Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
kbduke
member
Re: Newborn 101
DD got the hiccups A LOT, and she hated them. A friend introduced us to Gripe Water, and it was a life saver. It also helps with colic and other discomforts. We made sure we were always stocked up.
Sleep as much as you can when the baby sleeps.
If someone offers to help you out by cleaning, cooking, etc, TAKE THEM UP ON THEIR OFFER! They wouldn't offer if they truly didn't want to help out, and by taking them up on that, it allows you some time to sneak away, and just have some quiet time.
DD would get the hiccups then spit up. Gripe water helped the hiccups...turning 10 months old finally stopped the reflux problems.
Slather their bums with aquaphor or Vaseline in the beginning for diaper changes. Makes clean up easy and helps prevent rash. DD never got a diaper rash until we got lazy with the aquaphor. We also would mix a bit of butt paste into the aquaphor if she showed any redness at all.
Open up the curtains and let them be in the light. Helps with jaundice, day/night sorting out, and helps you feel more like a human than always chilling in the dark.
Newborns often dot have schedules for a while. My unicorn DD did get on a 3 hour schedule within a week...but she's a unicorn.
We always changed diapers immediately whether wet or poop. Some people wait for 2 pees but DD slept way better when always clean. It probably also helped with that whole never getting a rash thing.
Newborns are super loud sleepers! They grunt alot. A lot lot. It's normal. It's also annoying after a while.
We bathe newborns 3 times a week at most. DD was a super spitter. Most the time a wipe or two was sufficient though. Now she's 2 and gets 2 a week because skin issues. So this kid may only get 2 a week.
Lots of babies hate tummy time. Do it anyways.
There's lots more but that's a start.
I second the loud sleeper thing, I had no idea!!
Be prepared for the 'witching hour' - it's completely normal.... and often more like 1.5-2hrs. For DS it was around 5p-630p. Essentially it's a time every day when your baby will be fussy. They won't be hungry or thirsty, dirty or wet, over-tired or anything, they will just.be.fussy. And it's okay! Lots of love, snuggles, rocking/bouncing and trade off between you and your partner as needed!
Re: soothing. Babies are used to being in our bellies, with a Lot of movement. I've found with most babies that they like Big rocking/swinging/bouncing movements and being held really close/tight to the body, as that's what they're used to. Over-exaggerated rocking movements work wonders
Also, our bellies are Loud! There's constant rumbling, gurgling, sloshing sounds and they're used to being all up in it. A lot of babies are disconcerted when it's too quiet. No need to shush everyone and keep things calm and quiet when they're napping. Most will, and prefer, to sleep through whatever is going on
There's lots more but that's what popped up first!
-if baby seems abnormally fussy - don't let people tell you that you just have a collicky baby. They may really be having digestive issues that some experimentation with your diet or formula for them may solve.
-wonder weeks. Get the book or the app or check out the webpage. I can't tell you how much that hit the nail on the head for us.
-keep them warm!!! Babies love being warm. Well my friends baby preferred it cool so there's that too. But yea, crying means hungry, gas/indigestion, maybe diap (though DS was never bothered by that), OR wrong temp- people forget that one! And sometimes think they baby is always asking to be held, but sometimes it's just the warmth the baby is looking for.
-2 weeks. If baby is going through a tough phase, just hold on 2 weeks- things will change. Also the peaceful periods seem to last no more that 2 weeks too.
TTC Since: November 2015
BFP: March 31, 2016
DS: November 21, 2016
Butt Paste is the best thing I have found for diaper rash.
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
Keep their head and feet covered and have them in one more layer than you have... at least!
Check temp often both for too hot and too cold the first 3 days.
Keep them on your chest and near you to help you establish a good milk supply. Nurse often in the first week.
Get a low watt light bulb or a dimmer switch for your bedroom, so you aren't cranking up lights at night and messing with their or your sleep/wake cycles, but are still able to nurse/feed and see they are latched or eating properly. Slowly work toward feeding laying down or on your side... its divine!
If they projectile vomit after a feeding (also amazing and scary) you might be over feeding them or they might need to be taken off before they over fill (as they might just keep eating and eating). Also burping can help with this. Just change clothes and clean up and wait awhile before feeding again... however you'll wonder if they need to eat due to the excessive amount they puked up. Newborns have VERY small tummies!
Swaddljng rocks (however I know not all like it)...
