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December 2016 Moms
gowenc
member
Why My Pregnant Self is Crying - 11.13
gowenc
member
Haven't seen this one in a while so I'll start a new thread. This week has just been too much and this weekend it's been one dumb thing after another. I dropped my phone in the toilet, it appears to be toast and I had no insurance on it so I'm probably out several hundred dollars that we don't have right now to either fix or replace it. Then yesterday I went to two bank branches trying to send a wire transfer to our contractor because he's gone paperless and won't accept a check. The first didn't do wire transfers period, the second didn't do them on Saturdays. Mind you, I've got a broken toe and tarsal tunnel in the same foot, plus regular pregnancy discomfort that comes with being 37 weeks along - standing in lines all morning is not exactly pleasant. Then I get home, and DH has put together the dresser we ordered from Target. It's literally a piece of crap. Several broken pieces, and appears to be made of particle board despite the description saying it's made of hardwood. Definitely not worth the $460 they wanted for it, and since it's now assembled we have to load it in the car to take it back - they won't pick it up. Then I went to the grocery store later on and realized when I was in the checkout line that I had forgotten my wallet, after I got everything I needed. Again with standing in lines...
So, I decided I needed to treat myself to a massage to see if that would help with a) feeling incredibly stressed out, and b) fluid retention, since my carpal tunnel has been pretty bad the last few days, so I scheduled one for 9:00 this morning. Except my phone is dead and we don't have any alarm clocks in the house, so I set the alarm on a old watch. I thought I was on time when I got up and was eating breakfast - the watch said it was 8:15. Except then I opened my laptop to write down directions (since, again, I have no phone to guide me), and saw that it was already 9:00. The massage place is about 20 minutes away. So at that point, I burst into tears as DH watched me like I had completely lost my mind. Luckily there was no one scheduled after me so I was able to still go and get the full hour massage, but I cried the whole way there.
I think I'm not going to try to do anything else this weekend.
So, I decided I needed to treat myself to a massage to see if that would help with a) feeling incredibly stressed out, and b) fluid retention, since my carpal tunnel has been pretty bad the last few days, so I scheduled one for 9:00 this morning. Except my phone is dead and we don't have any alarm clocks in the house, so I set the alarm on a old watch. I thought I was on time when I got up and was eating breakfast - the watch said it was 8:15. Except then I opened my laptop to write down directions (since, again, I have no phone to guide me), and saw that it was already 9:00. The massage place is about 20 minutes away. So at that point, I burst into tears as DH watched me like I had completely lost my mind. Luckily there was no one scheduled after me so I was able to still go and get the full hour massage, but I cried the whole way there.
I think I'm not going to try to do anything else this weekend.
Re: Why My Pregnant Self is Crying - 11.13
TTC since 6/13
Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change
BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016
SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18
Dh got annoyed with me this morning because I asked him to do something weeks ago about the cradle to make the mattress lay flat and he wouldn't do it my way so we both got mad. I ended up running errands just so I could cry in the car. Hormones are the pits.
And FIL cane and fixed the crib so it fit through the nursery door but they scratched it getting it in so Dh had to put more finish on it and now L's room smells and I can't go sit in there like I like to so that's making me cry too.
And then I almost cried when my boyfriend decided we would take the stairs up to the grocery store instead of the escalator.
Then I just feel kind of lonely and I'm thinking of all the time DH and I should be spending together now before we are three, and I feel like he just doesn't get it. My body image issues are out of control. I feel like I need more physical contact with DH.
And I'm just scared about how this birth is going to go and how some of my family members are going to be judgy about it over the holidays.
Anyone have any one liners to shut down nosy questions about birth details? (Did you do it all natural? How long was the labor? What position?) there are two cousins I'm worried about cornering me to compare notes and the thought of that alone stresses me out. Same cousin who asks me how much I'm getting paid when I get a new job. Rude all around, ugh.
Like I said, Thursday is my last day but i am really only working about 3.5 days since I had 5 hours of vacation to still take before my leave and took most of that for Tuesday when I have an appointment in the afternoon. But, i am dreading these 3.5 days... mainly cos I didn't think I'd have this much to worry about before going out, but that has all changed. My manager is great and she keeps reminding me that we're a team and we'll figure it out, but i still feel bad. Especially for that new gal who I disclaimed to her that I am still learning these new things myself so I can't really even show her how to thoroughly do a few things. She's been great, but again... I just feel bad. Hopefully it won't be as bad as I keep thinking it may be. Hopefully.
Other than that, just getting emotional about everything. We finally watched the CMA awards last night that was recorded and I teared up during some of the performances. And then yesterday at our college alums football game, it was senior day and I teared up when they were going through the senior names and introducing them, etc. Last week at the game, it was when the football program granted a Make A Wish girl with a trip for her and her family to Hawaii... and just as I type that, tears are starting. I've managed to keep it pretty unnoticeable, but that may not last too lone. *lol*
TTC Since: November 2015
BFP: March 31, 2016
DS: November 21, 2016
This weekend was exhausting - DD had a stomach bug, so I was puked on numerous times. Yesterday I shampooed the carpets in the house (fortunately not too many) to "nest" for this spawn. And I have a small kidney stone that seems to be trying to force its way out of me.
