my older sister this time around, so my little sister can watch DS.

We also had my mom and sister there both times, but I'm thinking the whole morale/attitude towards visitors depends a lot on whether or not you get an epidural, among other things.

KarliQ88 · December 2016

Everyone is different but personally my husband and i decided we would have it just be the two of us. I dont want an audience nor do i want the added stress of feeling like we need to keep people updated and informed in the waiting room. Or feel obligated to bring them in sooner than we really want. We told family after we have "our time" with our baby then we will allow visitors. I hope they can respect this and my husband agreed to 100% be an advocate for anyone getting too pushy. Also we are only allowing grandparents to visit. I just can't deal with everyone coming. I know ill be tired,stressed and emotional

KarliQ88 · December 2016

Oh...don't even get me started on having this baby so close to xmas. My due date isJan 4. So my family decides "wouldn't it be great if you had baby while we were all there?"
No....no it wouldn't. Go home! Even if i do go into labor while everyone is here I'm sticking to my plan of ZERO visitors until several hours after baby is born

tuttobene4 · December 2016

I have a planned c-section and my mom will be here a few days before. Il tell friends after. I haven't made an annoucement about the c-section date.

cjs260 · December 2016

My FIL and step-MIL aren't coming up until an undetermined date afterwards, so they'll probably only get the call once we are settled into the hospital - and just a quick "hey, we're having a baby today! Pics to come!" sort of thing. MIL lives 10 hours away and has decided to just come up on Dec 28th and stay at an Air BnB until we get back from the hospital, where she will stay with us for a couple of weeks to help out. She'll probably be around when I go into labor, but is literally the best MIL a woman could ask for, so I'm not worried about her being over bearing. My parents are 4 hours away, and have requested the call once I'm either 100% positive I am in labor, or the hospital has admitted me. There is only the tiniest of waiting rooms at the hospital, and all parent visitors know that we aren't going to have guests until baby has had her first feed, so MIL is going to set up camp at our house and let me parents in once they get there, where they will all wait it out together, then head up to the hospital (10 min away) once we call them and give them the all clear.

sarah1198 · December 2016

My mom will know once we are admitted, she needs to watch the dogs. We are thinking of letting my MIL know when he has arrived, maybe 2 hours after since my hospital does 1.5 hrs of skin to skin. I don't want anyone interrupting our time together when he first arrives. I have already explained to my mom and she completely understands. I still have to let everyone know that I will be fuming if anyone posts on FB before we do. For this reason I'm still deciding whether to send pictures to any long distance relatives until after we have announced.
I just wish people were more considerate about this whole thing.

therealfrizzle · December 2016

With DH's work schedule and the fact that I work with my mom, she'll probably be the one taking me to the hospital. But she has said she does not want to be in the delivery room, so as soon as DH arrives, she's out and in the waiting room. I'm really unsure how to handle the ILs. Found out last night that MIL has been looking at the hotels near the hospital (they only live an hour and 15 min away). I guess they'll come and just have to wait in the waiting room. I'm going to talk to DH and see if he can talk to MIL and find out her expectations because I don't want her to accuse me of being controlling again. The brothers will get a text so they know what's going on, but I highly doubt either will want to come.

wpowell · December 2016

This is my second but my DH's first. It will only be him and I in the delivery room and then I want a few hours to get cleaned up and time with the baby before anyone else comes up. I am kind of hoping that my DD will be with her dad when I go into labor so I don't have to tell any of my family right away or they will be very antsy to get to the hospital. If my DD is with us when I go into labor I will have my parents watch her until we have the baby and then call them to bring her to see her sister.

LeahNicole · December 2016

My family has already proclaimed they will wait in the waiting room of the L&D floor. The hospital I will be delivering at has pretty strick rules about how many in the delivery room, only 2 people ever have access, not 2 people at a time, 2 people ever. It makes it easier for me, I don't feel like I'll have to worry about anyone else because they aren't allowed in per hospital not per me. I'm not sure if I'll sign my mom up as the 2nd person to be allowed in the room or not. My only worry is if DH wants to go update people or go for a walk for air or whatever I won't want to be alone. The hospital also closes the waiting area at 8pm, which puts less stress on me.

I won't be having people in the room to visit until after we've moved to recovery, which also falls within the rules of the hospital. The hospital really advocates for the 2 hrs after baby is born to just be with mom, dad, and baby. This is exactly what I want, so it works perfectly.

sldp123 · December 2016

We will let parents know right away, first of all because my parents will need to watch DS and the ILs will be watching the dog, but also because we are so fortunate that none of them are very overbearing people so they will respect our wishes. My only concern is that my MIL cannot keep a secret, so she will probably be calling everyone to let them know, and like others I'm going to be furious if something ends up on social media before I okay it.

I plan to take an hour or so with just DH and I and the babies, and then I want my older DS to be the first to meet the babies, as soon as possible. I want time with just our new family, so I will plan to have my mom bring DS once we are ready for him after birth and just kind of hang out in the waiting room or go get lunch or shop or something while we do that for a while. After we have some quality time, I'm fine with everyone visiting.

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