Baby Showers

catem07 · November 2016

Anyone ready to talk about these? Mine is going to be early, on January 7, because my mom is going to FL for the winter. There are so many ridiculous etiquette traditions. Like a close relative isn't supposed to host, and you aren't supposed to put your registry on your invitation. We're not following either of those rules...

Taylor72 · November 2016

I'm so glad you started this @catem07! Can I ask how far along you will be on Jan 7th? I read somewhere that it was customary to wait until 34-37 weeks to have one and I just feel like that's so late! How would you have any energy to put anything away?

catem07 · November 2016

I'm due April 2, so I'll only be about 6 months. I also feel like I want to have my shower when I have more energy, especially since I have to travel to NJ for it. I think people like to have them later because that way you look more pregnant...but since my mom is throwing it, and she's going to be away until about 2-3 weeks before I'm due, she's having it earlier.

mrsstuessy · November 2016

@catem07 I think those rules are stupid, to be honest. Of course a close relative is going to be the one to want to throw it, probably. My mom threw my shower with DD. Honestly, there is no one else who would have wanted to. And I think it makes total sense to put your registry on your invite. I mean, pretty much the main point is to buy gifts for the mom. It is just courteous, in my opinion, to tell people where your registry is located. It just means they have to do less work to find it. So, you are good. STM here, so I don't think I will be getting a shower, which is obviously totally ok. If someone really wants to do something small for me I wouldn't refuse either. My mom will be far away from the end of November until the end of March, so it won't be her.

schef070911 · November 2016

So here's something different re: where showers should be hosted: for two of my girlfriends now we have hosted showers that took place at their own house, WITH the stipulation that they are not to lift a finger to clean, decorate or get the house ready in any way!

One of my friends went to get her hair and nails done while we decorated which was perfect. It's certainly unconventional and I don't expect that everyone agrees with it, but in both cases it was suggested by the mama-to-be and not placed upon her by anyone else. They've found that it's much easier to move things 20 feet to the nursery without having to worry about re-packing and loading into cars.

Honestly, I wasn't aware that registry information shouldn't be given out on baby shower invitations. I totally get and agree that it shouldn't go on a wedding invite, and I don't think the info should go "front and center" on the invite (example: for my girlfriend I put the info on the back of the invitation, and I've also seen it put on a separate piece of paper that was included in the envelope). But I agree with @mrsstuessy that it makes things easier for guests should they choose to use it. Plus some less Internet-literate guests might have a difficult time finding the registries online.

My aunt has generously offered to host a family shower which will happen sometime between Christmas and New Year's because that's when everyone is in town. I think there will be another one that my friends offered to host, but no dates set yet (probably February). I'm so thankful that anyone is willing to host one for us, because we're out-of-state and it's an ordeal to find a weekend that works!

allybadry · November 2016

My SIL hosted my shower at my MIL's house. It worked for space and DH's family was the majority of the guest list because he just has a giant family compared to me. I was around 32 or 33 weeks when we had it. Early enough that I had time to do exchanges if needed and get anything I still needed for baby after the shower. That being said, my mom was all out of sorts about having it before baby arrived (because what if something happens) but I personally don't think it makes sense to do the shower after you give birth...

As for listing the registry I actually think that etiquette dictates that you do include the information with the invitation. A shower be it bridal or baby is a gift giving event by nature. They very purpose is to shower the guest of honour with gifts. Events like weddings or a baptism, where the purpose isn't to give a gift, should not include even the mention of a gift let alone the registry information.

catem07 · November 2016

@allybadry I thought so do, about the registry, but multiple websites say it's against etiquette (and, of course, Emily Post agrees). But I share your opinion that a shower is a gift giving event by nature, so why not make it easier for your guests and not make them chase someone down or search the internet to find out where you're registered?

SnarkasaurusRex · November 2016

I know the etiquette issue with registries is that it can come across to some people as you dictating what they buy for you/where they buy it, which is a big no-no for showers...it's the same reason why activities like diaper raffles and the request to 'bring a book in lieu of a card' are also not really okay. When someone is getting you a gift, you're supposed to LET them get you a gift without telling them where/what to get.

However, I do think that a lot of people appreciate knowing where you are registered so they can choose a gift that they know you will enjoy or that you need.

