Not my first IVF rodeo

KirstenCas · October 2016

I went to a baby shower for my cousin second child over the weekend and things for me haven't really been the same since. I was only asked 3 times if I was going to have children and for the first time I responded probably not. I was also involved in convos where people just "couldn't believe she was taking this on at her age," she's 41 too. I didn't cry, I've just kind of shut down. I really haven't been able to 'reboot' since.

I'm also a little perturbed that I haven't heard from my RE. She thought I was going to try again in Nov (i'm thinking Dec) so I would have assumed she would call to get priming. I can't help but think she never wants to hear from me again.

@sleepyrn I think that's crazy about the 8lbs. I'm far from my ideal weight and that has never been a factor for my RE. Sorry you have to wait.

@radmom27 Insurance sucks

GL to everyone counting down to start, I hope you find that weird excitement we all had when we first started.

Colleen0516 · October 2016

@joneser1281 thank you!! It's been quite the journey.

@sleepyr I'm so sorry!!! Hang in there!

Im currently in my 4th round of ivf...and it's kicking my ass! I'm so groggy all the time and I feel like my head isn't on straight. I feel like I'm getting sick again too, my body is just so worn down. I'm pushing through though! Sono in the am.

Brooke888Wed157297 · October 2016

**Child mentioned**

I'm just a lurker, but I hear you! I hope to be an example of light at the end of the horrible dark tunnel. I had my son 3 years ago after 3 rounds of IUI and 2 rounds of IVF. He was my only embryo - nothing frozen. We've been trying for another child, and this year has been rough. You can see in my siggy some quick details. First round somehow all embryos developed a fungus (thinking from the lab) on day 3. Then 2 more failed rounds. My issue is I can't get to transfer. I never have any embryos make it past day 4 really.

Anyway, I just did my 6th round of IVF (holy cow to actually type that out!), and my results have been completely different this time. I changed REs, and she switched things up a bit. I'm awaiting my beta tomorrow and hoping this is finally it. We do have some frozen now, which I NEVER thought would happen.

I hope for nothing but amazing things for you and everyone on here!

Joslynj11 · October 2016

@sleepyrn I am just so sorry that they gave you that news today and over 8lbs!! That sounds ridiculous I hope you are able to get started next month no trouble. Big hug girlie

@mtpbadger What?! You and your DH vacationed in VA Beach last weekend. It sucks that you came during the storm but I hope you all were still to have some good ole fun. What kind of things did you do while you were here. Oh and if I forgot to mention earlier I live in Eastern Virginia and work in VA Beach and love it here. Luckily my DH and I live a little further offshore so we weren't really effect by much flooding or power outages which is nice.

@oxinfree I am so happy to hear that you got your IF energy back!! I think I am close to regaining a lot of mine. I hope by the time I get started it will feel like it did the first go, unadulterated hope. A girl can dream right

@Colleen0516 Wow, I didn't even realize you had started you cycle already. What day of stims are you on? Do you have an ETA for your ER yet? Stay strong lady!!

@KirstenCas OMG! I would be ready to slap someone silly at this point! I can't believe no one has called you from you clinic yet. Do you plan to try and just call them and rip them a new one. I have all but forgotten I have a filter when I speak with my doctor now. The last time we met to follow up for failed transfer #2 I all but called him a quack. I saved that but I did tell him everything else that I had on my mind that day. GL girl, you definitely deserve answers!

@Brooke888Wed157297 Thank you for coming to share some hope with us! I mean WOW! 6 rounds of IVF, I can't imagine. That takes some strength girlie. GL with your beta tomorrow, fx!

mtpbadger · October 2016

@Joslynj11 we were watching the forecast all last week and the storm wasn't supposed to come that far north lol! We actually had a good time, we walked the boardwalk, went out to eat and just hung out and relaxed. It was really nice to reconnect and talk about stuff other than treatment and IF. We talked about it here and there but it wasn't all consuming. And we definitely relit our romance which was nice! I'm in northern va just a few miles from DC! It's good to have another VA girl on here!

@kirstencas I hear you on the just feeling numb and shut down. Hopefully that passes! Hopefully your clinic calls you too! We spend enough time waiting, we shouldn't have to wait and wonder about our clinics!

radmom27 · October 2016

@Joslynj11 I think insurance companies will do anything to save a buck. I've been so fortunate to have any coverage at all that it's hard to get that angry with them.

@oxinfree I love a good list or countdown

It won't be long before your FET. Crossing my fingers and toes for you.

