We're going to my inlaws for thanksgiving and in general they're harmless but I'm dreading MIL is prone to 'big feelings'. Which is why I'm dreading reaction when DH tells her that she won't be coming to visit right after the baby's born like she seems to think. DH and FIL decided long ago that they'd come about a month after babys born when DH gets to take some time off- he's an accountant and will have to go back to work until April 15. I don't want to entertain his parents without him b/c there's no way she'll be truly helpful. So apparently everybody knows but MIL...this should be fun!
Oh my head!! All the crazy MILs. I wonder if when we're all older we will be complaining about our DILs haha. Why is it such a difficult relationship!?
DH and I told both sets of parents that I was pregnant when I was about 6 weeks pregnant as we had been making up excuses for my lack of being around when I was struggling with MS hardcore (eating crackers, hermitting by Iiving in a tshirt on the couch and not going to weekly dinners) so ideally we would have liked to wait until I was 12 weeks.. but that's the way it goes. Turns out, 2 weeks before we told MIL our good news, she booked a flight and nonrefundable condo for end of March...so you can imagine the first words she said to us were "If I had known you were pregnant I wouldn't have booked that trip!"...guilt trip much? She technically leaves 9 days after my due date so there's a chance she will be here for the birth...but part of me is sort of happy that she may be gone while I'm adjusting to a newborn...
She also just found out I'm seeing a team of midwives and confided in my SIL that she is 'worried' for me and my birth...
@MrsFlemingo Agree with disneybaby! Bye bye! Have a nice trip!!
And re midwives: oh no no no!! This is my biggest pet peeve lately--I am the biggest midwife advocate! I'm SO excited about my midwife birth and 100% more trusting of this experience than my the last with my doctors that forced me into things I didn't want.
My BIL felt the need to tell me how 'stupid' he thinks it is to have a midwife. I like my BIL but man when he has these random wild opinions about something there's no way to explain valid points to him.
I gave my mom and MIL my shutterfly login info so I could buy them pictures. My MIL instead went on there and deleted my entire order because she refused to let me spend $20 on pictures for her.
Those orders take forever when you are going through multiple albums and buying different sizes. Maybe she just didn't know how the orders work????
My brother in law (29 yo) told me and DH last night that instead of coming to the boutique with all of us for 15 mins next Wednesday night to see his only sibling's first child, our baby, that he is going with his new girlfriend to her friends' thanksgiving that he just learned about last night. Priorities?
Sorry, but I'm with BIL on this one. I would never go to someone else's ultrasound. Never, doesn't matter who it is.
It doesn't mean that he doesn't care about your lo. I didn't connect with any of my nieces or nephews until they were actually born. Would ask how the pregnancy was going out of politeness and concern for my sister/SIL, but I wasn't all about baby until they were here.
I kinda agree. I mean, to you this baby iseverythingand it should be. To your bil even if he's excited for you seeing the baby in utero might just not be important to him. Doesn't mean anything in and of itself. I wouldn't get hung up about it.
Honestly I wouldn't even want people do cometoa boutique ultrasound. In my head it's not really one of the experiences you share, so I guess I get why your brother might feel like its Nbd to do something different instead.
I gave my mom and MIL my shutterfly login info so I could buy them pictures. My MIL instead went on there and deleted my entire order because she refused to let me spend $20 on pictures for her.
Those orders take forever when you are going through multiple albums and buying different sizes. Maybe she just didn't know how the orders work????
When I gave her the login in info she insisted that she wasn't going to let me buy pictures for her, but also said she wasn't home so I told her just to do it in a day or two. Then, when she went to check out, she saw my order and deleted it because she didn't want me to spend $20 on hers and she didn't want to pay for mine. I didn't want her to pay for mine either, I just wish she'd have left the damn thing alone.
My MIL (first time grandma) is very excited. And its adorable.....most of the time. She has been hinting from the very beginning (like about the third thing she said after we told her we were pregnant) was that she wanted to go to an ultrasound. At first, I thought that I would be okay with it. After we found out it was twins and the risk of everything went up and I realized how intimate ultrasounds would feel I was no longer comfortable. She hadn't mentioned it in a while and I was grateful in hoping that she had gotten the hint when we hadn't invited her. We had dinner with her on Wednesday night and she mentioned it twice. We pretended we didn't hear her. I don't want to hurt her feelings and I know she is excited and these could potentially be her only two grandchildren but ugh................
Me 29 I DH 28 Married in April 2007 One Furbaby - Adorable Pitt Mix 15 Months TTC....2nd Cycle of Letrozole - Success! Expecting our first two little miracles - Boy/Girl Twins! - EDD March 3, 2017 High Risk Pregnancy - Type 1 Diabetic; Hypothyroidism; Di/Di Twin Pregnancy
@Finallyhismrs07 can you tell a white lie and say bc it's twins they prefer only parent bc of the greater risk? maybe you can get a video of your next US and show it to her so she can see them moving around and stuff?
