Stupid questions 10/15

kbduke · November 2016

Question on footed sleeper onesies - do you put another onesie under these or no? Are there other times you have more than one layer of clothing on the baby (other than the obvious outside in cold weather)?

sourlemon · November 2016

I never put anything on under a footed sleeper. but we keep our house reasonably warm in the winter. we only bundled the baby when going outside and usually was a long sleeve onsie with pants, a jacket, and blanket if necessary. it's easier to pull blankets off then it is to strip them to unlayer. but...if you are somewhere cold, that may be different . I live in AZ. we barely get below freezing.

princesslockness · November 2016

@kbduke I didn't typically have more than one layer on L. Usually he was just in a diaper as he runs hot, and our pedi and research said one more layer than YOU are comfortable with. So since I was always comfy in my birthday suit, L got a diaper and a light onesie. ****Disclamer***** we always had plenty of blankets and checked his comfort level every 60-90 minutes to make sure he was ok with the temp.

kbduke · November 2016

Thanks ladies! That's what I assumed but just wanted to check.

yellingbanana · November 2016

kbduke said:

Question on footed sleeper onesies - do you put another onesie under these or no? Are there other times you have more than one layer of clothing on the baby (other than the obvious outside in cold weather)?

Unless it's summer, I always put a onesie on under the footed sleepers. We are in WA, and we keep our house temp at 70 during the day and 63 at night. Even so, most baby books/guidelines will recommend that you have 1 more layer on the baby than you have on yourself. They are so much smaller, have less meat on them to keep them warm. But it's always good to do a little trial and error, if you find that baby's hands or feet feel a little chilly, they need a little more clothing.

princesslockness · November 2016

yellingbanana said:

kbduke said:

Question on footed sleeper onesies - do you put another onesie under these or no? Are there other times you have more than one layer of clothing on the baby (other than the obvious outside in cold weather)?

But it's always good to do a little trial and error, if you find that baby's hands or feet feel a little chilly, they need a little more clothing.

Actually the area to check a babies temp, not fever, is the back of the neck. They don't the greatest circulation, so baby can be sweating on their face&chest, but have chilled toes.

l9i · November 2016

Ok, so if this has already been asked my apologies. With due dates right around holidays how do you handle lots of people wanting to see and hold the baby? My thought is it's a critical time where flu and other illness is prevalent and baby could be days/weeks old. On the other hand, I then think maybe I'm over reacting. I know at some point they will be exposed to germs, etc but I feel like maybe that shouldn't be that soon and I should watch how many people they are coming in contact with. I also know this is a personal decision but thought maybe a STM would have advice that I should be cautious or I'm overthinking it and making it a bigger deal than what it is.

jptrumptone · November 2016

@l9i: We aren't going to see family for Christmas because my pediatrician strongly discouraged getting on a plane, but my dad and step-mom are coming to be around shortly after the birth and again after Christmas. I asked them politely to both get a flu shot and make sure their TDAP was up-to-date before they came to keep my baby girl safe.

princesslockness · November 2016

@I9i Making sure those LO is around majority of the time are all upto date on boosters is a good starr. Otherwise I'm just wearing baby. Moby wraps can be a pain, so thats my excuse for not playing pass the baby.

ashleaf2018 · November 2016

Ditto what @Kate08Young said. For us specifically I don't have a problem with playing pass the baby in a small group setting if everyone washes their hands but for the large Christmas gathering FI's family has I will be wearing the baby and not letting anyone else hold him. We live close enough to his family that his parents and grandparents will have plenty of other opportunities to see baby so I don't feel bad about restricting access to him at that one particular event. Same goes for my family's large holiday gathering; my immediate family will have had other opportunities to play pass the baby so we won't be doing it with extended family.

l9i · November 2016

@Kate08Young Very good idea! Those that will be around LO often (grandparents) will be up to date on flu and tdap. My mind is more around gathering where aunts, uncles, cousins, etc will all be around. I know everyone is excited but to @ashleaf2018 point, I shouldn't feel too bad, they are all within an hour distance if not in town. I did get a moby so that makes me feel more comfortable with things! My mom is pressuring to have everyone over (her house) and do Christmas after the baby is born so everyone can see them too. Depending on how soon after birth it is I may not even feel up to it anyways.

