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Northern California Babies
How did you get through the feelings of being overwhelmed?
I'm having a really tough time right now. Each day I feel like it's going to be a good one, but by dinner time at night, I'm walking around the house crying over everything and feeling super overwhelmed. I have so many question on how am I suppose to know to do stuff - like when to start tummy time, should I let the baby sleep or wake for a feeding, etc.
I'm just extremely overwhelmed and really want to crawl into a hole somewhere and not deal with anything. But I know that's not being very realistic (though tempting! 
), so I'm hoping some of you gals might be able to give me some advice as to how to get past these feelings of being overwhelmed (or some good resources to check out).
Thanks for reading
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Re: How did you get through the feelings of being overwhelmed?
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OOohhh - I so remember those days! It's not easy and it's even harder because of all the post-pg hormones and no sleep. For me, the only things that helped were trying to relax/sleep while the baby was sleeping, DH picking up takeout, and crying. I couldn't help it...I was just so overwhelmed and I felt like a bad mom because I felt like I should have all the answers...DH always looked to me to "fix" things and it was too much. The other thing that helped was my mom's group (getting out of the house...even though it was so hard in the beginning...was my life saver).
Hang in there....you'll figure it out...and it's okay to feel overwhelmed. I think we all have!
I know just what you mean and I felt the same way. For me, it meant having my mom come stay with us for the first several days at home, even though DH and I had thought we wanted that time alone to bond with the new baby.
I called my mom when we got home from the hospital, crying and not even really sure why. She remembered what it was like and said, "You need someone to take care of YOU!" And she was right. You have just been through enormous physical and emotional events and you didn't get any breaks to recover. Is there anyone who could come stay with you who you totally trust and who will just be there for you? Even a few hours can be helpful.
TECH SUPPORT!!
No really, you need someone you can call who will be your tech support. I am sure a lot of people would volunteer from this board. I had my friend on speed dial and I provide the service to my mom friends who need it.
First, baby blues are normal. Crying over stuff. I told my friend Viv about how my hormones would get the best of me. Crying all the time over the dumbes things. I'd be breast feeding at 3am and the show Girlfriends would come on (cause nothing else was on) and I'd cry. "It's so beautiful man.. girls hanging out." That is so not me. Yeah, she laughed me just like I laugh at myself now. But the point is you need someone to help you know how normal this is. When you find out that your other friends with kids did or said nuttier things than you are doing or saying, it goes a long way with making you feel like everything is going to be alright.
The feeling of being overwhelmed starts to ease at about 2 weeks. It seemed like after the 3 month point the training wheels felt like they came off and I was perfectly confident. It takes time.
Hang in there. Keep coming back to the board if need be. And don't forget to get some rest. I know... easier said than done.
first off, MASSIVE HUGS! It's totally normal and very ok to feel this way. In fact, I think it's a good thing that you RECOGNIZE what you are feeling.
Second, ask questions. Ask your pedi, the board, your mom, your friends, your husband (ALWAYS!)...anyone that will listen or give you some help or advice. BUT, I caution you about advice. It's not all good, and you have to take it with a grain of salt. Sometimes people will make you feel like you aren't doing "what's right" because its different from what your gut says.
But Aaron is YOUR baby and it's ok to try new things. If you wake him for a feeding and he doesn't respond well, you know you might want to try letting him sleep next time. If he hates tummy time, put him on your chest for some sweet bonding and talk to him so he tries to lift his head to look at you.
Most of all, be as confident as you can muster. You are an amzing person just having brought this little man into the world. If you need 30 minutes to gather yourself, tell Z that you need it. You will all be happier for it.
I'm here if you ever need to talk. ((hug))
I felt extremely overwhelmed and depressed the first 3 months. And then I don't know what happened but after 3 months, I felt better about being a new mom. Maybe it was because Logan smiled for the first time. It's completely natural to be feeling the way you are, especially since your hormones might be all over the place.
If you continue to feel this way for a while, let your OB know and maybe s/he can suggest some helpful ideas. Wanted to give you a big hug. It's not easy being a new mom but it's definitely a gift that gets better each day.
I think everyone has given really good advise. I just want to add that being honest with your partner about how you are feeling is sooo important. We know men aren't mind readers! Don't be afraid to ask for help.
And just remember that it does get easier. Ask questions when you need to. No question is a dumb question.
I really really agree with what other people wrote. The thing to me is its all trial and error...then you leanr what works for you and for Aaron.PLease know you can call me anytime and I can offer up what worked for me and for JLK...But just as Katie said its different for everybody, especially every child. You saw that even with Tiff and I how she used things I didnt and vice versa...
The first little bit is so hard...like awkward first dates because truthfully you are getting to know this new (very needy) little person. And he is getting to know you.
Hugs Sarah...
br
Awh, HUUUUGE hugs!!
