Oh, mama. I am so, so sorry that the ob did not listen to you. What a horrible experience and I hope you get some compensation for that. I'm glad you got your supply established and that your peri was on your side. Hugs and love. Ash is beautiful and you are a rock star.
I'm lurking from J17, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you had to go through that. I'm glad you are pursuing some legal action against him because it sounds like he was letting his ego (and nothing else) dictate how things went down.
He is beautiful and I'm glad that he's thriving and doing so well. You are one tough mama!
SO glad to hear that you and Ashton are doing alright! He is one handsome fellow
On a more serious note, if you run into problems with your story being brushed aside, DEFINITELY threaten to take it to the press. All the women in your area deserve to know what a wretched OB that man is!
@yellingbanana It feels hard to heal when Ashton is in the NICU. Going to the hospital everyday makes me feel like I'm walking back into it. I saw one of the nurses that took care of me as I was leaving the NICU tonight. She's the only one I actually remember because it was before I got the mag. I was already crying because I had to leave Ashton, but she saw me and gave me a big hug. It made me feel better, but I will be glad when I never have to go in that place again.
DH and I talk about how we felt during the labor and birth and it has been therapeutic too. DH has been a trauma medic in the military for a long time, so he has seen some awful things. He said the thing he had the hardest time with was feeling helpless and scared that I would die or not be the same afterwards--usually he can step in to medically help someone, but couldn't this time. Remembering his sobbing gets me a lot because the only time I've heard him sob was when he had to leave me for a long deployment.
He has been an amazing source of support and an incredible dad. He wakes up with me to pump, is active in caring for Ashton, and has been taking great care of me. I am beyond grateful to have such a great husband. I think we will be okay...it will just take time.
Oh man, I think I have something in my eye :'( We are all looking forward to when you get to take Ashton home with you. I'm so happy that you've got such a supportive DH, that makes all the difference in the world. It sounds like you two are a great team in all the ways that matter. Keep your head up, we are all here for you
Your hubby sounds like a wonderful guy. You've got a great family there! Despite everything awful that happened, it seems like you have a good support system. So glad to hear that.
Just catching up, but wow. I'm so glad that PA stepped in to reach out to you and offer support. how incredibly refreshing to just have that validation in knowing it's not just you who felt mistreated, but to know other medical professionals felt the same way... just wow. I hope that in the process of filing a complaint and following through with whatever the process looks like from there, that you're able to find even further healing and closure from such an unsettling experience.
Ashton is adorable... I wish there was more we could do to tangibly help as your village❤️
I wish we all lived closer, too! That would be really awesome. My Step-MIL and FIL have said they will come help us next month with all sorts of stuff, and to give us some space they said they will stay in a hotel, so that will be really nice. My parents have helped some but it will be nice to have help with everyday things for a little bit. She said that they want to be helpers and want their visit to create a calm environment. That means a lot.
Yesterday I was talking to a girlfriend about my doctor, and she said that she had heard he wasn't that great of a doctor. I was kind of irritated because that information would have been useful months ago! I think you ladies are right when you said that his PA must have been boosting the reviews because when I had been looking for a doctor, he had 5 star reviews at several places, and even won a "best in the city" award. Word of mouth really makes a difference and I wish I had known beforehand. It seems like he is a great doctor IF you have an uneventful pregnancy.
Some don't understand how important birth stories can be to mothers. I was talking to my parents about it on Saturday and I mostly got "Well all that matters is that Ashton is safe." While I absolutely agree that I am thankful he is safe, that doesn't make my experience any less important. I have learned so much in these past few weeks and I have a newfound appreciation for what women go through to have families. Being on the other side of it has really opened my eyes.
Some don't understand how important birth stories can be to mothers. I was talking to my parents about it on Saturday and I mostly got "Well all that matters is that Ashton is safe."
This. Such an innocent yet damaging thing to say to a new mom grieving her birth experience. It took me forever to try to process these emotions after my c/s, and i found most people were not interested in my feelings or were too uncomfortable with them. They say something to brush the emotion aside because it's just too messy to relate to. Honestly, I think you are worlds ahead of most with the emotional psyche repair, at least being able to identify the hurt, although I'm sure it feels like you still have a long way to go. I wish more people would just say, "I'm with you" hold your hand and just listen. Instead, we have to sweep the unpleasantness under the rug and focus on the positive. It's maddening.
@zubenescamali I have good days and bad days. Some days I am so busy I don't think about it so much, and then there are days (nights especially) where I have nightmares about different aspects of my experience and I'll think about it all day. Going to the hospital everyday doesn't help...but once I'm holding Ashton the hurt feels better.
