Hi I'm new

skimoseye · November 2016

hi I'm new
The basics: my husband and I have been trying for over a year and were recently told we need western medicine to become pregnant. I just finished clomid and will hopefully be going in for an IUI soon. I say hopefully because there is doubt about weather or not I ovulate regularly. Husbands sperm is 3.6% viability.
A step beyond: I have never posted on an online support group before but feel alone in ttc. The women in my family got pregnant right away and have no idea what I'm going through. I have been wanting to post for a while and an interaction with my sister lead me to post today. We were watching a show and a woman became pregnant on the show and was going through all the joys of just discovering she was pregnant. I told my sister I could not watch it, and truly I just couldn't. She got frustrated and said the world is full of babies and I should just accept it. My sister is younger than me and really is a lovely girl. But in that moment I just felt so deeply alone. I'm hoping joining this community can help that.

ReesaAnne16 · November 2016

I'm sorry you find yourself here. It's true the world is full of babies, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't feel sad about your situation. That is very normal.
I pretty much fall apart anytime someone near me gets pregnant, it's just another reminder of what is easy for others, for some reason is very difficult for us.
I hope you join our weekly check-ins, the ladies here know how you feeling, and many of us have done IUI's so let us know if you have any questions.

SaphireSweetie88 · November 2016

@skimoseye

I am sorry to hear you're having some difficulties TTC and that your sister said something that was hurtful. I would love to give you some advice as well as general support so I have some questions for you so I can get to know your situation a little better.

1. Are you still working with your gyno or have you moved to an RE ? I ask because you said you're taking Clomid and I strongly suggest taking it under the careful watch of an RE not gyno since it has a short life of 6 cycles.

2. Since there's doubt as to whether or not you ovulate regularly, have you tried using OPKs? That might help determine if you do or don't. My gyno suggested trying them and start using them on CD 10 and keep using them every day until I got my period - even if I already got a + OPK so we could determine if there was a pattern or not. I was surprised to find I ovulated late (later than most I guess) in my cycle

3. Yes the world is full of babies and pregnant women. And it will seem like everyone is pregnant or just had a baby as you go through the TTC process but try to find a way to distract yourself. Getting stressed over other pregnancies isn't going to help anything and could negatively impact your own cycle. Stress is not a friend of TTC.

Welcome, I wish you all the best and hope your stay here is short

funkykey · November 2016

Hi @skimoseye - welcome! This past couple of weeks has been my first journey to an online support group too, and so far it's been super helpful. I'm also alone in my experience with my family and friends.

My H and I have had a couple of conversations similar to yours with your sister - not those exact words, but the gist:
"She got frustrated and said the world is full of babies and I should just accept it."

This doesn't happen with us much now, but it did around months 4-9 of trying, when I was starting to get frustrated and sad. He'd say something like: "be patient, it's just taking a while", and would get frustrated with me as I was falling apart.

Which, that's true - I need to be patient. Just as it's true that the world is full of babies. But it's still insensitive. It took me a while to convey to him that I was mourning, that when you're trying and failing there's so much uncertainty, and you're grieving - at least once a month.

It might not be the best comparison, but I wouldn't tell someone whose dog had been hit by a car a few days prior: "Look, you've gotta stop crying whenever you see a Beagle" - I'd give them space because they are actively grieving, just as you may be.

This writer describes the grief of it so well:
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jun/06/i-know-the-pain-of-infertility-and-talking-about-it-helps

Good luck! I hope your clomid/IUI work, or in any case, that you are pregnant very soon!

hoffmanr7 · November 2016

@skimoseye I am sorry you have to be here and that you have been feeling so alone. However, I am very glad that you have joined us. I think you will find the women on this board to be very understanding (as we are all going through it) and a great source of comfort and support.

I am sorry your sister said something so hurtful. It is hard for others to understand the pain.

@funkykey Thanks for linking that article!

Trumom16 · November 2016

Hello,
I'm sorry u are going though this. believe me I used to be exactly like this, I used to not watch the parts my favorite show in which some1 is delivering, couldn't see ppl shedding tears holding der babies for the first time.
I don wanna say that this phase will pass out fully, coz I haven't come out of it fully yet. there will be a slight feeling, no matter how much u grow or get adjusted. I still feel a small pinch, it's much better than wat I was earlier. earlier if I heard about some somewhere getting pregnant, I used cry my eyes out saying "y not me". one day I realized that not making my situation any better, but only making it worse. now I'm much better, but as I said a small pinch us still der, hope the feeling goes off when one day I welcome my baby into my life.
Lot of baby dust to all of us

BenJay · November 2016

Welcome! It took me a long time to finally join this board, but it's been so helpful. Lots of really understanding ladies who have been there.

Just had my first IUI this month and DH's motility was 2.2% I called it a "Hail Mary" treatment, because my doctor was saying the chances are around 10% with 5+. But it only takes one little guy.

Hope it happens for you soon.

Trumom16 · November 2016

Welcome @BenJay, all the best....

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