I agree with slartys comments on fussy babies... if something feels off, trust your intuition. I had a very fussy baby and it wasn't digestion (or any of the usually causes), but it was overstimulation. If you baby sleeps for only about 30 min and then wakes up fussy it might be trouble shutting down, or if nothing pacifies them... or if they are wide eyed and staring around or at lights... this isn't an "alert" baby. No newborn should be "alert" for more than like 10-15 min after each feeding or one stretch a day... this is an overstimulated baby! Anticipate their need to be helped to sleep before signs of tiredness or "alertness". I am not over the top into "scheduling" but in this case (and some others) it was very helpful and was the solution for my easily overstimulated baby. With this I learned to be balanced and also do what was best for my baby even if it wasn't my "parenting style".
Remember your newborn doesn't need to socialize or be taken out and about early on... it's also gone through a lot physically and needs rest, bonding and being kept away from germs... wear them on you and people won't be as likely be sticking their hands in their faces.
Due December 27th with baby #7
Also, it's normal to stare at your kid in amazement. The first few days I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Even watching her sleep was amazing.
Don't try and keep your baby awake so that they sleep later in the morning. It won't work! Babies need a ton of sleep (like 20 hours plus) and first, so let them sleep when they want to. Don't wake them up for visitors who "want to see their eyes". They're sleeping because they need to.
Swaddling saved our sleep life! I know not all are for it, but DS loved to be all wrapped up and snuggled.
I agree with sleep when baby sleeps. Dishes and laundry can wait.
Newborns fart and burp like grown men. It's incredible those sounds come from such tiny bodies!
Remember: the days are long but the years are short. Snuggle, stare at, rock, and love on that sweet baby as much as you can. The newborn stage flies!
Dont be afraid to seek help with post partum depression if you need it. You are not a bad mom. You do love your baby. There is nothing wrong with getting help, in fact that makes you an AWESOME mom for caring that much about your baby!
There is nothing that compares with being a mommy! It will be the best ride of your life.
- I agree with @sourlemon on using a little vaseline on their butts the first week or two. Meconium is very tar-like, and it can be hard to get off easily. If the baby's butt is lubed, it'll make it easier to wipe off.
- We also changed DD every time she peed or pooped and avoided diaper rash for like 10 months. That said, a newborn poop can take like 10 minutes to complete. So don't change it immediately; give them a few minutes to finish.
- For me at least, there was a lot of downtime with the newborn where I felt like I should be doing something parent-y, but she was super low maintenance. Just enjoy those times! Sleep, get housework done, binge watch inappropriate tv while the kid still doesn't understand anything
- Don't forget to burp! It can be easy to want to skip it. DD would fall asleep while nursing, and we didn't want to wake her. But they will get so painfully gassy if you don't burp them after a feeding. It'll save all of you a lot of pain and frustration.
- There's different research and recommendations out there - but don't worry about bathing the baby straight away. When they're born, they're covered in vernix - a waxy substance. You can rub that into their skin straight away almost like a lotion. It helps protect the baby from infection, so it's recommended to not wash it off. Most physicians recommend waiting at least 48 hours for the first bath, but I think we held off for a week or so. It also helped prevent her skin from drying out, which can be an issue if you bath too often.
Baby #1
Baby #2
~04/19/16 EDD 12/26/16~
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This thread is amazing. Taking so many notes.
TTC since 6/13
Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change
BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016
SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18
BFP#1 & MC:August 2015 BFP: #2 10/01/2015 MC: 10/09/2015 BFP #3: 12/22/2015 @ 5 weeks MC/CP: 12-23-2015
Fertility Appointment: Feb 23/16, Hysteroscopy 03/02/2016,
BFP #4: 03/31/16 EDD 12/01/2016
Ditto on delayed baths! It just takes off all the good stuff. Vernix is amazing... just rub it in and wait two+ weeks.
Oh, and don't be surprised if they peel, get zits like a teenager or their head gets scaly. I like coconut oil or even olive oil to rub on early on... it's good stuff.
Due December 27th with baby #7
Also normal: baby's hair may fall out. Poor DD was born with nice black hair. It started falling out in clumps about 3 weeks later. I gave her a comb over one evening and she looked like a little tiny version of my dad. I was cracking up yet slightly horrified (I don't speak to my dad) and totally forgot to take a picture! The next day the rest fell out. Took abut a month to get peach fuzz back.
And lots of baby's get congested. They are used to a super wet environment then get thrown into dry air and it messes with their tiny sinuses that may or may not be big enough to help clear themselves. Sinus massages were common for a while. DD still let's us do them when she's clogged.
