@delujm0 Thanks for that. I can see both sides of the coin. What you described with your BIL is kind of what I want to avoid...that must be really frustrating. DH's parents are very outgoing and have friends coming in and out all day everyday with everyone invited to every celebration. My family is just super isolated mostly because my parents are just introverts. They are very selective about their friends, and don't have many- but the ones they do have are very close ones. So growing up we mostly just kept to ourselves as a family, and holidays was just our family for the most part with an occasional parent friend. So my family just likes to keep to themselves, especially on holidays, because it's the type of people they are and the norm. I guess that is how I should try to explain it to DH...
Me: 28 DH: 30
Married 5/8/2011 TTC #1 since 9/2015 BFP #1 1/14/16, MC 3/23/16 BFP #2 9/21/2016, EDD 5/30/2017
Was it my hatred of Miracle Whip? Or was it that I don't mind additional baby showers?
I personally only had an actual shower for DD1. With DD2, my BFF insisted, I agreed to a small dinner and gifts (four people, me included), and DD3 got another small dinner.
I just personally don't scoff if I am invited to a second shower. It doesn't bother me.
@turbotastic I am with you. I don't know why it's bothersome to celebrate anything exciting for someone you love. If you think they are being an AW for doing it, I feel like you must not be excited for them and/or don't like them very much. Why is it so bad that they want to share their excitement? I have seen this come up in other UO threads so I am feeling like WE actually have the UO on this one. I will say, though, that I do think it is an odd kind of party to invite people to whom are not very close to you.
Me: 36; DH: 38 DD: 7; DS1: 4; DS2 due 6-21-17! **TW** MMC & D&C Aug 2016
@Assiram42 I agree about the showers. Every baby should be celebrated. I don't expect one, and I dont think it's polite for a woman to host her own, but if a mom has someone offer to throw her one for a second, third, etc because they genuinely want to celebrate the new arrival, why not? My family has always had baby showers for every baby and I never thought it was weird until I was on the Bump with my first and so many people spoke out against it. I threw my sister a shower for her second. She never had one with her first because he was born at 30 weeks. It was as much about the celebration of a new baby and healthy pregnancy as it was about gifts. If not more.
Me: 26 DH: 27 Married 6-15-13 DS born 4-9-15 Septate Uterus BFP 10/12/16--EDD 6/24/17
@turbotastic I am with you. I don't know why it's bothersome to celebrate anything exciting for someone you love. If you think they are being an AW for doing it, I feel like you must not be excited for them and/or don't like them very much. Why is it so bad that they want to share their excitement? I have seen this come up in other UO threads so I am feeling like WE actually have the UO on this one. I will say, though, that I do think it is an odd kind of party to invite people to whom are not very close to you.
No....I actually had a family member attempt try to throw herself a baby shower for #4 to completely AW by her own admission. I shit you not, her reasons to me when I scoffed at the idea of her getting another shower were because "She 'worked so damn hard' to conceive her first girl after 3 boys that she wanted to throw herself a pink party" and because "I don't want to pay to overhaul all the baby stuff I have because I want a new theme in the nursery". I just can't.
I like the concept of a "sprinkle" for baby 2 and on. I love them, actually. The mom doesn't register (unless she is doing one for herself), generally the guests bring diapers or clothes (if the new baby isn't the same sex as the first) since new moms need those things even after having other babies, and it is very lowkey and much more intimate. At least that has been my experience with them. In line with my last comment, I am down with a party for anyone I love.
Me: 36; DH: 38 DD: 7; DS1: 4; DS2 due 6-21-17! **TW** MMC & D&C Aug 2016
@turbotastic I am with you. I don't know why it's bothersome to celebrate anything exciting for someone you love. If you think they are being an AW for doing it, I feel like you must not be excited for them and/or don't like them very much. Why is it so bad that they want to share their excitement? I have seen this come up in other UO threads so I am feeling like WE actually have the UO on this one. I will say, though, that I do think it is an odd kind of party to invite people to whom are not very close to you.
No....I actually had a family member attempt try to throw herself a baby shower for #4 to completely AW by her own admission. I shit you not, her reasons to me when I scoffed at the idea of her getting another shower were because "She 'worked so damn hard' to conceive her first girl after 3 boys that she wanted to throw herself a pink party" and because "I don't want to pay to overhaul all the baby stuff I have because I want a new theme in the nursery". I just can't.
I can agree with you on that, Elyse, that people shouldn't throw themselves showers-bridal, baby, or otherwise. But most of the time showers are the idea of someone else close to them who wants to celebrate with them.