@mtpbadger I'm so glad your insurance is covering your next FET. I feel like all insurance companies should cover infertility. Your transfer will be here before you know it.

@sleepyrn Having to wait over losing 8 pounds is absolutely insane. I would be so so angry. I know you're a little younger than me, but still...a month is a lot of time when you're 37 or over trying to have a baby. I'm so sorry.

@KirstenCas It amazes me the things that people say related to our fertility. 41 is not old damn it!!!! I have the same feeling about my RE...I almost feel like she'd love to distance herself from me and my repeated failures.

@Colleen0516 I didn't know you were starting your cycle so soon. That's so exciting!! Are you doing PGS? I can't make up mind if it's worth it or not for me.

@Brooke888Wed157297 Thanks for the post. Stories like yours always make me realize that this whole process is a journey and is different for some people...but different doesn't make it bad. Let us know how your beta goes!! Good luck!!!!!!

AFM, today was just kind of a crappy and down day but tomorrow will be better. I'm not giving up.

Colleen0516 · October 2016

@Joslynj11 and @radmom27 yea, I was pleasantly shocked too. My body seemed to cooperate this time around. I somehow started to ovulate sooner than expected, so AF came sooner than expected too. I was all healed and ready to go, so she started me. Estrogen primed for about 5 days- then kept the last patch until yesterday.
I am on day 6 of injections, I have about 3 days left of stimming... so we are looking at ER sometime early next week (she thinks Tuesday as of today)
We are doing a day 3 transfer and transferring 3-4 embryos.
This is it for me, my last round. If this one doesn't work, we are going to take some time and think about our options.

We are not doing PGS testing as of now (But, she said she will look at the embryos and make a game time decision if she wants to test some/all- but most likely no)

I am being tested for MTHFR Genetic Mutation. I had a full genetic screening done at my old RE office, but i dont trust them. So, a friend ( @Bai-by2016) saw a video and thought of me, and reached out (thank you!!). It sounds like I could be a candidate (its rare- but I would like to factor it out to be safe). I spoke to my doctor and she is going to run blood for it tomm or Saturday when I go back for monitoring.

oxinfree · October 2016

@Colleen0516 I actually think MTHFR is more common than we think. I have it, and know many other ladies from a support Facebook group that also have it (different types). I'm homozygous... but there's loads of different forms of the mutation. Crazy. FX for you... hope this is the one !!!!!

Colleen0516 · October 2016

@oxinfree really? I keep trying to read up on it but I honestly get so confused by all the medical talk. What exactly is it? And, is there a solution for it?

mtpbadger · October 2016

Happy Friday everyone! Anyone have any fun plans for the weekend? DH is running 22 miles (he's running the Marine Corps Marathon in two weeks) so depending on how he's feeling after that, we might take a drive into the mountains to see some fall colors and stop at a winery or two.

So it's been well over a year since I've had any serious blood work done to check all my levels, I'm thinking of asking my RE if it's worth it to get things re-checked to see if there have been any changes. The only crappy thing is that my insurance makes me go through my obgyn/pcp for blood work so it can be a pain to coordinate between the two.

Joslynj11 · October 2016

@mtpbadger Happy Friday! I am so happy to see another VA girl as well

Only wish we were closer haha. So glad that you all had a nice romantic time here. You sound like you have a fun weekend planned! DH and I have a big weekend too. We are part of a Jeep club and our club is having our first ever Jeep Festival in Williamsburg. So we will be going to volunteer to help run that all day tomorrow and then Sunday is his birthday so we are heading to Seafood Festival! He's super excited to go to that so that's nice. I just finished running around getting the final things for his b-day present. I want to give it to him tonight but not sure if he will accept it yet haha. He's a nut!

Kp214 · October 2016

@mtpbadger I would want to know my numbers but that's just me. That's cool that your husband is going to run a marathon. Sounds like you have a good weekend planned. If you take any pictures of the fall colors, please share!

mtpbadger · October 2016

@joslynj11 it sounds like you have a great weekend planned as well! Should be really nice weather too!