allicat89 · November 2016

@l9i - I have been wondering the same thing, especially since we attend church weekly. DH wants us to alternate our church attendance so that someone is always home with the baby until she is ready to make her appearance. I hate the idea of missing services, but I also hate the idea of our baby getting the flu, so DH's plan will probably win out. DH and I are also planning on being "those parents" by telling our family and friends that if they would like to visit the baby before she is two months, we want them to have a flu shot and TDAP. I was worried that this was some kind of "radical" demand, but I'm relieved to see that other moms are doing the same.

My maybe-not-so-stupid question is this: is there such a thing as the "pre-baby blues?" DH and I are thrilled about this pregnancy, and for most of it, I have been happy and excited. But about three weeks ago, my enthusiasm dropped off. I'm not upset about the baby, but I just feel ambivalent. I used to think about her all the time, and now most of the day, I forget that I'm pregnant. When I do feel something, I feel anxious or overwhelmed rather than excited. Granted this past month has been a terrible roller coaster of work deadlines, family drama, health issues, and the death of a friend so I'm sure that's contributing to my state of mind too. But with T-minus three weeks until my due date, I feel sad that I'm not more excited about meeting our daughter. Anyone else experiencing this? Any suggestions on how to snap out of it?

tinattt23 · November 2016

We're asking people who will be around baby regularly (probably just our parents) to be flu and tdap. My OB gave me a little flyer about who needs it and why. I just showed that to our parents and there wasn't any arguement.

DiFazette · November 2016

It's not silly AT ALL to be concerned about illness around newborns. Though DS was born in April, he was a preemie with underdeveloped lungs so I was super cautious. Anyone who entered my house washed hands. I had bottles of hand sanitizer around the house. Grandparents were requested to get flu/TDAP and other family had had it recently enough after having their own babies. Offending a few is WAY better than having an infant with a serious health issue. You will soon become unapologetic at doing whatever it takes to protect your child... might as well start now!!!

princesslockness · November 2016

@allicat89 Not sure if its a super common thing, but I def had it will L. After I had my showers at 32-35 weeks everything just became a waiting game. No fun/interesting appointments, nothing really new in baby growth, no new milestones. . . just waiting. I seriously forgot I was pregnant unless someone brought it up, orL had a very active day.

Mine went away as soon as I was sent for my induction. I became an excited and panicked FTM.

sourlemon · November 2016

@allicat89 yes it's a thing and no it's not talked about enough. I had it bad with my first (crying almost daily towards the end) and it's starting to creep in this time. if it's really bad talk to your doctor. with my first, my dr was a bitch and made fun of me. one of the many reasons I switched. in my medical record it literally says I was induced for "very high blood pressure and being too weepy". what bull.

allicat89 · November 2016

@Kate08Young - That's where I am in my pregnancy too. Just had my last shower Sunday, not on maternity leave yet, just a waiting game now. Glad to know that your blues resolved themselves with baby though!

@sourlemon- "being too weepy?" Your last doc sounds like a real peach. Glad you switched practices. And thank you for sharing your experience. I'm starting to get "too weepy" these days too. I'm relieved to know that I'm not the only one.

acreight13 · November 2016

@allicat89 I was totally the same way with my DS before he was born two years ago and honestly it took a couple days even after he was born to really start feeling like a Mama and bonding with him. Some people are able to connect with their LO while they still have an inside baby and others take a little longer. It was hard because I felt like a bad Mama, but that's not true at all. The ambivalence will go away and you'll have an amazing bond. But if you feel like it's too much please do talk to your doctor - or another trusted person. Those feelings can be scary but they can go away with some help if needed.