Me: 26 DH: 27 Married 6-15-13 DS born 4-9-15 Septate Uterus BFP 10/12/16--EDD 6/24/17
@turbotastic I am with you. I don't know why it's bothersome to celebrate anything exciting for someone you love. If you think they are being an AW for doing it, I feel like you must not be excited for them and/or don't like them very much. Why is it so bad that they want to share their excitement? I have seen this come up in other UO threads so I am feeling like WE actually have the UO on this one. I will say, though, that I do think it is an odd kind of party to invite people to whom are not very close to you.
No....I actually had a family member attempt try to throw herself a baby shower for #4 to completely AW by her own admission. I shit you not, her reasons to me when I scoffed at the idea of her getting another shower were because "She 'worked so damn hard' to conceive her first girl after 3 boys that she wanted to throw herself a pink party" and because "I don't want to pay to overhaul all the baby stuff I have because I want a new theme in the nursery". I just can't.
Well, come on now, that is not the crap we are talking about! That is awful and totally not cool. I'm just talking about a close friend or family member inviting you to a party for a reveal. No gifts or anything, maybe some contests or silly games, but really just a get together to find out this super fun thing together. As for showers, I agree that it is very impolite to ever throw your own!
Me: 36; DH: 38 DD: 7; DS1: 4; DS2 due 6-21-17! **TW** MMC & D&C Aug 2016
@JAGinMI Not the crap you are talking about???? I bolded your specific comment that I was responding to (If you think they are being an AW for doing it, I feel like you must not be excited for them and/or don't like them very much). I think it is entirely possible to think a loved one is AWing and still be excited for them/like them. Just look at my example.
Now I'm really starting to get annoyed with the random threads being posted. I can't help to think that most aren't reading the rules or using common sense.
@itsfine WORDDDDDDDDDDDDD! Hoping this isnt an unpopular opinion!!
I loved the organization of the TTGP board. You logged on each day and knew exactly where the conversation was going on. If you arent starting a thread outlined in the board rules it should really go in pregnancy chatter.
Now I'm really starting to get annoyed with the random threads being posted. I can't help to think that most aren't reading the rules or using common sense.
At first I wasn't bothered by it, but now it's wearing on my nerves.
UO: I love pregnancy announcment/social media announcments as i love seeing people celebrating new parts of their lives/ gender announcements. Our family we usually do a second shower if the gender is different, myself if we were to do anything for this we would do a meet the baby bbq down where our families are since we live 4-5 hours away.
@Assiram42 multiple showers! Miracle whip needs to end.
But I more find it tacky when someone throws themselves a second shower. Sometimes you really can't control your family/friends. I should know since my mom not even a full five minutes ago said "another spring shower for me" will be fun. Ugh.
As for board organization I just ignore these random posts in an attempt to let it drop away. @swanbrooner has done a great job navigating people where to post and then after that, nothing needs to be said to bump their post.
I would love help kindly redirecting or suggesting where to post so I'm not perceived as the picky troll of June 17. I saw that someone just did that on that hormones post. Thank you! You can redirect without flaming someone...although I'm sure we will get there too eventually.
There really just isn't a need to create your own thread if it fits somewhere else or if it doesn't benefit the whole community. It llimits the opportunity for group contribution mentality and our growing community. We are all so nice to each other (for now) that everyone sort of chimes in and responds.
I dont mind mind random posts on here. You all would freak out over on TK! We have a few threads on a regular basis but people start new random threads about random things all the time and no one cares. People get snarky if someone asks the same old dumb question that is against ettiquette that they could have found the answer to by lurking, but for the most part, we don't seem to care.
I don't mind showers for multiple kids. Most showers in my experience are "sprinkles" anyway. I've never been to a shower, even for a first kid, where large things like strollers, car seats, cribs, etc. have been given.
I get annoyed about people picking over whether sex or gender reveal is used. Either one is accurate in my opinion. If someone reveals they're having a girl, it probably means they will be raising their child in the traditional girl sense. They are revealing the gender they will be raising her as.
Miracle whip is gross. I love mayonnaise! And no, they are not remotely the same thing or taste similar no matter what my H says.
@lovesclimbing My niece is a female but if you ask her she'll tell you she's a boy. So, for her and my family there is a difference. And it is important to get them correct.
@lovesclimbing My niece is a female but if you ask her she'll tell you she's a boy. So, for her and my family there is a difference. And it is important to get them correct.
Ok? I'm not sure how that relates to the point I was trying to make. My point is someone who is holding a gender reveal is revealing the gender they plan to raise their child as. So yes, it's a gender reveal. If the child later on says they are something else, that in no way affects how the parents declared what their sex was and how they intended to raise them when they were still in utero.
@lovesclimbing and my point is that you are wrong. It's not opinion. Those terms are not interchangeable. Just because you do it still doesn't make it correct.
@lovesclimbing and my point is that you are wrong. It's not opinion. Those terms are not interchangeable. Just because you do it still doesn't make it correct.
I wasn't saying the terms were interchangeable. I was saying it is accurate to call it a gender reveal if you are revealing rhe gender you will raise your child as.