ETA that the people who will go 'off-registry' would do so whether or not you included the registry information on the invitation, so it's pretty unlikely that you would offend anyone by including it.

catem07 · November 2016

@SnarkasaurusRex I think registries are just suggestions--but I can see how etiquette might disagree. My mom's friend just had a shower for her daughter where they did the "bring a book" thing, which I shot down for mine. I'm not telling people what to buy me! Personally, I love the idea of getting someone a $6 book instead of a $5 card, but people should do what moves them.

mrsstuessy · November 2016

@catem07 Yeah, I also shot down the book idea. I like the idea in theory. I actually started buying books instead of cards for baby showers and kid's birthdays a couple of years ago. But, telling people to bring a book or a box of diapers is just weird to me. I love registries, because I would be super annoyed to find out that I bought the same thing as 3 other people did or something they just hated and would never use. I am going to a diaper raffle baby shower on Saturday and just sort of cringe, despite the fact that the rest of the party should be fun and I am actually looking forward to it.

doozenberg · November 2016

I'll probably have my shower in early/mid February. Good thing is that no one has any holiday plans (usually a quiet month for most). Bad thing is there can be bad snow storms. Oh well.
I agree with everyone else in that you should include where you're registered on the invite. I mean, most people you're inviting should be close friends and family and shouldn't get offended by it. Plus a lot of people like knowing what you want exactly so that they get you a useful gift!

HappyAnjel · November 2016

I had mine at a fire station.. my brother is a firefighter and they have a kitchen and large open room for events.. I had mine at 34 weeks and remember my mom throwing a fit about doing it so early.. until my cousin missed hers bc she went into labor early.. but I thought it was perfect bc it gave me time to exchange a few duplicates, set everything up in the nursery and get what I still needed. I'm not having a shower this time despite being offered three.

schef070911 · November 2016

I just looked up what a diaper raffle is because I've never attended a shower that had one... so in addition to gifts people are expected to bring a box of diapers too?! I had no idea that was a thing.

catem07 · November 2016

I'm anti diaper raffle. Winning a prize for going to a party? Weird. Also, I've heard babies fit into diapers differently so you might end up with a bunch of diapers that don't fit. And who includes a gift receipt with diapers--which you couldn't return once you opened, anyway.

Omie_Wise · November 2016

For the last baby shower I attended the mom requested Amazon gift cards because they were going to do all of their diapers through Amazon. I thought that was a smart move considering their house is smaller.

super_sam03 · November 2016

I have no idea when we'd have mine but my coworkers already suggested having a "Pampers Party" at work which I love. We're having twins so I want as many diapers and essentials we can muster.

As for etiquette, I don't have much so I know my guests won't expect much from me. I'll have a minimum dollar figure on the invite and make it BYOB (I'm totally kidding.) My mom will probably throw it so it will be HER shower, so, girly crap for sure. My MIL will probably throw one with her family (they all live 4+ hours away.) I don't plan to put any toys or clothes on the registry in hopes people buy off registry. That type of stuff will be interesting to see what they pick out.

I don't attend many showers unless forced. I'm hoping my sisters and friends "help" my mom by steering her in a direction I'd enjoy. But of course, I'm grateful for any thought and time they spend on me and the little ones.

bww_0331 · November 2016

We have started talking about showers a little bit. It is challenging to plan because our immediate family is split over 3 states. It seems that any shower I have would be at least 5 hours away from DH and I. My sister has offered to host a shower for my side of the family in my hometown but we are unsure of when. Her thoughts were perhaps Super Bowl weekend if baby is a boy (sports themed party) or around Valentine's Day ("Tickled Pink") if it is a girl. We haven't had much discussion on an approximate time for DH's side. His side is also super small (maybe 6-10 people total) so unsure how that will play out.

I think I am most disappointed in that my close friends are spread all over the midwest and realistically I probably won't see many of them at a shower. Not to mention that would make a THIRD weekend where DH and I are traveling 5 hours to a shower. We did that last spring for bridal showers/bachelorette parties/etc and I do not want to repeat that. I will be totally grateful for any shower, but am hoping to combine things a bit more this time to reduce traveling. Or just not have a shower with my Dad's side of the family, not a huge fan and they weren't kind AT ALL at my bridal shower. So maybe just nix that one

Timing wise, I'd rather do one earlier rather than later since we will be traveling so far. I'm hoping any shower I have is held before the end of February for sure.

HappyAnjel · November 2016

@catem07 we didn't have a diaper raffle but got a few boxes of diapers as presents.. we exchanged the unopened boxes for ones that we liked and didn't really have a problem and gave the opened ones to my brother so he could try them with my nephew without opening any they got.

rachelgreene-2 · November 2016

My family will probably throw one for me and I will probably have one at work as well. No idea when either of them will be but hopefully sooner rather than later. I also won't be bummed out if I don't get one either as I hate being the center of attention. My sister's last baby shower she was 36 weeks along and exhausted so she ended up taking a nap in my parents room during it. She ended up going into labor with my nephew two weeks later.