@kp214 I will be sure to take some pictures and post them! I'm hoping the leaves have started to turn out in the mountains. Where we live, only a few trees have JUST started to turn. I'm loving the fall weather but it's forecasted to be in the upper 80s again next week - I'm so over summer! This will be my husband's 6th marathon. We actually met while training for the Marine Corp Marathon back in 2008 (my first one ever, his second) but he hasn't done one in a few years so it will be exciting to see him run it again. I'll be talking to my RE hopefully early next week and I'll be brining up re-doing some of the blood work to see if anything has changed and that's impacting being successful.

radmom27 · October 2016

@mtpbadger A fall leaf tour sounds like fun. Fall just happens to be my favorite season.
@Joslynj11 Sounds like a fun weekend. I find it so hard to shop for my hubby!

AFM, I'm going to the town football game tonight and then working an overnight shift (yuck). Tomorrow we are doing some planning for our kitchen remodel that we're hoping to do this upcoming spring. If I get my act together, maybe I can even put up my Halloween decorations!!

I realized that all of my bloodwork will need to be redone in December which is yet another reason I'm hoping to sneak in a frozen transfer before that time. My Clomid challenge test was right on the border last time and if it's a little worse, my insurance won't cover IVF. I'm hoping that everything stayed the same and didn't get any worse.

Have a great weekend everyone!

oxinfree · October 2016

@Colleen0516 - yes it is VERY complicated and confusing, I agree, and I think that's why not much is known about it, it's such a complex factor it seems. From what I understand is we can't process folic acid, so being on folate first and foremost is important. Also, lovenox is thought to help bloodflow to uterus. Not sure on it's relation to MTHFR exactly, but as I said, was discussed on board by women seeing Reproductive Immunologists who specialize in this kind of thing. I figure worth a shot.
mthfr.net/folate-and-mthfr-are-they-affecting-your-pregnancy/2014/05/29/

@mtpbadger - it's the renaissance festival here in texas. Hubs and I were out with friends today and are now bagged. We might just have a lazy remainder of the weekend. How did hubs do? That's impressive!!! The winery/mountains plans also sounds lovely. Hope you enjoy!

@Joslyn11 - wow jeep festival.. had no idea that existed. Very cool. Have fun! Seafood festival sounds delicious. Yum!!!!! Jam packed weekend!!!

@radmom27 - I'm very sorry to hear that your insurance doesn't cover IVF. Sorry you have to go get bloodwork redone as well. Hopefully all turns out well. fx.

mtpbadger · October 2016

@oxinfree hubby survived his 22 miles and then took a nap all afternoon. I cleaned and put up fall stuff. Tomorrow will be a corn maze and some wineries with friends. I've never been to a renaissance festival, how was it?

I was on lovenox my last FET (ended in CP) but it doesn't sound like I'll be on it this cycle. I had read that some ppl have really bad bruising on it since it's a blood thinner but I didn't notice too much. I was only on it once per day though.

mtpbadger · October 2016

Sorry y'all, leaves haven't really started turning yet so no good pictures. Had a great time with DH and a good friend at the corn maze and a few wineries to celebrate her 30th bday. I'm feeling quite tipsy which is a good way to spend the day before getting into a new cycle.

mtpbadger · October 2016

Had my baseline this morning and looks like I'll be a mid-November FET. Ovaries are quiet and lining is at a 4.5, so nice and thin, but for me is actually sort of thick since my baselines are all usually at 2 or 3 and my mid lining check last time was a 4.5. Hopefully my blood work comes back okay to start and my lining just continues to get nice and thick this cycle!

I haven't talked to my RE to discuss the last cycle and honestly, while it would be nice, I'm also completely fine if we aren't able to dissect everything

Joslynj11 · October 2016

@mtpbadger Sounds like you had a great weekend! What a way to kick off a cycle. Your baseline numbers sound great! I hope you BW comes back nicely as well.

AFM Hubby's b-day weekend went off with out a hitch. We had a really nice time. Now I am just really ready for some positive IF things to start happening for me again soon. I am so ready to get off the bench, its just killing me! I am sure you all know the pain too well.

mtpbadger · October 2016

@Joslynj11 Glad your hubby's bday weekend went well!

Not sure if it impacts anyone on here, but the nurse this morning told me that there is a shortage of del-estrogen (injections) nationwide currently.

Kp214 · October 2016

@mtpbadger sounds like a great weekend! Glad things looks good!

taradise99 · October 2016

Hi, wondering if I could join you ladies over here. We started TTC in 2010 which led to two ectopic pregnancies, one which ruptured landing me in the hospital for a week as well as losing my tube and strict orders from my OB to go straight to IVF after that. My first round of IVF resulted in a twin miscarraige at 12 weeks, and the two cycles after that were BFN, we never had any frosties so all were fresh cycles.

