Thank you everyone for your prayers and for thinking about us. Eaton's lungs are a little under developed and so he's likely going to spend a few days in the NICU. I still haven't gotten to see him longer than to just kiss his face in the operating room. DH has been giving me so many pictures and updates. They got me up and about this morning and helped me move and clean up some. I have a shower looming later that I'm scared of tackling.
What I am looking forward to now is getting taken to see baby as soon as they open up this morning. I will post pictures as soon as I get more than pictures myself.
I'm here at the hospital until Friday morning, so I'm going to try to write up my birth story before I lose memories of it. DH has already had to fill me in on some of it.
@Austenista Hugs mama. I'm sorry Eaton has to spend a few days in the NICU and that you haven't held him yet. I know that's painful. Best wishes that he makes a speedy recovery, and that you get your baby snuggles soon.
My heart goes out to you. I'm sure that it's a struggle not being with Eaton. Hopefully he thrives quickly so that you can get him to yourself. And take care of you, good luck with your shower, it may be a struggle but it should make you feel better.
Congratulations on little Eaton's arrival! I'm so sorry you haven't had a chance to hold him yet - that much be heart wrenching. I hope you are able to see him soon and that he's released from the NICU and into your arms very soon!
@Austenista just checking in to see how you guys are doing. I hope Eaton is getting stronger, and you can hold him soon, if you still haven't been able to yet.
Thanks! I still haven't been able to hold him yet. I was told that I might could this morning if he is doing well. So that's what I'm currently clinging to and praying about.
Last night we walked over and spent some time with him and got to touch and bond some which was so so comforting. I'm processing a lot of feelings about having my baby away from me and not getting to hold him. It's been difficult to be on the boards or try to articulate what I'm feeling and experiencing. I'm scared to be away from him and I'm scared to go to him. I feel like nature has kind of been interrupted here, and I just deeply deeply need him to know his mommy hasn't abandoned him.
I'm still in the hospital, they're going to give me some blood pressure medicine today to see if they can get it down because it's still elevated. Looks like I should get to go home tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it and dreading it because I'll be leaving my baby here.
Mostly I'm just deliberately keeping my mind on other things, otherwise I cry and have a hard time stopping. Baby is going to be okay, and he's in the best hands possible - I know all those things. It's just a kind of hard I've never walked through before. Just doing a lot of praying and a lot of time relying on God for strength. The hymn "I need thee every hour" is pretty illustrative to where I'm at.
So many hugs @Austenista - you are spot on, Eaton is in the right hands and so are you. You'll both get through this and be stronger afterwards. You're doing great!
@Austenista I am so sorry you are experiencing this. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It can feel incredibly lonely dealing with all of those feelings because if someone hasn't been through it, they simply can't understand. It is okay to cry--I feel as if at this point that I've filled an ocean--but I always felt a little better afterwards. Eaton knows you are his momma, and he loves you very much. Never doubt that! I know it is so, so hard and painful leaving him, but you are doing the best you can. Be gentle with yourself. Your family has been through more than you bargained for, but I have no doubt you are strong enough to get to the other side of this.
Two of my kids were literally abandoned... and they got me as a mom... different colored, different language, strange to them in every single way... yet it's real and natural and good and the bond is there. mothering and bonding works under that level of "brokenness". One thing I learned early on about attachment is that just presence (being there) is a major factor... while you can't hold him he knows your smell and touch and voice for months... don't discount those times as "not good enough". Know that your presence is enough. It might not look like what you thought it would but just you being there, when you can is good for him and you.
While it feels like nature has been interrupted because this wasn't what you wanted or expected it will not always be like this.
Know you and your sweet boy are in my prayers... specifically that you'd feel the peace and presence of God as you have to go home and that he would quickly mature his lungs and bring him home soon!
Give yourself grace. Motherhood is hard, and you're doing an even harder thing... rest and heal too.
Re: UPDATE AT BOTTOM! Austenista labor thread!
Due December 27th with baby #7
What I am looking forward to now is getting taken to see baby as soon as they open up this morning. I will post pictures as soon as I get more than pictures myself.
I'm here at the hospital until Friday morning, so I'm going to try to write up my birth story before I lose memories of it. DH has already had to fill me in on some of it.
And take care of you, good luck with your shower, it may be a struggle but it should make you feel better.
Baby #1
Baby #2
~04/19/16 EDD 12/26/16~
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Last night we walked over and spent some time with him and got to touch and bond some which was so so comforting. I'm processing a lot of feelings about having my baby away from me and not getting to hold him. It's been difficult to be on the boards or try to articulate what I'm feeling and experiencing. I'm scared to be away from him and I'm scared to go to him. I feel like nature has kind of been interrupted here, and I just deeply deeply need him to know his mommy hasn't abandoned him.
I'm still in the hospital, they're going to give me some blood pressure medicine today to see if they can get it down because it's still elevated. Looks like I should get to go home tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it and dreading it because I'll be leaving my baby here.
Mostly I'm just deliberately keeping my mind on other things, otherwise I cry and have a hard time stopping. Baby is going to be okay, and he's in the best hands possible - I know all those things. It's just a kind of hard I've never walked through before. Just doing a lot of praying and a lot of time relying on God for strength. The hymn "I need thee every hour" is pretty illustrative to where I'm at.
BFP#1 & MC:August 2015 BFP: #2 10/01/2015 MC: 10/09/2015 BFP #3: 12/22/2015 @ 5 weeks MC/CP: 12-23-2015
Fertility Appointment: Feb 23/16, Hysteroscopy 03/02/2016,
BFP #4: 03/31/16 EDD 12/01/2016
Many, many, many hugs to you.
Two of my kids were literally abandoned... and they got me as a mom... different colored, different language, strange to them in every single way... yet it's real and natural and good and the bond is there. mothering and bonding works under that level of "brokenness". One thing I learned early on about attachment is that just presence (being there) is a major factor... while you can't hold him he knows your smell and touch and voice for months... don't discount those times as "not good enough". Know that your presence is enough. It might not look like what you thought it would but just you being there, when you can is good for him and you.
While it feels like nature has been interrupted because this wasn't what you wanted or expected it will not always be like this.
Know you and your sweet boy are in my prayers... specifically that you'd feel the peace and presence of God as you have to go home and that he would quickly mature his lungs and bring him home soon!
Give yourself grace. Motherhood is hard, and you're doing an even harder thing... rest and heal too.
Due December 27th with baby #7