Weekly Randoms 12.05.2016 — The Bump
October 2016 Moms

Re: Weekly Randoms 12.05.2016

  • This is my last week off before heading back to work, cue the tears!!   :'(. I'm so not ready!

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  • Ugh, my phone won't let me "love it" anymore...
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  • My phone is acting up and either won't let me Love It, post a reply, or post discussions, depending on how it feels at the moment I guess.

    @wegme27 ::hugs:: Sorry mama :( It DOES get easier- I know that doesn't help right now and probably won't help the first few days, but it does. You're doing what you have to do to take care of your babe and family, and that is something to be proud of, even if it hurts a bit at first ♡
  • @wegme27 I'm so sorry you feel like you're not ready! I hope the transition is as smooth as possible and it's not too painful for you. Hang in there mama! you'll find your new normal soon enough.

    H is getting annoyed with me I think because I'm kind of hogging the LO. I know he doesn't get to spend a ton of time with her during the week and it makes him sad when I don't let him help more with soothing her or with getting her to bed. I do feel bad about it, but I wish he would see where I'm coming from. I never get a break, I'm with her 24/7, he doesn't get up at night with her or anything. I'm not complaining, but come the end of the day I just want to solve the issue as quickly as possible... if he can't get her to calm down then I'm 20 mins behind on getting her to sleep or settled so I can make dinner, etc. I appreciate where he's coming from... I just hope he does the same. I'm not trying to be mean! Anyone else had/have a similar issue?
  • @rosdoss FI and I had our moments like that with our last baby. But, he was premature, on a strict eating schedule, and I had learned the ins and outs of.the baby. FI (at no fault of his own of course) just wasn't as seasoned and didn't know what to do or how to do 'right' when it came to soothing him, so I was either hogging the baby, or bossy and watching his every move with him to ensure he was doing things correctly (for maximum results, duh!) I didn't intend to be mean, or annoying, but like you said, 20 or 30 minutes can really put you behind schedule.
    With this LO, FI didn't really bond with him until fairly recently, so I've been having the opposite problem until about a week ago. He didn't want to hold Johnny or anything. He would change his diaper if I asked and what not, but if it wasn't reauested, he didn't go out of his way to help out or hold him. He's started holding him and playing with him now that he is bigger, smiles, and coos. I think before he was just scared, Johnny had some health issues after delivery for a while and I think that made him extra fragile in FI's eyes.
  • LO discovered himself in the mirror- too. much. CUTE. 
  • What kind of diaper brand are you mama's using. And which ones do you all find the best protection from leaks and exploding diapers ?
  • We use pampers swaddlers... I love them, but they are expensive. I found that once LO has reached about a year the target diapers worked good too. 
  • I prefer the huggies snugglers. I like that they are stretchy. I always feel like the pampers swaddlers are too tight and she's had explosions and pee leak out of them. I want to try the target brand though. 
  • I think the pampers swaddlers  are the best for any kind of leakage. I used Huggies but they don't work to good with boys , luvs suck and I have a pack of Diapers from target I have yet to use so I'm not sure if they will work for my baby yet ..
  • I use the Kidgets brand from Family Dollar, and hinestly they are pretty great. 
  • I want to try the diapers at Costco the boxes are a good deal . I'm not sure how long I can afford pampers with my baby growing so fast he's already able to fit in size 3 pampers. 
  • We used newborn Pampers swaddlers then Huggies since that what we had from showers. When he moved up to size 1, we went back to pampers. I have a box of luvs to try when these run out.
  • We use pampers swaddlers and love them. We may have bad 1-2 leaks and that's it. We tried honest company but I wasn't impressed. 
    DS #1 11/08/10
    DS #2 due 10/20/16
  • We use honest co. and I like them. MIL bought us a 6 month subscription so I will be using them regardless! Haha and I like their wipes, they are textured and mild on LOs sensitive skin 
  • @AllyTheKid how did it go yesterday? 
