I have to remind family my daughter is her own person, she is very shy and not comfortable around many people. My in laws always get mad and offended when she won't give hugs and be affectionate with them. I don't force her to do it because I want her to know she can decide who she has contact with. She's super affectionate with my husband, myself and her siblings though.
@librarymom917 My MIL is one of those people that gets upset when my toddler doesn't want to hug and cuddle with her. He literally sees her about 2-3 times/year since we're across the US from each other, so no, he's not going to be initially comfortable with her. It makes me raging mad because then she has the audacity to say things like how he's a mama's boy and we spoil him and whatever. I can't stand that woman!
I have to remind family my daughter is her own person, she is very shy and not comfortable around many people. My in laws always get mad and offended when she won't give hugs and be affectionate with them. I don't force her to do it because I want her to know she can decide who she has contact with. She's super affectionate with my husband, myself and her siblings though.
My daughter is exactly like this too! She is 2.5 and i am trying to teach her that she can say "no thanks" or "I don't like that" if she is uncomfortable with someone's advances/interactions. It has been difficult but it is a lesson I wish I had been taught earlier in life too, so I'm trying to help her learn to advocate for herself early!
@littleSkittle14 my daughter is 5.5 and she has always been this way, and she's been around my in laws her whole life, she does hug them but when someone tells her she HAS to hug them hi or bye , she shuts down. I told them, let her give her affectionate when and how she wants to. You wouldn't tell an adult to hug if they didn't want to, so why tell a child? I get so tired of hearing " oh someone needs a nap" when she meets someone new or a stranger in the store tries to talk to her and she isn't bubbly and responsive... she doesn't KNOW you! Not all children are talkative and friendly to everyone they meet, that's just not her personality. If people take the time and effort to get to really know she is funny and sweet and loving, people just don't wanna take the extra time it takes to get a shy kid to open up.
@librarymom917 YES to everything you said! Spot on. My DD isn't two yet, but this is how she is and the personality I can sense she'll have. The comments drives me bonkers and I'm so sick of people trying to force her to show them affection - like: is a forced hug or kiss or even sitting on their lap really worth it when you make her upset every. Single. Time? Just stop!!
My dd would probably get along so well with yours, @librarymom917 and @kjd291 and we have so many of the same issues. I have heard the "must be naptime" comment so many times from strangers to the point where I literally just want to say "no, she just doesn't seem to like you" lol (even though I'm sure that's not the case on dd's part... she'd just rather be ignored!)
we have had issues with family trying to bribe her to get her to like them. I've tried to explain that she will warm up if you give her time, and ultimately that's the type of relationship that should be fostered between extended family, rather than just telling her she can look at your iPhone if she sits on your lap. Don't manipulate my kid like that!
And its not new behavior. This is just who she is. Even as a baby, she was never ok with being passed around (my ds doesn't care who is holding him as long as I'm nearby) but dd has always been all about me, and now dada too, since infancy.
I am with you on having people other than the parents of the child kiss them. I cringe multiple times when I see my mil and fil kiss my new nephew. I am petrified of cold sores and I know for a fact that my DH's dad gets them. If he has one when the child is born - can I not let him near the baby? I've heard it can cause neurological problems in young babies.
Either that or be hypervigilant that he not put his lips anywhere on the baby. Herpes can kill a newborn!
disneybaby84 I doubt anyone in their 20s self-identifies with that description, either...
On the topic of social media, my cousin created a password protected blog that she writes from her daughter's perspective. It's really cute, and that way pics of her kid aren't all over FB, etc. I like the private FB group option too. That seems a little easier if you're a pretty regular FB user.
DD #1: April 2017 DD #2: May 2020 Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
@dubcompanion + @Spartanrd4 I'm convinced that the people who still write checks at the grocery store are the ones who hate how their signature looks on the signature pad. Their vision is going and they can't see it anyhow, but they want their signature to look perfect!
I thought about this convo of other people kissing your kids. 14mo DD doesn't like to be kissed on the face. When you ask for a kiss, if she wants to, she'll give you her forehead. Well DH's grandma wanted a kiss on Saturday night and she had had enough and smacked the poor 92 year old woman in the face. Now, I don't condone my child hitting, but I did find it refreshing that she would stick up for herself and what she would and would not accept.
@babyspice Same here! DH's family is into immediate visiting, and I haven't told them yet that I don't really want that... I'm not sure if I'll put my foot down or not. I want to feel supported but I also want alone time to recover and bond with my newborn. I guess I'd rather have people visit me in the hospital though, where there are curfews and limitations and a nurse I can sneakily ask to kick people out for me, rather than at our house where they might try to hang out forever.
You know what's great if they try to hang out forever? Nursing! You can totally excuse yourself to go cuddle the baby for like 45 minutes.
If you don't want them there at the hospital I'd be clear about it early. Misunderstanding are more likely to cause hurt feelings than kind directness.
If she shows today at LOs swim lessons, I am going to address the lip kissing issue with my crazy MIL. ...if I don't get too scared. Haha. Wish me luck.
I get upset when ppl kiss my kid on the lips. If you need to force a kiss on my toddler, cheek or forehead only please.
I'm trying to figure out a socially acceptable way to bring this up. I absolutely do not want my kid to get a disease from other people's mouths as an infant. I'm also struggling to come up with a way to bring up the forced hugging thing in a polite manner. My in-laws are super into hugging hello and goodbye, so I know they will all be flat out insulted if I do not force my kid to hug all 50 members of the family twice at Christmas and pretty much every time we see them in the next few years because they're insulted when I refuse to do so out of discomfort (I have always been adverse to physical touch). I'm pretty certain they'll want to play pass the baby at every family gathering as well (mine will be the first grandchild on this side).
I didn't get to bring it up. FIL showed up too- her ex. Which was so awkward in and of itself. I didn't think it would be appropriate or kind to talk to her about it in front of him.
Re: Unpopular Opinion 10/20
we have had issues with family trying to bribe her to get her to like them. I've tried to explain that she will warm up if you give her time, and ultimately that's the type of relationship that should be fostered between extended family, rather than just telling her she can look at your iPhone if she sits on your lap. Don't manipulate my kid like that!
And its not new behavior. This is just who she is. Even as a baby, she was never ok with being passed around (my ds doesn't care who is holding him as long as I'm nearby) but dd has always been all about me, and now dada too, since infancy.
On the topic of social media, my cousin created a password protected blog that she writes from her daughter's perspective. It's really cute, and that way pics of her kid aren't all over FB, etc. I like the private FB group option too. That seems a little easier if you're a pretty regular FB user.
DD #2: May 2020
Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
*TW* - BFP & MC in March 2016.
BFP in June 2016; EDD March 2017.
Samuel born February 2017!
Me: 26 Hubs: 28
Married: 6/6/15
Baby Girl: 3/22/2017
I'm trying to figure out a socially acceptable way to bring this up. I absolutely do not want my kid to get a disease from other people's mouths as an infant. I'm also struggling to come up with a way to bring up the forced hugging thing in a polite manner. My in-laws are super into hugging hello and goodbye, so I know they will all be flat out insulted if I do not force my kid to hug all 50 members of the family twice at Christmas and pretty much every time we see them in the next few years because they're insulted when I refuse to do so out of discomfort (I have always been adverse to physical touch). I'm pretty certain they'll want to play pass the baby at every family gathering as well (mine will be the first grandchild on this side).
Married: 8/2005.
BFP: 6/22/2016 EDD: 3/4/2017.