@lovesclimbing My niece is a female but if you ask her she'll tell you she's a boy. So, for her and my family there is a difference. And it is important to get them correct.
Ok? I'm not sure how that relates to the point I was trying to make. My point is someone who is holding a gender reveal is revealing the gender they plan to raise their child as. So yes, it's a gender reveal. If the child later on says they are something else, that in no way affects how the parents declared what their sex was and how they intended to raise them when they were still in utero.
But I think the point is that a parent can't announce their child's gender. A child is the one who determines what gender he or she identifies as. In the case of these parties the parent is revealing the sex of the baby.
@lovesclimbing My niece is a female but if you ask her she'll tell you she's a boy. So, for her and my family there is a difference. And it is important to get them correct.
Ok? I'm not sure how that relates to the point I was trying to make. My point is someone who is holding a gender reveal is revealing the gender they plan to raise their child as. So yes, it's a gender reveal. If the child later on says they are something else, that in no way affects how the parents declared what their sex was and how they intended to raise them when they were still in utero.
But I think the point is that a parent can't announce their child's gender. A child is the one who determines what gender he or she identifies as. In the case of these parties the parent is revealing the sex of the baby.
Maybe it's just semantics (not the difference between the terms; using the terms specifically with the reveal of whether your baby has a penis or vagina). In my experience, parents announce whether they are having a male or female and that also determines whether they will raise their child as a boy or girl. If the inside of the cake is pink, they will raise their child to be feminine and to be what we generally think of as a "girl" (stereotypically dresses, longer hair, pink and purple, dolls, etc.). To my understanding, gender is defined as the social and cultural distinctions between people and whether they fall on the more masculine or feminine side or somewhere in between. A baby cannot determine what gender they are because they have no knowledge. They're an infant. So the parent is saying they are going to raise the child on one side (or potentially in the middle, although I've never seen that done, but I'm sure it's happened) of the spectrum. Therefore, they are revealing the gender the child will be raised as. If the child determines they are not what their parents raised them as later on, then they will declare their gender something else. But it doesn't change how the parents decided to raise them years and years back.
@lovesclimbing the entire point is that the baby doesn't know its gender. It will decide its gender when it gets older. I can raise my daughter as a girl with pink frilly skirts and dolls as much as I want...but that doesn't make her a girl. If she tells me when she's older that she's a boy, she's a boy. Why announce the gender you plan for your child to be if your child could easily change that a few years down the road? It is a sex reveal, plain and simple. They are not interchangeable. That's like announcing that my unborn fetus is straight. It won't know whether it is straight or gay or anything else until it is older, so why would I announce the thing I plan for it to be now? If it changes that down the road, I not only look stupid, but it appears to the kid that I planned for it to be something that it is not, and that i am now probably disappointed in the decision it has made.
To be fair I think sex reveal parties are stupid regardless, but if a person can't bear to call the baby's sex its sex so they say gender instead, I'm concerned about their ability to function as an adult in society. Sex is not a dirty or inappropriate term, and it is the correct word in this context.
I hate Facebook because of how people use it for attention-seeking purposes. "Look I'm pregnant!" "Look my hair is gorgeous!" "Look at how in love we are!"
***BFP & Child Warning***
Me: 34, DH: 38 ~ TTC since 2014 IUI #1-3 (Nov 2015, Feb 2016, May 2016) = BFNs IVF ER (July 2016) = 7 PGS normal embryos FET #1 (Sept 2016) = BFP! DD born 5/30/17 FET #2 (April 2019) = BFN FET #3 (July 2019) = BFP! DS born 3/27/20
Here's mine. As a very very old timer (been off and on the boards for... 12 years) I roll my eyes hard core to the forced threads. They are too long and cumbersome, and extreme (week change, sure, 'post only in this thread on this day about why you hate your in laws'? Ridiculous).
This is shift in the boards happened during my last pregnancy when the bump as a whole imploded. It's stupid.
@pghctwife ORDER! WE WILL HAVE ORDER! Joking aside I enjoyed having a daily Randoms thread on my old bmb. We would all chat, people would jump in and out as they could throughout the day. We still do this now in our fb group. Someone starts the daily random and we chat all day.
Here's mine. As a very very old timer (been off and on the boards for... 12 years) I roll my eyes hard core to the forced threads. They are too long and cumbersome, and extreme (week change, sure, 'post only in this thread on this day about why you hate your in laws'? Ridiculous).
This is shift in the boards happened during my last pregnancy when the bump as a whole imploded. It's stupid.
I mean.., yeah randoms is fun, week change. I think the way the bump pushed the boards to become (which, trust, they did) is stupid. It's so hard to navigate the long threads that I just... Don't. Partly bc the interface sucks and partly bc its borrring.
