Hi ladies! Appointment today went well. I was holding my breath as the nurse started looking for the heartbeat with the Doppler. Luckily she found it quickly, 166 bpm. I'm so overly excited & relieved.
Can I just have half a minute to panic? You guys... I'm terrified. My PGAL brain is just going nuts. I know my babies are growing, they each have strong heartbeats, and were dancing around. But I can't shake this inability to be happy or get excited, I'm scared I'll jinx myself. When we lost twins in 2014 I was only 7 weeks, one never progressed and was a blighted ovum and the others heartbeat was very very low. Ugh. What do you do when your brain goes dark and twisty?
@halfthetree no amazing advice just sympathy because I still haven't felt excited yet. Just anxious and not wanting to plan anything until we get past my loss date. I really hope that once we can start feeling movement consistently our PGAL brains will relax a little bit for us. Lots of hugs coming your way!
Married 12/17/2011 K born 8/31/12 C born 1/11/14 BFP #3 Nov 2014: D&C January 2015 BFP #4 Sept 2016: Due May 31 2017
@halfthetree I wish I could say that I don't understand but I REALLY understand! It's so sad we have to feel this way. I want the naivete of my pre-PGAL self!! I thought I would feel so much better after an u/s and seeing a strong hb, and I did...for maybe 12 hours? And then I reverted right back to all the stories I have seen of people having a loss after seeing the hb, like the girl who had a m/c earlier this week and baby apparently passed the day after her good u/s! I love these boards but sometimes the stories that come up increase my anxiety. We are planning to tell family on Thanksgiving but I am not excited about it because all these bells are going off telling me that I should wait until we hear the hb again at 12 weeks. UGH.
Me: 36; DH: 38 DD: 7; DS1: 4; DS2 due 6-21-17! **TW** MMC & D&C Aug 2016
@halfthetree I'm sorry that PGAL brain is getting you down. I definitely know what it's like. Like the others have said: I don't have any amazing advice or any magical quick fixes for PGAL brain. I really wish I did. All I really have to offer is my sympathy and letting you know that you're definitely not alone in how you're feeling.
Like @JAGinMI said I thought once I got past my previous losses in terms of how progressed this pregnancy is I'd feel better. And I did for a day or two. I thought once I saw a good strong heartbeat I'd feel better and I did for... maybe a day? I thought once I got to the point where I see baby wiggle around I'd feel better. And I did for like 4 whole days! But yeah I read stories about how everything looked great, baby was measuring on time and had a strong heartbeat and then passed away the day after the ultrasound and it just sends my anxiety through the roof. I'll try to convince myself that it's super rare by Googling and let me just say: don't. All you'll get are the cases were something did go wrong after 10 weeks with a strong heartbeat. Or 11 weeks. Or 12 weeks. So on and so forth. It's never completely safe and you'll always be able to Google stories of something going on. And it's absolutely terrifying!
I always have a panic attack before appointments because I'm so scared I'll go and they'll tell me that baby passed away after the last good ultrasound. And so far everything has been OK on followup ultrasounds but I keep feeling like maybe my luck is going to run out.
It's really hard. I keep telling myself that once I make it to the second trimester I'll feel better. But will I? Who knows. Probably not.
ETA: What I do when my mind goes to the dark places of PGAL brain is I try to remind myself that at this point the odds are significantly in my favor. Sure something can go wrong at any point but by now we're all made it to the point where it's more likely that we'll get our take-home baby than that we won't. And I do my best to hold on to that. I also usually go through the whole "I haven't had any bad cramping. I haven't had any bleeding or spotting. There is no reason to assume anything is wrong. And honestly, if something were wrong, I'd rather have a couple of extra days to be happy and excited. So I'm going to do my best to believe that everything is OK unless I have evidence saying otherwise."
Me: 28 Husband: 31 TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016 Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
@NamelessAria I am the same way with appointments. I get into the building and just feel my heart pounding through my chest. My blood pressure is also generally 20-30 points higher than it is at home. I hope that as we all progress some of these feelings will go away, but for now I also have good days then days where I'm a nervous wreck
How far along are you? 12 weeks 3 days How are you doing? I'm doing ok!
When is your next appointment? Not until the week before xmas
Rant/Rave/Positive Vibes: I had my NT scan yesterday and all looks well!
GTKY: What is your favorite Thanksgiving tradition? Do you have any favorite recipes? If so, please share! my family does a French Canadian meat stuffing that I really like.