Those first few days were ROUGH. I cried a lot. Breastfeeding was awful, the crying was heartbreaking, the lack of sleep was harder than I ever imagined...but it got easier and easier as time progressed. It was hard for me to accept help, but as many of the pps have mentioned letting DH do what he can when he can helped tremendously as did napping when the baby did. I think the rush of emotions and responsibility is extremely overwhelming- as is the dependence of the baby on only you if you are bfing....it can feel lonely as no one else has the magic boob.
As soon as I could, I really found getting out of the house an amazing help. Going for walks, trips to Target or BRU...just getting out and the fresh air made a huge difference.
I will also admit that I felt a lot of guilt because the reality of a new baby was not what I fantasized it to be while pregnant. I don't think anyone could have really prepared me for the reality of it though....
For the first 4 weeks I had my "daily cry" at precisely 9pm every night. The hormones, the frustration, the fright, the tiredness. Every day- a meltdown. HUGS- it does get better. I think we can all sympathise with you. And I ditto everyone else-
Ask for help, get out of the house, do something for you, join a mom's group (supportgroupformothers.com) Take a nap- take lots of naps. Don't do any housework, eat takeout. And let us know how we can help!
Everyone's had great advice. Those first few days and weeks are really tough. There's so much to deal with emotionally and physically for all of you (Mom, Dad and Baby). Just keep talking and asking questions and asking for help. Maybe keep a notebook and pen on your nightstand or wherever you sit to feed baby. That way, when a thought strikes, you can write it down. I have my notebook from the first month of K's life - every feeding, random questions and observations, etc., and I actually love looking through those pages. It reminds me how I got through that time.
Now, as a side note, be sure to continue talking here and to your family because sometimes those feelings of being overwhelmed can continue for longer than we'd like. I went through ppd and identified it early on because I kept talking to my doctors, my mom, my hubby, anyone who'd listen!! It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed for awhile post-partum. You just want to be aware if it goes on for a period of time that YOU aren't ok with.
Hang in there Mama! There's a lot going on in your body, heart, and mind, so just keep talking and you will feel more confident. It's takes us all some time, but we get there.
Oh man, this is so true. Even having twins... you'd think that they'd be the same but they are entirely kids and need different approaches. One likes this, the other doesn't. You just keep doing whatever you can to make your kid happy until you pick up a pattern of what sign or cry means what need to them. Again, it takes time. Heck, at first I don't think that they even know what they want yet. You are learning together. Again, hang in there. We're here for you.
No advice, just HUGS!!!
I can come by and help out if you want... I 'd love to see you guys again.
107 Read/listened to in 2011: 91 Books/16 Audiobooks
Read 2012: 33/50
The other night I was listening to my mom on the phone with my uncle (he has little ones) and he was saying "M, you just don't understand how hard it is etc etc etc..."
Mom finally said "I still VERY much remember when H (my sister) was 2 weeks old and she had been crying all day, and I had been crying all day, and J (my dad) came home and I practically tossed H into his arms, bee lined it for the bathroom, drew a hot bath, and sobbed for an hour. I felt like the worst parent on earth, I felt like I couldn't do it, and I felt completely alone. So yes J (uncle), I do understand. And you will get through this, and it is hard. But it gets easier. Have yourself a darn good cry...have one everyday if you need to, but remember that you pick yourself back up and you fumble through it."
I know this isn't helpful...but I just wanted to say...from what I have heard from my mom, my friends who are moms, and this board....you are not alone and you are doing your very best. Everyone gets lost, just find someone who can give you the peptalk if you need it.
My best girl friend said that some days she really just wanted to spend time with her child and so her mom would come clean her house, and some days she wanted distance from her child so she would clean and her mom would take care of her kid. Maybe you can find someone who can do whatever you need, just be your support for a few days.
(((HUGS))) I know you are being a great mom. I just know it.
Money Matters The other half's blog.
EJ is growing up too fast!
You have already gotten some great advice ! It is SO tough that "4th trimester ". I Totally recommend the Happiest Baby on the Block dvd if you haven't already watched it.
I think all of us have been through this to some extent. I cannot emphasize enough TAKE NAPS when the baby does. Everyone told me that and I scoffed it off and cleaned house . Seriously sleep when you can. The crying is so tough when they do, that was the most difficult part for me. Just remember that babies don't know what they want yet at that age. They are crying cause they are trying to figure it out too !
I remember when dc was 5 weeks old or so after he was crying for a very long time, dh took him for a drive to try to get him to sleep and I just bawled and bawled and bawled. We have all been there and its good to be honest with yourself and your dh.
We are all here for you also ! You are not alone I promise you that !
I agree with April about getting out of the house. Every day my goal was actually to leave the house by myself for at least 20-30 minutes !! It is a fabulous feeling, even if you haven't showered for 3 days and are in your pj's
* big hugs*
Big big hugs!
You got some great advice here.