We took a much needed break and last year found a new RE and after lots of testing found I am compound hetero MTHFR, have high thyroid and prolactin, and had uterine abrasions which my new RE removed during a hysteroscopy a few months ago. So now I am on to cycle #4, hopefully having my retrieval Saturday or Sunday.

It is so sad how my mindset has changed from the first IVF I had no doubt would work to now-where I have crying fits b/c I"m "sure it isn't going to work, and this is all for nothing again." Glad to have found you ladies who understand years of going through this.

Colleen0516 · October 2016

I had my retrieval two days ago.. 15 eggs, 11 mature, all fertilized. Doing a day 3 transfer tomm at 1:45 (unless we push to a day 5). Fingers crossed!
If this round doesnt work- I think we will be taking a break. My body is SO run down. So im REALLY hoping this takes!

KirstenCas · October 2016

FX @Colleen0516 !
@taradise99 I know what you mean, I was so naively optimistic and now i'm like a bitter old grump!

taradise99 · October 2016

So just got the call from my RE, probably trigger tomorrow and retrieval on Sunday. my e2 is 1837 and follies are 19, 18, 16, 15, 15, 15, 14, 14, 13 and smaller. I know those are okay numbers but every time I get any type of results I start to panic and have major anxiety. I'm just comparing it to my last three cycles and I had a lot more follies at this point, and at retrieval I never have gotten as many eggs as follies. I know it only takes one, just trying to calm down and see what happens

wannabemami · October 2016

Hi there im definately glad to know that there is a forum for those of us that have ttc and havent reaches our goals. I recently went through my first IVF cycle started Sep 9 had 2 embryos that barely made it dor 6dt and got my period four days before my Beta preg test was due. I was devastated especially after initially having my cycle canceled due to cyst and then going BC pills ans throuh aspiration. But luckily I had the support of close friends and family although its not the same as pple that can relate. I decided to find a forum and had some trouble getting on here especially through the first few days. I am also very happy for those who have suceeded and i commend you for going through the cycles multiple times. I wish i was able to do so and according to my RE i can do the second round with an increases dosage of the medication in December. But my financial situation is the problem. I had originally applied for a State grant and now i have to wait for next yr to see if there is funding or if i can search another clinix that gets funded. I hope all is well with you and i pray for God to reward you through all this effort!

radmom27 · October 2016

@taradise99 Welcome! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you that you have great eggs in those follicles. Keep us posted!

The mindset change is hard for me and is probably why I ended up on this board. I try to stay positive every cycle but each one that goes by, I can't hope but lose a little bit of hope. Sometimes it's hard being on boards where it's everyone's first go around...I don't want to be the Debbie Downer

@Colleen0516 Good luck tomorrow!!! Let us know how it goes. Crossing my fingers for some of those embies to stick where they should be.

@wannabemami Welcome to our board! Crossing my fingers that funding comes through for you. I firmly believe and someday hope that all of this fertility stuff is covered by insurance. Having a child should not be considered an elective procedure for those of us who can't do it the old fashioned way.

wannabemami · October 2016

@ radmom27...i hear ya! This is not cosmetic surgery. This is to obtain something that we as women were built to do so our desire to have someone to nurture is perfectly natural especially when we are having problems ttc. I also wish you the best! Try not to stress. I know its easier said then done especially after all the emotional ups and downs you've been through. May God bless you and i will also keep my fingers crossed and pray for you and all the ladies on this board!

wannabemami · October 2016

@taradise99 i feel your pain after having gone through two ectopics my self...in order to start IVF i has my last remaining tube removed so this is the only way for me too. I just failed my first cycle and hearing how you changed RE has me considering whether i should do the same. Hope all is well with you and that you are able to conceive soon!

taradise99 · October 2016

@wannabemami so sorry to hear about your ectopics. It is definitely hard, the only consolation is knowing that something must be working for us to actually be able to get pregnant... and for that I am grateful.

I had my ER yesterday... 6 eggs retrieved, 5 were mature and all 5 were fertilized via ICSI so hoping for a 5dt on Friday. I was a little disappointed with the number retrieved but was very relieved this morning with the fert report. Hope these little embies keep growing!

KLake42 · October 2016

I'm not on these boards too often these days, but if this thread is still going when I jump back into the game in January, I'll swing by!