@Finallyhismrs07 can you tell a white lie and say bc it's twins they prefer only parent bc of the greater risk? maybe you can get a video of your next US and show it to her so she can see them moving around and stuff?
I mentioned that to my DH last night...maybe we could tell a little lie and say that because we only go to the high risk doctor, they only allow one other person at the ultrasound other than the mom and DH isn't missing any ultrasounds. The thing is, for my anatomy scan and my echocardiograms, they took little short videos so she has seen those..........
Me 29 I DH 28 Married in April 2007 One Furbaby - Adorable Pitt Mix 15 Months TTC....2nd Cycle of Letrozole - Success! Expecting our first two little miracles - Boy/Girl Twins! - EDD March 3, 2017 High Risk Pregnancy - Type 1 Diabetic; Hypothyroidism; Di/Di Twin Pregnancy
@Finallyhismrs07 Could you just tell her that because of the more intimate nature of some of what they do at the doc office (for example, tv instead of abdominal for some of the shots) you prefer only your husband in the room, but you're happy to visit with her afterwards and keep enjoying the videos all together? Maybe give her a framed photo after the next one? It sounds like she's fishing but you haven't given her a clear answer, do you think she'd back off if you just said no?
@peony2418 - I think it's what we are going to go with.
@sunshine507 - I think she would back off but I think her feelings would be really hurt and she is one to hold onto things for an eternity. She is really a kind and sweet person but when she gets on something she is like a dog with a bone.
Me 29 I DH 28 Married in April 2007 One Furbaby - Adorable Pitt Mix 15 Months TTC....2nd Cycle of Letrozole - Success! Expecting our first two little miracles - Boy/Girl Twins! - EDD March 3, 2017 High Risk Pregnancy - Type 1 Diabetic; Hypothyroidism; Di/Di Twin Pregnancy
Ugh I mean when it comes down to it she'd be getting her feelings hurt and carrying a grudge about not seeing medical imaging of your uterus. Boundaries...
This probably doesn't help if you're feeling apprehensive but we are going to a boutique ultrasound the day before Christmas Eve. That will be the only ultrasound that we are inviting anyone to (it's 3D). Have you considered something like that? We've invited pretty much any of the family that wants to attend.
Me: 24 DH: 27 High School Sweethearts: 10/13/06 Married: 10/13/13 Baby #1 EDD: 3/20/17
I'm kinda dreading Thanksgiving dinner tbh since many of my family members are VERY vocal about their political views & are less than thrilled that DH & I don't agree with them, feeling the need to lecture us every opportunity they get. My parents are notorious for bringing politics into every. single. conversation. Lately they've been coupling this with their opinions on everything they think I'm doing wrong during my pregnancy. And they don't get cellphone reception at their house so I think I'll be going through Bump withdrawal!
@Finallyhismrs07 It really is a plausible white lie. My regular OB only has space for 1 person, i assumed that was standard among OB/MFM practices everywhere. It wasn't until I saw my MFM that I was told I could bring more than one person, but they don't allow photography/video.
It sounds like you've already gone above and beyond for her. I also feel like it would be different if she were your mother and not MIL. I brought my mom to the anatomy scan. We are very close and even that was kind of weird.
When I went home to Ohio earlier this week, my MIL asked when she can come out after the baby's born since she wants to come out first this time around. She was SO pissed that she couldn't come out first/at the same time as my parents when my son was born and I guess she had the bright idea that since they came out first last time, she should come out first this time. ABSOLUTELY NOT! My parents will come out first again because they're actually helpful. Plus we'll need help with our 2 yo and the dog and my MIL is completely useless in every way. She considers holding the baby to be helpful and when she came out after our son was a month old, she literally did not get off the couch. She parked her ass in one spot and did not move. We cooked, we cleaned, she did nothing. So no, you will not be coming out first. Anyway, I was reading this thread on JustnoMIL on Reddit and this person had the best comment ever on someone else's post on this very subject. They said: "I have a rule. If you're less useful than my furniture you're not welcome. My couch can hold the baby. My couch can hold the toys. The blankets. The couch can be a bassinet in the early days. I can lay on the couch. I can fold laundry on the couch. I can watch tv on the couch. If you're weighed down and are simply holding baby you are LITERALLY less useful than my couch. Nope." Perfect! I need to find a polite way to say exactly this when she inevitably brings this all up again.
@serenity13 for that reason exactly I am SO glad it is my family's turn for christmas and we don't have to go visit DH's extended family. My views are very different from theirs... and they have no problem be vocal about them. The election is still way too fresh for me to be able to handle them, I would rather not talk about it but I know it would be brought up.