My advice, don't try to do everything "by the book", do what works for you. I didn't read any baby raising books, just tried to follow P's cues, it was all trial and error.
Do what works best for you and Aaron and remember to take some time for yourself. It was so hard for me to do, but let someone else take him for a while so you can sleep, shower, even just lay down and rest for a little bit.
We are here for you!
Big Huge Hugs!!!
You're doing an awesome job! From what I saw this weekend you were a fantastic mom! It is overwhelming and like I was telling you, being a parent is something that you develop as your child develops. Definitely ask your pedi about what you should be doing with DC. And like everyone says each child is different. Emmy hated tummy time so I didn't really do it. She'd spit up every single time she did it. I told my pedi that I wasn't doing it at all and he said that was fine. So no I didn't follow the book, and to be honest I don't even remember when to do things. When #2 comes I'm going to have to research this all over again.
If you ever need company or advice feel free to call me. I'm mostly free on weekends, Emmy and I can help out.
Ask away....
I love the baby banana.....lol!
Trust your gut
Share your feelings
Tell yourself "it's just a phase"
It is so hard at first when you are healing and adjusting. C would cry for what seemed like 22 hours a day and it felt like she never slept. My mom started coming over for an hour on M-W-F and I would take some "me" time to shower, rest, whatever. After a few weeks, it also really helped to get out of the house daily.
Post here too whenever you need to - it seemed like there was always someone who could relate, And offer lots of support!
HUGE HUGS!
Big hugemongous ditto to that - we didn't read anything and didn't have any real expectations (except we figured with our luck we'd have an extremely colicky baby that cried 24/7 so when we had one that didn't cry all day long, we were really excited!). Don't worry about tummy time or any of that right now, all he needs is food, sleep and love. You'll get through it, just don't put too many expectations on yourself.
I'm sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. Please know that it is a totally normal emotion and reaction to all you have been through, and all of the changes in your life. And know that it WILL get better.
One of my friends's favorite saying when it comes to raising children is: "The days are long, but the years are short." When I had a brand new baby at home, I modified this in my head and used it to remind me that I didn't have to tackle a whole month, week, or even day at once. I just tried to get through the day hour by hour (sometimes minute by minute) and do the best I could.
My biggest mistake was not reaching out to anyone to talk about the way I was feeling, so I encourage you to talk to your husband, close friends, mom friends, whoever...if nothing else, it will remind you that you are normal, and definately not alone.
All the best to you...
You have a lot of great advice, but I will share mine anyway. First of all I got the PPD and PP anxiety which hit really hard day 3-6. For us those were the worst days, and then it got better. What helped was taking it one feeding at a time. I would only concentrate on getting to the next feed, so basicly 3 hours at a time. I lived his whole first month like that. For me getting out of the house was HARD. I felt to overwhelmed to BF in public, I didn't do it till Riley was a month old and even then I felt really wierd about it. So I tried to leave for short times once a feed was over and go to a place where I could be back by his next feed.
Other things that helped were having people to talk to. I called a friend every day to either cry to or vent to about life. I loved those first few weeks but they were very emtionally draining. I do promise it gets easier, and better. And after a while you can do things like go to SF for the day and it isn't even a big deal. (((((((HUGS))))))))
HUGE hugs!!
I needed a wing man in addition to P. For me personally, that was my mom who held the baby when I needed a minute to myself, advice or whatever. If there is someone that can help or has offered take it!! Don't try to do anything too fast. Tummy time and all that can wait. Try to take each moment at a time...
You have my number and I encourage you to use it! Even if it's just to vent or come by to hold the baby I can do that. Love ya!
Awwww, sorry! The beginning is VERY rough take it easy on yourself, there are still days when I loose it in the afternoons. My mom and I call 4pm arsenic hour because your are so tired & overwhelmed at that point and enevitablely DC is crying. Do you have help, DH/mom/girlfriends? I recommend getting the book "I'm a mom, now what" its nice and straight forward on what you can expect month to month. Also go onto the 0-6month board and ask away, there are a lot of friendly ladies on there with the scoop. If you need someone to talk to heres my email: ryder_sanders at hotmail.com
I live up in Oakland, maybe once you get more of the hang of things we can meet up. HUGS
Everyone else had great suggestions, so I can only add more hugs and to say that we've all been there. You mentioned wanting to crawl into a dark hole - I did that a few times. Not a hole, of course, but a few afternoons/evenings, I just handed DC over to DH or my parents, went into the bedroom, put a pillow over my head and cried. You're so tired, feeling so clueless, so overwhelmed - it just seems there is nothing else you can do.
You're in the thick of it right now, but it will get better. It did for me and it did for everyone else here too. Reach out to your DH, friends, parents, etc. and let them know how you're feeling. I know nothing will make it all better right now, just take it a second at a time and don't sweat the small stuff.
BIG HUGS!!