I've been here a while myself. I've lost count on the number of failed IUIs, and I've had two IVFs cancelled. In January, we'll be trying reciprocal IVF with my wife's ovaries, my uterus. Hopefully her ovaries will be a bit perkier than mine, but she is going to celebrate her 38th birthday before we start, so I'm under no illusions that it will be easy.

So I've just come to accept that my ovaries are toast. My cycles have even gotten really short since we've been taking a break-- I envision that every time they try to ovulate, they just puff out a little cloud of smoke, and that's it.

But on the plus side, when I was filling out paperwork for a hip MRI this morning, when they asked multiple times where I might be pregnant, I got to write in that I'm gay, and also infertile, and really really really not pregnant.

Well, it was funny to me. Dark humor helps with this BS, right?

Anyway, much love to everyone who's been to this rodeo a few times, and keeps coming back. xoxox

mtpbadger · October 2016

@klake42 sorry to see you're still around these boards too. Fingers crossed that your wife has perky ovaries! I am a believer in dark humor helping with the process.

oxinfree · October 2016

@KLake42 - hi hun. Sorry to see you still haven't got your happy ever after yet either. such a hard hard journey. big hugs.

kjones202 · October 2016

Thank you thank you thank you @radmom27 and the other ladies on this thread. This is exactly what I needed to read right now, in fact, I was almost in tears at my desk. Super long story short - husband and I are both 38 years old. We've had five failed IUIs, did IVF last September, had a chemical pregnancy with our fresh cycle at 6.5 weeks and a BFN with our FET. Started IVF again this month after 5 months of vitamins to try to improve egg and sperm quality (have no confirmed reason for infertility as all tests have come back normal). Just got word this morning that we had one embryo make it to the blastocyst stage and we have two more that are still growing and we will know for sure tomorrow. I realize that having one blast is better than zero, and all it takes is one good one, so I am of course grateful, but my mind is already wandering down that road of...so if this doesn't work, now what...egg donor? Sperm donor? Who gets to decide whether we try with my genes or my husbands? Do we just forget it and go straight to adoption?

I saw a coworker today who just returned from maternity leave and she told me that having her baby was the greatest, best thing she has ever done...and I wanted to LOSE IT.

I try to keep telling myself that we will have a family no matter what, but it is such a challenge to stay positive on a daily basis. Thanks for reading my story.

oxinfree · October 2016

Gosh @kjones202 your post hit me hard. I feel for you. So horrible. I'm sorry you didn't get as many embryos as you like. Hope the one is the keeper and you're successful with that and don't have to even figure out all the answers to your other questions/dilemmas. I'm getting there myself. We're trying immune treatments, but if my body is rejecting perfectly good seeming embryos we may end up having to go via surrogate. I dunno anymore how our story will end. I thought I did once upon a time, but nowadays I'm more confused than ever. Big hugs.

wannabemami · October 2016

@taradise99 best of wishes with the embies on Friday. Remember like the other ladies said stay positive!

wannabemami · October 2016

@kjones202 im so sorry to hear about your losses. All i can say is that my prayers go out to you! You are a true fighter for having gone through this multiple times! I failed one IVF and i felt ready to throw the towel but have a little hope not just for me but for all you guys put together

wannabemami · October 2016

@KLake42 im hoping your SO ovaries will be good enough. Im sorry for your all youve gone through i guess a little dark humor can make things lighter...i feel the same at times.

radmom27 · October 2016

@taradise99 That sounds like a great fertilization report!! Fingers crossed for five day transfer.
@KLake42 Your posts always make me laugh. Humor is THE only way to get through some of this stuff.
@kjones202 It's impossible to stay positive on a daily basis while going through this and after having such profound disappointment. Crossing my fingers that your other two make it and you have three to work with.

As for future plans, I'm trying one more embryo transfer and one more fresh cycle and then I think I may be done with all of this. Thinking about fostering a child but am only in the beginning stages of thinking about it and working through it.

kjones202 · October 2016

@oxinfree thank you for your kind words. I think you nailed it with "I don't know how our story will end anymore." That's how I feel every day, which is so frustrating. I'm so envious of people who "have it easy" when it comes to this stuff.

For all of you, I read an article yesterday that helped give me some perspective. Disclaimer: Shady Grove Fertility is my RE but this is 100% not a promotion or endorsement of them. I was just looking for something to read that made me feel better (in addition to all of your messages, thank you) and I found this. I hope it helps some of you too and provides some comfort.

https://www.shadygrovefertility.com/emotional-support-articles/coping-with-infertility

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