I think we are going with the white lie that my MFM only allows one person but we are also considering going to a boutique close to Christmas. That will allow us one more growth ultrasound to make sure both babies are doing well and then al 3 grandmas can join. Thanks for all the input ladies!
Me 29 I DH 28 Married in April 2007 One Furbaby - Adorable Pitt Mix 15 Months TTC....2nd Cycle of Letrozole - Success! Expecting our first two little miracles - Boy/Girl Twins! - EDD March 3, 2017 High Risk Pregnancy - Type 1 Diabetic; Hypothyroidism; Di/Di Twin Pregnancy
@Finallyhismrs07 My MIL has been exactly the same way about coming to an ultrasound. We aren't having twins but I still think it is strange that she is so adamant about wanting to "see medical imaging of your uterus" as @sunshine507 so perfectly put it! She probably also thinks they will be coming straight to the hospital after the baby is born... Another thing that will NOT be happening.
Man. My biggest complaints about my in-laws are so minute compared to these. I know I'm late to the party, but I have to say @bradleerick I'm with your BIL here too. Ultrasounds are only mandatorily important for the parents. I couldn't even imagine having a large group of people at one. Thanksgiving dinner sounds much more fun than a grainy 15 minute look at a fetus.
DD #1: April 2017 DD #2: May 2020 Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
I'm also kind of dreading Thanksgiving dinner because of the recent election. My Dad just loves to bring up the subject. Usually we are in agreement but this year we are on complete opposite sides this year. I know he will bring it up because he did last time at our house in August and we both refused to vote for one of the candidates. Sorry but my mind didn't change!
Also I never know what off the wall thing my MIL will say and I kind of dread what she will be like. Last time she visited our house in October she took pictures of her two sons but none of me. My husband and I still don't have a picture of us together as expecting parents. For Christmas she told us that she would buy the baby's dresser as our gift. I'm grateful that she's buying it but is it weird to have one of the baby's gift as our Christmas gift? We never get an anniversary gift from her either. Sometimes all of this makes me feel slighted in the family.
@sarahbobby look at the dresser as something that you don't have to buy and in that way it's a gift to you. Why is it her responsibility to take pictures of you as expectant parents? Go hire a photographer. I also don't understand why you expect an anniversary gift; does she get one for her other son?
This probably makes me look like a jerk, but this thread reminds me how much of a relief if is that my husband's sister pretty much disowned us, their brother, and their dad over the summer. I'm going to savor the drama free holiday season this year.
@sarahbobby I've never received an anniversary gift from anyone but my husband, and even that's like half the time lol I don't think I've ever even had anyone remember my anniversary other than my husband and I. And that's really generous of her to offer to buy furniture for the baby.
This probably makes me look like a jerk, but this thread reminds me how much of a relief if is that my husband's sister pretty much disowned us, their brother, and their dad over the summer. I'm going to savor the drama free holiday season this year.
My oldest son is spending the Holidays with me this year because his dad's family is such a shitshow. His dad has basically disowned the rest of the family. His grandma has disowned her youngest daughter, but is still spending Thanksgiving with her(???). His granddad has disowned the oldest daughter's husband. I'm reaping the rewards, but my son wants me to invite his dad for my family meals, I think. He's hinted, but not straight out asked.
@DrillSergeantCat That sounds just like my husband's family. My parents are divorced and I think we'd still have a calmer Thanksgiving getting them together than getting my BIL and SIL together lol I'm glad you get to have your son with you
@drillsergeantCat I am going to hire a photographer. I just thought it would be nice of her to offer to take a photo of us at the time, but she also asks if the baby will be okay because of my 'tiny uterus' so who know what to expect. My brother in law is older than us and not married so I have no idea if he will get gifts when/if he gets married. My parents always give us a gift so I was just curious.
@sarahbobby Sounds like she's jealous of you maybe. The tiny uterus thing is weird. I was married to my ex for 17 years and nobody ever got us an anniversary present. Your parents are the odd ones out on this, I think.
I'm also kind of dreading Thanksgiving dinner because of the recent election. My Dad just loves to bring up the subject. Usually we are in agreement but this year we are on complete opposite sides this year. I know he will bring it up because he did last time at our house in August and we both refused to vote for one of the candidates. Sorry but my mind didn't change!
Also I never know what off the wall thing my MIL will say and I kind of dread what she will be like. Last time she visited our house in October she took pictures of her two sons but none of me. My husband and I still don't have a picture of us together as expecting parents. For Christmas she told us that she would buy the baby's dresser as our gift. I'm grateful that she's buying it but is it weird to have one of the baby's gift as our Christmas gift? We never get an anniversary gift from her either. Sometimes all of this makes me feel slighted in the family.