Through your child's first year and beyond, take little 20-30 second videos of just... whatever. They may not seem eventful but I upload them all to a private youtube page and share them with family. I watch them all the time. I would watch them while pumping at work. I am so so happy I've got these little mini home videos. I even managed to capture things like his first real smiles. His first time eating rice cereal. They're all very short which keeps them from being tedious or large files.
It's just amazing to look back on where they were just a few months before as these little ones grow and change so fast!
TTC #1 January 2016
BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016
Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018
BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
And now I'm crying thinking of all those memories! Thanks hormones!
Baby #1
Baby #2
~04/19/16 EDD 12/26/16~
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Also know that you can't hold a newborn too much. The old ladies will tell you you're spoiling them - impossible. You can't spoil a newb. Enjoy holding them and rocking them because they won't let you do it forever!
I don't remember if anyone mentioned sound machines, but that's been part of DD's bedtime since day 1. It helps drown out noise outside of their bedroom and keeps them calm...I think there is such a thing as "too quiet." We always had some form of noise and DD (now two years old) sleeps through everything.
DD born 7.27.2014
BFP 09.2015 - m/c 10.21.2015
1. Always dress baby in 1 more layer than what you are wearing. They're small, not a lot of chub, and just get colder faster.
2. Delay 1st bath for at least a few days. We usually wait 1 week from birth.
3. It's 99% possible that your baby's poop will be getting on you at some point. When doing a diaper change, make sure that diapers, wipes, and a fresh outfit are within arms reach. And a plastic bag to transport poopy clothes to the washer without dripping poop down the hallway.
4. Sound machines are great, or a fan on just outside their room (so they get the noise but not the breeze).
5. My girls both loved to be swaddled, but the eldest would wriggle and squirm until she had one arm out.... then pass out. Each kid is different, there is so much trial and error.
6. Burp your baby!!! Even if they fell asleep while eating. Burp... or you will pay the price later.
7. This is my hippie kicking in- My girls would both get irritated skin with a few things: strongly scented baby wash, strongly scented laundry detergent, and freshly shaven men's cheeks. Hypoallergenic products are your friends. And dads & uncles that just shaved, then used aftershaves always gave my babies rashes on their cheeks. I had to tell the guys to stop kissing my babies if they'd shaved that day, my girls would get red bumpy rashes almost immediately.
8. You don't know when baby will learn to roll over, so don't leave them places where they could fall if they suddenly learn to roll over.
9. Enjoy it all! They change so quickly, take at least a few pictures a week. My girls are 10 and 5 now, I cherish the baby pictures and videos that we have.
On the subject of pee, boy moms, be prepared to cover your son's "equipment" with a wipe, washcloth, etc. pretty much at all times during diaper changes the first several weeks (at least) to avoid a face full of your son's urine. Trust me, it's not fun (unless it happens to someone else, like your dad, in which case it can be absolutely hilarious).
DH: 36⎹ Me: 36
the zippers are easy, it's just one garment, and if it's warm and sunny, thin cotton ones are great for sun protection. We don't buy kid clothes because we are blessed with hand me downs but if we did, I wouldn't buy anything else ever
He never slept during the day and nursed every hour - 1.5 hours for at least 45 minutes. I was glued to the couch and just let it be and enjoyed the snuggles which I'm so glad I did because he is 15 months and nonstop!
Don't expect a schedule right away. I never really pushed one either, but one day around 6-7 months it alll fell into place. The naps started to become routine. And he started an earlier bedtime (no matter what he'd be up until 11-12am until about 4 months. Then it's was about 9-10 from 4-6 months then all the sudden 6-6:30.)
Also, feed baby when YOU think s/he is hungry. Don't wait 3 hours because so and so said you had to.
I found this to be a good read! https://www.emmapickettbreastfeedingsupport.com/twitter-and-blog/the-dangerous-game-of-the-feeding-interval-obsession
ALSO, as hard as it was I found DS (and us too) slept SO much better in his own room (we moved him at 6 months.) No matter how much noise I made while he napped or how much a vacuumed he eventually became a light sleeper.
** People love to give you all sorts of information and tell you what you need to do, but my best piece of advice is do what YOU feel is right. ** I nursed and people said "don't use pacifiers, don't start bottles too early, etc. etc. Well my son liked the paci and had it here and there starting in the hospital and I introduced a bottle at 1.5 weeks old. It's not advice I would tell someone else to do, but it was something that worked for us.
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
Do I need a container for the ones that don't have a lid? Or are they resealable (like Oreo packages that just close back up)?
Any information is greatly appreciated at this point, because I'm confused. I didn't want to try opening the "refill" pack in case it doesn't seal back up (would hate for them to dry out before baby is here).