I went to fix myself lunch yesterday after being stuck on the couch, holding a sleeping, sick DD for several hours. I was achy and tired and hangry and in pain. I made three bbq chicken sliders and started to walk back to the den. I have no clue how it happened, but the plate spilled from my hands and broke on the floor, spilling all of my food. I literally melted to the floor and full on sobbed for 10 minutes. DH was holding DD at this point, so he wasn't able to or attempting to help. And he was just incredulous as to why I was so upset. And that made me MORE upset. ALL OF MY FOOD WAS RUINED, AND I'LL NEVER GET IT BACK AGAIN, AND I WANT TO EAT RIGHT THIS FREAKIN' SECOND, MAN!!!!!!!!!
Baby #1
Baby #2
~04/19/16 EDD 12/26/16~
SaveSaveSaveSave
I started SOBBING yesterday because all weekend I was watching my FIL and DH do projects together around the house. My FIL would start off the project to show DH how to do it, and then stand there and watch my DH do it on his own. They've had an up and down relationship over the years, so it just made me so proud to see them working together and enjoying each other. And I could see my DH doing that for our kids down the road and I just sobbed and sobbed and DH laughed and laughed.
Then I fell out of bed last night...because we rearranged the room to fit the bassinet in there, and I am not use to it. So I crawled out of bed not realizing I was on the edge, and literally just fell out of the bed on my hands and knees. I cried (not out of pain, out of "seriously?!?", DH laughed and laughed.
Exactly though, I just know when the baby gets here it's going to be pretty hard with the lack of physical affection, but maybe the baby will make him want to cuddle? I don't know. That's my hope. He's already said he thinks of me as maternal now and I pretty much lost my shit.
I'm crying from a weird mixture of crappy hormones. I am so ready to not be pregnant, like the thought of going another week has me sobbing hard enough I woke H up. Then L won't be my baby any longer, he'll be my big boy- all the tears. Our dogs won't get any attention for at least a month, and that also makes me cry. Then to too it all off, I can't imagine actually having another baby- I have been so miserable the last 18 weeks that I have started to contemplate putting her up for adoption because I don't want the reminder of how bad it has been.
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
Married Jan 2008
DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18"
Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
sad times....
BFP1 04/24/2015 EDD Dec 2015 MMC 10W5d;
BFP 2 09/25/2015 EDD June 2016 MMC 9wks;
BFP 3 03/22/2016 EDD Dec 6th 2016
Then I opened a gift I got from one particular student. Three books, one of which was that "Love You Forever" book. I thought I was safe. I escaped almost this whole pregnancy without getting that book from someone, and here it was, on my most emotional day yet. I started SOBBING without even opening the thing. Like, heavy sobbing. Yikes.
ok definitely having the hormones
Well I'm irritated and wanting that bread in my belly ASAP. DH is like "no problem, don't get up, I'll do it" DH goes in the kitchen and I hear him taking his sweet time, getting a plate, opening drawers, and then I hear the toaster oven going. I don't want toast, I want bread. So I start crying, hard. DH panics and I'm trying to tell him I just want bread but it comes out and jumbled up yelling/crying.
He figured it out, I hear the toaster oven turn off and then I still hear plates and utensils and the fridge opening (wtf at this point)
Finally he comes out with a piece of bread on a plate with butter... straight up ugly cry.
Poor DH. It's not his fault, he was trying to be kind and helpful. I cried audibly the whole time I ate.
I guess this could also go in the petty problem category.
So many levels of awful!
I'm having a LOT of nerves about being induced tomorrow. A lot of worries. I've just spent my whole pregnancy praying and praying for him, worrying, fearing losing him. Then she articulated it like it happened. I just feel awful now. She didn't know what she was saying, she didn't mean to hurt or frighten me, of course.
I got off the phone and cried. Now I'm just so melancholy and anxious. Naturally, the boy is sleeping right now, he's been so active today I'm not even going to try to wake him just because I'm feeling insecure and need some kicks.
*I know in the past I have expressed wanting to get to the end of pregnancy and that type of commentary is irritating to some of you mamas. What I actually meant was that I want time to fly and it be time for him to come. I know I'm going to be terrified in a new way when he's born, but I just want to hold him and count his fingers and toes, watch him breathe, and reassure myself that he IS. When I thought they were going to take him last week, I was terrified out of my mind, I wasn't ready at all. My doctor has assured me he is going to be A-okay coming on Monday, and I'm doing my best to believe her. I can't imagine what I would be like right now if she didn't already have me on something for anxiety.
My inlaws left a day earlier than I thought, they left this morning and I was so excited to be able to relax. Then DH reminds me that his cousin and fam are coming over. I went to my room and cried quietly, then pulled it together. They were coming for a 'quick visit'. 6 hours! They got here at 2, at 5 I start making dinner for everyone (5 adults and 6 kids total). They hardly touched the amazing Mexican food I made. Then left at 8pm. I went to the bathroom and cried I was so exhausted. And now I'm achy in a strange way. Like from my groin out. Labor? I wish, and I doubt.
I'm so guested out, I don't even want visitors after we have the baby. I feel like people don't understand how exhausted I am and they have overstayed their welcome. Mu eyes just keep leaking about it!
I know it is the logical thing to do because I have so many 3 months. But I keep thinking about different outfits I loved and wondering why I didn't get to pick which ones I'm keeping and why I can't keep them all even if he never wears some of them. I cried for like a half hour.