I'm sorry you feel slighted...I'm sure it makes you interpret the Christmas gift thing differently than I would. Whenever people ask me what I want for Christmas I point to my baby registry. Of it makes you feel better I don't think this is an example of slighting.
Re: Family Matters November...
MIL keeps saying she's coming up after baby is born. I'm hoping she takes her time coming up here because ... ugh... way too many reasons..
She also just found out I'm seeing a team of midwives and confided in my SIL that she is 'worried' for me and my birth...
And re midwives: oh no no no!! This is my biggest pet peeve lately--I am the biggest midwife advocate! I'm SO excited about my midwife birth and 100% more trusting of this experience than my the last with my doctors that forced me into things I didn't want.
Honestly I wouldn't even want people do cometoa boutique ultrasound. In my head it's not really one of the experiences you share, so I guess I get why your brother might feel like its Nbd to do something different instead.
Married in April 2007
One Furbaby - Adorable Pitt Mix
15 Months TTC....2nd Cycle of Letrozole - Success!
Expecting our first two little miracles - Boy/Girl Twins! - EDD March 3, 2017
High Risk Pregnancy - Type 1 Diabetic; Hypothyroidism; Di/Di Twin Pregnancy
Married in April 2007
One Furbaby - Adorable Pitt Mix
15 Months TTC....2nd Cycle of Letrozole - Success!
Expecting our first two little miracles - Boy/Girl Twins! - EDD March 3, 2017
High Risk Pregnancy - Type 1 Diabetic; Hypothyroidism; Di/Di Twin Pregnancy
Married: 8/2005.
BFP: 6/22/2016 EDD: 3/4/2017.
@sunshine507 - I think she would back off but I think her feelings would be really hurt and she is one to hold onto things for an eternity.
Married in April 2007
One Furbaby - Adorable Pitt Mix
15 Months TTC....2nd Cycle of Letrozole - Success!
Expecting our first two little miracles - Boy/Girl Twins! - EDD March 3, 2017
High Risk Pregnancy - Type 1 Diabetic; Hypothyroidism; Di/Di Twin Pregnancy
High School Sweethearts: 10/13/06
Married: 10/13/13
Baby #1 EDD: 3/20/17
It sounds like you've already gone above and beyond for her. I also feel like it would be different if she were your mother and not MIL. I brought my mom to the anatomy scan. We are very close and even that was kind of weird.
Married in April 2007
One Furbaby - Adorable Pitt Mix
15 Months TTC....2nd Cycle of Letrozole - Success!
Expecting our first two little miracles - Boy/Girl Twins! - EDD March 3, 2017
High Risk Pregnancy - Type 1 Diabetic; Hypothyroidism; Di/Di Twin Pregnancy
Me: 26 Hubs: 28
Married: 6/6/15
Baby Girl: 3/22/2017
DD #2: May 2020
Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
I'm also kind of dreading Thanksgiving dinner because of the recent election. My Dad just loves to bring up the subject. Usually we are in agreement but this year we are on complete opposite sides this year. I know he will bring it up because he did last time at our house in August and we both refused to vote for one of the candidates. Sorry but my mind didn't change!
Also I never know what off the wall thing my MIL will say and I kind of dread what she will be like. Last time she visited our house in October she took pictures of her two sons but none of me. My husband and I still don't have a picture of us together as expecting parents.
For Christmas she told us that she would buy the baby's dresser as our gift. I'm grateful that she's buying it but is it weird to have one of the baby's gift as our Christmas gift? We never get an anniversary gift from her either. Sometimes all of this makes me feel slighted in the family.
Me: 33 Hubs: 34
TTC since 5/2014
BFP: 7/27/14 MC: 9/20/14
BFP: 6/29/15 MC: 7/6/15
BFP: 7/17/16 EDD: 3/22/17
Me 28 DH 28 Married 2012
TTC #1 since March 2015
Metformin + Femara + Gonal F + Trigger = BFP 6/24/16
EDD 3/3/17
Found out it's a girl! 9/23/16
Me 28 DH 28 Married 2012
TTC #1 since March 2015
Metformin + Femara + Gonal F + Trigger = BFP 6/24/16
EDD 3/3/17
Found out it's a girl! 9/23/16
Me 28 DH 28 Married 2012
TTC #1 since March 2015
Metformin + Femara + Gonal F + Trigger = BFP 6/24/16
EDD 3/3/17
Found out it's a girl! 9/23/16
Me: 33 Hubs: 34
TTC since 5/2014
BFP: 7/27/14 MC: 9/20/14
BFP: 6/29/15 MC: 7/6/15
BFP: 7/17/16 EDD: 3/22/17