The "no close relative" ettiquite rule is kind of strange to me. I would never throw a party for someone I wasn't close to and if someone I didn't have a close relationship with offered to throw one for me I would decline.

I really believe that you should follow the ettiquite of your social circle though.

shaunessa · November 2016

no shower here, since I'm a STM. I am however of thinking about throwing my own Sip N See. i love hosting and feeding people!

allybadry · November 2016

@catem07 I just double checked Emily Post because I was surprised she would say no registry information... she says not on the invitation but can be sent with the invitation on a separate enclosure. I ran my own wedding and party planning compnay for a few years and that is what I have always done for showers.

catem07 · November 2016

Yeah, but I still think in this case a separate enclosure is silly. Invitation designers agree--many of them have a spot for registry info right on the invite. I wouldn't put registry info on a wedding invite, but it seems reasonable for a shower.

allybadry · November 2016

@catem07 I wouldn't even include registry information with a wedding invite.

I suppose actually including it on the invitation also depends on the design of the shower invitation itself... I think if you can include in a discreet place then its no big deal, but if its front and center on the invitation in bold flashing print it might come across as obnoxious.

Dax28 · November 2016

I'm Hispanic and our traditions are quite different from the norm. So my shower is going to be unusual for those outside our friends and family circles. I didn't know there was such a thing as Emily post.

We have a date, February 4th, I don't want to be super tired at the shower. It will be Harry Potter themed. There will probably be alchohol with a full bar. It will probably last all day!
It is family style, men, women, kids are all invited, we are having around around 75 guests. We do diaper raffles, but no one is expected to bring two gifts, people usually bring diapers or something from the registry.

Im mostly planning the shower with the help of my sisters. I have a vision for this shower that my sisters share with me and we are already working on DIY details. I love to plan parties and this may be our only child because of fertility issues, so I want to enjoy every moment.

bww_0331 · November 2016

@Dax28 a Harry Potter theme will be so cute! I did HP for my bridal shower last year!

SnarkasaurusRex · November 2016

@Dax28 My shower was supposed to be Harry Potter themed! Unfortunately we had to cancel at the last minute, but my SIL's gave me all of the gorgeous decorations they made for it. It was super cute!

cafedisco · November 2016

If someone offers to throw a shower for you, I think it's because they want to do it and it doesn't matter who they are in relation.

I have had a hard time finding registries so I appreciate when it's included.

And I don't think it matters when you have a shower. Around 30-37 weeks is when most people feel and look the "cutest" in pregnancy but that doesn't really matter.

smoochie041719 · November 2016

My husband and I are stationed overseas so I thought maybe I wouldn't get to have a shower with friends and family, but my cousin offered to throw one for me while I am home around thanksgiving time which was so nice of her! I feel a little funny having a shower so early (23 weeks), but if I know one thing about military life it's that you gotta flex... can't always follow all the rules! Hoping i'all have a cute bump by then at least!

Nolegirl1185 · November 2016

My mom, sister, and best friend are throwing me a shower beginning of February. I didn't realize it wasn't proper etiquette to put where you are registered on your invite. I know we still will be. I have never received an invite that didn't have it. I started my registry and have 12 items on it. Once I know the gender, I will be adding a few more, but I won't have some extravagant list of items. Also, my best friend saved me so many of the larger items from when she had her son so those I do not have to purchase. I read that some do not like the idea of bringing a book instead of a card, but the teacher in me loves it! I already talked to my best friend about being sure that the little poem or whatever makes it sound very optional and not an actual request.

I have several coworkers that are all gung ho about throwing me a work shower as well. No idea what that will entail, but they wouldn't take no for an answer so I guess I will be having 2 showers.

I'm excited for the time to get a little closer and start hearing/seeing all about everyone's showers.

catem07 · November 2016

I like the idea of bringing a book rather than a card, I just don't like specifically making that request.

Knottie1472824625 · November 2016

I started a list for guests and hoping to have one in February when my grandmother is here visiting for my mom's birthday. She is 96yo and has wanted another great grand daughter since our family is heavily boys.