Here's mine. As a very very old timer (been off and on the boards for... 12 years) I roll my eyes hard core to the forced threads. They are too long and cumbersome, and extreme (week change, sure, 'post only in this thread on this day about why you hate your in laws'? Ridiculous).
This is shift in the boards happened during my last pregnancy when the bump as a whole imploded. It's stupid.
less of a community feel.
12 years, that's impressive. I have 7 years here... back when they didn't even have BMBs, just tri boards it was a total free for all. I don't really care either way as long as people don't get all uptight about it. I have a teeny tiny anti-authoritarian part of me that makes me want to break all arbitrary rules or at least argue about them.
Re: 10/13 Unpopular Opinion
TTC #1 since 9/2015
BFP #1 1/14/16, MC 3/23/16
BFP #2 9/21/2016, EDD 5/30/2017
I personally only had an actual shower for DD1. With DD2, my BFF insisted, I agreed to a small dinner and gifts (four people, me included), and DD3 got another small dinner.
I just personally don't scoff if I am invited to a second shower. It doesn't bother me.
Me: 36; DH: 38
DD: 7; DS1: 4; DS2 due 6-21-17!
**TW**
MMC & D&C Aug 2016
My family has always had baby showers for every baby and I never thought it was weird until I was on the Bump with my first and so many people spoke out against it. I threw my sister a shower for her second. She never had one with her first because he was born at 30 weeks. It was as much about the celebration of a new baby and healthy pregnancy as it was about gifts. If not more.
Married 6-15-13
DS born 4-9-15
Septate Uterus
BFP 10/12/16--EDD 6/24/17
Me: 36; DH: 38
DD: 7; DS1: 4; DS2 due 6-21-17!
**TW**
MMC & D&C Aug 2016
Married 6-15-13
DS born 4-9-15
Septate Uterus
BFP 10/12/16--EDD 6/24/17
Me: 36; DH: 38
DD: 7; DS1: 4; DS2 due 6-21-17!
**TW**
MMC & D&C Aug 2016
I loved the organization of the TTGP board. You logged on each day and knew exactly where the conversation was going on. If you arent starting a thread outlined in the board rules it should really go in pregnancy chatter.
Me: 29 DH: 35
Married: 9/29/12
DS #1: 3/8/15But I more find it tacky when someone throws themselves a second shower. Sometimes you really can't control your family/friends. I should know since my mom not even a full five minutes ago said "another spring shower for me" will be fun. Ugh.
As for board organization I just ignore these random posts in an attempt to let it drop away. @swanbrooner has done a great job navigating people where to post and then after that, nothing needs to be said to bump their post.
Edit: spelling
There really just isn't a need to create your own thread if it fits somewhere else or if it doesn't benefit the whole community. It llimits the opportunity for group contribution mentality and our growing community. We are all so nice to each other (for now) that everyone sort of chimes in and responds.
EDIT: words are hard
K born 8/31/12
C born 1/11/14
BFP #3 Nov 2014: D&C January 2015
BFP #4 Sept 2016: Due May 31 2017
I dont mind mind random posts on here. You all would freak out over on TK! We have a few threads on a regular basis but people start new random threads about random things all the time and no one cares. People get snarky if someone asks the same old dumb question that is against ettiquette that they could have found the answer to by lurking, but for the most part, we don't seem to care.
I don't mind showers for multiple kids. Most showers in my experience are "sprinkles" anyway. I've never been to a shower, even for a first kid, where large things like strollers, car seats, cribs, etc. have been given.
I get annoyed about people picking over whether sex or gender reveal is used. Either one is accurate in my opinion. If someone reveals they're having a girl, it probably means they will be raising their child in the traditional girl sense. They are revealing the gender they will be raising her as.
Miracle whip is gross. I love mayonnaise! And no, they are not remotely the same thing or taste similar no matter what my H says.
To be fair I think sex reveal parties are stupid regardless, but if a person can't bear to call the baby's sex its sex so they say gender instead, I'm concerned about their ability to function as an adult in society. Sex is not a dirty or inappropriate term, and it is the correct word in this context.
Me: 34, DH: 38 ~ TTC since 2014
IUI #1-3 (Nov 2015, Feb 2016, May 2016) = BFNs
IVF ER (July 2016) = 7 PGS normal embryos
FET #1 (Sept 2016) = BFP! DD born 5/30/17
FET #2 (April 2019) = BFN
FET #3 (July 2019) = BFP! DS born 3/27/20
This is shift in the boards happened during my last pregnancy when the bump as a whole imploded. It's stupid.
less of a community feel.
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
Joking aside I enjoyed having a daily Randoms thread on my old bmb. We would all chat, people would jump in and out as they could throughout the day. We still do this now in our fb group. Someone starts the daily random and we chat all day.
Ugh, I am so with you.
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
But that's why fb is better
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w