  • In a nutshell- half of what the caseworker told us about bio-mom was a lie. Caseworker has been fired for manipulation. New caseworker assigned. SS has made up allegations against our household and his mother's household on his own accord for reasons unknown, we saw the official list of allegations in court yesterday, and it is insane... he said that his bio-mom and FI get into physical fights- which is false.  They almost NEVER even see each other while dropping off/picking up SS. FI is always working, Bio-mom and I make the exchanges, I am witness to this and FI's work schedule is evidence (plus I'd beat a broad down for putting hands on my man, just sayin'. Who wouldn't?)
    SS has a fractured wrist- He fell out of a tree while playing with my 13-year-old sister, and 10 and 12-year-old nephews, and my sister-in-law witnessed the incident. SS claims that FI "got drunk and broke his arm". Despite witnesses, caseworkers are IGNORING the EVIDENCE we have of that statement being false.
    It took 3 days for him to go to the doctor for his wrist- after he fell out of the tree, there was no bruising, no swelling, after he iced it for 20 minutes he asked to go back outside to play, and did. We had NO reason to believe it was anything more than sore from the fall. Bio-mom picked him up the next day, SS seemed fine until he slept with his arm behind his back and woke up in pain. Bio-mom took him to doctor, we have her messages from when she said she was doing so. 
    Bio-mom has a longer list of allegations against her, but those above are the two that affect our household, and all the ones in the documents are bold faced lies. We don't understand why he is doing this- he has been in trouble many times for lying and 'telling stories' and stealing. He has a diagnosed impulse disorder, where he KNOW when he is lying and stealing and knows that it's wrong, but he "can't help it". This is just the most severe extent he has gone to, and his disorder is also being ignored... they won't let any of see him or talk to him because "he gets physically ill when they discuss visitation and he is terrified of his parents". I know this boy, I know he is an actor and a manipulator and he cares more about his own feelings and image than anything else (not unlike many children, but to extremes), I can tell he has dug himself too deep into this lie to admit the truth because I've been in this situation with him before, just under different circumstances. FI and bii-mom are hurt. Bio-mom isn't evenough fighting for custody back and thinks he needs to put back under our care, with his counselors from last year who know him and know how he is.
  • We have made zero progress is what I could have summed it all up to.
  • @AllyTheKid Oh wow, I'm so sorry to hear that. I was worried that it didn't go well when you didn't post yesterday, but that is a lot of bad news. Do I understand correctly that bio-mom no longer wants to fight you all for custody? If so, that's good news, right? I mean, you'll still have to deal with DHS and get him out of foster care, but she will be one less hurdle to clear. 
  • @ball4768 True. I have so much bothering me about all this now, and I have nobody to really talk to about how it's making me feel. I'm trying to support FI and keep my game face on, but I'm pretty upset over everything.
  • @AllyTheKid sorry to hear things didn't go so well. I can def understand how it would bother you. Like @ball4768 said, at least bio-mom is now thinking straight. It sounds like he can benefit from working with his counselor again. I hope everything gets straightened out. 
  • @AllyTheKid This is a safe space to vent.  :/ I have very little experience dealing with DHS, but it seems to me that they are very reluctant to break up an existing family unit. So if bio-mom isn't going to fight it, your FI probably stands a good chance of getting his son. Also, if your SS has emotional issues, the state may be able to provide some resources for him, which might not otherwise be available. 
    I know it's a crappy situation, and I'm not trying to overlook that at all. I'm just trying to find a bright side here. 
  • Okay, Here goes. I appreciate the positivity! So as I said, she has no desire to fight for custody (small win). As a matter of fact, she stated that she doesn't want him in the home with because he is negatively influencing her 3-year-old daughter (he now has that little girl convinced that she was kidnapped and she is terrified because she doesn't understand anything that is happening).