You are so right that people aren't interested in intense emotions, especially from moms. It's as if they view traumatic births as just "part of the territory" of having a baby (as if we brought it upon our selves), and it shouldn't be that way at all. Then so much attention is on the baby that it can feel like I'm just a shell being tossed away. I brought the baby into the world, so I've done my "job." But if I could only be thankful and positive, then all that experience and grieving would just go away!
But you know when someone else goes through a tough experience they expect you to be all ears and supportive. Pft.
Some don't understand how important birth stories can be to mothers. I was talking to my parents about it on Saturday and I mostly got "Well all that matters is that Ashton is safe."
This. Such an innocent yet damaging thing to say to a new mom grieving her birth experience. It took me forever to try to process these emotions after my c/s, and i found most people were not interested in my feelings or were too uncomfortable with them. They say something to brush the emotion aside because it's just too messy to relate to. Honestly, I think you are worlds ahead of most with the emotional psyche repair, at least being able to identify the hurt, although I'm sure it feels like you still have a long way to go. I wish more people would just say, "I'm with you" hold your hand and just listen. Instead, we have to sweep the unpleasantness under the rug and focus on the positive. It's maddening.
Exactly this. There are TWO people in every birth story. Only one person who will remember for the rest of her life.
Yes baby being out, happy and healthy is important, but short having the birth taped and watching it- baby won't have any idea other than what they are told.
Formerly known as Kate08young August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Me: 28 H: 24 Married: 7/22/14 Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017. Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
Re: My Birth Story
Ashton is super cute
TTC since 6/13
Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change
BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016
SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18
He is beautiful and I'm glad that he's thriving and doing so well. You are one tough mama!
SO glad to hear that you and Ashton are doing alright! He is one handsome fellow
On a more serious note, if you run into problems with your story being brushed aside, DEFINITELY threaten to take it to the press. All the women in your area deserve to know what a wretched OB that man is!
@yellingbanana It feels hard to heal when Ashton is in the NICU. Going to the hospital everyday makes me feel like I'm walking back into it. I saw one of the nurses that took care of me as I was leaving the NICU tonight. She's the only one I actually remember because it was before I got the mag. I was already crying because I had to leave Ashton, but she saw me and gave me a big hug. It made me feel better, but I will be glad when I never have to go in that place again.
DH and I talk about how we felt during the labor and birth and it has been therapeutic too. DH has been a trauma medic in the military for a long time, so he has seen some awful things. He said the thing he had the hardest time with was feeling helpless and scared that I would die or not be the same afterwards--usually he can step in to medically help someone, but couldn't this time. Remembering his sobbing gets me a lot because the only time I've heard him sob was when he had to leave me for a long deployment.
He has been an amazing source of support and an incredible dad. He wakes up with me to pump, is active in caring for Ashton, and has been taking great care of me. I am beyond grateful to have such a great husband. I think we will be okay...it will just take time.
Keep your head up, we are all here for you
Ashton is adorable... I wish there was more we could do to tangibly help as your village❤️
Yesterday I was talking to a girlfriend about my doctor, and she said that she had heard he wasn't that great of a doctor. I was kind of irritated because that information would have been useful months ago! I think you ladies are right when you said that his PA must have been boosting the reviews because when I had been looking for a doctor, he had 5 star reviews at several places, and even won a "best in the city" award. Word of mouth really makes a difference and I wish I had known beforehand. It seems like he is a great doctor IF you have an uneventful pregnancy.
Some don't understand how important birth stories can be to mothers. I was talking to my parents about it on Saturday and I mostly got "Well all that matters is that Ashton is safe." While I absolutely agree that I am thankful he is safe, that doesn't make my experience any less important. I have learned so much in these past few weeks and I have a newfound appreciation for what women go through to have families. Being on the other side of it has really opened my eyes.
My Wedding Bio!
You are so right that people aren't interested in intense emotions, especially from moms. It's as if they view traumatic births as just "part of the territory" of having a baby (as if we brought it upon our selves), and it shouldn't be that way at all. Then so much attention is on the baby that it can feel like I'm just a shell being tossed away. I brought the baby into the world, so I've done my "job." But if I could only be thankful and positive, then all that experience and grieving would just go away!
But you know when someone else goes through a tough experience they expect you to be all ears and supportive. Pft.
Yes baby being out, happy and healthy is important, but short having the birth taped and watching it- baby won't have any idea other than what they are told.
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.