I will be around 7-8 months pregnant then. I wasn't going to even have a shower since I am a STM however, since we found out we are having a girl we will be. We had everything we would need for another boy. So hoping a small one will help.

nahgemxmeghan · November 2016

BabyBlake.04.2017 said:

My husband and I are stationed overseas so I thought maybe I wouldn't get to have a shower with friends and family, but my cousin offered to throw one for me while I am home around thanksgiving time which was so nice of her! I feel a little funny having a shower so early (23 weeks), but if I know one thing about military life it's that you gotta flex... can't always follow all the rules! Hoping i'all have a cute bump by then at least!

Same thing for me! I will be 19 weeks around Thanksgiving. My family is in NJ, husbands family is in TX. We are in NC and PCS'ing to AZ in Jan/Feb. Such a mess!! I am hoping to get it over early with because there is no way I am flying in my 3rd trimester, and I cannot drive to NJ or east TX from AZ.

ANJELD · November 2016

Not planning a shower, but we are thinking about having a gender reveal in January.

ANJELD · November 2016

What part of Arizona are you moving to? I'm in Tucson.

nahgemxmeghan · November 2016

Sierra vista, basically on the border. I know nothing about Arizona. I know I'll be in for a shock! Every time the military moves us, I feel like I'm in a whole new world. Crazy how different each part of the US is!

ANJELD · November 2016

@nahgemxmeghan

yes that is basically on the border. the weather is beautiful right now. it's hotter than hell in the summer. very dry. not sure if there's much to do down in Sierra Vista, I've only been down there once. but you wont be far from Tombstone and some of the Cave tours. yeah, it will be a whole new world for you!

WkoutMomtoBe · November 2016

I'm also planning on a January baby shower prob 7th or 14th. I am do in the first week of April I want it early so A) I can put stuff away B ) buy what I don't get and C) yes, while I still have energy.

My gf was due in late March this year and had her shower the 1st wknd in January and she's the one who wants to throw mine so we're on the same page.

However, I have not hear from hubby's fam who is 3 hours away and I'm sure they'll want to throw baby shower. They threw SIL's was 3 weeks before her due date earlier this year...so if they offer and it's too late then I'm going to nicely decline. We are also in the midst of moving in late January or early February so it's pure craziness...hubby got a new job, target start date was January but now might be Feb (he's working now from current city). I'm also at higher risk of preeclampsia and preterm labor so i'd rather just have it early. I'll probably be fine with all the stress of moving, unpacking, etc...I just want to be settled in where we're living.

chelle087 · November 2016

I won't be having a shower this time around, but I guess I broke all the rules with my shower when I was pregnant with DS. My mom hosted, I am pretty sure my registry info was sent out with the Invite and we did the whole bring a book instead of a card thing.

These things never bothered me when attending showers either. Especially the registry info. I am much more in favor of giving a gift that the family needs instead of something that I think is great but maybe they already have, don't have a need for, or would like to purchase for their own baby.

LyssaChap · November 2016

Nobody really cares about "etiquette". Its your baby shower, your family can throw it however they want.

Secondly, this will be my third shower, if I have one... My first was 13 years ago... my second was 4 years later and the opposite gender and everyone bought pink shit despite my urging not to, so thus a second shower happened... I do not have enough close female friends who have been around long enough to be willing to do this, or they refuse to spend their money on other people, or "I am not into party planning"... thus, I didn't have a bridal shower thrown by them either. Mother in law threw one and invited my family but didn't invite the bridal party because she couldn't believe they weren't planning anything... Oh wells.

This baby is almost 9 years younger than my second child... its my husband's first so his family might be interested in doing something. Perhaps. My husband did warn me that his mom might want to do a separate shower for herself and her friends and not for my friends and family... and I told him no. We are not doing "separate showers" for separate groups of people. We are doing it all together, or its not happening and I will buy everything on my registry in one fell swoop no questions asked.

SnarkasaurusRex · November 2016

LyssaChap said:

Nobody really cares about "etiquette". Its your baby shower, your family can throw it however they want.

Uh, lots of people care about etiquette. In the end, I'm team "you do you, boo," but people should still be aware that some of the things they choose to do can and will be considered rude.

kitkat8387 · November 2016

My husband and I moved from NJ to CO last summer, so we've only been here for a little over a year and most of our family is still in the NJ/NY area, along with our good friends. We have made some friends here, but not enough for a big party or anything like that. And I really hate the idea of flying back to NJ just for a shower and then having to ship gifts back or bring them in suitcases. So I don't think we will have a shower, but I have a feeling people will want to send gifts, so I am creating a registry on amazon in case anyone wants to send something. I personally always buy off the registry, because I never know what to get, so I think having it as an option for people will be helpful. Also since amazon has the completion discount, even if no one buys off the registry I can still get 10% off whatever I add.

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