AbriannaO · November 2016

I agree that it is not too much to be concerned about health! We have asked that everyone get updated with their shots, and have also indicated that we will turn away sick visitors if needed to protect our baby. Since we aren't sure when LO will be arriving (due Christmas week), we will only be seeing immediate family and close close friends within the first month of the baby's life. Most of our friends are parents with young children or babies themselves, so they know the drill regarding health and precautions! I love the idea of just wearing the baby should we be in a situation where we are around a larger crowd and will definitely be doing this! We also have the Moby wrap and will use this for those situations! Once the baby is a little older, I've thought about doing a "meet the baby" event up near more extended family, but that will be after a month or two. Most of my DH's extended family will not make the 2 hour drive down to visit as they see that as being extremely far, so they can patiently wait until we decide to make the trip up there.

@allicat89, I definitely am in a similar mental/emotional boat. I am experiencing more anxiety than joy at the moment. Super excited and ready to meet the LO, but can't turn my brain off regarding all that needs to be done before the arrival and all that comes with having a LO after the arrival. I actually made an appointment with a counselor for next week so that I can establish someone to talk to before the baby is born so that I can see them throughout the first few months after the baby is here as well for potential PP depression. PPD has been a fear of mine since before getting pregnant, so I just would rather be proactive now.

l9i · November 2016

@AbriannaO I too am worried about PPD. I am excited about baby but I've had a tough time emotionally, especially toward the end of this pregnancy, that people only want to talk to me about baby things. You can say it's more coping with my identity and not wanting to be seen or treated suddenly different? It makes me feel like I am no longer me and being pregnant (or mom soon enough) is my sole identity. I am worried this will really affect me after the baby because obviously that's all people are going to ask me about. DH and I have had talks about this so I'm at least confident he will be able to identify and get me help if needed.

KatieJo1205 · November 2016

@allicat89 - I'm glad you brought this up because I have been wondering if I'm a total weirdo with my feelings right now. I wouldn't say I have the blues at all. I am super excited and emotional about the idea of meeting our girl but I also have a lot of anxiety about the actual birth. What I find the most odd for me though is that I have zero sense of urgency over the fact that we are having a baby in 3 weeks. It doesn't feel like reality at all. I'm a little concerned that the reality will suddenly hit me all at once (like when I go into labor) and I will panic! But no matter what I do I can't seem to get myself in the head space that this is actually going to happen, and soon, and I need to prepare.

AbriannaO · November 2016

@l9i, all I feel like lately is a vessel. No one asks how I am doing, just how the baby is doing! This morning, I went to wake up my mom (she stayed over for an early start for painting today) and the first thing she said was "how is the belly?" and then proceeds to tell me her dream about the baby. For after the baby comes, I keep hoping that because I have expressed my concerns regarding PPD to some close friends, my mom, and DH that someone will at least address me regarding any symptoms or signs, but I keep thinking that no one will. DH will also be in a transitioning phase, and while he is the one that will likely notice things first, he may be having some internal struggles as well. At least by me getting in a few sessions pre-birth with a therapist, I am hoping that she will reach out to me after the arrival to check up on me and to make appointments (quality therapists should be doing this). I am so ready to cuddle this kid and care for it, but I want to make sure that I am doing things that are helping me mentally be the best mom possible now and after.

allicat89 · November 2016

@acreight13- I am so glad to hear you say that! Throughout the pregnancy, people have called me "Mama," and it always makes me feel a little weird inside. Mostly I still feel like me, just with a giant, squirming basketball attached to my front. My other pregnant friends always talk so affectionately about their inside babies, and when they ask how my baby is doing, I pretty much say, "Well, she's still in there," which is not the lovey-dovey response that everyone is expecting, haha!

@AbriannaO- That is so smart to seek out a counselor beforehand! I will think about doing that too. PPD has been a big issue on my father's side of the family, and my cousin has already told me that she wishes she had sought help sooner.

Toller · November 2016

With DD and now with the twins- I really don't "feel" anything specific for my babies- I was/am definitely a late bonder! I don't let it bother me- I know I still LOVE them (because I've had a moment or two where I got terrified that something was wrong), but I dont know them yet. DD is almost 3, and I still feel like I love her more and more each day! Maybe it's a self-preservation type of thing?

I'm in complete denial that this is happening as well- everyone is just different! I'm NOT "excited" in any way....