     I love FI and I love SS- I have researched the most effective course of action, am implementing it, and I am confident the leg work I am currently putting in will get SS put back in our care (I say "I" because while FI is at work, I come up with plans, discuss them with him while he's  home, then execute them because due to his work hours he simply CAN'T put in the time that I can.)
    That being said- after all of the lies SS has told about my family, risking our other children children being taken away from us, and even getting my ex-husband involved with this case too, I am haboring some resentment towards him now. I realize he has a condition and that he can't control himself (allegedly), but I am kind of on the same page as his bio-mom in that since he is the oldest child in our household, he is the example my other children have to look up to and quite frankly, that scares the shit out of me now...
     I  am and will continue to fight CPS for this child because I love him and FI (at this point it's mostly for FI's sake though) and ultimately he belongs HERE with us, we have the structure, stability, and resources that he NEEDS and furthermore his counselors who know him, but I think it will take time to shake this resentment. I won't act on, he is only a child- but I can't help that I feel it. When we DO get him back, because I'm confident we will, I think he needs extra counseling to work on his 'impulses'.
     I would never treat him differently than my own biological children, and I DO love him. I feel so guilty for having negative feelings towards him right now, but it hurts... He broke his father's heart and betrayed our family, how am I supposed to feel? I feel really torn. I feel like this is wrong of me, but at the same time that it's not. We all certainly need family counseling to deal with this once it's said and done, and I'm am actually thankful it will without doubt be court ordered. I don't even have anybody else to talk to about this aside from you all, my Internet friends :( does it make me a bad step-mom to feel like this? I truly AM trying to be understanding. It's just hard to have the child you took in to raise slander your family, and for what? I just wish I knew what he thought would become of all this.
    I'm going to see if CPS will let his old counselor talk to him and see if she can let him know he won't be punished if he tells the truth, and get him to talk. We all just want to move on and get over this. 

  • @AllyTheKid Your feelings are absolutely justified and it does not make you a bad step-mom to admit that you feel this way. Yes, he's just a kid, but he also threatened the stability of your home and family. It's completely natural for you to be upset with him. 
  • I completely agree. You have other children to consider in this situation so of course you would feel some type of way. You can still love him but also want what is best for the entire family. 
  • Thank you ladies or making me feel sane right now.
  • Hugs @AllyTheKid your one strong lady.
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  • Just saw one of those save the children commercials and couldn't stop crying. Before LO that wouldn't have been the case. Crazy how things change. 
  • Just getting caught up and @AllyTheKid I think it's only normal to feel some resentment, if I were in that situation I'd feel the same. I hope that he can be placed back with you guys soon so that he can start to get some counseling and you guys can get everything worked out, which will likely take some time and probably won't be easy, but it will definitely be worth it.
  • Hi everyone. Can I rejoin? I was fairly active in early pregnancy, but haven't been on in a while.  Annie is 6 weeks old now and I am still adjusting to being a parent of two undercover 2.  
    @AllyTheKid I'm so sorry you are dealing with such a difficult situation. I have no good advice, but am sending good thoughts to you and your family. 
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  • So probably a stupid FTM question...if your LO poops during BFing and then falls asleep, do you wake them up and change them or let them sleep?
  • @Ladybug2821 Not a stupid question. I change my baby when she poops during a feeding, even if it means waking her up. I don't want to deal with diaper rash later. I don't change diapers at all during middle of the night feedings unless they are poopy though. 
  • wolleys10wolleys10
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2016
    @navarronine we've been using the Costco brand.   They are made by Huggies, so are good quality.  We don't get leaks unless LO decides to explode her bowels all at one time. 
  • I've been using seventh generation. I rarely have leaks and they're decently priced on amazon prime. And I like that they're bleach free. 
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  • Wolleys10 thanks I'm  most likely going to buying those from Costco .I don't know any mom's who buy diapers from Costco. .
  • I have another question for all mama's who have kinda chunky baby's. My baby boy is 13 pounds and almost fit size 3 of all the brand of Diapers. I don't know if I should just wait tell he hits not fitting them anymore before sizing up, size 3 is for active baby's my baby is 2 months old. 
    Any suggestions would help .

    P.S. none of kids were this big at 2 months 
  • @AllyTheKid Would you like some help with this board? Now that I'm back at work (and no longer mobile bumping), I can take on some of the weekly post. I'm embarrassed to admit that I don't know how to add cute GIFs though.  :/ Anyway, let me know if you would like to assign something to me!
  • I'm trying my hardest to get LO on a daytime sleep schedule and so far nothing. He sleeps good in his car seat of we run errands, but I'm having a horrible time getting him to sleep in his bassinet during the day... Which means he's crazy over stimulated by bed time and he fusses all night long. Any ideas?!?
  • @ball4768 Yes, by all means! Sorry I've not been keeping up the threads, I've just been in a funk and haven't been checking TB much. 
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