ETA: What I do when my mind goes to the dark places of PGAL brain is I try to remind myself that at this point the odds are significantly in my favor. Sure something can go wrong at any point but by now we're all made it to the point where it's more likely that we'll get our take-home baby than that we won't. And I do my best to hold on to that.
This. This is my only saving grace. Every negative thought, I try really hard to counteract by thinking this. And it's true!
So thankful for this group that understands what I am going through.
Me: 36; DH: 38 DD: 7; DS1: 4; DS2 due 6-21-17! **TW** MMC & D&C Aug 2016
@halfthetree I'm sorry your PGAL brain is going haywire. I felt the same at 8,9,10 weeks when I was around my loss date. The 12 week scan really eased my PGAL brain and I finally feel like it is real. I haven't had much anxiety since that appointment. I am really hoping your next appointment brings you some similar peace.
Me: 28 DH: 30
Married 5/8/2011 TTC #1 since 9/2015 BFP #1 1/14/16, MC 3/23/16 BFP #2 9/21/2016, EDD 5/30/2017
@Mashunya425 I am really hoping that is the case with me. I need this 12 week scan to go well and move passed the missed miscarriage date to really let this feel real. I am glad you are feeling some peace and excitement now!!
Married 12/17/2011 K born 8/31/12 C born 1/11/14 BFP #3 Nov 2014: D&C January 2015 BFP #4 Sept 2016: Due May 31 2017
@Mashunya425 this Tuesday. I am so nervous too because I don't want something to be bad that close to thanksgiving so I am just kind of a ball of nerves these days the closer it gets.
Married 12/17/2011 K born 8/31/12 C born 1/11/14 BFP #3 Nov 2014: D&C January 2015 BFP #4 Sept 2016: Due May 31 2017
@FSUNole31 I will definitely be thinking of you and sending all the love! Hoping that is goes well and you're mind is put at ease!
Ah thank you all so much for the wise words and empathy. My OB took a quick peek and babies were wiggling around and all is looking really good. I'm trying to just take my anxiety, and direct it towards something that I can control, the fight for a natural, hands off twins birth!
I will be having ultrasounds every 6-8 weeks to monitor their growth, so that helps me feel a bit safer knowing that their growth rates/placenta and blood flow situations will be well monitored.
@BellaO21 I put the ultrasound in a frame, and just handed it to him! He looked at it for a good two minutes, processed, looked at me, smiled and said he knew it! Haha then he laughed and told me we should have bought a bigger house!
First time posting in the June '17 PGAL check in? Introduce yourself.
How far along are you? 10 weeks 3 days
How are you doing? Some afternoon nausea and very sleepy.
When is your next appointment? Dec 6th will be our NT scan. We should get results our our genetic testing prior to that.
Rant/Rave/Positive Vibes: just that 12 weeks can't come soon enough after 4 losses!!!
GTKY: What is your favorite Thanksgiving tradition? Do you have any favorite recipes? If so, please share: nothing to fancy, just hanging out with family. This year will be interesting as my MIL & FIL are getting a divorce (thankfully) so they'll be showing up in shifts as he's not adult enough to be in the same room as here bc he sucks haha
Re: PGAL Check-in Week of 11/14
married 2011
mmc June 2016
DH: 35 | Me: 29
BFP #1- 07.25.12, EDD: 03.24.13, DD born 03.26.13
Surprised BFP #2- 02.25.15, EDD: 10/29/15 |*m/c 7w4d, D&C 04.02.2015
BFP #3- 01.21.16, EDD: 09.29.26 |*m/c-blighted ovum 2.19.16 8w1d, D&C 03.04.16
BFP #4- 05.24.16, EDD: 02.04.17 |*natural m/c- 07.08.16, 9w1d
BFP #5- 09/25/16, EDD: 06.07.17 GROW, BABY, GROW!
@lizerspitz Congrats!!! That's huge, so exciting!
@Yailani23 Woohoo! Great update, that's a strong little heartbeat:)
@noellehm yay! I'm sorry you had that freak out, that was my weekend too. But I'm so happy to hear your babe is wiggling and thriving!
You guys... I'm terrified. My PGAL brain is just going nuts. I know my babies are growing, they each have strong heartbeats, and were dancing around. But I can't shake this inability to be happy or get excited, I'm scared I'll jinx myself.
When we lost twins in 2014 I was only 7 weeks, one never progressed and was a blighted ovum and the others heartbeat was very very low. Ugh.
What do you do when your brain goes dark and twisty?
Edited because spelling is hard this early.