BTW- Being scared of labor is SUPER normal- but once it starts happening- you wont be scared anymore! (it's the anticipation of something brand new and non-specific I think)

l9i · November 2016

@AbriannaO I'm both relieved I'm not the only one but also sorry you are also experiencing the same thing, it sucks. A few weeks ago when I was having a really rough week DH talked to his parents about it because they were being very insistent on coming over and I very much needed me time, and now they are on edge mentioning anything baby related to me. I don't want them to feel that way either. They can talk to me or ask questions just make sure to ask how I'm doing, how work is, what I did over the weekend, etc. A balance is good. I am thinking I'm going to look into a counselor too. Even I don't see them before at least I will have something identify should the need arise. Good luck!

fauxpa-2 · November 2016

I just want to share some thoughts that always help me when I'm feeling down or "weird" during this pregnancy. Hopefully it may help someone else:

Having a baby and being pregnant is an enormous life change (I would argue that it's one of the biggest life changes one could go through). Any change is hard, even if it's a positive change. It's just the way we are wired. Having a child completely changes your life as you know it. There is no right or wrong way to feel about that life change. There is a level of grieving your previous self and looking forward to, and even possibly being scared of, the new self to come. All emotions are completely normal in this time so it's nice to remind myself that I'm not "weird" or "wrong" so there is no reason to make yourself feel guilty for feeling anything or nothing right now.

I definitely can agree with feeling like a vessel right now. I had a big talk with my family that we can't just focus on the baby ALL the time. I'm still a separate person with interests outside of just being a mom, and sometimes I just get overwhelmed and need a break from "OMG BABY". That has helped a lot.

Basically I just want to say whatever you are feeling, there is a valid reason for it, and you should not feel guilty about it. Even the "darker" emotions are normal and can make sense. There really is a level of grief with all change. The emotions themselves are not what you should focus on, but rather what you do with them. If you feel resentment towards your child, it's understandable... you aren't a bad mom. Just talk to someone about it. Take care of yourself. When you are feeling down/scared/mad talk to a loved one, or a therapist. Go for a walk, take some "you" time. Do not beat yourself up because there is nothing "wrong" with you. There is no way you "should" be feeling about a new baby. It's also normal to be totally numb. For me it happens when I get overwhelmed... I think it's a defense mechanism. Babies are wonderful but are also insanely difficult at times. It is completely normal to feel emotions from every end of the spectrum. Just breathe, be kind to yourself, and take the time you need for whatever you are feeling. If it gets to the point that you don't feel like you can handle it anymore please talk to your doctor/ a therapist. Even extreme feelings don't mean that you are broken or a bad mom.

Sorry, that was super rambley and cheesy

I just don't want anyone beating themselves up for feeling things. Becoming a mom/ being pregnant can be scary as hell. You guys are all really awesome, kickass women, and already are or are going to be amazing mamas!

maamawaabangi · November 2016

I think it's very normal and part of the process to feel very emotionally exhausted or weepy when you are near the end. I posted a great article in the "signs of labor" thread about this very thing.
Personally, it's probably a better signal/sign of how close I am to delivery than anything physical.
Feeling desparate, fearful, sad, weepy, and even slightly irrational probably has more to do with just feeling like crap and hormones than anything else... plus the sheer stress of wondering what's going to happen and when is overwhelming!
I think it's a great time to implement self care. In a heavy handed way! I've already started to say no to most things that I know will stress me out, wear me out or annoy me... even things I care about or feel obligated to do. A friend asked me to hang out tomorrow and I just said no (normally I'd jump at that). I also, lay down daily (to sleep or to just rest my back) and usually take a bath each night. I cry and just explain to my kids "mama feels emotional right now, nothing is wrong" I figure my boys will know what they will get with their future pregnant wives if they marry and everyone will be well-prepared! Plus my hubs knows that the final weeks have a day to day quality to them... sometimes I'm totally up for helping him out or going out and about, other days I need to rest and nest. Men need to be told this at times. Go with my flow, be flexible.
And I realize this is a season and soon their will be so much to delight in! Keeping my eyes on the prize.

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