K born 8/31/12
C born 1/11/14
BFP #3 Nov 2014: D&C January 2015
BFP #4 Sept 2016: Due May 31 2017
Me: 36; DH: 38
DD: 7; DS1: 4; DS2 due 6-21-17!
**TW**
MMC & D&C Aug 2016
BFP #1 6/13 DD 3/14
Mirena 10/14-5/16
BFP #2 9/2/16, CP confirmed 9/8/16
BFP #3 10/10/16 EDD 6/22/17
Like @JAGinMI said I thought once I got past my previous losses in terms of how progressed this pregnancy is I'd feel better. And I did for a day or two. I thought once I saw a good strong heartbeat I'd feel better and I did for... maybe a day? I thought once I got to the point where I see baby wiggle around I'd feel better. And I did for like 4 whole days! But yeah I read stories about how everything looked great, baby was measuring on time and had a strong heartbeat and then passed away the day after the ultrasound and it just sends my anxiety through the roof. I'll try to convince myself that it's super rare by Googling and let me just say: don't. All you'll get are the cases were something did go wrong after 10 weeks with a strong heartbeat. Or 11 weeks. Or 12 weeks. So on and so forth. It's never completely safe and you'll always be able to Google stories of something going on. And it's absolutely terrifying!
I always have a panic attack before appointments because I'm so scared I'll go and they'll tell me that baby passed away after the last good ultrasound. And so far everything has been OK on followup ultrasounds but I keep feeling like maybe my luck is going to run out.
It's really hard. I keep telling myself that once I make it to the second trimester I'll feel better. But will I? Who knows. Probably not.
ETA: What I do when my mind goes to the dark places of PGAL brain is I try to remind myself that at this point the odds are significantly in my favor. Sure something can go wrong at any point but by now we're all made it to the point where it's more likely that we'll get our take-home baby than that we won't. And I do my best to hold on to that. I also usually go through the whole "I haven't had any bad cramping. I haven't had any bleeding or spotting. There is no reason to assume anything is wrong. And honestly, if something were wrong, I'd rather have a couple of extra days to be happy and excited. So I'm going to do my best to believe that everything is OK unless I have evidence saying otherwise."
TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016
Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
Baby #2 due June 12, 2018
12 weeks 3 days
How are you doing? I'm doing ok!
When is your next appointment? Not until the week before xmas
Rant/Rave/Positive Vibes: I had my NT scan yesterday and all looks well!
GTKY: What is your favorite Thanksgiving tradition? Do you have any favorite recipes? If so, please share! my family does a French Canadian meat stuffing that I really like.
So thankful for this group that understands what I am going through.
Me: 36; DH: 38
DD: 7; DS1: 4; DS2 due 6-21-17!
**TW**
MMC & D&C Aug 2016
TTC #1 since 9/2015
BFP #1 1/14/16, MC 3/23/16
BFP #2 9/21/2016, EDD 5/30/2017
K born 8/31/12
C born 1/11/14
BFP #3 Nov 2014: D&C January 2015
BFP #4 Sept 2016: Due May 31 2017
TTC #1 since 9/2015
BFP #1 1/14/16, MC 3/23/16
BFP #2 9/21/2016, EDD 5/30/2017
K born 8/31/12
C born 1/11/14
BFP #3 Nov 2014: D&C January 2015
BFP #4 Sept 2016: Due May 31 2017
Ah thank you all so much for the wise words and empathy. My OB took a quick peek and babies were wiggling around and all is looking really good. I'm trying to just take my anxiety, and direct it towards something that I can control, the fight for a natural, hands off twins birth!
I will be having ultrasounds every 6-8 weeks to monitor their growth, so that helps me feel a bit safer knowing that their growth rates/placenta and blood flow situations will be well monitored.
@BellaO21 I put the ultrasound in a frame, and just handed it to him! He looked at it for a good two minutes, processed, looked at me, smiled and said he knew it! Haha then he laughed and told me we should have bought a bigger house!
How far along are you? 10 weeks 3 days
How are you doing? Some afternoon nausea and very sleepy.
When is your next appointment? Dec 6th will be our NT scan. We should get results our our genetic testing prior to that.
Rant/Rave/Positive Vibes: just that 12 weeks can't come soon enough after 4 losses!!!
GTKY: What is your favorite Thanksgiving tradition? Do you have any favorite recipes? If so, please share:
nothing to fancy, just hanging out with family. This year will be interesting as my MIL & FIL are getting a divorce (thankfully) so they'll be showing up in shifts as he's not adult enough to be in the same room as here bc he sucks haha